Flirting while in a relationship/marriage - cheating or not?

[Rose of Eden]

I wouldn't technically call it cheating if it's more "innocent" flirting. However it's still extremely inappropriate, disrespectful, and wrong.

OP, like others have said, I think it's best to stop flirting with other men for now and try to fix the issues in your relationship with your boyfriend. If the problems can't be fixed or he won't work something out with you, then it may be best to end the relationship.

Matthew 5:28 "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

I think this about covers it whether you're married or not and whether it's flirting or sleeping together.

"True" flirting has intentions behind it that are to satisfy the flirters want to show romantic interest or to have romantic interest returned. Either way, it's not for you to do to someone you're not in a relationship with. It's disrespectful and I can't say that I believe you can flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture going on while you do it or AFTERWARDS. I think the time after flirting is the most dangerous because you sit there and think about it so the next time it gets even deeper.

I personally think that this is going a little too far. First of all, it is possible to flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture in your head (also known as LUSTING) during or afterwards; I rarely ever have sexual/sensual images or thoughts in my head during or after flirting. But then again, I tend to flirt more innocently. I suppose if one is flirting in a very sexual manner, then that may be a different story.

The second point I wanted to make was that if all or most flirting is accompanied by lust, and since lust in your heart is a sin equivalent to having sex, then wouldn't it also be a sin to even flirt with someone you're dating (and not married too)? This is rather ridiculous in my opinion.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Thank you for all your answers. May I ask what SO means? I understand you are referring to boyfriend, but what does it stand for?

I think most of you are right in what you say. I know deep in my heart that it is wrong because I do feel guilty about it, but it's also very tempting and easy to justify. I wish my boyfriend would treat me better, because I KNOW that my loyalty to him is affected by how he treats me. I could never flirt with another guy if my boyfriend treated me the way I think I deserve, I couldn't live with that. So maybe this is a way of punishing him too, as well as making myself happy and satisfying certain needs of attention from the opposite sex? Regardless, I know it's wrong and that I should stop. It's just so hard to stop when he keeps giving my reasons not to.

I know, it's a really frustrating situation, when your SO isn't treating you right or paying enough attention to you. But I think that's one of the challenges of being in a relationship, being loyal through thick and thin. I don't know the nature of the problems your having and it's not my business anyway. But relationships will have ups and downs. There will be times when one or the other will feel neglected. Those are the times it's most important to be loyal and love your boyfriend and communicate if the relationship is to work.

I hope you can get the problems you're having sorted out and that the relationship stays healthy

 

[BRISH]

Originally Posted by byHISway

Matthew 5:28 "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

I think this about covers it whether you're married or not and whether it's flirting or sleeping together.

"True" flirting has intentions behind it that are to satisfy the flirters want to show romantic interest or to have romantic interest returned. Either way, it's not for you to do to someone you're not in a relationship with. It's disrespectful and I can't say that I believe you can flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture going on while you do it or AFTERWARDS. I think the time after flirting is the most dangerous because you sit there and think about it so the next time it gets even deeper.
​

I personally think that this is going a little too far. First of all, it is possible to flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture in your head (also known as LUSTING) during or afterwards; I rarely ever have sexual/sensual images or thoughts in my head during or after flirting. But then again, I tend to flirt more innocently. I suppose if one is flirting in a very sexual manner, then that may be a different story.


The second point I wanted to make was that if all or most flirting is accompanied by lust, and since lust in your heart is a sin equivalent to having sex, then wouldn't it also be a sin to even flirt with someone you're dating (and not married too)? This is rather ridiculous in my opinion.

"I personally think that this is going a little too far. First of all, it is possible to flirt without having some sort of sexual/sensual mental picture in your head (also known as LUSTING) during or afterwards; I rarely ever have sexual/sensual images or thoughts in my head during or after flirting."
--------------> I agree and that is why I typed it as "True" flirting. It was mentioned above about the difference between innocent "flirting" and out and out flirting that had some intention behind it. I'm not sure that "True" was the right word, but I did try to make it stand out as something more than an innocent wink.



