For ladies only

[msbojingles]

A chapter about "Help-Meet" in Marriage - You have never looked at it like this before!
Joel and Kathy Davisson www.godsavemymarriage.com
Sep 01, 2006

PRINTED WITH PERMISSION

Help-Meet






And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. Genesis 2:18


When people consider this verse, they generally emphasize the word “help- meet.”

The word “help-meet” conjures up the perception that a woman is created “less than” a man.

This is logical: A helper is normally not as skilled as the one they are helping. They are an apprentice, learning from a master. Often they do the “grunt work.”

To make matters worse, the word “meet” is often replaced with the word “mate” in books, sermons and seminar teachings on marriage. Christian counselors often remind couples in crisis that a wife is called to be a “help-mate.”

The word help “mate” implies that a wife take on certain responsibilities in the relationship to fulfill her role. She is to stand by and support her man. She is to be the primary caregiver to the children and be the primary house manager so that her husband can be aided in fulfilling his dreams.

We agree that being a caregiver to children and supporting your spouse are wonderful and positive attributes. However, this job description is not exclusively a wife’s role! This is a job description for both husband and wife.

A husband should focus on his children and support his wife as much as she supports him and focuses on the children. He should want to nurture his children and support his wife. A wife should also want to support her husband and nurture the children.

A quality man will get fulfillment in these things as well as a woman. After all, this is his wife we are talking about and the rug-rats are his children too!

This is a wonderful plan for a wonderful life; however, this has nothing to do with Genesis 2:18.

The word in Genesis 2:18 is not “help-mate.” The word is “help-meet.”

 

[msbojingles]

There is a Huge Difference ​

Between “Meet” and “Mate”​

The Word “help-mate” conjures up pictures of a woman cooking, cleaning and raising the children while her hero conquers the world. Sorry guys! As much as we would like this to be our reality, the word “help-meet” has nothing to do with your wife cooking, cleaning and doing your laundry! It has nothing to do with supporting a man’s dreams and visions.

Yes, a wife should support her husband’s dreams in life in the same way that he should support her dreams. This is a wonderful thing - however, it is not the meaning of “help-meet.”
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If a wife wants to be her husband’s ministry administrator, then that is a wonderful aim. If a husband and wife want to be a team this way, then by all means, they should do it! Two are better than one when building a ministry or a business. This is good team-work. A husband and wife should work as a team but not because she is fulfilling a man-defined role of “help-mate.”

We Teach and Live This Kind of Teamwork​

This is being a team. We would love every couple in America to function as a team in everything that they do. Kathy and I are great team-mates. Kathy does almost anything I ask her to do and I do almost anything she asks me to do. We serve each other with a smile and support each other in every way imaginable.

This manifestation of teamwork though is not the meaning of help-meet!

The True Meaning of Help Meet​

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. Genesis 2:18


The word help is the word “ezer.”


And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:20

To understand what God meant when he used the word “help” we must look the Hebrew word up in other verses of the Bible.

 

[msbojingles]

The Lord is My Helper​

“Ezer” refers to the quality of help that the Lord gives to men and women.
It does not refer to an inferior helper such as “carpenter’s helper” or a “plumber’s helper.”

No one would think of the Lord as a inferior, subservient helper to a man or a woman.

The following verses all use the Hebrew word “ezer.”

(The Lord) Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion
Psalms 20:2

Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield.
Psalms 33:20

…O God: thou art my help and my deliverer.
Psalms 70:5

O Israel, trust thou in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
Psalms 115:9

…trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
Psalms 115:11

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
Psalms 121:1

My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
Psalms 121:2

Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
Psalms 124:8

When you think of ‘helper’ in the light of your helper being God, you think of a greater one coming to your aid because you cannot do something yourself.

You would never think of God as your servant.
In John 15:26, Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as “the helper.”

The Holy Spirit was introduced by Jesus as: “One called alongside to help.”

Would a man or a woman look down on the Holy Spirit as inferior or secondary because he is referred to as “the helper?” Of course not!

Yet when we think of the word “helper” – in reference to a wife – our natural minds fall into the rut of thinking that helper refers to a secondary assistant.

