Foreplay before Marriage!!

[arizona_sunshine]

A hint: If you're any good, a gentle kiss on the hand is foreplay... or can be, anyway.

So true. *arizona_sunshine melting*

 

[Smilin]

A hint: If you're any good, a gentle kiss on the hand is foreplay... or can be, anyway.

Better yet, a simple, sincere look with the eyes, and a simple smile
can be even better...

IF YOU'RE REALLY GOOD...

 

[Smilin]

So true. *arizona_sunshine melting*

Desert dwellers...sheessh....someone get a bucket of icecubes....

Wait, wasn't this a scene in the 'Wizard of Oz'?

 

[arizona_sunshine]

Desert dwellers...sheessh....someone get a bucket of icecubes....

Wait, wasn't this a scene in the 'Wizard of Oz'?

Kill joy.

 

[Smilin]

Kill joy.

ummm...that's the moderators job...

I just wanted to douse you in ice cubes....

(the heat was getting to your brain)

 

[HolySpiritWarrior]

Whoa!!! That would be a visual I would definately have to try my best to forget... *makes sick face* Right in front of you??? G, I would have been like "HEY! NONE OF THAT!" lol

 

[Thithy]

I can't say I find foreplay before marriage as sick, but I do consider it to be wrong.

Although it all depends on what you consider foreplay to be. Some would consider kissing to be foreplay because kissing can (but not always) lead to sex. Anything that leads you to sex can be considered foreplay. Although it looks like you are talking about something a bit more than just kissing.

I think that even though he thought that you were all asleep he still shouldn't have done that with his girlfriend. If he really wanted to (and doesn't care about staying sexually pure) then he should have gone to another room. Sex (or anything leading to sex, and in my opinion kissing is included. Call me conservative, I don't care) should be something private not something you do infront of people, even if those people are asleep.

 

[CZzyzx41]

Any sex before marriage is wrong. By sex I do not just mean intercourse. Some kids today have felt it's convenient to say oral or dactyl intimacy is not sex so that they're justified in their actions. That's wrong.
Couple also say that it helps them gain experience so they know what to do on their wedding night. Same excuse is giving for co-habitation before marriage. That it'll make the marriage stronger. So why is there a higher divorce rate when the couple has either had sexual relations or lived with each other prior to getting married? It doesn't make sense.
I would advise dating couples not to do anything with each other that they would be feel wrong doing in front of a minister or their parents. Once you are married, sex is fine. In fact, it's encouraged. Before marriage, it's just wrong.

AS for this instance...I can only say that must have been traumatic. I can't imagine having been in your shoes.

 

[Thithy]

I would advise dating couples not to do anything with each other that they would be feel wrong doing in front of a minister or their parents.

Yes I agree, but tell me this, would you feel comfortable having sex, (or anything that leads up to it) in front of your minister or parents even after you were married? Maybe you should not say do in front of, but telling them about. But even that, sex isn't something you yell to the world (at least not the intimate details of it).

 

[CZzyzx41]

No I wouldn't that is why I say "dating couples". I think perhaps I should have said "couples who are not yet married". That would have made it more clear.

 

[rainbowprism]

A "screwed" world, when a young man wants to have sex? No, a natural world. That's how we are built.

I think you lean towards more of a hedonist than an athiest.

 

[Cerridwen]

Hey~

A hedonist? And what rock have you been living under? I am 26 years old and I have never known a teenage boy(or young man) who didn't want to have sex. Ever. It's in their blood. That's what testosterone does to people. It makes them, well...you know(for the sake of getting moderated). From birth little boys(and little girls) explore their genitals. Why? Because it feels good. From puberty, little boys (a little moreso than little girls) have an almost obsessive quality about them when it comes to sex. It's new, it's fun, & it feels really good. We are animals, human animals, but animals nontheless. Acknowledging the normal fact of life that most young men want to have sex is not being hedonistic. It's being realistic.

Love & Blessings, Cerridwen*

 

[rainbowprism]

Cerridwen
I was teasing Bellman. We've been going back and forth on the prostitution thread so I wasn't being seriously really. I shoulda put on of these in As far as sex, yeah it feels good but I've realized I gotta wait for what I didn't wait for before. Just because it feels good isn't a good enough reason to do it---I'd love to smoke a cigarette right now but I know better, or I'm trying to quit.

