I know exactly how you feel. People here know I do too. I was in a horrible place. Just thought God hated me and my entire world just was over with. Everything seemed to crash down all at once. I fasted, I prayed, and prayed. I tried so hard and cried so hard to get my prayers answered. I needed God in my life again. I was faced with the most trying and hurtful time in my life.
Everyone seemed to not understand me. I could not seem to talk to anyone without someone taking something wrong. I was devastated. Even when I turned to God there was a void. So cold and alone. Even though God kept someone near and dear to me. I was just so cold and alone.
In time I began looking past me and trying to help others. I had so much trauma in my life, it too a lot to straighten things out. It took God. The funny part is.... while I was all in a panic, He was already digging in right at work in me. Changing who I was. Making me a better man. Eventually I started seeing God was with me all along.
He allows us to fall because we put something in front of Him. At least I did. For me, my pride, conceit, ego, and horrible self esteem all was right in front blocking God out of the picture. Thankfully, God had enough of me and my foolishness. He allowed me to fall and feel that loneliness like I never felt before.
It took that hurt for me to fall on my face and say to God. God! No matter what it takes, do what you want for me and please help me be a better man! What I was praying for. Well. Its getting better. However, when I prayed that He would change me, wow, did He ever. He made me a man that could cope with the trials. A man that did not panic and worry. He made me stronger than I ever had been.
I know you feel like your going through the worse time in your life. Hang on there. Be patient as possible. God has got this and HE is on it. He will move and shape you into who He wants you to be. Just like Job. You will be blessed more than you were before it all began for you. Keep the faith. Fight on and never give up. Trust me. I got close. Really close.
Listen to the still small voice. When you hear it. That is God saying how much He loves you. How much He really cares for you. That is God saying, "I have something better for you".
Psalm 46:
8Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
Greatpretender, your God is about to make you more alive than you ever have been. Be still, and know He is God. The quicker you relax to quicker He turns things all around for you. Pray for others. Help others. This gets you back to His will and caring about what He wants you to do. Stop looking in the mirror. Look to friends, family, love ones. Look to the brethren. To reach out your hand within your own storm and help someone else, this is the quickest way to get blessed by God.
Don't forget this very truthful and powerful verse.
Proverbs 3:
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8It will be healing to your flesh
b
and refreshment
c to your bones.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. Just trust in Him. You may not believe that there is a better way, this is why we are not to lean on what we think, but lean on the delivering power of the Lord. He will do it in amazing ways trust Him. When you fully trust in Him, He will make your paths straight. Thats right. He will lead you straight out of that valley so easy and wonderfully.
Its been over a year and a half. Yes some things have gotten way better about what I was praying about, and still I pray about them. Now, everything about me that was so messed up, well I am not so messed up anymore. I prayed to be that tree by still waters. I am really getting there. I am enjoying the Lord unlike ever before. I had to just trust HIM. He did things I never thought was possible. But that is okay with me. He is amazing and I love my Jesus.
I will pray with you. God will light the way. Just start heading in His direction.