When marriage is discussed in the church, many euphemisms are given to explain a wife’s role. All of these word pictures cast a wife into secondary roles, such as ‘assistant coach’ ‘carpenters helper’ or the ‘vice president’ in a marriage.

This though, is not the Bible meaning of the word. The Bible meaning of “help” is “help that a person cannot supply for him or herself. The help is from someone greater than or at least equal to the one receiving help.

 

[msbojingles]

Don’t Play the Holy Spirit?​

Have you ever heard it said to wives, “Don’t play the Holy Spirit?”

Sorry. Wrong answer.

A wife is called to help her husband just as the Holy Spirit is called to help individuals.

A man may not hear the Holy Spirit but he cannot claim to not “hear” his wife.

Tune her out? Yes, but he hears her!

He may hate the very sound of her voice… but he hears her.

A husband says, “I am sorry, Lord. I just did not hear your voice!”

The Lord replies: “Your wife said the same things that I was saying to you. You ignored her just like you ignored me! What is your excuse for that?”

Husband: “Oh, I guess I was just full of pride and ego. I didn’t want to hear it from her. ”

The Lord: “Finally, we get some truth!”

An Army Coming to Help​

‘Ezer’ also refers to an army who is being called on to help a nation fight against an enemy.​

The word “ezer” was often used in the Bible when an army called on another nation to help them win a war. They were not calling an inferior army to cook and clean while they went to battle. They were calling on an equal or greater partner to come and help them win a war that they could not win by their self.

 

[msbojingles]

What About the Word “Meet”​

The Hebrew word for “meet” is “neged.”​

The word “neged” is defined as, “a front, a part opposite, specifically a counterpart, usually before.” It means “to front, to stand boldly out opposite, to manifest, to announce, to expose and to explain.”

The word is translated in the King James Version as “presence, other side, sight and to view.”


I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Ps 16:8

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Ps 23:5

for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.
Ps 26:3

I will pay my vows to the LORD now in the presence of all His people.
Ps 116:14

The word ‘meet’ here does not refer at all to having a help-mate who is supposed to cook my food and clean my house.

I Will Set My Wife Before My Eyes!​

A man should keep his wife “before” him like he keeps the Lord before him. A man should keep his wife in the forefront of his thoughts at all times, just like he keeps the Lord in the forefront of his thoughts. She should always be in his mental line of view.

A man expresses his love and devotion for God when he expresses his love and devotion for his wife. Scripture? “How can you say you love the Lord whom you cannot see if you cannot love someone you can see?”

If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
1 John 4:20

A Short Definition of Help-Meet​

​

Help-Meet: “An equal teammate, standing shoulder to shoulder, figuring out the best solutions and the best directions in life.”

Let’s Summarize. Help-Meet is:​

• Help From an Equal or Greater

• No one would think of God as a subservient or inferior helper to man. David did not look down on God as ‘second rate’.

• Have you heard it said to wives, “Don’t play the Holy Spirit?” This is wrong. A good man wants his wife to fulfill her role of helping him by being a voice for the Holy Spirit.

• The meaning of “Helper” in the Bible is someone who brings help to someone in ways that they cannot help themselves.

• God brings a wife to a man who ‘helps’ him in ways he cannot help himself.

In What Ways Does a Wife ​

Help Her Husband?​

A Good Wife Helps You See Your Faults​

• A helper is someone of equivalent or greater resources coming alongside to help in what is lacking.

• A wife is ordained by God to help her husband become more Christ-like.


A GREAT wife ‘helps’ her husband by pointing out to him when he is not being Christ-Like.

A mature husband welcomes this critique.

A good wife will not be “picky.”

She realizes that he cannot be perfect but she will point out what he does that damages himself, her, the children or others.

A good man wants this help. An unwise man resists it.

A good man welcomes his wife’s helpful words that alert him to personality traits, actions and attitudes that are not Christ-Like.

“You are being rude, or unkind, or inconsiderate, or unfeeling. You are speaking harshly. You are yelling.”

A mature husband welcomes this. An immature husband resists it.

