Hey everyone, long time no post here I know, but I've been struggling with an issue lately. I am engaged (since over 1 month ago) to a wonderful man, heart for God and everything. Except he has had struggles with inappropriate contentography since way before i even met him, I knew about it soon before we started dating and were just getting to know one another. He's been very good about it though, and with Gods' strength he hasnt looked at anything in over 2 months now, however in the past both me and him have gotten tempted and have done things unmarried Christian couples aren't supposed to do. It never got far enough to escalate to sexual intercourse, because we both made a promise to God to stop, and chose to fight harder against temptations. But still these things we did do had a profound affect on me, and since abruptly stopping them I've been obsessing over a certain thing. My fiance still masturbates, and althugh he hasn't been looking at inappropriate contentography, It still makes me very insecure because I wonder whether or not he is thinking of the things he has seen in the past, and thus it makes me frustrated and I feel weaker to fight off temptations to do things with him to reaffirm myself that he still finds me attractive, sexy, desirable etc. And I end up masturbating myself to control it. I honestly feel like this whole thing applies to the words of Paul in Corinthians 8:13, about avoiding anything that causes anther person to falter. I am trying to find a way to explain to him how I feel, without seeiming controlling or embarrassing him because he does feel ashamed about it, as he has been timid about the whole thing. He does say that masturbating without inappropriate contentography on a regula basis keeps him from being tempted to look at it bc it releases the sexual tension that builds up. However it still makes me feel insecure. We even pray everynight before bed, and that does give me some security. I am just lost on what to do. I think if he did more physical exercise it might be a good subsititute as well. What are y'alls thoughts? Can he stop masturbating or is best he does it as long as he isnt looking/thinking about bad things? I know myself I have some issues to tackle, mostly insecurity and self esteem issues as well.
thank you all in advance!
I tried to read every response but got too frustrated, so if I missed something important, I apologize. I am also married and so if I am not to be here posting, please correct me gently, and I will go away.
When I read this OP, I see feelings and emotions that I fought with for years and years when my own husband was addicted to inappropriate content and masturbating. First let me say that it is not going to stop until or unless God takes it away by your fiances yielding it over to God and allowing HIm to transform his life. Let me also say that according to the heart of the law (biblical) it is a sin. Of this, I have been convinced after talking to a knowledgeable person about the matter from a biblical standpoint.
But the real topic I see here is your feelings and emotions. There is a scripture that tells us that sexual sin is caused by low self esteem. Look at your own admission, it is your self esteem that drove you to touch.
So I have a couple of suggestions for you, from someone who has been down that road. 1. build up your fiance's self esteem...there are lots of ways to do this, but one I like is to think of and write a note of something you love about him every day. Give this note to him, and watch God change him as He changes you. (also keep in mind that primarily men get self worth from providing for the family unit, therefore it is important to include such notes in your list)
2. when we go back to Gen. we see that the man primarily get's his worth from work, the woman however gets her worth from pleasing or satisfying the husband, from being his helpmate...this is where your feelings are coming from. Because you sense you are not satisfying your "fella" your self worth is plummeting. So you need to understand, who you are to your fiance as well as understanding that this is not because of you or anything you did or do or did not or do not do. The issues are not part of one another....
3. above all else, pray and talk, always keeping a means of avoiding temptations of all kinds, both between yourselves and individually with inappropriate content and masturbation issues. The bible tells us to flee from sexual temptations...do what it takes to remain pure and as you do, pray, and speak openly and with painful honesty with each other. It is only when we put ourselves on the line with this type honesty that we really learn how very much we really are loved.
Well, I better stop there, I'm not even sure I have a right to post a reply
May you find Christ in the midst of your struggles and peace in the midst of this storm.
