Feeling really low

[ForeverSeekingLight]

Hey,

Im feeling really low right now and am in need of prayer. Im really struggling with the depression and the fact that I dont feel that Im getting better. I still feel sad and thats tough when I know I should be happy as everything is great in my life. I just wish I knew the reason I felt this way.
The following is going to really contridict what you guys have seen me write over the past few days. I dont really have a relasionship with God. I believe in Him totally but dont rely on Him at all. I guess I just like being my own person. I like to get drunk and do my own thing I guess.
I just cant seem to stick with anything. An example of this is a relasionship with God. Whenever I decide to follow God again, I pray and really depend on Him for a couple weeks but then go back to my old ways.
I have a problem with my weight and I just cant seem to accept that I am a normal weight. I am always thinking about my weight and food. The thing is that I am a healthy weight and I know that, but I always am thinking how I could loose weight. I sooo want to loose weight but I know I wouldn't stick with a exercise regimin or healthier eating (an example of this is the eliptical trainer I bought last year and its just sitting downstairs untouched for the past couple months).
I thought things were supposed to get easier, but things just keep getting harder to the point where I just don't know how Im going to last much longer.
Since grade six I have struggled with needing attention. In the past I have made up stories or did things such as cutting for attention. Its not becuase I didn't get attention at home or anything. I have a great family and great friends but still have this longing for attention. This attention thing has gotten me in major trouble in the past and I have goine to counselling for it as well. I am really hoping the anti-depressants make me feel better so I dont feel I need attention. This whole attention thing got me started drinking and I love the feeling of being drunk. I love the feeling of not caring about anything else except that moment. BUt I know that drinking is also an attention thing as I can tell people what I really think and do things I wouldn't normally have the courage to do ( I guess thats why alcohol has the name of liquid courage). When Im drunk, people get a kick out of me so I get alot of attention...so that kinda fed my drinking problem. I dont drink much in terms of frequency (usually once a month or so) but when I do drink, its to get drunk.
Sorry to be rambling on, its just a really tough night and I didn't have anywhere else to turn.

 

[thunderbyrd]

4seeklite: i'm working on a longer post to put upin a few minutes, but in the meantime, don't go get nothing to drink cause i worthwhile things to tell you...

 

[ForeverSeekingLight]

Hey,
Im not going to drink now...but tomorrow night there is a party that I want to go to and I want to drink so bad. I am underage so I can't go to the bar but there are house parties all the time.
I want to drink tomorrow night...but at the same time I know it wouldn't be good. But I love that feeling...
Oh man...why does it have to be this way.

 

[thunderbyrd]

4lite: i'm a 47 man who has drank alot. i have to admit, i do love getting a buzz on - but i recently noticed something. Whenever i drink, the next day i have a physical hangover, then the day after that, i have a mental hangover - a whole day or 2 of just thinking black hopeless thoughts. And feeling like nothing will ever get good or better. the stupid side of it for me is that there is nothing for me to be "down" about, i got a good life, my wife loves me, my kids are mostly fine, etc. i haven't drank for several weeks and i've leveled off real well and feel better than i have for a long time.

if you are taking antidepressents and drinking, ill tell you from xperience its a bad combination. i had awful dreams, sleepwalked, and felt really lousy all the time.

as far as your friends getting a kick out of you when you're drunk - that is a temporary thing. they will soon get sick of you when you are drunk, voice of experience talkin again.

As far as relying on God: that is a skill that takes some time and practise to master. Alot of things about the Lord are that way and it don't pay to beat on oneself about it, one learns at one's own pace.

really overall, looking at this one post, i hope i can say to you, cause i am absolutely saying it in love, it looks to me like you need professional help. i needed it in the past and i went and got it -and i'm a member of a macho non-help seeking subculture -but i had to admit it and go for it.

get wise, lightseeker. youre going to mess yourself up if you don't.
love in Jesus, t-byrd

 

[thunderbyrd]

i love that feeling too, but don't go to the party, instead stay sober tomorrow, set your alarm clock early, get up and think Wow, it feels good not to have a hangover -it works for me!

