for those who are say 45 or better and have had a parent gone two years or more

[dogs4thewin]

I am not sure if this goes here (if not staff feel free to move. I am 26 ( 27 in August) and lost my father when I was 23 in March of that year I HATE Father's Day and was wondering if that gets better as I get older and more people my age start losing parents and it becomes the "norm"? I put the age on it because mid 40s early 50s is when that (usually) starts happening a good bit and thus they have the people catching up with them and the two years or better because I figure no matter HOW OLD you are the first year after losing a parent ( Mother's/ Father"s Day will be hard.

 

[“Paisios”]

I am not sure if this goes here (if not staff feel free to move. I am 26 ( 27 in August) and lost my father when I was 23 in March of that year I HATE Father's Day and was wondering if that gets better as I get older and more people my age start losing parents and it becomes the "norm"? I put the age on it because mid 40s early 50s is when that (usually) starts happening a good bit and thus they have the people catching up with them and the two years or better because I figure no matter HOW OLD you are the first year after losing a parent ( Mother's/ Father"s Day will be hard.

My condolences.

My mother died on Mother’s Day when I was 7. I am now 49 and Mother’s Day is still a very difficult day for me each year...but, it has gotten easier to deal with over time, and the pain is not as sharp as it once was.

 

[dogs4thewin]

My condolences.

My mother died on Mother’s Day when I was 7. I am now 49 and Mother’s Day is still a very difficult day for me each year...but, it has gotten easier to deal with over time, and the pain is not as sharp as it once was.

so far I have managed to show up to church the second and third Father's Days since he passed I was NOT going that first year, however, I have yet to actually sit THROUGH the service without having to leave because I just could NOT keep my eyes dry ( to the point that it was disruptive to other worshipers. We recently finished a swimming pool ( at my house) and are hoping to have a "father's Day party" I am so hoping that will give me something to look forward to that day; because as it is that day could fall off the calendar and I would be just fine.

thank you

 

[Danielwright2311]

I am not sure if this goes here (if not staff feel free to move. I am 26 ( 27 in August) and lost my father when I was 23 in March of that year I HATE Father's Day and was wondering if that gets better as I get older and more people my age start losing parents and it becomes the "norm"? I put the age on it because mid 40s early 50s is when that (usually) starts happening a good bit and thus they have the people catching up with them and the two years or better because I figure no matter HOW OLD you are the first year after losing a parent ( Mother's/ Father"s Day will be hard.

My mother died over 10 years ago and it does get easer, from time to time I miss her but time heals all things.

You will still miss him from time to time but it will get easer.

 

[dogs4thewin]

My mother died over 10 years ago and it does get easer, from time to time I miss her but time heals all things.

You will still miss him from time to time but it will get easer.

Including on Father's Day? As it relates to most of the rest of the year except holidays/his birthday ( which happens to be January first so I get it over with the end of the holiday season and the week he died ( because that 2.5 days of him ACTIVELY dying (longest weekend of my life the day he died which was a Monday and then we put him in the ground Wednesday afternoon. Other than that week which is the 13-the 18th of March and major holidays it has gotten better, but I still HATE Father's Day. I think it may be the ads EVERYWHERE. Last year I stayed off Face Book that day just so I would not have to see pictures of everyone with his or her dad.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Including on Father's Day? As it relates to most of the rest of the year except holidays/his birthday ( which happens to be January first so I get it over with the end of the holiday season and the week he died ( because that 2.5 days of him ACTIVELY dying (longest weekend of my life the day he died which was a Monday and then we put him in the ground Wednesday afternoon. Other than that week which is the 13-the 18th of March and major holidays it has gotten better, but I still HATE Father's Day. I think it may be the ads EVERYWHERE. Last year I stayed off Face Book that day just so I would not have to see pictures of everyone with his or her dad.

As you get older days like fathers day or mothers day turn out to be just regular days.

 

[dogs4thewin]

As you get older days like fathers day or mothers day turn out to be just regular days.

I am trying to figure out just how the heck that could be with ads ads EVERYWHERE.

 

[Danielwright2311]

I am trying to figure out just how the heck that could be with ads ads EVERYWHERE.

In time you learn how to ignore them, and when your eyes site starts to go, lol.

 

[dogs4thewin]

In time you learn how to ignore them, and when your eyes site starts to go, lol.

Well, that seems simple enough as my eyes are already too poor to drive ( along with other issues that come with my disability. lol

 

[Darkhorse]

I am trying to figure out just how the heck that could be with ads ads EVERYWHERE.

If your parents were Christians, you know they are still "alive", just not together with you - yet.

Their lives can still be celebrated.

 

[dogs4thewin]

If your parents were Christians, you know they are still "alive", just not together with you - yet.

Their lives can still be celebrated.

Maybe I can get that through my thick 20 something head before I am 40. I am hoping that pool will help.

