Fixed up by people you don't know...

[Stravinsk]

In liu of this new information I really see you as having only two options.

1) Not-so-mature. This is no longer a Daughter.. but a "Hot Potato" and right now you have the potato. To return the potato you can tell the mother "My friend thought she was gorgeous... but was too nervous to say anything.. but I'd rather see him happy with her since he feels that way, I just wouldn't feel right, ya know?"

ROFL.

 

[CoachR64]

Paul, trust me, option 1 has crossed my mind. But it is my best friend, and I understand that he was trapped by a wild herd of crazy women and he just did what it took to survive and make it home alive. So I won't do that to him this time.

Right now, I am just going to let it be. Maybe, they got the point when I bolted out of there. I am pretty sure I left fast enough that Ussain Bolt was jealous of my start out of the gate. Or, maybe she doesn't find me attractive either. Either way, hopefully I don't hear anything else about it.

If they didn't get the hint, then I just have to be honest and say I am not interested and deal with whatever comes my way. I just have to make sure I do it in a tactful manner, cause I aint very good at that sometimes, lol.

Coach

 

[Im_A]

Hehe. Pretty unfair, isn't it? I know that certain women won't date me because I smoke (in fact it was listed many times in the "deal breakers" thread) - and I understand perfectly and am fine with it.

Same here. I am trying to quit right now for myself. A week so far, but I don't know how long it will last. I am trying to be optimistic but realistic. My reason for doing it is simply money. I want health insurance. So I am spending the money for cigarettes on health insurance. Yet, I don't know how much longer it will last with the no smoking thing. We'll see, I'm doing ok right now without them.

I agree though. When they had that thread, the majority of women here at CF that was part of their deal breaker. That's perfectly fine...so why is it bad for men to say that weight is an issue? I mean I could go on to prove that smoking was influenced beyond my control and due to my family background of smoking I would have been statistically prone to jump to smoking say than someone else, just as overweight women have overweight people in their family...so it may be in the genes eh?

But why do I need to dance on eggshells if I mention that (her)weight is a problem for me? It's a problem not only because it's unattractive and usually means more health problems down the road - but also because I'd prefer someone with whom I am not tempted to eat alot of un-healthy food with - because eating healthy is very important to me - *especially because I smoke and drink*.

You don't in my opinion. The fact that we do have to walk on eggshells/be apologetic and explain ourselves as males time and time again is a problem.

Example, I shocked my boss at work today. We had a quick debate about the type of body we like on a woman because I'm a hip and thigh guy. Now I think he was joking with me in his response because I didn't say I wanted obese fatness, but I said, I prefer a body, not someone that looks like they grew up in Ethiopia. Me saying that I want a woman to have a body is showing my view of attraction that there isn't one set of type of body that I'm attracted to.

Now should I have to walk on egg shells around girls that have a natural propensity for an extremely small body? Are the overly skinny girls offended because I think they need to learn how to put a fork in their mouth and if they are, why should they be?

 

[IDDQD]

I just have to make sure I do it in a tactful manner...

Tact is sorely overrated. Especially when it pertains to dealing with people who don't get it the first time with tact.

 

[LadyL]

A family member once tried to set me up with one of their co-workers, a new guy who happened to be going through a divorce-meaning he was still married! Didn't know it at the time, but what a mess- not to sound superficial because I've been attracted to a lot of men that others wouldn't find attractive- but this guy was not attractive to me.

And he tried to pretend like he was the best thing ever! I was told he had a lot of women hanging around him. Guess cause when a new man comes in- women seem to flock to them, like they're prime meat or something.

SMH- I have since reminded that family member, whom I love dearly, to try NOT to fix me up ever again, lol

Married men= a no-no for me.

And there is nothing wrong with having standards- I have them and most people tell me they are unrealistic or too high or that I'm looking for perfection. Just because people don't understand what you are attracted to, doesn't mean you shouldn't keep your standards.

 

[IDDQD]

And there is nothing wrong with having standards- I have them and most people tell me they are unrealistic or too high or that I'm looking for perfection. Just because people don't understand what you are attracted to, doesn't mean you shouldn't keep your standards.

I get the same thing as well. It's like someone told me (actually, many someones):

-"I'm looking for Mrs. Right, not Mrs. Right-Now."
-"I'm not waiting for any gal. I'm waiting for the gal."

I get the impression that, just because things are more permissive in this day in age, people think everyone else should also be more permissive in the form of compromise and settling and other discouraging means (like my personal "favorite" which is used by others, and that's saying/stating/quoting/pertaining to anything along the lines of God having some kind of hands-on/predestinational plan for one person; that's another debate entirely for another thread). That's when I ask them this: If everyone was jumping off a bridge and onto spiky rocks and claiming it was the most mind-blowing experience ever, would you do it?

I also like to tell people that we all have standards/limits/deal breakers and that one is no better or worse than the other. What works for one person isn't going to necessarily work for someone else. Whether or not they "get it" is another story entirely. \:

Nonetheless, it's nobody's place to tell someone if their standards/limits/deal breakers in relationships are "unrealistic", "too high", etc. because 1) it's not our place to judge (we don't have the facts or influences behind their reasoning, that and we're not God), and 2) the same could be said about their own standards/limits/deal breakers.

 

[GQ Chris]

I would give the reason that's just very convenient... "not really interested in a relationship right now". and leave it at that.

 

[GQ Chris]

For me, I can't date someone I am not into. Part of the fun with being with someone you really want to be with is getting ready to go see them; I like to put up my "A game", lol. and go through the whole routine, making sure my shirt's just right, my scent, I like to romance her very smooth and don juan style, lol.

