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joyshirley

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London was indeed a sorry sight when David and the crew arrived there late the following afternoon. St Paul's rose dominantly against the skyline, standing tall as a symbol of hope for the Londoners and indeed, all Britain during that dark time of devastation.

The Professor had spent time the previous evening providing CTC with two maps. One showed directions to his old home and the other showed precisely where he had buried the magic rings.

Spikey had come up with a good cover story for them all. Being British himself, he said, "Let's go with this - you're family from America over here visiting relatives, like me!"

David nodded and said "Yep, plausible enough. There were heaps of Americans in London during the war."

Spikey would go on ahead and book hotel rooms for all eight of them. They would stay there overnight and early the following morning when the bombers had departed, js, CTC and Spikey would head for the old house. Much to the children's disgust, all four of them had been refused permission to accompany the crew to London.

"They didn't miss much," Spikey said to the others as he headed off to the hotel. "Very uneventful train ride. Meet you there in half an hour!"

js forbore to mention the two men she had noticed at the London station, ostensibly waiting for a train, but with watchful attitudes.

"Just time for a cup of tea and something savoury before we go to the hotel," David decreed, heading for the station cafe.

Thirty minutes later, the crew were approaching the hotel. It looked imposing, but a little rundown. Not that the crew cared about that. A decent bed and a reasonable meal would do just fine. Spikey appeared, leaping down the steps and strolled up to them with a nod. "All booked!" The dear old Prof had raided his money box and they had ample money to see them through on this mission.

"Good. Well, we have a couple of hours till dinner time," David said, "so we can go for a look round or we can stay in the hotel in case of some random bomber suddenly appearing overhead."

"If that happened, we'd have to make a dash for the shelter. Where is the nearest shelter?" said sunshine, determined to be prepared.

Spikey turned to indicate where it was and uttered,"I don't believe it!"

"What?" the others said in unison, looking round.

"Look!!"

Running up the street towards them were three figures. One was way out in the lead and he was whooping like a demented cowboy as he ran. The girl was tiring, but keeping going as if determined not to be last. Bringing up the rear with a great deal of puffing and wheezing and clanking was an extraordinary figure whom they instantly recognised as Dr S.

A babble of talk broke out when they reached the crew. Dr S explained that he had the rings in amongst all the chatter.

"That saves us having to sneak out at 3 am, Dr S!" js said with more than a touch of relief. "Here, give them to me. We...well, we were all going to return to the Professor's house with the rings, assuming we found them. But if you hold one of each, Dr S, I will take the others back to the Prof and hand them over, then return here."

"Good plan, js! "David said immediately. He had no desire to get straight back on that rattling train that crawled along and stopped at every tiny village. "Meet us back here at the hotel later."

Turning to Dr S, he instructed him to take great care of the last two rings, one yellow, one green. "They're our ticket out of here."

"I'll come with you, js," CTC said. He had noticed the two men at the station as well. He couldn't figure out why they might have been interested in the crew, who were dressed as typical tourists, thanks to the extensive wardrobes of clothes at the Prof's house. But he had felt uneasy about them.

"Ok, then, CTC," js agreed. "That'll be great, thanks."

"I'll come too!" Spikey said. He wanted to farewell the Kings and Queens himself.

Farewelling the others and with promises to send their best to the children and the Professor, js, CTC and Spikey set out smartly for the station. It was a long street, lined with terrace houses on both sides, each bordered by little stone walls and fronted by the inevitable small tree and flowering shrub. The hotel sat on the corner behind them.

js was discussing the pros and cons of British housing compared to New Zealand's and America's, when she cast a glance back. Two men were walking towards them, albeit some thirty yards or more behind.

Looking away, js whispered to CTC, "Don't look now, but..."

"What?" CTC said, looking round immediately. "Uh-oh, two men and they are breaking into a jog!"

"Run!" js said, thanking the Lord that they had all become very fit while in Narnia. Still, the end of the street with the station round the corner seemed so far away. Risking another glance back, js saw that the men were keeping pace with them and not looking winded at all. "Faster!" she cried and they put on a desperate spurt.

Suddenly a door appeared right in front of them. Someone reached out and grabbed them all with amazing strength and pulled them through the door, then slammed it shut.

"What on earth?" CTC gasped as js stared round in wonder.

"Yes, we are, but not for long. I'm guessing a quick retreat will suit you?"

A strangely familiar sound started up and Dr Who, who said, "Just call me the Doctor", set the controls and they were away.

"Just popped in to see Winston," the doctor said cheerily. "Thought he had some great new weapon. Daleks! Had no idea what he was messing with!" The doctor scowled mightily and continued, "I got rid of them, but they're out there somewhere. It was destroy them or Earth, so ..."

The three looked at each other in stupefied silence.

"Coffee?" Amy asked, coming in with a tray of drinks. "We've been watching you, you know. On the screen. There," she informed them.

"Would love to visit Narnia myself," Rory said, giving the three a fright when he bobbed up suddenly from below the control panel. "Fixed now, Doctor," he added.

CTC went over to the screen. "You're on channel 345. Look, it's still going. I'll rewind it a bit," Amy said.

