Flirting

[ladylike]

I flirt by smiling and/or looking away and back again. That's it! Wow, I'm so risque

If I did anymore than that I would feel bad for my future husband (if I were to marry) and hope that he wouldn't be flirting real bad...

 

[Inperfected]

Mmm.... grrr... to the comment above...

Some of the guys who've flirted or watever, aren't actually bad... Just were young, silly, or both ...

 

[rebel_conservative]

If I did anymore than that I would feel bad for my future husband (if I were to marry) and hope that he wouldn't be flirting real bad...

Mmm.... grrr... to the comment above...

Some of the guys who've flirted or watever, aren't actually bad... Just were young, silly, or both ...

what is wrong with what ladylike said? firstly, she was only stating her personal preference. secondly, would you really want to know that your future husband had flirted with hundreds of girls?

 

[AquaFINEa]

I just think it is plain wrong it is hard to express why, maybe because I am not 100% sure why, but I just find it very distasteful. seeing other people do it, it is just not proper behaviour. I think it is rude, incredibly disrespectful, ill-mannered and exceptionally sleazy. I find it to be really quite shallow. the entire culture and principle behind it seems to be that causal sexual encounters are normal, acceptable and good.

but that's just me...

Not all forms of flirting have a sexual connotation to them. There are casual forms of flirting, friendly forms of flirting & sexual forms of flirting (which would borderline on seduction or foreplay). Also, there are different ways in which to flirt; not all are physical in nature, some are verbal -just as not all of them contain double entendres.

Also, what some people refer to as "flirting" could merely be friendly behaviour by another. That is how misunderstandings can occur; it can get a mite confusing if one person is merely being friendly to another (just by talking and smiling with someone), while this other person assumes that by the other person's friendly nature, that he/she is flirting with him/her. This kind of thing can occur with or without actual flirting involved.

Nowhere is there a handbook on such a thing as flirting -just as there is no "rule" stating that all forms of flirting involve sexuality and/or seduction. There is a huge difference between the sexual and the casual/friendly -it is important not to confuse oneself. Propriety is, of course, important in all apsects of one's life.

 

[Writer before God]

I dont know how to flirt.. ~_~ lol i have focused my self on God too much i guess.. ( not edifiing my self are anything .. cus i am not)

 

[AquaFINEa]

...secondly, would you really want to know that your future husband had flirted with hundreds of girls?

If your definition of flirting consists of actions/words of a sexual nature; then, no, absolutely not. If the term flirting merely means friendly engagement without sensuality/raunchiness; then, yes. In fact, I'd much rather my future husband be friendly and outgoing where others are concerned. If he is godly, if he restrains himself and saves such personal remarks/actions (such as more personal/sensual forms of flirting) for me -and only me-, I will be content. There is no reason to say the he should not have laughed nor smiled with another girl, other than myself -that is ridiculous. Besides, I know that there was "life" before I came into the picture; to suggest otherwise would state that I was the center of his life all this time, which cannot be true -as God is his foundation, not me.

{I purpose -as stated above- that "flirting" with sexuality/sensuality involved borderlines on seduction and/or foreplay, anyway; we all know that such things belong only in the confines of marriage, between wife and husband}

 

[rebel_conservative]

aquafine - seems like we disagree on the definition of flirting...

definition of flirting from dictionary.com:

1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger. (not related)
3. To move abruptly or jerkily (not related)

 

[OhhJim]

It sounds to me, rebel_conservative, that you shouldn't flirt with people, since you find it so offensive.

 

[Highland Watchman]

aquafine - seems like we disagree on the definition of flirting...

definition of flirting from dictionary.com:...

1. To move abruptly or jerkily (not related)

LOL... Then I guess I "flirt" more often than I thought...

Seriously, though... I would think that there is certain discernment that is needed in these circumstances, both on the part of the person "flirting" (by the definition that we seem to be drawing of what flirting entails), and also on the person who is being flirted with.

For the person flirting, the question always hinges on how the person might react to your flirting, as it COULD be misinterpreted from your intentions. For those of you who are highly flirtatious by nature, I think you know what I am talking about. Some of my female friends are the naturally flirtatious type, and they have a hard time with the amount of guys they have to deal with who are now pursuing them and competing with each other for their affections. (and yes, I do have guy friends who also have a whole group of girls showing their interest in them because of such flirting...) In a way, it's rather funny being the observant friend who gets to hear a lot of this, as it gives me a chance to live vicariously through the lives of my friends. It's kind of like being the friend who is popular by association.

On the other side of the picture, those of us who are being flirted with need some sort of discernment as to what this person's intentions are. I guess this is why I am friends with these flirtatious girls - because I know that their real interest lies with a certain other guy, and so their flirting is just "playful fun"... On the other hand, there have been a few occasions when I have been hooked into the trap of thinking that there might be something there and it has resulted in my heart being broken on more than one occasion... especially when I would watch said girl also flirting in the same way with other guys (who I very much respect, and even place as better than me in a lot of ways). The moral of the story? Before you let the flirtations go straight to your head, watch the person who is "flirting" with you and see how they act toward others...

