first dates

[dayhiker]

Its all out there to be found these days

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Blackribbon, I think what you did in researching the guy is perfectly reasonable. It is not like you were finding out where he lived so you could peep in his window, poison his dog, or do some such crazy thing. Interesting question - are we less safe or more safe or is it a draw since so much private info is available?

 

[exitstageright]

I guess I've really been lucky because I've never gone on a date with someone that I found totally uncompatable. This last time I was really taking my chances cause all I knew about him was his name...first name at that. However, I was able to get him to tell me his last name when we were setting up the meeting. From their I was able to use my super sleuth computer skills...and even figured out where he worked, where he lived, what church he went, and his educationally background before we went out the next day. The story about him matched what I had found...so I was able to feel reasonably safe that he was relatively "real" kind of guy.

(I missed my calling in life...I should have been a stalker...I have found I am pretty good at find out a lot from very little information. LOL)

One has to be careful with info on the internet,as some info can be bogus.
One time I "googled" my name. One was a pastor in North Carolina.One was a College football player. One search website had my correct name,the correct city that I live in,and my correct age. However,it listed me as being...........married!
Could this be the reason why I am not getting those second dates? Is it because of this misinformation?

 

[blackribbon]

Exit...it could be that people are reading that...so maybe it is worth trying to change or at least be upfront with your date because most women I know google their dates.

I realize that there is a lot of mis-information out there. Before I gave him my last name, I googled myself to see what would pop up. Mostly it is just a number of forums that I've posted on using my name...and I'm okay with anyone knowing that about me. I have a unique name so it isn't like someone is having dig through a million Jane Does to figure out who I am. There is more incorrect information though ... but in some ways it makes me feel safe because it would take someone on a wild goose chase. I don't think they even have me living in the correct state. LOL. And my husband is alive ( I wish ). (Obviously, he didn't google me beforehand or it probably would have been a much shorter date...)

I am a good researcher. I know that everything online isn't true...so I check the "facts" and really almost used it as a guide to compare what he said about himself. He made it easy because he has a pretty extensive profile on linked-in...complete with a picture....and I was also able to find where he was part of a team that presented at a professional conference that verified that his professional record was reasonably true. His church posts their weekly bulletin ... google showed he was a new member 6 years ago...the church being less than a mile from both of us...well, it was a fairly good guestimate. (and it was correct).

I did look to see if there was any evidence that he was married. He was linked with a number of names that probably have nothing to do with him (so false info)...his family is all out of state. His address also looked like it was an apartment or a rental because so many people were "attached" to it...but it is a private home that he has owned for over 13 years...and no one has lived there except his son and him....so yes, there is a bunch of info that isn't correct.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I googled my name once and there is a risque model OK forget risque she's more of a nude model with the same name. She is quite younger than me and more beautiful but we are both blonde. She is from Royton, England. Talk about being shocked! I certainly wasn't prepared when clicking on her site!

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I guess if you ever give up on finding a decent man you could always fake an English accent and say, "That's me when I was younger..." LOL!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I guess if you ever give up on finding a decent man you could always fake an English accent and say, "That's me when I was younger..." LOL!

Haha! "Ello! knock me up later!"

 

[blackribbon]

The hard thing about dating now is trying not to fast forward everything to places it just isn't yet. Remember the days when a "long term" relationship was 3 weeks long...now, it is difficult to remember that it is ONLY three weeks along and we shouldn't expect things out of it before their time.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yet it is equally as hard to not think ahead. Oh to be young and carefree again!

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

The hard thing about dating now is trying not to fast forward everything to places it just isn't yet. Remember the days when a "long term" relationship was 3 weeks long...now, it is difficult to remember that it is ONLY three weeks along and we shouldn't expect things out of it before their time.

Not every guy wants or expects things things to be fast forwarded. And I rather suspect that the guys who say "fast forward, fast forward" are the same ones who say, "stop, I'm afraid of commitment, I need my 'freedom'" or am I wrong?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

No the ones that say "fast forward fast forward" are con men and serial killers lol

 

[blackribbon]

I suspect a number want to fast forward to sex but crawl toward commitment. LOL. But considering some of the 'crazy female' stories I have heard, I don't know that I blame them.