It was a surreal experience, watching themselves running up the street, the men in pursuit. They saw the door open, saw themselves yanked into the Tardis and the door slam shut. The view moved to the crew. Not everyone had seen what had happened. Only Lost and Green Wizard, who were trying to interrupt the flow of conversation with wildly differing accounts.

They just disappeared into thin air!" GW cried.

"No, someone grabbed them!"

"Never saw that! You're imagining things!" GW insisted.

The two men had gone, fortunately not making any connection between the crew and the fleeing three.

"Better let me put those rings away safely for now, js," the Doctor said.
 
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Sam91

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The crew awoke to the waves bobbing up and down and the sound of gulls.

Sam91 wondered if that was a sign that land was approaching. The trip back to the ship was uneventful... rather instantaneous really. Ring on, pop and back on the ship. To elaborate further would reeeeally be stretching it.

A week had passed and the crew had lost its sentimentality and sensibility.

Sam91 felt old. She couldn't help but wonder what would become of her nemesis. She was in the dog house with the captain @DavidFirth . Partly for being AWOL but also for comandeering his door lock. She kept making ribs but his appetite for setting an example was unabating. She'd hardly seen the good doc. Infact, she'd been taken under the ladies care. Secretly Samantha blamed @LaSorcia for that, but it may have easily been @joyshirley's suggestion. Maybe they thought it was inappropriate disappearing like that but she began to wonder when her penance would end.

Mercy... she loved that word.

Suddenly....
 
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Sam91

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She saw her good friend walking down the corridor, face thundering but somehow had a semblance of upstanding dignity as only someone with years of experience and practice could maintain.

'Sphinxy!' She very quietly exclaimed with glee.

'How have you been? Where have you been?'

He tried to return her smile but could only muster a look of gloom.

'My dear innocent friend. There was no recognition for my valiant rescue of green wizard, nor recognition of my single-handed restoration of the balance of good and evil in Narnia. The Captain ordered me to scrub his poopdeck instead. He accused me of such sordidness and irresponsibility. Irresponsible, me? I told him to shove his brush um...

Then I was supposedly insubordinate. Insubordinate. Me? I was telling him the truth.

So I have been 'grounded'. Grounded like a miscreant. At 3000 years of age one would hope for some respect. I think we need to do something about him and his rodent for a minion.'

Samantha gaped at the good doc... 'You mean an uprising? A revolution? I couldn't revolt, nor mutiny. What should we do?' She quizzed, daring to hope that the doctor just intended some kind of prank.
 
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Sam91

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The noble-but-a-little-resented-because-of-his-methods-Captain @DavidFirth walked down the corridor. He smiled pleasantly at the dodgy duo.

'Have you two seen @LaSorcia? Don't say she is AWOL now too. How she expects me to keep order if she goes off battling sea trolls whenever the mood takes her...'

He didn't pause for a reply. Sam91 had to admit he was focussed. Sam 91 followed him, hoping to get a chance to be useful and escape the bad books.

They scoured high and low and it seemed that laSorcia was not on the ship.

'Um Captain. When I lose something I try to remember where I last had it. When did you last see her?'

The captain had been blessed with patience when faced with inane comments. Maybe that is why he was the Captain afterall.

'Sam, LaSorcia is not the same as an object. She has a mind of her own and can move at will'

'Who's Will?' Sam91 saw the noble Captain remember the Star Trek gag and continued speaking before he could reply.

'If laSorcia is indeed AWOL are you going to punish her like you did the good doc and I?' Asked Samantha politely and without accusation.

He pondered for a moment. He saw where this was going....
 
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Sam91

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She decided to take advantage of the silence.

'You know I haven't seen @Spikey around for a while and that @gennypearl is rarely at dinner. I'm sorry about your door lock but I didn't intend to go AWOL. That was the Sphinx's fault.' She said, not caring about throwing her brother under the bus.

'Whatever are you on about? Sam?' Said the noble-and-somewhat perplexed @DavidFirth.

'You punishing me. I've been put under guard of the ladies, my every movement tracked and you have been in a mood with me all week!'

The noble captain shook his head, smiling kindly.

'No Sam. I have been busy righting the ship after the mess the Philistines made. I've been overseeing an inventory, plotting trajectories. The ladies are just being friendly You are becoming paranoid, have you a yarmulke for that? Chin up! I say... What is that?!'' Said the Captain peering out of the porthole...
 
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Doctor.Sphinx

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It was Ebony, fluttering outside of the porthole. But before Captain David Firth could so much as utter "Scrub my poopdeck for me - I want it to be so sparkling so that I'm able to see my resemblance relected back from it," Doctor Sphinx had taken the opportunity presented.

Unfortunately, the doctor's spatial perception had never been a hundred percent, and although he tried to push the beloved captain out through the porthole, he had underestimated the effect that Sam91's continous provision of ribs had made on the captain's proportions. Instead of neatly slipping out of the porthole and plopping into the ocean below, David Firth was stuck at waist level in the porthole - head gazing out over the ocean, feet struggling wildly to get back on deck.