 

[“Paisios”]

so far I have managed to show up to church the second and third Father's Days since he passed I was NOT going that first year, however, I have yet to actually sit THROUGH the service without having to leave because I just could NOT keep my eyes dry ( to the point that it was disruptive to other worshipers. We recently finished a swimming pool ( at my house) and are hoping to have a "father's Day party" I am so hoping that will give me something to look forward to that day; because a it is that day could fall off the calendar and I would be just fine.

thank you

It does get a bit easier, but there will be times especially on days such as Father’s Day when it will still catch you off guard and be painful. It is a real loss and causes real pain.

I keep my mother in my daily prayers and try to remember the good times I had with her on a regular basis. It seems to help me.

My prayers for you. I hope God will help ease your pain, be with you and comfort you.

 

[Darkhorse]

I've been without my mom for 27 years, and 40 years for my dad. While I have come to realize some negative details about them, I have also gained a great deal of understanding of them and the problems they struggled with.

It's an enlightening experience to get older and start to understand the decisions and worries our parents had, because now you're older and feeling the same things.

 

[dogs4thewin]

I've been without my mom for 27 years, and 40 years for my dad. While I have come to realize some negative details about them, I have also gained a great deal of understanding of them and the problems they struggled with.

It's an enlightening experience to get older and start to understand the decisions and worries our parents had, because now you're older and feeling the same things.

You are a LOT older than me it seems I will be only TURNING 27.

 

[Davidnic]

I lost my mom at ten and my dad at twenty. It does get better. Well..it gets different. In time both Mothers day and Fathers day became better because it was more remembering their love and, while missing them, there is a peace in it even when there is sadness.

It spiked a bit more when I had children. That made the days a bit harder. But my wifes parents are amazing. They are so great my kids learned to love the grandparents they can not see by the great love of the ones they do see.

I have thought about it more this year as my daughter climbs toward the age when I lost my mother. I just drove home how young we (My twin sister and I) were. But even in that I am able to focus on the good times with a sorrow that frames but does not obliterate it.

My mom died on her mothers birthday, which was the fourth of July. So that was always the hardest day.

It does get better/different. Pain can become a smile with memories even with a tear at times. One of my fondest most powerful memories was when I asked my mother why God was letting her die. It was sad, but she used it to anchor my faith in God even in great suffering. I can also find joy in the final days with my father, whose death was shocking and fast. But there is sadness too that frames it.

But the early years are hard. My prayers.

 

[dreadnought]

I am not sure if this goes here (if not staff feel free to move. I am 26 ( 27 in August) and lost my father when I was 23 in March of that year I HATE Father's Day and was wondering if that gets better as I get older and more people my age start losing parents and it becomes the "norm"? I put the age on it because mid 40s early 50s is when that (usually) starts happening a good bit and thus they have the people catching up with them and the two years or better because I figure no matter HOW OLD you are the first year after losing a parent ( Mother's/ Father"s Day will be hard.

It was painful to me when my dad died, but a short while later he had become a happy memory. It is helpful knowing I will see him again, and it is helpful belonging to a supportive church.

 

[dogs4thewin]

thank you all so much for all the advice/encouragement. I came up with an idea (not going to promise this will work, but at the time my father died EVERYONE not just him was just about ready for it. It was not that we did not love him or would not miss him it was that he was sick and tired of being sick and tired and quite frankly we were sick and tired of watching him suffer. MAYBE just MAYBE I can focus on that and be glad he is no longer suffering. No promises that will work but I can try my darnest.

 

[“Paisios”]

thank you all so much for all the advice/encouragement. I came up with an idea (not going to promise this will work, but at the time my father died EVERYONE not just him was just about ready for it. It was not that we did not love him or would not miss him it was that he was sick and tired of being sick and tired and quite frankly we were sick and tired of watching him suffer. MAYBE just MAYBE I can focus on that and be glad he is no longer suffering. No promises that will work but I can try my darnest.

Remember that grief is a process, not a one time event. You will have times of comfort and times of intense pain...times when things seem to be working, and times when nothing helps. Each is “okay”, not a failure to cope on your part. Time helps, God helps, family and friend support helps. Don’t undervalue the concept of “presence”...I have found that just having people who care around me is comforting (because most of the time they don’t know what to say...but knowing they are there for me and with me anyway is helpful).

May God be with you during all of these tough times.
Lord, have mercy.

 

[dogs4thewin]

update so excited

Well, I went to church today and for the first Father's Day since my dad's death ACTUALLY sat THROUGH the service without becoming such a disruption that I ended up excusing myself early.

 

[sdowney717]

Maybe odd but for me I don't feel grief for family or friends that have died. I miss them but I know this life is just temporary and eternal life is something to look forward to enjoying much better than life was here for them or even is for me. This world is not our true home. I grieved more for our family cat that died than my father in law who died 2 years ago aged 83. He got seriously injured, broke his hip in a fall and spent a week in the ICU before his children finally convinced his doctor to let him die. They were keeping him alive against his wishes and he had also written that down that no extraordinary measures be taken. So they finally took him off the ventilator, and his spirit returned to God who had made him.

If I ever find myself in a bad situation, I hope I get to go sooner than linger on in pain here.

It would be more emotionally painful for me to have someone suddenly taken with no warning, no time to accept the person was dieing. The suffering is all mine, not theirs, unless they did not know God.