I am in a really weird spot right now and I need some kind of guidance. So, my life story in a nutshell:
I grew up in a pseudo christian household, meaning that we always had some version of an understanding of God & Jesus and if we wanted to go to church it made our parents very happy, but we weren't required to do so. When I was 15, I joined the United Pentecostal Church and was in that until about 1.5 years ago. At that point I started really studying the holiness standards (no haircuts, no make up, no jewelry, only skirts on women, ect.) and determined that they weren't actually backed up by scripture. (This is not meant to debate w/ members of the UPC) Anyway, I left the UPC and started going to a non-denominational church, which I really enjoyed. However, after being asked about messianic prophecy and studying it, I determined that Jesus did not fit the messianic prophecy in the way that a Jew of his time would have understood them. I decided that God would not have told the Jews what to look for and then sent them something else, so Jesus must not have been the messiah. (Once again, this is not meant to be a debate. I'm just trying to explain where I"m coming from so that you guys can talk to me from an educated standpoint) After that, I started to look into converting to Judaism, but further study determined that if the stories in the Bible are 100% true, the God of the Bible is sort of a jerk, and not at all a God that I would think of as kind or good. Ultimately I left altogether, went through a stage of 'trying on' other religions and then became an atheist. I have been very comfortable in my atheism.
All that being said... I miss God. I just miss him. Logically, I would tend to think he doesn't exist, but my heart misses him. What I don't miss, are people telling me that if I don't look like them I am going to hell. I don't believe that the Bible is 100% infallible, but is rather a compilation of stories that are meant to guide you in the right direction. Meaning that the it's the meaning that counts as opposed to a word for word interpretion. I think that literalists are very dangerous. I don't believe that anything is wrong with homosexuality or premarital sex. I believe that the problem lies with whoring around and disrespecting yourself and/or other people. I do not believe that Mary remained a virgin after the birth of Jesus, or that Jesus remained unmarried. The latter is mostly because in his day a Jewish man who was unmarried would not be respected or even viewed as a full man, which is why all Rabbi's of that time were married.
I am very drawn to Catholocism. The main reasons are that I find the concept of saints very comforting. I am very attracted (in a spiritual sense) to the history and tradition of Catholocism. I also appreciate that Mary is seen as divine.... to me, that leaves a lot of room to teach a very powerful respect for women to my son something that I don't believe is as available in the denominations that teach all about Eve and little about Mary. The Rosary reads to me as a great form of meditation, something that I find very helpful in my daily life... more helpful than I ever found quite prayer. (I know that sounds weird, but that's how it is
) I believe that I can talk to God directly, but also like the concept of confession because of the extra guidance that it allows you.
Based on all of that, I've determined that I would like to join the Catholic church, if I go back, but I am also very, very liberal and am unsure if they would have me. I spent a long time in a church were I had to think and look and act like everyone else in order to feel comfortable and I will not join another one. I think that God made us all different because he appreciates our differences, even when those views mean that we see him differantly.
Anyway, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I was thinking of joining a Universalist Unitarian church, but there isn't one around. My next choice is Catholocism, but my understanding is that they are very conservative and strict, which I don't like... I just don't know what to do... Any one??
I grew up in a pseudo christian household, meaning that we always had some version of an understanding of God & Jesus and if we wanted to go to church it made our parents very happy, but we weren't required to do so. When I was 15, I joined the United Pentecostal Church and was in that until about 1.5 years ago. At that point I started really studying the holiness standards (no haircuts, no make up, no jewelry, only skirts on women, ect.) and determined that they weren't actually backed up by scripture. (This is not meant to debate w/ members of the UPC) Anyway, I left the UPC and started going to a non-denominational church, which I really enjoyed. However, after being asked about messianic prophecy and studying it, I determined that Jesus did not fit the messianic prophecy in the way that a Jew of his time would have understood them. I decided that God would not have told the Jews what to look for and then sent them something else, so Jesus must not have been the messiah. (Once again, this is not meant to be a debate. I'm just trying to explain where I"m coming from so that you guys can talk to me from an educated standpoint) After that, I started to look into converting to Judaism, but further study determined that if the stories in the Bible are 100% true, the God of the Bible is sort of a jerk, and not at all a God that I would think of as kind or good. Ultimately I left altogether, went through a stage of 'trying on' other religions and then became an atheist. I have been very comfortable in my atheism.
All that being said... I miss God. I just miss him. Logically, I would tend to think he doesn't exist, but my heart misses him. What I don't miss, are people telling me that if I don't look like them I am going to hell. I don't believe that the Bible is 100% infallible, but is rather a compilation of stories that are meant to guide you in the right direction. Meaning that the it's the meaning that counts as opposed to a word for word interpretion. I think that literalists are very dangerous. I don't believe that anything is wrong with homosexuality or premarital sex. I believe that the problem lies with whoring around and disrespecting yourself and/or other people. I do not believe that Mary remained a virgin after the birth of Jesus, or that Jesus remained unmarried. The latter is mostly because in his day a Jewish man who was unmarried would not be respected or even viewed as a full man, which is why all Rabbi's of that time were married.
I am very drawn to Catholocism. The main reasons are that I find the concept of saints very comforting. I am very attracted (in a spiritual sense) to the history and tradition of Catholocism. I also appreciate that Mary is seen as divine.... to me, that leaves a lot of room to teach a very powerful respect for women to my son something that I don't believe is as available in the denominations that teach all about Eve and little about Mary. The Rosary reads to me as a great form of meditation, something that I find very helpful in my daily life... more helpful than I ever found quite prayer. (I know that sounds weird, but that's how it is
Based on all of that, I've determined that I would like to join the Catholic church, if I go back, but I am also very, very liberal and am unsure if they would have me. I spent a long time in a church were I had to think and look and act like everyone else in order to feel comfortable and I will not join another one. I think that God made us all different because he appreciates our differences, even when those views mean that we see him differantly.
Anyway, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I was thinking of joining a Universalist Unitarian church, but there isn't one around. My next choice is Catholocism, but my understanding is that they are very conservative and strict, which I don't like... I just don't know what to do... Any one??