Sam91 put her hand over her mouth, an expression of horror on her lips. 'Mutiny...' her lips mouthed in shock and sadness at the Doctor's actions.

'Ah, Sam91...' exclaimed the doctor, the expressions of thunder and gloom previously on his face replaced with a certain eagerness, as the Captain's legs kicked desperately into the air.

'I did hope to engage in debate with you, about why we should return to Narnia...' the doctor began. 'I would have preferred to manhandle you into your own handbag and take you along more conveniently, but, given your previous reservations, your... errr... tools, and and your potential to permanently cure me of such ailments...'

'Doctor Sphinx! I can't consort with mutineers!' interrupted Sam91 crossly. 'What kind of an ex-taxidermist do you take me for?'

'Well, it's about your nemesis,' explained the good doctor, trying to be more to the point. 'She hast become convicted of her past transgression, and has repented of her ill treatment of us.'

'That doesn't sound like the Samantha91 I know,' retorted Sam91. 'There's something in it for her, as sure as I have an optimally sized head.'

'Tsk, tsk, tsk, Sam91,' chided Doctor Sphinx, as he nodded in agreement that Sam91's head was indeed, quite optimally sized. 'We must learn to forgive others... And learn not be envious of them,' he added, giving Sam91 a stern look.

The Captain appeared to be making progress on freeing himself from the porthole. His legs now, rather than kicking against the air, were being used to exert force against the deck of the ship, in an endeavour to free his trapped upper portions.

'Will you come with me to help poor Samantha91?' the Doctor asked, more earnestly this time. 'There's a terrible plague in Narnia. Queen Samantha and King Edmund are at their wits end. They don't...'

'Wait! What? King Edmund and Queen Samantha? That doesn't sound like the way things are supposed to be...' Sam91 exclaimed with a look of concern.

'Ah, yes,' answered the Doctor, a kind of guilty look crossing his face. 'I was also hoping to take the opportunity to fix this, errr... little historical error, also.'

Doctor Sphinx could see the Captain was mere moments away from freeing himself.

'So what's it to be Sam91?' asked Doctor Sphinx, as he prepared to slip on his yellow ring. 'Will you help me? Or help our dear Captain, as he has you scrubbing away at what his disgusting crew defile? That is, while you aren't under the watchful guard of the ladies.'
 
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Sam91

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Samantha looked crest fallen. If only he had have kidnapped her she could have accompanied the good doc on his mission. Wishing that she was wearing the yarmulke-of-quick-retrieval-of-less-commonly-quoted-NT-verse uttered feebly

'My friend, I just can not come along. It wouldn't look right and we are to have the appearance of living right. I shall help unstick the captain. If only we had a chaperone'

Samantha turned and started tugging at the portly-stuck-in-a-port-bound-porthole-not-drinking-port-Captain's leg.

***Pop***

Samantha looked at the captain, laying prone on some grass and turned around to see the good doc's-smug-but-somehow-sheepily-mischievious-expression. The Sphinx had surely mastered the art of expressivity better than most other mere mortals indeed.

Sam91, while glad to have been whisked away on another adventure had similarly, though less expertly, conquered the skill of looking indignant when not really feeling it.

'SPHINXY! How durst thou! I expressedly said that I could not possibly accompany you!'

'Actually, my forgetful apprentice. You stipulated that we needed a chaperone and as such the Captain, of the ship but not of this mission to save Narnia, is here in that capacity for propriety sake.

You got that David? A divided house will fall and here, in Narnia, I am the one with the expertise. Now let us find Samantha 91 and hopefully smite so Philistines along the way!'

The noble Captain....
 
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Sam91

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Just stayed mute at this, giving Samantha the chance to weigh up the pros and cons.

Here was the noble captain. Patient, kind, willing to die for any member of his crew but incredibly bossy and occasionally lazy. He gave one the sense of calmness and security.

Then there was the unpredictable Sphinx. Intelligent, funny but full of hairbrained ideas and sometimes unthought out actions. Yes, he was good natured, mostly, but would he give his life for a friend or use them as a shield to prolong his record breaking longevity?

Samantha shrugged. There would at least be less to do because in the Sphinx's struggle to appear perfect he rarely asked people to actually do anything. She expected a turbulent mission... but at least an exciting one...
 
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Doctor.Sphinx

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Reading his good friend's thoughts for the umpteenth time due to her forgetfulness around wearing the yarmulke of protection-against-mental-eavesdroppers atop her optimally-proportioned head, Doctor Sphinx interrupted 'Dear Sam91, in this mission, I'm really going to need your help. Because Narnian time is not like Earthian time...'

'Earthian time?' asked Sam91, curiously.

'Yes, Earthian time,' the Doctor continued impatiently, 'and there could be many eons passed in Narnia since our last visit...'

'But what is Earthian time?' asked Sam91 again, insistently.

'Look, Earthian isn't a real word. It's just an adjective I invented to describe how passage of time can be much faster in Narnia than on Earth.'

'Oh,' stated Sam91, somewhat enlightenedly. 'But if many eons have passed in Narnia, wouldn't Samantha91 be long dead?'