My experience has only been with 2 widowers up until new guy (who has been divorced 14 years)...and one widower was more friend than date. The widowers didn't know what they wanted...but that is okay, cause this widow didn't know either....so I can't say any of us were a good comparison. What we really wanted what we had...but that wasn't possible.

 

[sampa]

At what point in a first date do you decide whether or not you are interested in a second date?

And what kind of things make you decide this (either way)?

2nd date is pretty much guaranteed for me unless they would do something outrageously scary. The first date doesn't always tell you how the person is because they could be nervous. A third date I've not made it to, it usually turns into me trying to be friends and usually fades out from there.

 

[dryvrgrl]

DAte breakers..

If they say I'm "too" radical
If they slam my beliefs or my fave Preachers
If he says "you have shoulders like a Dude" (yup it happened)
Or if he seems to be perfect, Handsome, charming, successful, nice car, and I pray anD get a resounding "no" from the Big Man.. Then say "but God, he drives a Beemer" and still get a NO.. Then its a No!

 

[blackribbon]

DAte breakers..

If they say I'm "too" radical
If they slam my beliefs or my fave Preachers
If he says "you have shoulders like a Dude" (yup it happened)
Or if he seems to be perfect, Handsome, charming, successful, nice car, and I pray anD get a resounding "no" from the Big Man.. Then say "but God, he drives a Beemer" and still get a NO.. Then its a No!

Also a good "measuring stick"...

I don't know that I've ever heard a resounding "no" from God on anyone....though I have been "aware" of hardships I'd face if choosing to continue with some people.

 

[dryvrgrl]

Lol its my peronal relationship with Him.. The fellow I'm not to date has become one of my best friends. God knows what He's doing.. So I let HIM be God

 

[renewed21]

"You have shoulders like a dude"

LOL ... sorry dryvrgrl, but that is hilarious. My sister has a big frame and it gets to her sometimes Anywho, I would takeit as a compliment

 

[dryvrgrl]

Lol I've been a competitve bodybuilder for 6 years lol anyone asks me out they KNOW they are getting some beef

 

[blackribbon]

I wish there was more a definite "no" or "yes" when it comes to dating. I guess I am choosing men who are acceptable, I am just choosing the direction my life will go.

When I married my husband, I did it knowing that it was either the worst decision or the best decision of my life. I loved him completely...but also was very aware of his weaknesses that could make our life hard (and a few did until he decided to change on his own). I felt permission to marry him though.

As an older woman, I now throw in how I think certain things about my personality might effect the guy if we married.

(Exit...can you see how thoughts like this might end a progress toward a relationship really early?...there is no reason to continue if you see a big problem right off the bat...it often has nothing to do with how "nice" a guy is...or his financial trappings...it is often a personality quirk on either side that just "won't work".)

 

[exitstageright]

I wish there was more a definite "no" or "yes" when it comes to dating. I guess I am choosing men who are acceptable, I am just choosing the direction my life will go.

When I married my husband, I did it knowing that it was either the worst decision or the best decision of my life. I loved him completely...but also was very aware of his weaknesses that could make our life hard (and a few did until he decided to change on his own). I felt permission to marry him though.

As an older woman, I now throw in how I think certain things about my personality might effect the guy if we married.

(Exit...can you see how thoughts like this might end a progress toward a relationship really early?...there is no reason to continue if you see a big problem right off the bat...it often has nothing to do with how "nice" a guy is...or his financial trappings...it is often a personality quirk on either side that just "won't work".)

Your point is well taken. Just as Fozie said on "Happy Days". He said,Catsup tastes good on bread,so does peanut butter.But catsup and peanut butter does not taste good......together."
My theory about all of these personality quirks is,that if everybody had someone,we would be heavily overpopulated. Maybe just maybe we have these quirks is nature's attempt at population control. Therefore,not everybody was meant to have a mate and to have children. That part of the verse that says"be fruitfill and multiply" does not apply to me. I have no kids,yet women have told me that I would make a great father.