 

[euphoric23]

And Challenger,I care what my friends are doing, or what may affect society later on.

Okay, how does your friend fooling around with his girlfriend effect society? Just curious. Now, in your defense, I think it was very inconsiderate for this young man to engage in such acts with his girlfriend with other people in the room. Sheesh, even when me and my high school sweetheart were desparate to have sex, we would never do it with others supposedly sleeping five feet away from us. We always tried to keep what we did private. This is a tricky subject. You feel, wholeheartedly, that what your friend is doing is wrong. You want to confront him in hopes that he will see this your way. He is already convinced that he will not wait until marriage to have sex and he's already engaging in sexual acts that you deem inappropriate and sinful and yet he feels it's a-okay. You want to get him to understand. I say, don't waste your time. Your friend having sex with his girlfriend, so long as you don't have to witness it, does not effect your life one iota, my friend. It's not going to ruin your life if your friend has sex. You can't be his spiritual babysitter this time. You may have to grit your teeth or pray to yourself about this "sin" he is committing (I use quotation marks as I, personally, do not consider it a sin). If your friend was dealing drugs or stealing stuff from the school, then I could understand an intervention. Those acts are illegal and harmful. Pre-marital sex (unless it's rape or the girl or guy is under the legal age of consent) is not illegal and most of the time it doesn't hurt anybody. Don't buy the lies they tell you in youth group to "scare" you out of having sex. I'm not saying that if you feel it's a sin then you're being lied to so go out and get you some. If you choose to wait then that is certainly your choice. I hope that you succeed in your endeavor.

My point is that churches use scare tactics in hopes that it will prevent young people from having sex. Some of the lies they tell:

1. By waiting until marriage you completely eradicate the possibility of unwanted pregnancy and/or contracting an STD/STI.
2. If you have pre-marital sex you won't enjoy sex as much when you are married.
3. Pre-marital sex cheapens your lovemaking as a married couple.
4. People who engage in pre-marital sex are 89% more likely to divorce than couples who abstain.
5. If you have pre-marital sex, people will think you're a sl*t.

Let me share something very personal about myself to emphasize my point:

When I was 17, I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart (he was almost 19). We felt tremendous guilt and yet we felt once we had done it, we might as well keep doing it. We were finally guilt-tripped into marrying one another when I was just barely 18. Our senior pastor and youth pastor told us that everyone would think I was a sl*t and that the Bible says it is better to marry than to burn with passion. We got married when we were still way too young to comprehend what an enormous responsibility it is. I got pregnant and in a rage, my husband threw me over the back of the couch and I miscarried. I, in turn, would say nasty things to him to provoke wrath and make him hit me. It became a two-way all-out abusive relationship. We both cheated on one another. Our marriage ended after only a year and a half, ending a total of seven years of being together as a couple. He is now married to, and has children with, the woman he cheated on me with. I went out and maintained a pretty much celibate lifestyle until I met my second husband. I was 20, he was 36. He made alot of money. In me he saw the young trophy wife and in him I saw financial security. We fed off of one another's insecurities and we married within only four weeks of dating. We were divorced by the time I turned 22. After our divorce I went wild. I lived completely on my own for the first time. No husband, no parents, just me. I drank, partied, and lived a totally promiscuous lifestyle for six months. In the end, I had engaged in fourteen one-night-stands.

When I met my current boyfriend I admit, I was skeptical. I thought he'd be like the other guys and ditch me after he got what he wanted. Thank Goddess he proved me wrong! We got to know each other for about three weeks before we had sex and even then I was terrified that he would be like all the other guys. He is still in my life and we now live together. I have to say that now that I trust him fully, our lovemaking is more spectacular than what I've experienced with any other man (including my two ex-husbands). I've made mistakes and I have been careless with my sexuality. Being promiscuous can have devestating affects. Engaging in pre-marital sex with someone you love is completely different.

 

[MQTA]

....