Captain David Firth looked on eagle-eyed, taking his role of chaperone very seriously, ready to pounce on so much as even a word of impropriety uttered by the roguish Doctor. He wondered if Sam91 had a tool for that, but felt that while the Doctor was speaking, it was best to monitor what he said, and determine which speech modestising tools he could use for his new role at a later time.

'In Narnia, people tend to live a lot longer,' explained Doctor Sphinx, becoming more patient with his inquisitive friend, understanding that she hadn't been alive even a percent of his blessed and elongated lifetime. 'No vaccines, see?' added the Doctor, as if this explanation alone was enough to describe the phenomena.

'Now, Samantha91 has explicitly asked for our help. There is a plague in Narnia, and it's causing no small number of Narnians - both man and talking beast - to take ill, and some of them are even dying.'

'But how did Samantha91 even contact you?' asked Sam91 with a puzzled expression.

The doctor only raised his eyebrows and looked at the Captain, who gave a guilty little cough, and explained. 'Well, see, when those philistines boarded our vessel, some of them appeared to be, well, likeable chaps...'

Doctor Sphinx shook his head disgustedly, and Sam91 covered her mouth, as if to prevent herself becoming physically ill.

'Well, they seemed strong, and muscle-bound, and well - they just showed more respect to a captain than that weedy Doctor over there, who simply can't swab a poop-deck to save himself!' David Firth exclaimed indignantly, as he looked in Doctor Sphinx's direction.

'Captain, may I remind you, that although the Doctor may not have abs to die for...' Sam91 began, as the Doctor glanced at her, a hurt expression on his face. 'But he has more brains than a room full of rocket scientists!' At this, the Doctor's face brightened, and he smiled in Sam91's general direction.

'I daresay the Captain also forgot, during his dealings with these intruders, the multitude of diseases philistines carry, due to the overall unwholesome nature of their lifestyle,' Doctor Sphinx added.

'Anyway,' the Captain continued, 'I lost my mobile phone to one of those fellows as payment for a debt incurred during a game of chance,' he finished.

Sam91 gasped. 'Gambling?' she asked incredulously.

'Do you think your guillotine of righteousness might be applicable for this particular sin?' asked Doctor Sphinx a little too eagerly, hoping to see the expert surgeon at work once again.

'Although it deserves such, the Captain may need his hands - offensive as they are - in his current role of chaperone,' explained Sam91 solemnly to the doctor. 'Although I suppose when we return to the ship, we might reconsider a surgical solution to his problem.'

'But,' she continued, 'how does the philistine winning the Captain's mobile phone in a game of chance relate to Samantha91 contacting you?' she asked the Doctor.

'Oh. Simple, ' explained Doctor Sphinx. 'When Samantha91 became Queen of the Philistines, all their possessions automatically became hers, and when this one returned to Narnia, he simply gave his mistress her new phone.'

'She sent me an SMS yesterday,' he added.

'So what is my role in this adventure,' asked Sam91.

'Well,' explained the Doctor, 'I previously observed the skill with which you so expertly dispatched the sea trolls aboard the CF Sea Forth II. And then afterward, your number of conquered philistines would have been greater than mine, if only you'd had the foresight to finalise the dispatchment. And after eons of time in Narnia, I daresay the place will be positively overrun with philistines.'

'But aren't the philistines serving Samantha91, their "queen", who we are going to help?'

'I fear, from the tone of her SMS, that "queen" Samantha91 has lost control of her unwashed army,' replied the Doctor.

'So, you will be needing me to help you smite those uncircumcised philistines?' Sam91 asked excitedly, unable to hide her smile, not only at the thought of battle, but also at the thought that Doctor Sphinx was finally beginning to realise her prowess in battle.

'But I thought you didn't believe in ladies engaging in battle, Doctor?' she teased, knowing that he needed her help, irrespective of his beliefs about females in combat.

'Alas, it is true, dear Sam91,' replied the Doctor. 'I have given much consideration to the errr... disability... errr... that is to say, the weak nature of your vessel.'

'So you admit you were wrong?' challenged Sam91, scowling somewhat at the doctor's unintentional insult.

'Oh, far from it, dear Sam91. As usual, I am one hundred percent correct,' retorted the doctor.

'Then I must sadly decline your kind invitation, for I am indeed, only female,' replied Sam91, doing a good job exhibiting the skill of looking sad, when truth be told, feeling quite triumphant.

'And it is for this reason that I present you with this,' announced the Doctor proudly, as he handed Sam91 a medallion. Engraved on the front of the medallion was the image of man - similar in some ways to the Greek images, but certainly more muscular, more attractive, more manly. Doctor Sphinx liked to think the image somewhat resembled him, but Sam91 didn't see any resemblance at first glance. On the rear side of the coin was some text in Latin "in bulla possessor huius titulus est: competit mihi praecipuo iure esse consociata et ad masculum".

@Sam91 gasped as she translated the coin into English - 'the holder of this medallion is entitled to all privilege and title associated with being a male!'

Poor @DavidFirth didn't know what to do or say. He wished he had studied harder during the chaperone training he'd completed earlier in his career. He certainly couldn't remember from the brief lessons he had been given whether his training had covered the complexities of the issue of gifts of questionable honourary tokens.

