feeling like giving up.

[igotgoodnews]

When i first started believing it was good. I started to let go of past relationships. I started to hang out with the christian friends i had. And
that was all good. I loved the fact that all you need was faith to be saved.
so i did. I stopped smoking weed/cigs/drinking/sex (i have severe OCD/anxiety/depression)

well over the course of a little while (4 months) i started having doubts and getting my faith tested. i kept strong and quoted bible verses in my head all day. well this started my OCD. soon enough all my friends at church are ALWAYS talking about God. "how do you glorify god in your work"?. There all about spreading the gospel and they always seem on fire.

soon enough its now gone from, all you need is faith, to, well GOD doesnt want a lukewarm christian. God wants me to show my faith by doing works, GOD wants me to do everything for his glory.

I ask some of my friends "am i even allowed to do anything for myself anymore" and they just sort of look at me weirdly.

I get scared if im not like them God wont like me because im just a lukewarm christian. and to be honest following jesus has made me MORE DEPRESSED. I don't get up until like 11 am most mornings, unless i have to go to work, my panic attacks have gotten worse. my OCD has spiked. and guess who its directed towards, GOD! I feel guilty about everything i do.

Last night after fighting this for a couple months now, i just got fed up and mad with god. I got drunk and had sex. I dont even feel like apologizing now.

the worst part is. I have such a strong testimony of God answering my prayers (All except for the ones where he helps me feel like im alive) that Jesus is such a irrefutable truth, that even if i wanted to walk away. I couldn't. I want my life back. at least when i was smoking pot it helped my anxiety, my ocd and depression. and i got up at 8am. i was way more active. and i felt closer to god. way closer.

I have a medical marijuana card. im probably going to go buy some marijuana and just smoke it in the morning and before bed. I understand these probably seem like legalistic issues. and i have addressed that,

but the doubting is like a razorblade that drives through my soul. i dont want these thoughts. God knows i want him, but he obviously isnt willing to help me. and i cant just live my life depressed. so im going to go to what i know works. ive been trusting god to help me through this for a good amount of time now (at least what i consider). God tells us he will only put us through what we can bare.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

I cant bear this. it hurts to much. the other day i just asked god to take me home, kill me because id rather be with him where I dont have to doubt any longer, i dont have to feel like getting out of bed is the most strenuous part of my life.

Im on meds.. but to be honest the pot relieved me so much better, and it at least made me feel like my emotions were stable.

I give up on fighting for my faith. if my faith dissapears then its apparent that god didnt give me enough in the first place. since hes the one who grants our faith.

 

[xBladesx]

Believe me, I know how you feel

Also gave up on my faith recently due to losing almost all the money I saved on a learning institute that liquidated.
I blamed God and turned my back on on him

Like you I also slipped back into the world and had no conscience

The most amazing thing was The Lord kept calling me back no matter what I did.
Eventually I gave up resisting Him and turned back to Him.

The thing about faith, (from the Word) you only need faith The size of a mustard seed to be used by The Lord.
The cool thing is you don't have to do it alone in your own strength.
Anything you go through and need help with, rely only on Him and He will take you through.
Also, yes it is about serving The Lord and doing what He asks of us.
It's also about realizing that as a father He wants a relationship with us, to spend time us an just love us

For you as a person you do need to make yourself happy from time to time and have some time for yourself.
However, to uphold your testimony, do it without sin.
If you only do everything for the Church and never any thing for yourself, it can lead to discouragement and you burning out

The way you glorify God in your work is simply working the way He wants you to, ie be honest, helpful, friendly, hard working and show His love and be a reflection of Him.
Also be honest about your faith and be a living example.

We must share the Gospel to others an make followers of men.
Being a living testimony as I just said is the best way to start

Take the singer Cliff Richard for example. Never bible bashed anyone but just by being a Good example and open about his faith got more people saved than anyone

I have no right to tell you what to do but I would ask you please not to give up.

 

[1watchman]

Friend, it sounds like you need to give up ---on religious efforts, that is. Unless one has the Savior, the Lord Jesus in his/her heart, it is only religion and that will not save a soul or give real peace. Let me share the quote I have found to show the basic need:

"There is a danger of intellectualizing God, rather than coming personally in faith (see Heb. 11:6). Here is something one should do:

Three things need to be appreciated to find God, be saved for eternity and enjoy His blessings:
1) Go into your "closet (Mt. 6:6) --private place away from other people, and speak humbly with your Creator-God;
2) Confess and own you are a sinner before God as He says of all mankind (see Rom. 3:11-26), and you want to be saved, obey, and live for Him;
3) Confess to Him you are now receiving God's beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, into your heart as your Savior (read 1 Jn. 5:10-13), and give thanks honestly to the Lord Jesus for His sacrifice and suffering for you.

If you honestly do all that in sincere communion, you can go forth happy in your soul, walking and talking with the Lord Jesus, knowing from God's promises you have done all that is required in the Bible to be saved. The Lord Jesus will truly come and make His “abode” in you by the Holy Spirit, and you will be sealed as a child of God (see John 3 and John 14:23 and Eph. 1:13).

It is really simple, but many miss salvation by taking short-cuts and follow religious ways and their own ideas, and are not honest and faithful in talking to the Savior. Be sure to also read your Bible daily.

The above thoughts show that which is involved, but actually one can simply cry to the Lord Jesus to save oneself, and if done in real faith and trust in Him, God will do the work and convince one."

 

[insurchoftruth]

Psalm 119:50, Psalm 62:8, Psalm 42:5, Psalm 43:5, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 86, Isaiah 25:8, 30:18,19,20, 40:1, 41:10,13,14, 2 Corinthians 1:3-11, 4:16-18, 7:6, 12:9,10, Psalm 13, Psalm 94:19, Lamentations 3:1-66, Psalm 116:3-9, Psalm 30, Psalm 31, Psalm 94:17-19, Psalm 25:16,17,18, Psalm 34, Psalm 147:3, Psalm 22:24, Psalm 54:7, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 69, 2 Corinthians 1:10, 1 Corinthians 10:13, 2, Luke 4:18,19, Jeremiah 29:11, 31:13,

 

[waves]

For the most part it takes a process to overcome smoking weed, sex, drinking. I believe that you are still dealing with the effects of these things. If so you are going to need professional help to deal with these things.

Satan is a liar and the father of lies, he wants you to give up and be depressed.

 

[shikyoblossom]

I know how you feel. I went through a phase where my faith was tested just like yours is. It will pass even though you might not see the end it is there. When it does pass you will feel so much better knowing that you have conquered satan.

It is always darkest before the light

 

[sevenmsw]

I know it's difficult but have you tried to stop being angry with God?

Try setting your alarm clock for 7 am each morning and see what happens. God Bless!