Fill-In-The-Blank Game!

[Lost4words]

I realised that Sam must be still in her dream so I slapped her across the face as hard as I could with my open paw!

She awoke, startled. She was crying. It all seemed so real she said.

 

[Sam91]

'What an awful dream! But there was no need to hit me @Lost4words. Can I have a mirror?'

@Lost4words handed her a mirror. Phew all was well. The lip incident was a dream too.

'Um what did you do with my micro-guilotines?'

 

[Lost4words]

I used them to cut up the sausages I cooked! Yummy!

 

[Lost4words]

@Lost4words started to tie a long plank to the ship's deck with half of it hanging over the swirling seas below. He was going to walk the plank. He knew he was not loved. He was going to jump.....

 

[Lost4words]

@Lost4words walks to the end of the plank in the rain and wind. He looks back towards safety with tears rolling down his furry face.

Turning to look at the dark, deep menacing waters he jumps.....never to be seen again.

 

[Sam91]

Samantha sighed a sigh of relief over her guilotines

@ebony flapped around saying 'man overboard, man overboard'

 

[DavidFirth]

The captain dove in and rescued @Lost4words.

'Ya gonna let some bad dream drain you? Well, I'll fill you up with some good rum! You'll be feelin' better in no time!' bellowed the not-so-fat captain.

'Give this dog a bone!' he hollered.

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'No, no, no!' exclaimed the good Doctor Sphinx vexatedly. 'You can't just write off the parts of our story that you don't like with the phrase "And it was all a dream." Didn't your English teacher instruct you on this already?' he scolded @Lost4words. 'There shall be no bone for you!'

'Why not?' asked @Sam91. 'You did it with the kissing of the squirrel.'

'I did not!' exclaimed Doctor Sphinx indignantly. 'I admitted to the kissing of the giant squirrel with pretty eyes... because I was asleep, and I thought it was a dream'.

'Well, that's kind of the same thing, isn't it?' asked Lost4words. 'You mentioned "dream", and your problems just went away'.

'They didn't just go away,' retorted the doctor irritably. 'I nearly contracted rabies from that squirrel. You don't nearly contract rabies from "it was all a dream"'.

'And my lips are just perfect,' interrupted Sam91, with another one of her smiles. 'See?' she asked, looking at herself again in the mirror. 'It must have been a dream'.

'She is right,' commented @CtC appreciatively. 'She does have a wonderful smile.'

The doctor growled something incoherent, and then produced an elaborate looking tool from his pocket. If mechanical contraptions could reproduce, this particular one might have been mistaken for the offspring of a guillotine and a muzzle, with some other odd extras even the doctor couldn't explain. The initials EPLCV1.8 were inscribed on the front face of the device. 'If "it was all a dream", then what is this?' he asked triumphantly.

Sam91 squinted at the tool for a few moments, before a look of recognition crossed her face. 'Wow! I dreamed about that very tool. Is it a cure-all for warts and skin-tags?' she asked, excited at the prospect that perhaps her dreams were finally becoming reality. 'I think in my dream, I made a lot of money out of an earlier version of this very tool...', she began, 'but it might have also have served another purpose...', she hesitated, 'and probably the less said about that, the better,' she hastily concluded, as she remembered.

The doctor, seeing the brief period of time he could enjoy the admiration of Sam91 for the curing of her lips fast drawing to a close, tried the pursuit of a different avenue.

'Uhhh... This dream, Sam91...' he began. 'Did I perhaps feature in it?' he asked, feigning ignorance and innocence simultaneously.

'Oh yes. You were certainly there,' the other commented.

'And was I... was I... particularly handsome in this dream?', he asked, as casually as he could whilst trying not to appear conceited, 'even if somewhat ruggedly so?', he quickly added, when he saw she was struggling to answer honestly, whilst still being kind.

'Well, yes and no doctor', Sam91 replied, and although the doctor's shoulders did slump somewhat at her use of the word 'no', the CF crew could see he was still interested to find out what the 'yes' part meant.

@DavidFirth started to ready himself for another return of the Grandly-Inflated-Ego.

'You see Doctor, in the dream, you had some sort of terrible mouth disease which caused a speech impediment. I thought perhaps this might just have been wrinkles from old age...'

The doctor frowned at this, and Sam went on to explain 'Well, 6000 plus years on Earth is a long time for anyone, even a Sphinx, or -' she went on further 'I thought perhaps you had been drinking a particularly strong acid', as she glanced at the Doctor.

The Doctor quickly but surreptitiously repositioned his hand to cover his mouth. 'Ah. Quite.' he answered disappointedly. 'Well, ah, yes, but looks aren't everything. I'm sure I did something particularly noble and brave in the dream, which more than makes up for... well... causing crew mates to avert their eyes to maintain their visual faculties when I speak with them?' he suggested hopefully.

'Oh, if only it were so, Doctor,' Sam answered truthfully. 'But this time, you seemed quite the villain. I think you wanted to perform some barbaric act, and your behaviour was like that of a madman. I think I might have even fainted'.

