Feeling Overwhelmed Trying to Help Friend

[Violagirl]

Hi all,

I need some advice. I have a very close friend that is dating someone struggling with overcoming drug addiction. Unfortunately their boyfriend has relapsed twice in the last month and understandably, my friend's attention has been solely on focusing supporting their boyfriend. However what's been hard is trying to continue to give support on my end to my friend. I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down. I'm starting to think that there isn't much more input I can provide and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them that I support them but want to give them space to figure things out and that I don't have any additional input to provide. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Tolworth John]

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

There are two things you can do.

Be a listening ear, just listen to her and make sympathetic noises.

Ask one question. If he does not beat his addiction at what point will she drop him.?

 

[Trusting in Him]

There are two things you can do.

Be a listening ear, just listen to her and make sympathetic noises.

Ask one question. If he does not beat his addiction at what point will she drop him.?

I think that is true! You mostly need to be there to help to pick up the pieces, when everything crashes and burns as that is very possibly how this may well end. Make list of scripture to be able to share when you need to. Let God guide you, not your own thinking!

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hi all,

I need some advice. I have a very close friend that is dating someone struggling with overcoming drug addiction. Unfortunately their boyfriend has relapsed twice in the last month and understandably, my friend's attention has been solely on focusing supporting their boyfriend. However what's been hard is trying to continue to give support on my end to my friend. I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down. I'm starting to think that there isn't much more input I can provide and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them that I support them but want to give them space to figure things out and that I don't have any additional input to provide. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's hard to know when to quit "helping". If we are wise, we will be led by the Lord and He will lead us. I've found that propping people up indefinitely can bring us down and leads the one we are trying to help to depend on us instead of on the Lord. Eventually, people need to stand on their own feet.

If the situation is wearing you down, you may be striving in your own strength. That will never work. It may also be the Lord saying that you've done as much as you can. I'd be saying something like the problem is too difficult for you, beyond your ability and experience to help.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi all,

I need some advice. I have a very close friend that is dating someone struggling with overcoming drug addiction. Unfortunately their boyfriend has relapsed twice in the last month and understandably, my friend's attention has been solely on focusing supporting their boyfriend. However what's been hard is trying to continue to give support on my end to my friend. I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down. I'm starting to think that there isn't much more input I can provide and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them that I support them but want to give them space to figure things out and that I don't have any additional input to provide. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

As frustrating as it may be, the very definition of friendship is emotional support.
If you decide to cut this off then maybe the friendship has taken a toll on you. My prayers for strength go out to you.
Blessings

 

[trophy33]

Hi all,

I need some advice. I have a very close friend that is dating someone struggling with overcoming drug addiction. Unfortunately their boyfriend has relapsed twice in the last month and understandably, my friend's attention has been solely on focusing supporting their boyfriend. However what's been hard is trying to continue to give support on my end to my friend. I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down. I'm starting to think that there isn't much more input I can provide and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them that I support them but want to give them space to figure things out and that I don't have any additional input to provide. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

They are three? Two girls and their boyfriend? It seems to be quite a mess.

Anyway, you cannot help them if they do not want to change. And if you have your own life, family etc, you cannot give all your time to just one problematic friend. For a time, yes, but not forever.

 

[Albion]

Hi all,

I need some advice. I have a very close friend that is dating someone struggling with overcoming drug addiction. Unfortunately their boyfriend has relapsed twice in the last month and understandably, my friend's attention has been solely on focusing supporting their boyfriend. However what's been hard is trying to continue to give support on my end to my friend. I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down.

I'm starting to think that there isn't much more input I can provide and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them that I support them but want to give them space to figure things out and that I don't have any additional input to provide.

I think you've just said it, Violagirl.

You are her supporter and friend, and you want her to know you remain so. But while you can sympathize with her plight and respect her efforts, you are unable to solve the problem for her.

 

[Trusting in Him]

Make sure that you have got a good supply of coffee and that you can be there as a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Try not to let this interfere with the necessary time for sleep and not getting into a state as well. BTW, who is supporting you through this? Supporting your friend can be a major strain on you, so be aware that this may be too much for you, if you don't keep an eye on what this may be doing to you as well.

 

[Sketcher]

Have boundaries on how you will help, so that your help (and friendship) is sustainable. If he empties her, and you pour into her, he empties you by proxy.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Hi sound advice for you and your friend is to set boundaries and give them good biblical advice. No one should date a struggling addict. You can date an ex addict who has a solid track record of recovery. The problems they are going through is like a codependency that you are being dragged into. This drug guy I feel for but he needs to put his recovery from addiction at the front of his to do list and get a job and support and your friends need to step back a bit and encourage and support him through it and not be so involved with him until he has made it. Her mistakes in getting this far involved is now overreaching and putting her struggles on you. Id' warn her that she is not equally yolked with a guy who is still using. Be honest and tell her you do not want to be involved with that situation.

 

[Trusting in Him]

People who have serious problems sometimes can be good at giving their friends guilt trips and demanding more a more attention, as they can end up being dependant on their friends support and attention. This something to be on your guard against as these things can drag you down too!

 

[Chris35]

I've been so happy to have been there for my friend but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious even when I see my friend has texted me. I was there for them when their boyfriend relapsed and have provided emotional support during other hard times but I feel worn down.

Why dont you tell her that.

Imo, overcoming drug addiction is a big issue, it takes alot of support, more then just one person, and it can take years.. If its starting to affect you mentaly and emotion, then let her know. She should understand.

There is alot of support for drug addiction / partners of someone addicted to drugs. Forums, hotlines, meeting groups, rehab centres, ect. If you want to help her, you can help her find some of those thing, so that she has some type of support group to turn to.