 

[rebel_conservative]

It sounds to me, rebel_conservative, that you shouldn't flirt with people, since you find it so offensive.

I don't.

 

[MrDude]

flirting in this church i go to is not tolerable. we are to treat the girls as if they are our sisters... with the utmost purity. and we cannot date anyone outside of the church...hmmm how am i ever suppose to get a girlfriend. i think they are trying to force us to stay single like paul did.

Seriously man, get out of that Church.

 

[JPPT1974]

Just as long as flirting doesn't go into sexual harrassment, it's fine by me.

 

[ladylike]

Yeah? What did I do?

 

[soyness]

i think the point you have is a bit legalistic. aren't we sexual creatures. I don't think there is anything wrong with flirting, it's just the actions, no no.

 

[soyness]

I AGREE WITH MRDUDDA, GET OUT OF THAT CHURECH?

Why am I so adament about saying this?
well, i've been part of that kind of church. it's wrong. girls and guys can interact and be interested. the church you went to, whoever you are, sound very, very legalistic. It took me years to heal, and to relearn guy/girl relationship and learned through hard way that we are free to explore.

 

[soyness]

ok, what about this? isn't flirting a natural part of us since God created us sexual. I mean, we are bound to be attracted to the opposite sex and some of these flirting are natural reaction. For instance, if i see a cute guy or someone i am attracted to, sometimes I can't help myself but to sometimes look at him from time to time....... what about that?

 

[lunalinda]

flirting in this church i go to is not tolerable. we are to treat the girls as if they are our sisters... with the utmost purity. and we cannot date anyone outside of the church...hmmm how am i ever suppose to get a girlfriend. i think they are trying to force us to stay single like paul did.

Question: What would happen if you DON'T abide by those "rules?" What would be the consequences? Just curious.

In my opinion, that seems to be legalism, as someone else has stated already. It's like maintaining (or obtaining) salvation by works alone, suggesting that going against human nature that isn't a sin (like being interested in someone, whether it be from church or not) in a positive and genuine way is essential to being a Christian. That's creating standards (and unnecessary ones at that), and I dunno, that just seems waaaay too...oh I don't even know the right word. Granted, the entire body of Christ should present itself in a certain way, one that doesn't contradict our beliefs, but I alway thought those ways would be expressed by what the Spirit would do in hearts and the fruits of the person. That "holier than thou" vibe just rubs me the wrong way I guess. No one Christian is better than another, and "it's by grace we are saved, not by works, so no one can boast."

Err...I think I went off on a tangent there, sorry!

 

[lunalinda]

Oh, and personally, I don't see anything wrong with flirting with someone I have a slight interest in, or am at least attracted to. Of course, I'd only do so if I'm convinced he's interested as well, cuz otherwise, I wouldn't do it. Flirting with a guy I have no interest in is not really a good idea, in my opinion.

Flirting can indeed lead people the wrong way, but sometimes it's impossible to tell which flirting will do that. Heck, sometimes I wouldn't even know I'm flirting. Unfortunately, even innocent things I do can be seen as flirting, like smiling for instance. Seriously, it's happened once or a twice that a guy I've at least smiled at in a friendly gesture thought I was interested in him and would thereafter hover over me with his presence as if it's what I wanted. So, should I just not smile? Well of course not. But I guess these are the risks that must take place.

 

[handmaiden97]

that stirs up a question how does one flirt wholsomely.....I dont think I flirt....leastway not consiously.....I try to treat my guy friends with respect and as brothers....I have never been accused of being a flirt...but maybe I should practice it more....just kidding sort of

 

[AquaFINEa]

aquafine - seems like we disagree on the definition of flirting...

definition of flirting from dictionary.com:

1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.

I would agree here that the varying degrees to which people flirt would include these two types of behaviours; however, it does use the word "or," which insinuates that one must not confuse all forms of flirting as purely sexual in nature.

1. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger. (not related)

The aforementioned addition to this definition notwithstanding, I'd say that this is a much broader term for flirting, which includes the "casual/friendly" type I'd mentioned before in one of my previous posts. I think it is relevant here, even though you may not see it as such. Indeed, I think we may disagree here. But, that is okay. I can be flexible in my definition of a few words from time to time (just don't let it happen too often!).

To move abruptly or jerkily (not related)

Oh, and I'm sorry, I feel that this definition is appropos, as well. I have "flirted" many-a-time with my own hips, as I danced the whatoozee! Seriously, though..I think it could play into one possibly "jerking around" someone's heart or emotions, if the level of flirting became too much or if -as others have stated- one person is misunderstanding the intentions of another. That can be so hurtful when that happens. However, as I've stated before, hurtful misunderstandings can occur with or without any kind of flirting involved.


Thank you for your post, rebel_conservative.