for husbands and wives, headship?

[DaveKerwin]

how is that practiced in your marriage?

Is there even such a thing as male and female?

 

[Flipper]

Headship, like, who's in charge?

 

[kdet]

My husband is the head of the family. We discuss everything together but he makes the final decisions .

 

[ceres]

Well my humble opinion is that no one needs to ever "make final decisions" or "be in charge" in a working loving marriage. No one should be in charge of making decisions, they should and can be made together. Each person shouldn't seek his/her own benefit but the best thing for the family. Dave, if I remember right you are engaged and probably ask because you are considering how your future marriage will work. I imagine so far in your relationship you have decided everything together, and I think that should continue into marriage. There is a lot of strain in a new marriage when someone suddenly decides they make the decisions now when it was never done that way before. Most pastors I have heard from on this say the same thing-- there is no need for someone to make final decisions if both people talk it through and come up with the best decision.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Headship, like, who's in charge?

I would not phrase it that way. How do you practice Ephesians 5 in your marriage?

 

[DaveKerwin]

Well my humble opinion is that no one needs to ever "make final decisions" or "be in charge" in a working loving marriage. No one should be in charge of making decisions, they should and can be made together. Each person shouldn't seek his/her own benefit but the best thing for the family. Dave, if I remember right you are engaged and probably ask because you are considering how your future marriage will work. I imagine so far in your relationship you have decided everything together, and I think that should continue into marriage. There is a lot of strain in a new marriage when someone suddenly decides they make the decisions now when it was never done that way before. Most pastors I have heard from on this say the same thing-- there is no need for someone to make final decisions if both people talk it through and come up with the best decision.

We decide together, but if a decision HAD to be made that was for the best of my family, I would be trusted to make that decision.

 

[zibbler]

Our policy is that no decision is ever made until we discuss it together and come to an agreement. If it's a major decision, we pray for God to give us wisdom, then take it from there.

 

[Flipper]

I would not phrase it that way. How do you practice Ephesians 5 in your marriage?

Ok, that's what I thought you were saying.

In our marriage, we are a team on pretty much everything, each with our own strengths and weaknesses. In areas where he is stronger, he leads, where I'm stronger I lead. We recognize each other as intellectual (and sense of humor) equals having nothing but the utmost respect and trust for each other.

It works for us - 5 years in March and I can only count our true disagreements and/or arguments on a thumb and a couple of fingers.

Are you asking for the specific spiritual head? Very hard to say in our marriage. He is in the health field, and has to work on most Sundays and had a very convoluted work schedule - hard to commit to the same time for anything weekly. If you went to my church and didn't know us well, you would think it was me.

 

[karla]

We trust one another to make the right decisions. When it comes to major decisions we discuss them and then decide from there. Like Flipper, we recognize eachothers strengths and weaknesses and take it from there. I manage the household and the finances because I am at home and it makes more sense for me to do it. I say you go for what works for the two of you and always trust one another.

 

[mpshiel]

Sorry, before I answer this I have to get a particular rant out of my system. I really really wish people would actually read Eph 5 instead of the selective reading that seems to occur. It seems to go...mumble mumble mumble Wives submit, mumble, husband is the head of the wife...and some other stuff. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. - and...Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

So what type of "head" or leadership did and does Christ practice over the church? Well, there was no pain or suffering that was too great for him to endure so that those who would be in the church could be saved (i.e. humans), even though his "bride" was deserting or despising him. He also told those who formed the church that what they decided would be bound in heaven. And the history of the church is not one where Christ lords over but where the church is free to grow, make mistakes but move on and develop themselves to the utmost. That is the way Christ is the head of the church. And Paul goes on for three more versus on all the ways and things Christ does for the church, so should husbands be toward thier wives - not in giving gifts, but in giving growth, confidence - that is true nuturing.

Okay, my answer now. The head? One day I asked my partner what she wanted in five years and she said, "I want to be living back in Canada." So I said, "Okay, I guess we know what our long term goal is." And we both laughed. Now did she make that decision or did I. If it is important to her, it is important to me and vice versa. We both trust and submit our desires to the other because we love each other. Sure we make mistakes but that is part of the process. I sacrifice for her, I submit to her, I have faith in her and she in me. I hear a lot how married couples become and act like one person. And why not, they are one flesh. So in this I think instead of deciding or checking to see if this person is doing that role or vice versa, shouldn't we be doing both, as both are good and Godly? If you want to be literal and ask, who then is the head of your "marriage" - I guess it would be Christ, but isn't that the way it is suppose to be, he is the groom and we are the bride?

 

[JillLars]

Is there even such a thing as male and female?

I'm kinda wondering what that's supposed to mean.

 

[Christi]

Yeah, we have agreed. My husband is the male. And I am the female.


Okay, I know what you are saying. Yes, my husband is the head of our household and I am not, nor do I want to be. I'm too busy doing the rest of the stuff to worry about who gets the final say.

I should get blessings for that, you know.

 

[mrversatile48]

The 1st 11 replies here seem to have disappeared, along with the question, so I'll just say by faith what came to me when I saw the 1-liner title

OOPS: what came to me is appropriate for the single board, not this 1...

See you there then?