'Ah, well' explained the Doctor wisely. 'Sometimes dreams are the exact opposite of real life. For example, the villain in the dream is actually the hero in real life.'

'And sometimes, dreams are spot on,' commented the Captain, noticing that the Doctor had, that very moment, started wearing a bandanna pulled up to his nose .

The doctor, finally accepting that the brief period of time he could enjoy the admiration of Sam91 had now concluded, decided to redirect his efforts toward obtaining justice for his new nemesis, Lost4words.

'So, Captain Firth. The latest crime of this here, scoundrel, Lost4words,' he syllabolised the name of his nemesis, 'is violence toward a lady, and not just any lady, mind you, but a friend and crew member...' the Doctor began.

'I'm well able to take care of myself, thank you Doctor, and I forgive Lost4words for his aforementioned assault,' explained Sam91 firmly. 'If that wasn't also part of the dream' she added, as a disclaimer.

'I'm sorry Doctor, I'll need something concrete if we are to duly punish this miscreant for his wicked deeds,' explained Captain DavidFirth.

'Then let us compel him to wear Sam91's yarmulke of truth, and admit to his atrocities!' demanded the Doctor, quite ignoring the wishes of the yarmulke-owner and fellow crew member.

'Doctor, even if you have not the care to respect my wishes, this yarmulke would not fit atop Lost4words unsuitably sized head' Sam91 explained, to the ever-erring Sphinx.

The doctor nodded his head in agreement. Sam91 was right - once again. Lost4words' head was more a shape one expected to observe whilst digging in the garden for potatoes in order to prepare for a long Winter, than a shape one expected to view aboard a CF Houseboat.

'Let me see those charges', DavidFirth asked, as he snatched the long list of charges from the Doctor's hand.

'Aha!' explained the clever Captain. 'This looks to me like a case of mistaken identity...'

The Doctor inwardly groaned, but outwardly feigned surprise. 'Oh?' he asked, surprisedly.

'Yes, Doctor,' explained the Captain. 'These charges are against a pirate by the name of "Last Forwards", and our dear new crew member here, obviously, is named "Lost4words". You have misread the "A"s in the document as "O"s.'

'Oh, have I?' asked the Doctor, disappointed.

'Not to mention mistaken the word "For" for the number "4", and skipped over a space', added the Captain.

'Well, that's a relief,' said Doctor Sphinx, not looking very relieved at all. Try as he might, he couldn't think of a further reason to incriminate Lost4words, at least, not at such short notice.

Lost4words breathed a sigh of relief, as Sam91 looked suspiciously at the Doctor. 'If Lost4words is not the pilferer', she asked, 'then who has taken my yarmulkes and various sharp implements from my handbag?'

 

[DavidFirth]

'Hey, you got a yarmulke of great-tasting-ribs in there?' asked the captain?

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

'Hey, you got a yarmulke of great-tasting-ribs in there?' asked the captain?

Sam91, although desperately short of yarmulkes since the pilferer had ransacked her handbag, generously handed to Captain DavidFirth her yarmulke of cooking-delicious-fall-off-the-bone-oven-baked-ribs-for-the-intrepid-explorer.

On seeing this display of Christian kindness, Doctor Sphinx wiped away a single, solitary, imaginary tear from his left cheek.

 

[Sam91]

'You see, Sphinxy, your lecture, even if you did say it in my dream was quite effective. You are welcome to also use what I hereto treasured on Earth.

But what are going to do about your nose?'

 

[Sam91]

The Sphinx remembering the rhino horn, the almost slaying of the unicorn, the healing of the unicorn which had healed the previous nasal deformity, shuddered.

'Well I'm considering a transplant of sorts.' he said truthfully while admiring the mildly handsome @CtC.

'And how would we replace his nose?' Whispered the becoming-rather-vain-but-not-yet-obnoxiously-so Samantha.

'A 3D printed prosthetic, he is a tech guy, he will enjoy the design work and the challenge.' Conspired the covetous Sphinx.

@LaSorcia interrupted, dashing the plots of the sometimes-morally-and-ethically-dubious-duo. 'There will be no misappropriation of facial features on my ship'.

@DavidFirth was about to affirm his authority but @Lost4words tried to leap in to her arms, forgetting his size, and instead knocked her over sitting on her instead.

The crew roared in laughter, heartened to see her safe return.

Sam91 whispered 'Don't worry @Doctor.Sphinx we'll solve this nose problem soon.'

The patient-doctor added 'I already did. The ingenious @CtC is designing a 3D printed prosthetic. If this is what happens when I am concise, one can hardly complain when I am not.' Taking care to speak in plain english to aid his dull witted comrade.

'Land Ahoy' cried the faithful @*LILAC ....

 

[Sam91]

A mysterious voice sang....