The Doctor smiled, as he reached out his right hand to shake Sam91's. 'Congratulations, Sam91! You may assist me in battle without breaking any of my rules, as you are now, officially, an honourary man!'
 
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Sam91

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Sam91 was actually delighted, a long forgotten childhood dream had been realised! With that she gave a rather obnoxious burp. She grinned because now, at last she could act in ways hitherto barred to her! Such fun, she could speak her mind without being accused of being bossy or a nag! She could teach, lead, even earn equal pay for her work. Gone would be the days that she had to put in a full days work, and then take the lionesses share of the childraising and housework. No more being a slave to male laziness and male fragility of ego.

She stood in a powerful pose and the good doc wondered what he had unleashed. Reading her thoughts he feared that he had created a monster.

'Come Samantha let's smite these diseased ridden Philistines'.

Samuel91 looked at him and shook her/his head. 'C'mon David. Let's play ball. Now I'm a guy there is no longer a reason to not let me play!'
 
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Doctor.Sphinx

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'Now, now, Sam91,' chided Doctor Sphinx, half-fearing the potential of the monster he had created, but also half-pleased with himself that he was most likely crossing into a heretofore unexplored arena of female potential and usefulness. 'I trust you will forgive me for calling you Sam91 instead of Samuel91, but we must do these things in stages. You will note that your medallion makes you an honourary man, not an honourary philistine. No belching or burping in company; no neglecting the elementary fundamentals of proper human hygiene; no using your skill or physical prowess to compel a subordinates against his will - these would be philistine traits'.

@Sam91 looked a little disappointed. 'But these seem to be the traits of so many men,' she retorted, as @DavidFirth reluctantly played ball with her, one eye on the ball, the other dutifully scanning the Conscientious Chaperone's Guide for Successful Social Occasions, for any mention of medallions or gifts of honourary entitlement.

'Look, Sam91,' explained the good Doctor kindly, 'it's not hard to be a philistine, if one has no self-respect. Even females - perish the thought - can be philistines, although, admittedly, they are often somewhat less disgusting and disease-ridden than their male counterparts. But with the great power of being an honourary man also comes great responsibility. And as you rightly pointed out, there are other benefits to help subsidise this great responsibility.'

'Other benefits?' Sam raised her eyebrows. 'Like what?'

'For example, you don't feel like doing the dishes - just display your honourary man medallion, or HMM for short - everyone knows that men and dishes don't mix.'

Sam's eyes brightened a little at this.

'Someone unfairly assigns you the cooking? Display the HMM - everyone knows that cooking is a woman's job. But do be careful with this one - if the meal proposed is a barbecue, best not to display the HMM, as everyone knows that barbecuing is a sacred ritual only males can perform.'

Normally, Sam91 might have argued this point, but now she had the HMM, it suited her to agree. She was beginning to wonder if this HMM might just be the answer to her request for a holiday that she'd never had. Doctor Sphinx droned on.

'Someone blames you for leaving the toilet seat up? HMM - no real man sits down for a number 1.'

'Uhhh... Do you think I'll ever need that excuse, Doctor?' asked Sam91.

The doctor shrugged. 'Who knows? We're breaking new ground with you. You're our guinea pig. Our honourary, male guinea pig,' he stated proudly.

Sam91 wasn't so certain she liked the idea of being any sort of guinea pig, particularly a male one. 'Uhhh... Is there anything I should be aware of with the HMM, Doctor Sphinx?'

'Oh, I nearly forgot, so I'm glad you asked,' replied the Doctor.

'First of all. If the leaders of your country decide to make war on another country, *do*not* exhibit your HMM. For some reason, leaders of countries think males want to kill, be maimed, and die for people who care nothing for them, and consider it some sort of rebellion for males so condemned to this suffering to resist their fate. So unless you want to rot in a prison cell for the best years of your life, or kill, be maimed, and die for people whose only thought for you is how much money they can get from your lifeless corpse, do not display your HMM.'

Sam nodded. 'I'll be sure not to display my HMM if the leaders of my country go to war,' she assured the doctor.

'Second, if you are hurt, injured or otherwise suffer in a unique, peculiar or embarrassing way, *do*not* display your HMM. For some reason, people think it's humorous when males get hurt.'

Sam nodded again. 'Got it. When I get injured or do something silly, I'll be sure not to display my HMM,' she repeated back dutifully.

'Finally,' explained the doctor, 'If your colleague at work, who is earning equal to or more than you for the same or fewer hours, is unable to physically achieve all components of his or her task, do not display your HMM. For some reason, many colleagues tend to think that males should do their own tasks, and the tasks that others in the workforce are incapable of, for the same or lesser payment'.

Sam91 rolled her eyes. 'Sounds easy! Are you ready now to smite some disease-ridden Philistines?'
 
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The wise Captain @DavidFirth remained mute. He didn't need 3000-6000 years on this planet to know when to shut up. He felt a sense of excited trepidation. He wasn't sure whether the role of chaperone included stepping in between a riled up raging bull of a women and a buffoon warbling away chauvenistically as if waving a red flag.