Ian

 

[Blessed75]

In my family, we discuss things and come to a mutual agreement. if we're un-decided then I usually make the final decision, let him know what it is and he's okay with that.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Sorry, before I answer this I have to get a particular rant out of my system. I really really wish people would actually read Eph 5 instead of the selective reading that seems to occur. It seems to go...mumble mumble mumble Wives submit, mumble, husband is the head of the wife...and some other stuff. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. - and...Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

So what type of "head" or leadership did and does Christ practice over the church? Well, there was no pain or suffering that was too great for him to endure so that those who would be in the church could be saved (i.e. humans), even though his "bride" was deserting or despising him. He also told those who formed the church that what they decided would be bound in heaven. And the history of the church is not one where Christ lords over but where the church is free to grow, make mistakes but move on and develop themselves to the utmost. That is the way Christ is the head of the church. And Paul goes on for three more versus on all the ways and things Christ does for the church, so should husbands be toward thier wives - not in giving gifts, but in giving growth, confidence - that is true nuturing.

Okay, my answer now. The head? One day I asked my partner what she wanted in five years and she said, "I want to be living back in Canada." So I said, "Okay, I guess we know what our long term goal is." And we both laughed. Now did she make that decision or did I. If it is important to her, it is important to me and vice versa. We both trust and submit our desires to the other because we love each other. Sure we make mistakes but that is part of the process. I sacrifice for her, I submit to her, I have faith in her and she in me. I hear a lot how married couples become and act like one person. And why not, they are one flesh. So in this I think instead of deciding or checking to see if this person is doing that role or vice versa, shouldn't we be doing both, as both are good and Godly? If you want to be literal and ask, who then is the head of your "marriage" - I guess it would be Christ, but isn't that the way it is suppose to be, he is the groom and we are the bride?

So you are a lesbian :o I want to know about christian marriages.

I know that a lot of women get sensitive when this issue comes up, I am just asking how it is practiced in some of your marriages.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I'm kinda wondering what that's supposed to mean.

Well, I have been hearing different stories from people. First I hear God made men and women, with some of the same and some different purposes. Next I hear we live in a genderless world. I think modern society is blurring genders because it is PC, and not because it is biblical. I do not see myself as any better than a woman. I do however think there are some real differences. So my question was more or less sarcastic, I was hoping someone would say "Uh, yeah!"

 

[mpshiel]

DaveKewin,

I did answer your question about Christian Marriages. We are Christian and we are married (please do not try and limit God in how he blesses people). I thought you would appreciate a variety of responses. I was (besides declaiming my frustration that that chapter had been used by partners to curb thier wives rather than help them grow) trying to show you that even in cases where the literal meaning (for instance telling a church that rich and poor shouldn't seperate during the lords supper, etc) cannot be applied, the spiritual principals can still be brought to bear.

I believe the purpose of marriage is a blessing from God that allows both partners to help the other grow and become more like God. But I also believe it is a chance for us to get a glimpse through another person of the love that God feels for us and what a loving world could be like. "Headship" and "submission" are only tools to allow us to demonstrate our love for each other. If we get too obsessed about the roles we play here in this life we are only focusing on the bark of the tree instead of the forest. Remember, to Jesus, the greatest giver was an old woman with about .25 cents. That should give us an indication not to get too obsessed about rank and position.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I will leave my views of that out of this thread. But in all fairness you said partner and not spouse, and this question deals with specifically husband and wife, and how that fits together.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well, I have been hearing different stories from people. First I hear God made men and women, with some of the same and some different purposes.

Then you heard right. Inside marriage would be a key variable here. In marrage the purposes are equal and the same in that realtionship the "role" is nothing more then a lable.

Next I hear we live in a genderless world.

I know who that was aimed to....and you did hear right we also SHOULD live in a colorless and ageless world as well...as none are to be discrimated against or thought better of. Its not literal as you have been taking it...its symbolic as is "the passing of the baton"......that pharse doesnt mean literally that I dont see someone older then me or with different color skin or see a person that has physical attributes i do not...it means I see them no better then me and I no better then them eqaul in purpose and "role". Especially in marriage.

I think modern society is blurring genders because it is PC, and not because it is biblical.

Well I realize you came here to see or get some differnt answers then what you were getting elsewhere....i hope you see that it seems to be split right down the middle......as it should be (there is a symblic overtone there). Blurring genders from what i can gather what you are saying is...not playing their roles that are assigned to them...... which is just as much of a modern day society frame of mind.... as gender blurring is, in and of itself.

I do not see myself as any better than a woman. I do however think there are some real differences. So my question was more or less sarcastic, I was hoping someone would say "Uh, yeah!"

Physically there are some real differences...."Uh yeah!"


Im not starting anything here just found it a little awkward yet settling that what essentailly was my point in our little debate is what is shown here.

Warrior Poet

 

[DaveKerwin]

WP, by blurring, I mean the idea that men and women are essentially the same, which I believe is untrue. We cannot just say "person" and think that it all is the same. Men are different from women. Women have inherent needs that men do not, and vice versa.

My wife to be is strong willed, yet she is pleased to allow me to be her representative. I do not expect that to change once we are actually married. I believe that biblical (please note the word biblical) headship in a marriage allows both partners to fulfill their individual as well as corporate needs.