Remember, Solomon did not resist the Queen of Sheba. He welcomed her. He listened to all of her heart and answered all of her questions.

When he listened to all of her heart and answered all of her questions, he earned her praise. Why? His openness, transparency and responsiveness to her heart proved that he was a man of wisdom.

Joel and Kathy’s Definition of Help-Meet​

Help-Meet: A team-mate who stands with me, shoulder to shoulder and sometimes out in front - as we seek to fulfill God’s plan for our life together. One who can help me in ways that I cannot help myself; one who is equal to me in all ways and greater in some. One who is always on my mind. A help-meet is one who God has put into my life to help me become the man that He has called me to be. She does this by making me aware of attitudes, words and actions that do not reflect Christ in my relationship to her, our children, the church and the world.

 

[MaidforHim]

This is really good msbojingles, thank you for sharing it. I had never heard anything like this util a few years ago and even that was pretty brief. Everything I had heard that I can remember was related to the term "help mate" like you mentioned.

Then a while back I heard a sermon on the term "help meet". The pastor said that he word "meet" in the day the King James Bible was written reffered to the pole on which wild game, say a deer, was carried by two people.

Like in the movies we see a couple of people carrying a deer hanging upside down from a pole by it's four feet.

Anyway, one man can't carry the meet, you have to have a person on each end. (i guess if it was just one person it would be drag... LOL )

The illustration was that both people need to be capable of "supporting their end" equal, one too short it won't work, one too weak it won't work....

The pastors point was that man needed someone to help carry the load. And although we're different, we're equally capable, and neither can carry the load alone.

 

[cavymom]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This life changing book which will show you
the path to a happy marriage ...[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
Only $15
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​

When I went to the website this jumped out at me.

You know what, if you want to find the REAL secrets to a happy marraige it is written in the Bible

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
​

​

[/FONT]​

 

[talitha]

The problem with "just reading the Bible" is that people (particularly men, on this subject) come to the Bible with so many preconceived notions and mistaken ideas about what it says, based on generations of bad teaching. If we could "just read the Bible" and get it, there would be many, many more happy Christian marriages......

blessings
tal

 

[ScottK]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When I went to the website this jumped out at me. ​

You know what, if you want to find the REAL secrets to a happy marraige it is written in the Bible​

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ​

[/FONT]

The Bible says that a worker is worthy of their wages, and there's nothing wrong with selling a book that they've probably spent years gaining the knowledge to write. At least they're not just going from church to church begging people for money, or telling people to donate hundreds of $$ to their ministry.

There's also nothing wrong with a perfectly good word study on why woman was created, and her role in a marriage, and if it can help some women who do feel a little inferior because of inadequate teaching, then what's the problem. Word studies are just that - word studies, studying THE word. There's nothing unbiblical there.

What if a word study was done on the passage you quoted? Would you be so quick to be so rude? God's word has alot to say about criticizing ministers, especially publicly.

 

[SocialKnight]

Are you sure this applies to you, then? Since it's only for girls.

 

[cavymom]

The Bible says that a worker is worthy of their wages, and there's nothing wrong with selling a book that they've probably spent years gaining the knowledge to write. At least they're not just going from church to church begging people for money, or telling people to donate hundreds of $$ to their ministry.

It seems they say different on thier website...

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]National and International Ministry[/FONT]​

Joel and Kathy offer Seminars of up to Eight Sessions Nationally and Internationally. In the first 18 months of marriage ministry, they have conducted seminars in Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, Minnesota and South Africa.
Joel and Kathy will be returning to South Africa in the fall of 2006. 2000 copies of "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" are being printed right now in SA in preparation for their arrival. If you would like to help pay for this production, Joel and Kathy are receiving offerings for this purpose.
Joel and Kathy are available to do a seminar in your area. E-mail or call today to make arrangements and check on their availability.​

http://www.godsavemymarriage.com/

What if a word study was done on the passage you quoted? Would you be so quick to be so rude? God's word has alot to say about criticizing ministers, especially publicly.

