Feelings

[Oraia]

Alrighty, I'm 18. I believe I've fallen for a christian girl, never fallen for anyone before, always been a shy-guy... don't really know how to show that I'm interested without creating an awkward situation... I figured time and patience and ya know usual stuff to get to know people would be the way to go about things... but It's hard to keep from being an awkward person, because for me it's a bit of an awkward situation...

Now she's going to be gone for a few years... and well last time she'd gone for vacation about a month, I wasn't unhappy, but when she returned I felt awesome, and the month did seem pretty... well .. I'd prefer to be near... (the song "Close to You" comes to mind... that may help to convey what I'm trying to say)

Anyway, a few years seems not unbearable, but I'd rather not bear not being able to get closer and my chances with her would seem to diminish.

What makes things not worse, but rather more of a challenge is that she's going to a bible school thing for those few years, which leads me to conclude that she's very very religious; and I'm atheist.

That really makes me curious if I even ever really had a chance with her at all, which leads me to wanting to ask her directly whether we'd have a chance together or not, and if I determine that it's a yes, I'd move to be closer(by move, I mean out of my parents house to near where this school is) and closer, I mean physically(distance-wise), mentally and spiritually(relationship-wise)...

Anyway I realize this is just me rationalizing the situation, but if things don't go well, moving out of my parents' place is still a huge leap in one's development and improvement as a person, so either way it's a win yeah?

Anyway... I'm not really sure what I'm asking, but I hope I can get some input... I guess I just either want to hear some approving comments, encouragement.... or discouragement and other perspectives....

Also, I never said in this post that I love her, for the sole reason that I just don't like tossing that word around too much. I do feel that way though...

I do have many thoughts on the concept of love, which I've blogged a bit about... I've got a link to it in my profile.... just saying for a bit more understanding of what I'm feeling and thinking.... for those of you who seem to take an interest in my plight...

Sorry about the wall of text
Thanks for reading or skimming... I'd have skimmed if I were you...

 

[ArteestX]

What makes things not worse, but rather more of a challenge is that she's going to a bible school thing for those few years, which leads me to conclude that she's very very religious; and I'm atheist.

Leads you to conclude she's religious? My big question is, have you two discussed religion? Does she know you're atheist and is ok with that? Do you know how religious she is and are ok with it? Do you know her views on issues that matter greatly to you (like homosexual rights, or abortion, or government responsibility to the poor, or whatever matters to you)? What have you two discussed about religion?

Other big question; how long have you two been dating?

 

[Oraia]

fallen for this person... and I'm a shy guy... dating psh I wish... I don't know much about relationships and therefore we aren't dating... we're not that close either...

anyway, I guess I'm just being stupid...

I knew she was religious...but I wasn't sure how religious.... I dunno...

I really don't know anything... there's not really much anyone here can do to help me, thanks for the reply though

EDIT: I apologize for making a post with much lack of thought... and my excuses are irrelevant...

I'm a fan of the concept of unconditional love... And frankly, I basically know nothing about her. I don't believe someone's personality should define whether you love them or not, but rather love drives you to learn about people, and what you learn is just fuel to the fire, whatever the information may be.

Say person A and B 'love each other, 5 years later, B changes drastically, for example...always appears to be irritable and a jerk.... does A still love B? probably not, why? because A never loved B, A enjoyed/liked B's personality...

I like to think that love can neither be created nor destroyed, only given, and not taken back.

This probably sounds naive and romantic I suppose, but I can't help but think everything someone thinks they feel is false if I look at it any other way...

I want to learn more about her, want to be with her, whoever she is(haha making it sound like I know this person so little that I don't even know who I'm talking about...) but yeah... I probably seem like a total idiot >_>

 

[ArteestX]

fallen for this person... and I'm a shy guy... dating psh I wish... I don't know much about relationships and therefore we aren't dating... we're not that close either...

anyway, I guess I'm just being stupid...

Not stupid, just a little premature, esp if you're talking about moving out of the house to be close to this person.

I'm a fan of the concept of unconditional love... And frankly, I basically know nothing about her. I don't believe someone's personality should define whether you love them or not, but rather love drives you to learn about people, and what you learn is just fuel to the fire, whatever the information may be.

Allow me to use an imperfect analogy. If I said that I loved a movie, want to spend the rest of my life watching this movie over and over, but didn't actually know the movie or had seen it, wouldn't that sound a little weird? Love is separate from mere information, but I don't think love is real if it isn't informed by *some*thing.

Say person A and B 'love each other, 5 years later, B changes drastically, for example...always appears to be irritable and a jerk.... does A still love B? probably not, why? because A never loved B, A enjoyed/liked B's personality...

I like to think that love can neither be created nor destroyed, only given, and not taken back.

This probably sounds naive and romantic I suppose, but I can't help but think everything someone thinks they feel is false if I look at it any other way...

Honestly, you sound like you love love, not this girl in particular. Love changes over time, has ebbs and flows, and requires a LOT of work to maintain. You don't love someone forever no matter what. Loving another person requires effort and work; you have to learn about their flaws and weaknesses, they learn about yours, you have disagreements and arguments, you get on each other's nerves, etc.