I think there is nothing wrong with being honest, because it would hurt people more if they somehow even get the hint of feeling led on.

 

[ido]

Well, here's the thing. You're only feeling awkward about it b/c you're not attracted to the co-worker's daughter. If you were, you'd probably be just fine with being set up with this girl, yes? So, I think it's less about the fact that it's a co-worker and more about just not wanting to be set up with this particular girl.

I would tell her mom flat out that you're sure her daughter is a lovely girl, as you really like her (the mom). But, that her daughter isn't your type. If she takes offense to that, then that's her issue - not yours, IMO. She's the one that decided to push her daughter on you and corner you to make introductions. Now, she can deal with being turned down on her daughter's behalf.

JMHO

 

[latteda]

Any update?

I know this is frustrating. It used to happen to me pretty often. I just firmly told my coworkers that I wasn't comfortable with it, without going into detail. Sometimes they respected that and sometimes they pushed it.

One time a coworker tried to tell me I should get together with the lead singer of a gospel group that was traveling through and singing at the church where I was working at the time. I just laughed. I don't even like gospel music, he was waaaay older than me, and probably the only thing we had in common is that we were single. Another time my boss told me, "Well, if you like bald drummers, my brother-in-law needs a godly wife." LOL People are funny.

 

[timbo81]

that's why you work with guys.

they aren't really going to care about your private life.

 

[CoachR64]

No update. I haven't mentioned it and neither have they. So, they either got the point when I bolted out of there or they are still plotting and haven't found a good time to spring their trap.

I am just going to keep playing dumb until they say anything to me.

Coach

 

[GQ Chris]

"plotting" lol, they want to set up the next meeting it sounds like

 

[LadyL]

Any update?

I know this is frustrating. It used to happen to me pretty often. I just firmly told my coworkers that I wasn't comfortable with it, without going into detail. Sometimes they respected that and sometimes they pushed it.

One time a coworker tried to tell me I should get together with the lead singer of a gospel group that was traveling through and singing at the church where I was working at the time. I just laughed. I don't even like gospel music, he was waaaay older than me, and probably the only thing we had in common is that we were single. Another time my boss told me, "Well, if you like bald drummers, my brother-in-law needs a godly wife." LOL People are funny.

I have another one for you- this one was a blind set-up. So my friend from work told me about this guy- he's an ex pro football player, he was like 13-14 yrs older than me. So I get there, expecting something totally different. I felt like his daughter the whole time, he was a nice guy, but more appropriate for someone my mother's age IMO.

IDDQD- I am one of those people that does believe that there is just ONE guy out there for me. If I don't feel any chemistry with someone, I do not think it's fair to lead them on and force something that isn't there.

I just say that I am not interested in dating right now, and that is mostly the truth.

 

[Im_A]

No update. I haven't mentioned it and neither have they. So, they either got the point when I bolted out of there or they are still plotting and haven't found a good time to spring their trap.

I am just going to keep playing dumb until they say anything to me.

Coach

Good plan man.

No update for me either...which I am glad. This may sound bad but I have a lot of respect for this girl that is trying to set me up with her friend, and I get along really well with her but when that co-worker that is supposedly 'setting me up' with her friend that has two kids I have two thoughts:
1. Did the kids from the same marriage?
2. Do they have different dad's?

Number 1 I'm cool with. Number 2, I'm more likely to be critical about because that only shows me one thing. I'm told she's a sweetie and I don't know what she looks like. I'll take her out for a drink and some food if it does get setup. I keep tabs on it and know she's having some family issues that she's taking care of and all that stuff so we'll see.

 

[Im_A]

"plotting" lol, they want to set up the next meeting it sounds like

That's why I ask the girl that is 'setting' me up supposedly about updates. I may be giving in to the maddening desire to ask the 24 year old Hot Topic counter girl for a drink VERY soon...all depending on how my next run into her goes. First come first serve is my original theory but heck what do I know? Maybe its time to start breaking rules

 

[GQ Chris]

That's why I ask the girl that is 'setting' me up supposedly about updates. I may be giving in to the maddening desire to ask the 24 year old Hot Topic counter girl for a drink VERY soon...all depending on how my next run into her goes. First come first serve is my original theory but heck what do I know? Maybe its time to start breaking rules

"24 year old Hot Topic counter girl" ... hmmm sounds like a lot of potential there, you only live once.

 

[GarmentsOfPraise]

"Anyone want to pretend to be my new girlfriend for a few weeks so I can get out of this one?

It's either that, or "I'm a non practicing homosexual."

I could always go with the truth, which is that I simply am not interested, but I don't want to be slapped.

Coach"

Thanks man, I needed that. Your situation sounds fairly sticky, sorry to hear about all the trouble you've been having; hopefully you find somebody on your own

Grace and peace be upon you.

 

[GQ Chris]

I think that given the facts in this situation, the best route would be one that is an easy letdown, non-offensive, and leaves everyone with an answer, albeit one that they probably wouldn't like.. and that answer is to say something to the effect of "a very busy Coach who needs to concentrate on his athletes, further compounded by the fact that he is not really looking to get into a relationship at the moment".

That way you can avoid any possible confrontation if that's your goal, and it also frees you up to pursue other women.


What that buddy did by throwing you under the bus was just totally wrong; if my bud did that to me he would be buying all the rounds for years to come to atone for his sins (violating guy code). Oh manlol you never ever fix up your buds with women you wouldn't date yourself.

 

[GQ Chris]

...on a side note though what if this chic loses weight and you see her again in about 4 years and she's just totally smokin hot..