You know when I went to the website and read the information there... they also had Joel and Kathey talking on there about thier marraige and the book... Now when this guy goes on there and SAYS with his own words how he was so abusive and committed adultery against his wife... well, that is the last guy I want to take marriage councelling from.

God also says to test the spirits, and look only to God and not man.

 

[talitha]

Now when this guy goes on there and SAYS with his own words how he was so abusive and committed adultery against his wife... well, that is the last guy I want to take marriage councelling from.

If he was able to overcome his sin in the name of Jesus, I would LOVE to take counseling from such a man. Better someone who's had VICTORY than someone who's never had anything to be victorious over.

God also says to test the spirits, and look only to God and not man.

The Bible does say to test the spirits, but as far as I know it doesn't say to look only to God and not man. It says there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

[OT]And where do you think a full-time minister should be getting money to live on?[/OT]

blessings
tal

 

[Judy02]

What About the Word “Meet”​

The Hebrew word for “meet” is “neged.”​

The word “neged” is defined as, “a front, a part opposite, specifically a counterpart, usually before.” It means “to front, to stand boldly out opposite, to manifest, to announce, to expose and to explain.”

The word is translated in the King James Version as “presence, other side, sight and to view.”


I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Ps 16:8

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Ps 23:5

for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.
Ps 26:3

I will pay my vows to the LORD now in the presence of all His people.
Ps 116:14

The word ‘meet’ here does not refer at all to having a help-mate who is supposed to cook my food and clean my house.

I Will Set My Wife Before My Eyes!​

A man should keep his wife “before” him like he keeps the Lord before him. A man should keep his wife in the forefront of his thoughts at all times, just like he keeps the Lord in the forefront of his thoughts. She should always be in his mental line of view.

A man expresses his love and devotion for God when he expresses his love and devotion for his wife. Scripture? “How can you say you love the Lord whom you cannot see if you cannot love someone you can see?”

If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
1 John 4:20

A Short Definition of Help-Meet

​

Help-Meet: “An equal teammate, standing shoulder to shoulder, figuring out the best solutions and the best directions in life.”

Let’s Summarize. Help-Meet is:​

•Help From an Equal or Greater

•No one would think of God as a subservient or inferior helper to man. David did not look down on God as ‘second rate’.

•Have you heard it said to wives, “Don’t play the Holy Spirit?” This is wrong. A good man wants his wife to fulfill her role of helping him by being a voice for the Holy Spirit.

•The meaning of “Helper” in the Bible is someone who brings help to someone in ways that they cannot help themselves.

•God brings a wife to a man who ‘helps’ him in ways he cannot help himself.

In What Ways Does a Wife

Help Her Husband?
A Good Wife Helps You See Your Faults​

•A helper is someone of equivalent or greater resources coming alongside to help in what is lacking.

•A wife is ordained by God to help her husband become more Christ-like.


A GREAT wife ‘helps’ her husband by pointing out to him when he is not being Christ-Like.

A mature husband welcomes this critique.

A good wife will not be “picky.”

She realizes that he cannot be perfect but she will point out what he does that damages himself, her, the children or others.

A good man wants this help. An unwise man resists it.

A good man welcomes his wife’s helpful words that alert him to personality traits, actions and attitudes that are not Christ-Like.

“You are being rude, or unkind, or inconsiderate, or unfeeling. You are speaking harshly. You are yelling.”

A mature husband welcomes this. An immature husband resists it.

Remember, Solomon did not resist the Queen of Sheba. He welcomed her. He listened to all of her heart and answered all of her questions.

When he listened to all of her heart and answered all of her questions, he earned her praise. Why? His openness, transparency and responsiveness to her heart proved that he was a man of wisdom.

Joel and Kathy’s Definition of Help-Meet​

Help-Meet: A team-mate who stands with me, shoulder to shoulder and sometimes out in front - as we seek to fulfill God’s plan for our life together. One who can help me in ways that I cannot help myself; one who is equal to me in all ways and greater in some. One who is always on my mind. A help-meet is one who God has put into my life to help me become the man that He has called me to be. She does this by making me aware of attitudes, words and actions that do not reflect Christ in my relationship to her, our children, the church and the world.

Excellent posts!!