So why is there a higher divorce rate when the couple has either had sexual relations or lived with each other prior to getting married? It doesn't make sense.

...

Is there? Do you have a link to one of those studies?

 

[MQTA]

Okay, how does your friend fooling around with his girlfriend effect society? Just curious. Now, in your defense, I think it was very inconsiderate for this young man to engage in such acts with his girlfriend with other people in the room. Sheesh, even when me and my high school sweetheart were desparate to have sex, we would never do it with others supposedly sleeping five feet away from us. We always tried to keep what we did private. .

Well, at 14, why waste time bragging when you may not be believed, why not just purposely do it with a witness present so when you do brag, you can say "go ask Joe, HE was there". Seems more like a "hey, look what we're doing" kind of thing. Some who would be in a situation like that may even want to join his friend with the girl. Or maybe that's at 16, I don't know.

I guess it depends on which part you were in at the time, and what your own beliefs are.

I'm not surprised at what happened, I'm more surprised that the parent's allowed that scenario in the first place. Co-ed sleepovers! Didn't have that when I was teen that I ever heard about.

 

[euphoric23]

I agree, MQTA. My parents would never have allowed a co-ed sleepover nor would they have allowed me to attend one. Either the parents condone sexual behavior at such a young age or they are the most ignorant and naive people on the planet. You know the type, "oh my children took a purity pledge at church. They would never even dream of engaging in sexual acts before marriage. So let's throw them together in the same room walking around in pajamas and sleeping in close quarters because our kids would never do that..." Ugh!

 

[blackpurseninja]

Is there? Do you have a link to one of those studies?

"The general accepted belief in the psychological community is that couples who live together prior to marriage, (engaged couples leading up to marriage together the last month or so are not included in this figure) experience 2X the failure rate of the relationship, and if they marry, are 2.5 times more likely to divorce."

http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Michael/movein.htmhttp://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Michael/movein.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOArticle/PTO-20030807-000001.asp

http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/debate/livetogether/articles/0,,166866_527212,00.html?arrivalSA=1&cobrandRef=0&arrival_freqCap=1&pba=adid=9201148

 

[MQTA]

"The general accepted belief in the psychological community is that couples who live together prior to marriage, (engaged couples leading up to marriage together the last month or so are not included in this figure) experience 2X the failure rate of the relationship, and if they marry, are 2.5 times more likely to divorce."

http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Michael/movein.htmhttp://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Michael/movein.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOArticle/PTO-20030807-000001.asp


...

Fascinating.


Even though OT to this thread.. thanks. Fascinating! Never really paid much attention to those kinds of articles, was never a concern of mine. I was living with someone when I met the woman who was to become my wife, and we never lived together. I stayed over her house, or she stayed over my house, after we got engaged, in separate rooms, with our parents home. Or we went on trips together, but not quite the same thing.

So those who were living together ruined their living-together relationship by getting married, and then got divorced... wow. They'd have been better just living together and it seems 21% who stay living together without marriage may still be together. I wonder what's different.. I guess you'd have to know each situation to find out.

I just figure most people just have a hard time staying monogamous, maintaining interest in each other, and when each wants/needs/likes space to do things on their own, they just don't know how to cope and fights break out.

When we got married we never really gave up OUR OWN TIME and our interests that weren't shared. But it's hard to know the right formula... Communication is a big part of it though.. most people don't know how to Communicate, whether it's sibling, parent, spouse, boss/subordinate, teacher, friend, neighbor, stranger. Some married people I meet often leave me wondering how they are together as long as they are, and most divorce stories don't leave me feeling they should have even been Married in the first place.

It's hard to create statistics on human socializations. If most people are depressed, angry, sad, don't like themselves very much, and don't get along with their families, how can we expect a high success rate going forward when we probably never had any success rate to be objective about in the first place. Some couples stay together for all the right reasons, sometimes even all the wrong reasons, some should have never been married in the first place. But that's what makes statistics and the world go 'round.

 

[blackpurseninja]

Keep in mind those results varied with age:

"Age plays a major role in this. Under thirty, due to maturity levels, income situations and lack of real-life experience coping skills and an idealism ... failure is nearly 80%."