"The second point I wanted to make was that if all or most flirting is accompanied by lust, and since lust in your heart is a sin equivalent to having sex, then wouldn't it also be a sin to even flirt with someone you're dating (and not married too)? This is rather ridiculous in my opinion"
---------------> Again, I didnt say "all" flirting. Ive explained in the first response above what I was trying to say. Having said that, if flirting brings about lust than that is what the Word says. I'm just copying and pasting.

And you're absolutely right about flirting within a relationship (unmarried). It's a fine line, and it all goes back to what fruit the flirting bears. Is it innocent flirting, or inappropriately causing other emotions/feelings? That's the question on this one.

Good points.

 

[Somber]

I'm curious as to your opinions on this. Is it considered wrong or cheating if you are in a relationship and you flirt with other girls/guys or is this harmless? I have to specify that I am talking about flirtatious smiles/talk/eye contact and (rather) harmless touching such as touching hands/shoulders/back etc. No kissing or sexual touching or sex of course. Or is this kind of flirting harmless? I welcome any opinion you might have.

(blind post)

I have never been in a relationship but I don't think it is right. When I was younger I saw my Dad flirting a few times with girls, and it really hurt me to see it and I felt really sad and confused, I wondered what Mom would think? He ended up leaving my Mom. I don't think it is ever right to flirt with others while married or in a relationship, even being single I don't know if it's right because you don't want to form a habit of it.

 

[Reminisce]

I see a lot of you are encouraging me to talk to my boyfriend or to take a break from him. I have tried talking to him about our problems, but unfortunately it's like talking to a brick wall. Basically no reaction. And I love him too much to leave him. I guess love really is blind, because I see all his flaws, yet I feel like leaving him would shatter me (though I sometimes think I would be happier with someone else). But now I'm venturing into a whole different topic. Thanks for all the answers, guys.

 

[Sketcher]

At best, it's disrespectful to the person you're with, and lying to the other person you're flirting with.

 

[Amber.ly]

*blind post*

Your character is defined by the choices you make, not by the excuses you come up with to justify your actions.

Flirting is an expression of romantic interest. You may not be willing to date the people you flirt with but you sure as heck are leading them on. Its not right for you, them or your boyfriend.

Also, my opinion about flirts is very unpopular but here we go- a flirt is a flirt no matter their relationship status. They will only change when they decide its not right, not for a relationship. So don't be a flirt or date a flirt.

 

[Boondock_Saint]

I see a lot of you are encouraging me to talk to my boyfriend or to take a break from him. I have tried talking to him about our problems, but unfortunately it's like talking to a brick wall. Basically no reaction. And I love him too much to leave him. I guess love really is blind, because I see all his flaws, yet I feel like leaving him would shatter me (though I sometimes think I would be happier with someone else). But now I'm venturing into a whole different topic. Thanks for all the answers, guys.

Granted, you are asking on a Christian website. I think the answers you would get elsewhere would be significantly different and that you are seeing the far side of the spectrum here. But I think that is why you are asking here (could be wrong, usually I am).

1. How would your boyfriend feel if he knew how much you flirt with other men?
2. You say your boyfriend doesn't listen to you; which topics does he ignore and how often?
3. How do you feel when he doesn't listen?
4. Do you think he will ever change?

I don't think that flirting is really the topic here. Your boyfriend should not ignore you. I think your actions are saying something that maybe you don't want to say yourself.

But you seem sensible. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

 

[septemberskies]

I see a lot of you are encouraging me to talk to my boyfriend or to take a break from him. I have tried talking to him about our problems, but unfortunately it's like talking to a brick wall. Basically no reaction. And I love him too much to leave him. I guess love really is blind, because I see all his flaws, yet I feel like leaving him would shatter me (though I sometimes think I would be happier with someone else). But now I'm venturing into a whole different topic. Thanks for all the answers, guys.

I think most of us have been in your position before in some shape or form. Don't settle for anything less than someone truly loving you the same way that you love them. It's not fair that he shuts you out emotionally.

Truthfully, I don't think that you'll leave him today or tomorrow. Like with most people, time teaches you what you should have done when the problem began. When you are ready to walk away, you will.