No, he was a married man. He was also in awe of how his wife managed to accomplish such feats that defeated a mere man like himself. He had learned that women, as well as being the fairer sex were a remarkable and blessed bunch. He had a lot of gratitude towards his own wife. He couldn't help but think the Doctor deserved whatever came his way. Yes, he'd call it a learning experience. He wondered if it was appropriate to open the bag of popcorn in his pocket. Munching on the said popcorn, he sat on the nearest boulder expectantly.

However, Sam91 just smiled sweetly, meekly at the good doc. The good doc however, began to look nervous. Alas, it looked like the good Doc was doing that mind reading thing that Samantha kept complaining of.

The Doc was very ashen and looked as if he had overheard quite a few schemes to put him in his place. One wondered whether Samantha had considered the use of one of her guilotines on the Sphinx. But which one... and where.

The Sphinx was tugging at the clothes around his neck, obviously more than a little flustered. Wondering how he could dig himself out of this one.

'Samantha... er... my friend....'

....
 
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Doctor.Sphinx

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'No, no,' explained Sam91 politely. 'It's Samuel now,' she corrected the good doctor, 'dutifully holding up her HMM'.

'Ah, yes, quite. Errr... Samantha, I'm 6000+ years old now...' the doctor began.

'I thought it was 3000?' questioned Sam91.

'Whatever,' continued the doctor. 'Either way, it's very old. But this situation, you've... errr... we've... found ourselves in, throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved.'

'Oh?' asked @Sam91, somewhat suspiciously.

'Yes,' continued the doctor, 'looking a little more than more than a little flustered. 'You see, despite my thousands of years of travelling the Earth, I have not as yet found a suitable heir to inherit my vast fortunes.'

'You have vast fortunes?' interrupted @DavidFirth, his interest in potential riches overcoming his enjoyment of the popcorn and the show.

'Oh yes,' explained Doctor Sphinx brightly, looking a little less than a little more than more than a little flustered. 'Haven't you ever heard of Doctor Sphinx Industries Incorporated?'

'Uh, I can't say I have,' responded the Captain. 'Is it your small business in Egypt somewhere?'

'Small business!' the Doctor exploded. 'It's only the biggest, longest running pyramid and funeral insurance scheme rimward of the equator!'

The Captain went back to eating popcorn, and consulting his Conscientious Chaperone's Guide for Successful Social Occasions, hoping against hope that his role of chaperone wouldn't compel him to resolve the upcoming metaphorical bullfight between the aforementioned offended bull and oblivious, red-flag-waving picador.From his past experience, it seemed to him that the Doctor had an uncanny knack of returning from bull-fights ungored, with his travelling companions often nursing a sore cheek or two.

'So you can't produce an heir, eh?' smiled Sam91 sweetly, changing the topic back. 'Another remarkable aspect of the fairer sex, if I do say so myself,' she finished, with just a touch of smugness as she patted her belly.

'Oh, well, I couldn't before,' answered the doctor excitedly, back to simply looking more than a little flustered, 'until now!'

Sam91 looked up shocked, and quickly went through the schemes she had been considering to put him in his place. 'Nope,' she thought to herself, 'none of those - not even the ones involving various guillotines for his various conditions - would have allowed him to do what he's claiming now.'

Even the Captain, choking on his popcorn as he lost the page he was reading about courteous dinner etiquette for gentlemen, looked up with a start.

'Well, don't you see?' exclaimed the Doctor. 'Sam91, you would have been the perfect heir, if it was not for your single, fatal disability. But I've now found the cure, and with the Honourary Man Medallion now in your possession, there is nothing stopping you from...'

Sam91 didn't know whether her HMM gave her the right to punch the doctor. Men did that to each other. But at the same time, as bearer of the HMM, should she even be offended by the doctor's male chauvinism? And he was possibly offering her riches... And he probably didn't even realise he was being chauvinistic. Would it be wrong to punish someone for a wrong he didn't even realise he had committed?

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted when she realised the doctor had not been struggling to find the right words to say. It appeared he'd actually collapsed.

'He's on fire,' explained DavidFirth metaphorically, moving his hand away from the doctor's forehead. 'I think our friend, the doctor, may have contracted the very plague we came here to cure.'

A somewhat-mischievous look crossed the Captain's face. 'Sam91, do you think you should operate?'
 
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Sam91 knew better than that, the good doc had immunity to most strains of plague (as mentioned during a former potential tragedy when the green wizard acted so underhandedly as to bite the Sphinx). It seemed, to her, that this was either a faint of exhaustion due to the tremendous amount of shovelling with the metaphorical spade, fear of losing a body part or two, or just play acting.

Either way, she knew best how to rouse him. There was less need to be caring either due to the HMM.
"No, Captain. It isn't necessary yet. Maybe later once I have drawn his blood to synthesise a vaccine against plague. It will be world renowned and the good Doc loves fame. What an accolade to add to his collection! His name on a vaccine!"

Dr. Sphinx opened his eyes at once.
"Scandalous! Such treachery indeed!..."
 