But amidst all those human failings, hopefully the love that you started with in your relationship builds over time, and learning more about each other develops a greater appreciation for each other, you compromise and find your way back to each other, you consciously go out of your way to show affection (easy to do in the early stages, harder to remember after years of marriage and the weight of life bears down on both of you).

If you fall in love, develop a relationship, and then things don't work out, that doesn't mean you never actually loved this person or that the love between you two wasn't real. But as the relationship changed and developed, so did the love, and sometimes it doesn't work out. In fact, honesly, 90% of the time it doesn't work out. It's rare to date one or two people and have it work out forever. As they say, you need to kiss a lot of toads before you find prince charming.

And you have to have some sort of relationship with different people to find out what you want in a relationship and how to allow the feeling of love to guide you through a loving relationship and have it last. Again, love that doesn't work out is still love.

Hang in there. I hope things work out with this person, but whether it does or not, be confident that the love is real either way.

 

[Oraia]

What you're saying isn't stuff I want to hear, from that, I don't like what you're saying.... but I really like what you're saying because it's probably pretty accurate, thanks a lot, you've given me a new perspective...

okay actually it is what I want to hear, a new perspective is what I was looking for...

as for moving out of the house... I'm moving out either way, just probably to a different place...shwelp thanks

 

[salida]

No offense but if she is truly religious she will want a guy who is a christian because he will make her spiritual life inspirational and they have the same worldview.
(2 Co 6:14 is the issue here)

 

[Oraia]

Yes, I agree and she is and does. Though I want to point out that one doesn't need to be religious to be spiritual

EDIT:
Oh my gosh... I just looked 2 Co 6:14 up... that's like the scariest thing I've read... I've read it before... but now I've read it again and it is therefore on my mind and yeah.. that's why I'm posting this... just to say... I don't like it

 

[freeport]

Alrighty, I'm 18. I believe I've fallen for a christian girl, never fallen for anyone before, always been a shy-guy... don't really know how to show that I'm interested without creating an awkward situation... I figured time and patience and ya know usual stuff to get to know people would be the way to go about things... but It's hard to keep from being an awkward person, because for me it's a bit of an awkward situation...

Now she's going to be gone for a few years... and well last time she'd gone for vacation about a month, I wasn't unhappy, but when she returned I felt awesome, and the month did seem pretty... well .. I'd prefer to be near... (the song "Close to You" comes to mind... that may help to convey what I'm trying to say)

Anyway, a few years seems not unbearable, but I'd rather not bear not being able to get closer and my chances with her would seem to diminish.

What makes things not worse, but rather more of a challenge is that she's going to a bible school thing for those few years, which leads me to conclude that she's very very religious; and I'm atheist.

That really makes me curious if I even ever really had a chance with her at all, which leads me to wanting to ask her directly whether we'd have a chance together or not, and if I determine that it's a yes, I'd move to be closer(by move, I mean out of my parents house to near where this school is) and closer, I mean physically(distance-wise), mentally and spiritually(relationship-wise)...

Anyway I realize this is just me rationalizing the situation, but if things don't go well, moving out of my parents' place is still a huge leap in one's development and improvement as a person, so either way it's a win yeah?

Anyway... I'm not really sure what I'm asking, but I hope I can get some input... I guess I just either want to hear some approving comments, encouragement.... or discouragement and other perspectives....

Also, I never said in this post that I love her, for the sole reason that I just don't like tossing that word around too much. I do feel that way though...

I do have many thoughts on the concept of love, which I've blogged a bit about... I've got a link to it in my profile.... just saying for a bit more understanding of what I'm feeling and thinking.... for those of you who seem to take an interest in my plight...

Sorry about the wall of text
Thanks for reading or skimming... I'd have skimmed if I were you...

I appreciate your humility and openness. You are right to ask advice about this matter.

Thing is Christianity is not a monolith, however. For all I know the girl may belong to some anti-Christian cult pretending to be Christian. Probably not, but who knows. You will likely get different opinions from different people just on this thread. You choose what is right to believe. Weigh the evidence. You have more facts then we do on the matter.

In just about any situation like this it is usually a bad idea to wait for someone for years like this unless you are married and both very serious and reliable people. It sounds like you are set to do this, but are you sure she really is? And are you really set to do this if another girl does not come along?

Also, if you wish to win her heart, I would suggest relooking at Christianity, quite simply. Why not? Read the Gospels and put away all the things the world says about Christianity and Jesus.

Don't be insincere or convert for her sake. I am just saying, check it out for yourself. From the Bible, between you and God.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Nilla]

i'd say get to know her first and see if you still feel the same way about her..

often when we fall for someone without knowing them we're in love with a picture we've painted ourselves about this person. (well at least in my case that's how it's been...)

 

[bluwaterz]

Hello,

If you trully want to be an Atheist than you shouldn't be with her, because there is going to be problems in your relationship, I can tell you that right now.

But if your open to God, than I would say go for it, if you trully are not open to the possiblities of becoming Christian than I will say again not to pursue it. That's my thoughts on the matter/situation.

I hope everything works out for you Oraia, on whatever you decide.

Have a good day

bluwaterz
PEACE