Just remember this, you can't change him. You'll have to accept him the way that he is. So with this in mind, ask yourself "Can I live with this for the rest of my life?" If the answer is no, "What am I willing to do about this?" If yes, what can I do to better cope with this situation?" Ask yourself these questions when you are feeling blue about your relationship. Say it out loud or journal it when you're having quiet time with yourself. You might be surprised....

This small exercise helped me to release a toxic relationship with my ex that was on and off again for like 3 years.

 

[SOLDIER ❤]

Blind post: For me in my personal life I would feel it's wrong because if It was my boyfriend I would not be happy with it. It feels disrespectful. In truth I don't think flirting is innocent unless you don't know your flirting. That happened to me once. My brother said I was flirting and I honestly wasn't I was just joking and trying to be friendly, but not doing it in a manner that was meant to attract or be sexual in anyway.

 

[Tink]

Blind post: is there lust in the person's heart who is flirting? If so, yes it is cheating.

 

[Reminisce]

OK, I have to ask (again): What does "blind post" mean? This site must have its own terminology that I'm not aware of...

 

[Tink]

It means I read the original post and then responded without reading anyone else's responses.

 

[septemberskies]

OK, I have to ask (again): What does "blind post" mean? This site must have its own terminology that I'm not aware of...

Blind post means you only read the original poster's question and did not read the entire thread. So if someone expressed the same opinion or if the original poster shared more information, the person making the blind post would not be aware of it.

 

[MacFall]

I think flirting is disingenuous altogether, since it is by definition a deliberate attempt to sexually or emotionally entice someone by putting on a show. So it could be cheating - but if it isn't, it's still wrong to go around trying to draw the interest of other people when that interest will never be fulfilled.

But what a lot of people call "flirting" is in reality nothing more than being friendly - if one's character is truly that friendly and outgoing. In that case I don't think it's cheating at all. Nobody should expect someone else to stop being friendly just because they are in a relationship with them. If one has an attractive personality, then he or she will attract others, without trying to entice them.

Although, that really doesn't explain why I get accused of being "flirty" by some people. My personality is certainly not attractive, and I don't act out at all to try to attract people. I dunno.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

No need to flirt when you're with somebody else, but some people think by you just talkin' to them it's flirting so idk... but yes, if you really need to tell somebody you care, tell that person. Life's way better when you are about only one person.

 

[Blank123]

OK, before anyone starts attributing this to men I will say I am talking about myself. And I think the flirting is being done for a few reasons. One is excitement, the other is not being treated fairly sometimes in my relationship, e.g. the person that I'm in a relationship with being unfair with taking bad days out on me etc. That definitely makes it easier to flirt with people of the opposite sex whom I'm attracted to. I'm not saying that it's an excuse, but it makes it easier to justify and I want to know if I'm wrong for doing it or not.

yes. its wrong.

you need to talk to your boyfriend about your issues with your relationship and stop trying to find other men make you feel better about yourself. or you'll fall into a very dangerous pattern.

 

[MissElizabeth]

i believe that obvious flirting (and you know within yourself when you are flirting) is totally wrong and runs alongs the lines of cheating. lets say if i saw my man doing such things with another, i would be very hurt!!!

IMHO, if you are flirting with someone else besides your boy friend, there are big probs. if you are looking to someone else to fulfill a part of you that is empty and/ or being neglected by the person you are with, you need to figure it out.
really, i have seen first hand when a hubby doesn't listen to his wife (vice versa) then there isn't equal respect, which is absolutely need to make a relationship successful and then one or both become very unhappy. remember, marriage is for life..... it can be a happy life or one that is filled with "what if" and "if only". just be a little bit selfish for a second and really think about how YOU feel.

 

[passionforchrist590]

I believe it depends on if the "flirting" is intentional or not.

There are some people that "flirt" without even knowing they do it, they have a certain vibe that they give off as friendly, bubbly, happy or always smiling. My sister has been told numerous times that she is a flirt, because she simply smiles all the time, is nice to practically everyone and has a very upbeat and bubbly personality, since I grew up with her, I am able to differentiate the difference.

If the flirting is intentional and you are well aware that you are with someone, and you go out of your way to open yourself up in a flirtatious manner with the opposite sex, and you have other intentions on your mind besides friendship, then I believe that is when it becomes wrong and is crossing the line.