"Who killed [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] Robin?
I, said the Sparrow,
with my bow and arrow,
I killed [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] Robin.
Who saw him die?
I, said the Fly,
with my little eye,
I saw him die.
Who caught his blood?
I, said the Fish,
with my little dish,
I caught his blood.
Who'll make the shroud?
I, said the Beetle,
with my thread and needle,
I'll make the shroud.
Who'll dig his grave?
I, said the Owl,
with my little trowel,
I'll dig his grave.
Who'll be the parson?
I, said the Rook,
with my little book,
I'll be the parson.
Who'll be the clerk?
I, said the Lark,
if it's not in the dark,
I'll be the clerk.
Who'll carry the link?
I, said the Linnet,
I'll fetch it in a minute,
I'll carry the link.
Who'll be chief mourner?
I, said the Dove,
I mourn for my love,
I'll be chief mourner.
Who'll carry the coffin?
I, said the Kite,
if it's not through the night,
I'll carry the coffin.
Who'll bear the pall?
We, said the Wren,
both the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and the hen,
We'll bear the pall.
Who'll sing a psalm?
I, said the Thrush,
as she sat on a bush,
I'll sing a psalm.
Who'll toll the bell?
I, said the Bull,
because I can pull,
I'll toll the bell.
All the birds of the air
fell a-sighing and a-sobbing,
when they heard the bell toll
for poor [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] Robin."

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

Most of the crew paid no heed to the voice. Doctor Sphinx gave it a cursory glance, but expected it was just another random albatross, trying to allure starving sailors with its entrancing voice. However, land was still some way away.

Doctor Sphinx had donned a cheap disguise kit, to hide his previously forgotten about missing nose in the interim, while CtC printed a prosthetic one for him. He'd also donned Sam's yarmulke of dexterity-for-the-sinistra, which he didn't really need, but wore in order to look fashionable, given @Sam91 was running desperately shy of the latest in yarmulke attire since the pillaging of her hand-bag.

Captain @DavidFirth was worrying that the good doctor looked a little too much like a bandit, what with his fake nose, fake spectacles, bandanna and peculiar hat, and that this might cause problems for the crew when they arrived in Scotland.

@LaSorcia was physically present, although her mind was still in the Caribbean, where she continued to swash-buckle with Pirates, drink barrelfulls of rum and sing "yo-ho-ho" to her heart's content, when the houseboat arrived on the fair shores of Scotland...

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 Hearing that rendition of her second favourite nursery rhyme from her childhood days. Samantha shared the one which had fascinated her the most, being of historic importance to the forging of the UK.

"The lion and the unicorn
Were fighting for the crown
The lion beat the unicorn
All around the town.
Some gave them white bread,
And some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum cake
and drummed them out of town"


Aha she smiled to herself... ''I'll not be an illegal immigrant here. How to distance myself from this lot. I wouldn't want to be in danger of harbouring illegal immigrants. Maybe I shall go off and see my real-life friends" She glanced guiltily, remembering the previous offence that she had caused @Dirk1540. She also felt minutely guilty when looking at @joyshirley remembering her hospitality down under.

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

The good doctor, being somewhat of an ignoramus when it came to both nursery rhymes and history, requested that the skillful taxidermist elaborate on what in particular fascinated her most about her favourite nursery rhyme, given that this time, he was sorry to say, was the first time ever he had heard it.

 

[Sam91]

@Sam91 looked at the Sphinx and donned her beautifully-restored-yarmulke-of protection-against-mental-eavesdroppers so that she could plan her escape.

"Here sphinxy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_and_the_Unicorn"

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

@Sam91 looked at the Sphinx and donned her beautifully-restored-yarmulke-of protection-against-mental-eavesdroppers so that she could plan her escape.

"Here sphinxy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_and_the_Unicorn"

But it was too late - at least for the moment. The Sphinx had already managed to appropriate a spare yarmulke of protection-against-mental-eavesdroppers for himself, and made good his own escape.

'Although the Scottish may not take kindly to these other, more common illegal immigrants', he thought to himself 'I am a visitor cut from quite a different cloth. Now, if only I could master that difficult accent.'

Sam91 thought she saw the shadow of the Grandly-Inflated-Ego, walking side by side with the Sphinx, its arm over his shoulder, as he called out a distant 'thank you' for the link she had provided...

 

[Sam91]

"Oh really?" she considered; wondering if this page waving was a challenge to fight all about the town with the sphinx and chased in pursuit.

Pondering, while running, whether to set on him a lion from the Edinburgh Zoo. Now that she had given up her idolisation of her museum it mattered not how much mauling he endured.

The crowds clapped at the sight of the sphinx. To her chagrin, Samantha was dubbed in the newspapers an over-zealous and deranged fan. Disappointed when it emerged that most Scots had loved the antiquated Sphinx since childhood.

He accepted an invite from the notorious Scottish Prime minister, Nicola Sturgeon, to drink whiskey with her in Holyrood Palace.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holyrood_Palace

 

[Sam91]

She eyed the now-monstrous-and-much-reviled-ego-of-epic-proportions through the television screen from her hospital bed in the psychiatric unit of the Edinburgh royal infirmary....