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'Sam91, how could you?' demanded Doctor Sphinx, looking as flustered as he'd been yet, but not very sick indeed.

'That's Samuel91,' corrected Sam91. 'And it seems that my vaccine worked, even before I created it,' she smiled.

'Look, the Honourary Man Medallion doesn't mean you're an Honourary Man all the time,' explained Doctor Sphinx, strategically endeavouring to change the subject. 'Only when you want to be. So you get the best of both worlds - the beautiful form and child-bearing ability of women, and the privelege and status of men. So you're Sam91, unless you make a point of displaying the medallion.'

Sam91 held up the medallion. 'I just find I lack the faith to believe you were really ill, Doctor, that's all. Here, let me feel your forehead.'

Doctor Sphinx was secretly pleased that his potential heir was appearing to be as skillful at uncovering his various schemes and scams as he was at inventing them. He always thought that bull-fighting was a cruel sport anyway, unless the bull has a reasonable chance at winning and freedom. 'So long as I'm not the one who ends up nursing a sore cheek or two,' he thought to himself, as he looked DavidFirth up and down to determine his adequacy as a metaphorical pillow-substitute to sustain a metaphorical goring.

Doctor Sphinx backed away as Sam91 moved her hand toward his face. 'What is it Doctor? You don't have anything to hide, do you?' she asked. Doctor Sphinx didn't feel so affronted, as she was holding her HMM, and it's okay for men to question the motives of other men.

'Oh, it's just, you know I'm allergic to vaccinations. I was hoping for some other treatment. Maybe a pill or two? I don't think you do leeches, but I'm open-minded to those. Even some minor surgery would have been okay. But vaccination?'

'Silly, the vaccination would be for others,' Sam91 explained. 'I was just going to extract your blood.'

The Doctor's face whitened at Sam91's explanation, and she took advantage of the opportunity to check the temperature of his forehead with the back of her hand.

'Aha!' she exclaimed triumphantly. 'You don't have a temperature at all.' She took a moment to think about the situation. 'And that means...' she turned to DavidFirth 'that you lied to me! His face was not on fire at all!'

DavidFirth started to stutter. 'But, but, Sam91...'

Doctor Sphinx took a brief moment to smile internally, all the while maintaining his pale and sickly composure on the outside. All according to plan, the previously raging metaphorical bull had become positively frenzied, and the good Captain was about to take one for the team. 'Olé el toro,' Doctor Sphinx silently cheered.
 
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But he cheered prematurely. The colour drained out of the noble captain's face. @Sam91 looked past him and saw why he had paled. There were Philistines all around, encirculating the trickisome trio.

Samantha said to David ''Quick in here' Opening her handbag-of-mysterious-proportions for the Captain to step inside.

Swiftly she donned her yarmulke of invisibility.

The Philistines stood shocked. They looked at each other in surprise, dimwitted as they are, it was remarkable to see the increased look of stupor on the stupid. The Sphinx could have crawled away...

Alas, the good doc just had to make a prebattle speech

'Philistines, enemies and non-countrymen. Prepare to meet your fate. The Great Sphi Urghgggggrrrg'

While speaking he was thudded on the head with a club. He was stuffed roughshod into a sack- if he was concious he would have noted how these Philistines had none of Samantha's skill- and taken towards the palace.

Off they trundled. Sam 91 followed, under her yarmulke of invisibility she wore the yarmulke-of-unyielding-strength-for-the-utterly-weak-and-feeble-at-heart for the noble captain @DavidFirth was just as heavy as he looked.

She followed the group all the way to the dungeon.....
 
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Sam91

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She sat looking through the bars set into stone on all sides. Would she mount an escape effort for the good-but-unfortunate fellow? The Sphinx was finally awakening from his sleep. He rubbed his head where he'd recieved the heavy blow from the club.

'Hit from behind, well I suppose one should expect foul tactics from Philistines! Such unfairness, I was only speechifying' he thought. Ha! Samantha smiled. Her invention worked. At last, she could read his mind!

'Sam91! What are you doing in here?' He mused. 'And where are you?'

'You are possibly imagining this because of your head wound.' She replied, wondering what he'd make of the guilt that she felt and her indecision whether she had told a lie. Trying not to think, she silently as possible donned her yarmulke-of-protection-against-mental-eavesdroppers under the yarmulke of invisibilty, forsaking the use of the yarmulke-of-unyielding-strength-for-the-weak-and-utterly-feeble-at-heart.

The good-and-not-that-gullible Doctor Sphinx realised that 'she must be wearing her yarmulke of invisibility which incidentally can be purchased from Doctor Sphinx Industries Incorporated, for a mere 15 Egyptian pounds. https://useronehundred.wixsite.com/website/product-page/yarmulke-of-top-secret-invisibility'

Alas, Samantha did not hear this thought because her yarmulke of protection negated the use of her new found power. Realising this, she was a little disappointed but she wanted to act wisely. The Sphinx was not always wise but was always persuasive.

The Sphinx reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. He slipped it on his finger and....