 

[thunderbyrd]

remember, getting drunk means feeling good for 3 hours, feeling lousy for 3 days.

 

[ForeverSeekingLight]

Hey,
Thanks for your response.
What kind of help do you mean? I have been started on Celexa and in a couple weeks, my doctor wants to put me in counselling.
I must have made my drinking to seem like a bigger problem than it was...like I rarely do it. Maybe once a month...lately its been less. Its just that its something I wish I didn't have to deal with...mostly because it feeds the attention thing.
Thankyou again. I will really think about what you said...especially with New Years parties coming up!

 

[thunderbyrd]

hey, 4-ever, i hadn't realized! yes, of course, tomorrow nite in new years eve! i loose track of time here in my cave! i've gotta broke foot and i'm sorta grounded for awhile, the outside world must get on without me,etc...

look, here's a great thought for you and me both: alot of churches have new years eve celebrations - i know one near me and i'm going. no drinking for me tomorrow night! tho, yes, a part of me wants that very much.

no, i'm going to the House of the Lord tomorrow night and while i'm there, right at the beginning ofthis new year, i intend to re-dedicate myself to the One i love and who died for me. i don't have to make a show of it, it doesn't have to be any more that a private prayer. And i am confident Jesus will have respect to my offering, and Sunday morning will be a whole new thang for me!

come on, why don't you do the same...look at it this way: the devil is the one ultimately making you unhappy -make him unhappy for once - yeah!

 

[ForeverSeekingLight]

hey
well i am actually bbsiiting tommor from like 730 till 2 so i was just going to go to the party after. hopefully ill either be too tired to go or i just wont have any desire to drink. im already starting to feel that i just wont want to.
sorry this is such so short, the baby just woke up for her night feeding so im just feeding her and typing to you at the same time. how old r ur kids?

 

[crazylittlep]

 

[ForeverSeekingLight]

Hey,
Im sorry I didn't tell you crazylittlep. I just didn't think it was the time. Plus, I was feeling a bit better by then. Thanks for your concern. I hope everything is alright with you!

 

[trinitygrace]

foreverseekinglight,

I'm so glad we are talking and have gotten to know each other better. I will be totally honest with you with what I think about your situation. I know you say you dont have a relationship with God and everytime you do feel close to him, that you turn back to your old ways. I was like that for a LONG time. You are young but you can still make a different in His Kingdom. Whenever you feel like turning back to your old ways, that's Satan whispering in your ear. He whispers doubts to you and makes you question whether living for God is the best way and he makes you want to fulfil your selfish needs. You need to fight back! We are in a spiritual battle here and you wanting to drink to get drunk is his way of controlling you! Don't let him!! Especially since you are on medication now, there could be really adverse effects to your health. You say you want to work with children and you seem to be very good with them. But what kind of example are you leading? Be the strong woman that you know you are. Make smart decisions and try to strive to develop your relationship with Jesus. I know it will be hard and there will be moments where you don't feel His presence, but be assured that he is ALWAYS there listening to you. If you don't already have one, get a study bible like "The Life Application Study Bible" or "The Quest Study Bible" - these are good ones and get on a daily reading plan. Reading God's word is like calling him on the phone. You never know what he will tell you when you open that book. I get all kinds of messages from him whenever I do my daily reading. That wiill also help you feel closer to him and encourage you.
Foreverseekinglight, I am here for you and will always pray for you. Please think of your future in eternity with Him. Is going out and getting drunk good for you and your goal of workign with children? Is it good for you wanting to meet that special man to be your husband and father of your children? And most importantly, is it good for where you will be whenever you are done with this life?
Please think about these things before you drink to get drunk. Ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?" God will give you all the attention you will ever need.

In Him,
Bobbie

 

[ForeverSeekingLight]

Hey Bobbie,
Thanks for your response. I will think about what you said tonight when I go to the party.
Thanks again for your support,
Becky