Feeling Horrible

[midair7231]

Hey everyone. This is my first time posting on this forum. I would like to share my story with everyone and hopefully find some encouragement. I have thought for awhile now that I might I have OCD. I went to a therapist today and he pretty much confirmed it. I am 23 and engaged to the love of my life. We are getting married in May. Just recently I started a new job and everything was going good for a week or two. I then started talking to this girl a lot that worked there. We had a good bit in common and I started to like being around here. About that time is when the guilt hit me and I told my fiance. She laughed it off as no big deal, but I started obsessing over it more and more. I started to think horrible things like "what if I really dont love her" or "what if i dont want to get married" I then started to go on this emotional rollercoaster. I know deep down those bad thoughts arent real because when im feeling good(like my normal self) I have no doubt in my mind I love my fiance. These thoughts have been controlling me for the past couple of days and when I feel sad and depressed I have this kind of nervous/scared feeling. I would appreciate any advice anyone has to give me. I feel like this is tearing me apart on the inside right now.

Matthew

 

[Jayangel81]

Hi!

sounds a bit similar to what I was going through but questioning my love for Jesus and Sad is going through something similar about her husband. Its just OCD we just need to write it off as that.

Im praying for you

 

[gracealone]

Hey everyone. This is my first time posting on this forum. I would like to share my story with everyone and hopefully find some encouragement. I have thought for awhile now that I might I have OCD. I went to a therapist today and he pretty much confirmed it. I am 23 and engaged to the love of my life. We are getting married in May. Just recently I started a new job and everything was going good for a week or two. I then started talking to this girl a lot that worked there. We had a good bit in common and I started to like being around here. About that time is when the guilt hit me and I told my fiance. She laughed it off as no big deal, but I started obsessing over it more and more. I started to think horrible things like "what if I really dont love her" or "what if i dont want to get married" I then started to go on this emotional rollercoaster. I know deep down those bad thoughts arent real because when im feeling good(like my normal self) I have no doubt in my mind I love my fiance. These thoughts have been controlling me for the past couple of days and when I feel sad and depressed I have this kind of nervous/scared feeling. I would appreciate any advice anyone has to give me. I feel like this is tearing me apart on the inside right now.

Matthew

HI Matthew,
Welcome to the forum. There are people hear who can definitely relate to your relationship OCD thoughts. Sad and RachelZ will probably be able to tell you that they have had some very similar if not exactly the same thought patterns.
Knowing it's OCD helps but doesn't erase the symptoms. You can however, start right now while it's in it's early stages learning how to , just let the thoughts be there without giving them any attention. The more you fight against them, or seek reassurance about them the more stuck they will get in your head.
Your off to a great start since you've already had your OCD confirmed by a professional.
Glad to have you onboard. By the way my daughter in law who has OCD went through something very similar with her OCD when engaged to our son. It made it very difficult for her to trust her feelings for him. In the end she took the leap and married him and I can tell you that she has told me repeatedly just how glad she was that she made that choice. They are so happy and expecting a baby boy in June. I love her so much and am grateful that she didn't let OCD rob us of the blessing of having her as a daughter.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[midair7231]

Thank you for all your support. I makes me feel better to know there are others out there like me. I did a little better today. I still have this anxious/nervous feeling inside of me and then I start thinking bad thoughts.

I guess I will try and keep fighting the battle.

I am going to the doctor Monday (I dont know if this is the right choice since he is a general physician). Should I be going to a mental health professional instead?

 

[dizzydoll]

Thank you for all your support. I makes me feel better to know there are others out there like me. I did a little better today. I still have this anxious/nervous feeling inside of me and then I start thinking bad thoughts.

I guess I will try and keep fighting the battle.

I am going to the doctor Monday (I dont know if this is the right choice since he is a general physician). Should I be going to a mental health professional instead?

It wouldn't hurt to do a a good physical but for meds n things I'd go to a phsychiatrist.
Hugs
Izzy

 

[RachelZ]

Hi Mathew...can't write much at the mo but wanted to say hi and welcome and I really feel for you. As Mitzi has said I know where you're coming from...it's brilliant you're recognising this as possibly being OCD related and all I can say for now is get the treatment you need asap and get as much support from here as you can. Sorry that wasn't meant to sound bossy!

When OCD attacks relationship it can be so painful...if I can help at all please let me know...I pray God helps you...sorry gotta go...take care, Rachel

 

[Ceili]

You're asking for help and that's positive action. My OCD only affects my activity level,like staying up working,doing everything for everybody etc. I'm a clean freak so I have no experience in what you're going through with it affecting your emotions and relationship thoughts.The laughing it off by your fiance' may be fuel to have you keep searching for what you may think is the perfect person. Are you doing that?You can love someone but feel alone. I wish you the best.

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Welcome, midair! I got your PM, but thought I would reply here. I have definitely gone through what you are going through right now. My OCD began when my now-husband and I got engaged. It was pretty severe, but I went through with the wedding and am so glad I did. However, getting married didn't make my OCD go away, and I still struggle with it from time to time. I have definitely had all of your thoughts. My only advice is to get in to see a psychologist who specializes in OCD. If you live in the U.S., go to the OC Foundation website and from there you can look up OCD therapists in your area.

I have tried a number of techniques and have found that ERP/CBT works the best. OCD is very tricky, and very sneaky, and often attacks the things that we love the most or are the most important to us. I hope you are able to get some help... I suffered for far too long thinking I could beat it on my own before finally realizing I needed the help of a professional.