Samantha couldn't believe her eyes. The good Doc was still imprisoned and looked rather annoyed! Samantha nodded to herself, yes, she would need to leave him there for now. The ring hadn't worked, there must be a reason for it and who was she to meddle in things that she ought not too? Sam91 surrepticiously slipped the yarmulke-for-stubborn-to-remove-unsightly-protusions-of-pride through the bars next to his bag. She shuddered as she sneaked a look at the open bag to see a picture of Samantha91 among his vast and valuable collection of yarmulkes.

Grateful doesn't quite convey the emotion that she felt after realising with relief that she was wearing the two yarmulkes that prevented the treacherous doc from witnessing her jealous and scathing reaction. Yup, he could rot there. She dragged her heavy bag out the dungeon and into an alcove.

'Come on Captain @DavidFirth . Get out. We need to save Narnia ourselves'...
 
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Sam91

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'Sam the answer is no. I was dragged here under the guise of being a chaperone. That role has come to an end, I want to go back to the ship! Couldn't we just get the rings of the doc and be done with it?'

'I wholeheartedly agree. It would be unseemly to stay here without a third person. Let's get your crew. I know the way.'

Samantha pulled out the key to the lock that she had procured from his door. The captain @DavidFirth remembered the story she had related about the wardrobe on the ship and asked her to lead the way.

By lunchtime the Captain and crew were eating lunch, talking through possible scenarios quite excitedly. @joyshirley was hoping to see their friends and wondered what Queen Susan knew of the situation.

Meanwhile, the Sphinx sat rather subdued in his dungeon. He was fairly sure he'd been abandoned. Sam91 couldn't remain silent for long periods and the Captain had been a rather noisy inhabitant of the bag.

Yes, the last he'd heard was her gasp and snort just after she'd deposited THAT yarmulke. One didn't get to over 6000 years or so, one stops counting after the second millenia, without being sharp of eyes and having a just as keen mind. That was hours ago, the chances of her return were dimimishing with time.

He assumed that she'd seen the mysterious picture in his bag. The dragging noise he heard after told him that her thoughts were embarassing to her or she'd have switched her yarmulkes.

She had a cheek indeed. Such pride to accuse him of being proud. Surely she'd think better of it and come back soon. He was rather annoyed at the whole situation but more at his self-righteous pharasaical friend!

He scanned the cell for a means to escape...
 
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but was surprised to find he was not alone - he was sharing the cell with a Texan called Phil - me, in fact.

"Hello", I said.

"Who are you?", replied the Sphinx, cautiously.

"You sent me here to help you", I replied, sounding a little mysterious, without meaning to.

"I've never met you in my life", retorted the Sphinx.

"Not yet, you haven't", I explained, "but you will. I'm from the future."

The Sphinx rolled his eyes, and I knew he didn't believe me.

"I can prove it," I offered.

The Sphinx rolled his eyes again. It seemed to be a bad habit he'd picked up from somewhere. Probably those Philistines. I started to rifle through his collection of yarmulkes, much to his indignation.

"Hey you!" he began, until I pulled out a picture of someone he knew.

"That's not mine," he stated, the indignation suddenly replaced with hesitation.

"It actually is," I explained. "But it's from the future. The Future You told me to give it to the Historical You, because Future You said it would help Historical You believe me. Look carefully at what is in her hand."

The Sphinx squinted, his already wizened looks appearing that much more wrinkly.

"Why, it's a newspaper," he exclaimed. "The Narnian Times?" he continued, puzzled. "The XVIth day of the month Greenroof, 1015?" he spoke slowly, clearly confused. "But isn't it only 990 or so?"

I could see that his belief system was being challenged.

"But someone has defaced the photograph?" he asked, as though this fact alone somehow refuted that the friend in the photograph was holding a newspaper dated some 25 years into the future.

"Her grand-daughter draws on everything," I explained, indicating the lady in the photograph, "even on the palace walls! People tend to age well in this land, but you should be able to see that she looks older than she would look now, if not the full 25 years?"

"I'm not convinced you're from the future," commented the Sphinx, "but whether you are from my future or from my present, I'm happy to accept help," he explained, putting on the yarmulke that had previously been slipped to him through the bars, only to find a metal file that had been concealed within it.

I likewise took a yarmulke from his vast and valuable collection. "When in Rome, do as the Romans," I thought to myself as I put it on, although I couldn't see how disguising ourselves as Jews was going to assist our escape. To my surprise, I found another metal file in my yarmulke.

The Sphinx gave me an embarrassed kind of look. "Paranoia," he explained. "I keep files in most of my yarmulkes."

Meanwhile, back on the ship...
 
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no one was saying very much at all.

Everything was quiet, and still. Too quiet, and too still. DavidFirth even started to wonder if Queen Jadis had somehow come back to life, invaded Earth, and managed to mention the Deplorable Word, as she had on Charn. But then he shook his head, and settled back down to enjoying the well-baked ribs that had been prepared especially for him by the replacement ship's cook.

"Yes", he thought to himself, as he kicked back on the sun-deck. "Everything is as it should be..."

"Except", he thought to himself disgustedly, as he groaned inside. "No one has attended to the poop-deck for weeks!"
 
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