You got this right. A lot of people in the Church wouldn't always like this particular picture of woman, it goes against their stereotypes and preconceived ideas about women. It's great to see someone here who has done their research. You are a breath of fresh air! Half the time in CF, you just hear people who just seem to recite typical ideas they heard in a sermon once, and the same old sexist sterotypes without ever really studying into the scriptures themselves. Few people seem to study the scriptures without the bias of the Church influencing their ideas.

 

[msbojingles]

The pastors point was that man needed someone to help carry the load. And although we're different, we're equally capable, and neither can carry the load alone.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! It really brought a lot of freedom for me. My husband has always been very supportive of me, and has been very loving, but because of things I experienced in the past, and lack-lustre teaching, I had a very poor self-image. I honestly believe my husband has more confidence in me than I do! But this teaching brought a lot of freedom to me. Our spirits can get so beaten down by bad teaching, and I really needed to know that the Lord has not made me inferior, and that He has given me a greater purpose in life pleasing HIM than just being a pleasure object to a man, or a decorative ornament by his side doing only as I'm told rather than following my heart.

May the Lord continue to bless you!!

 

[msbojingles]

Excellent posts!!

You got this right. A lot of people in the Church wouldn't always like this particular picture of woman, it goes against their stereotypes and preconceived ideas about women. It's great to see someone here who has done their research. You are a breath of fresh air! Half the time in CF, you just hear people who just seem to recite typical ideas they heard in a sermon once, and the same old sexist sterotypes without ever really studying into the scriptures themselves. Few people seem to study the scriptures without the bias of the Church influencing their ideas.

Thank you, Judy!! But I have to give credit where credit is due!! I wish I had come up with this on my own!! But I agree wholeheartedly with you, it's so important that we always look everything up for ourselves, without the pre-conceived ideas! Even in that we have to be spirit-led, because time and time again, the Holy Spirit has pointed out some of my own pre-conceived ideas that I didn't even know I had! And (bless the Lord) I'm sure there's a looooooooooooong way to go yet..LOL, but He is so patient and merciful.

The Lord bless you!

 

[msbojingles]

.....typical ideas they heard in a sermon once,.......

You know, this is probably a topic for a whole different thread, but you really brought up a good point as to why good teaching is so important, and how will we know good teaching unless we are in the Word ourselves?

 

[Judy02]

You know, this is probably a topic for a whole different thread, but you really brought up a good point as to why good teaching is so important, and how will we know good teaching unless we are in the Word ourselves?

I think you're right! Far too many approach the bible with the ideas of the Church already well in place, before they've looked at the Bible. Well I was brought up in a Christian family, but my experience is that I've usually heard the words of other people (parents, sunday school teachers) etc, telling me what it says, before reading it myself.

I noticed your married. Is your husband an egalitarian if u dont mind me asking that is? xx

 

[msbojingles]

I noticed your married. Is your husband an egalitarian if u dont mind me asking that is? xx

I don't mind at all

Yes, I would say he is.

 

[Judy02]

I don't mind at all

Yes, I would say he is.

hehe that's great! Since searching scripture to get an idea on how God views this half of humanity, I used to wonder whether I'll ever get married because of my beliefs. Maybe the men who don't subscribe to the traditional views are just quieter, I don't know, I've found a few more since being on CF. But I guess it's important to stand up for what u feel is right. If getting married to a guy, who I don't think is really living up to biblical principles, then I don't think I should marry him. I really don't think I'll ever need/want a man who wants to make all the final decisions, and get the last word, and tell me I can't teach, in my life lol. Why would I want to be united with someone like that? (I don't go along with the usual, 'the man makes the final decisions' philosophy we're told by the Church. Sometimes, because I'm going against what a majority of Christians seem to think, I can see me never getting married. Maybe I should give that up to God, but sometimes its hard heh. (I haven't met many egaliatarian guys where I live yet...). I also haven't got into an indepth discussion with many guys about it yet, it's just the way it seems.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

(I haven't met many egaliatarian guys where I live yet...).

Well, Judy, there are some around (I'm sure I haven't got the only one in Britain!!!)