Feeling Guilty

[rocklife]

another question, you don't have to answer publicly, but is important to meditate on. Have you forgiven your parents and your abusers?

Remember the Lord's prayer, please forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And note, forgiveness does not mean that their wrongs are okay, it means you don't hold revenge and bitterness. And in forgiving, that doesn't mean you have to trust untrustworthy people. But christians need to forgive.

For my big forgiveness steps, I read a book about it, and then wrote down all my anger and accusations against people, especially my parents, and then I prayed about it, and said in my heart, I forgive all this, and asked God to help me do this. Then I tore up the paper into tiny pieces. And God has helped me move on.

I also encourage continuing in bible study daily.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

another question, you don't have to answer publicly, but is important to meditate on. Have you forgiven your parents and your abusers?

Remember the Lord's prayer, please forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And note, forgiveness does not mean that their wrongs are okay, it means you don't hold revenge and bitterness. And in forgiving, that doesn't mean you have to trust untrustworthy people. But christians need to forgive.

For my big forgiveness steps, I read a book about it, and then wrote down all my anger and accusations against people, especially my parents, and then I prayed about it, and said in my heart, I forgive all this, and asked God to help me do this. Then I tore up the paper into tiny pieces. And God has helped me move on.

I also encourage continuing in bible study daily.

Thanks rocklife...I find it very hard to read my Bible because I feel like I am such a horrible person...I feel like all the things that God says about who we are in Christ applies to everyone but me...i just can't believe that God would love something like me.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi Rocklife

I think I have forgiven my parents...like I'm not bitter about what they've done to me and I don't want revenge...I love them, yet know that what they did was wrong...The hurt inside is what's proving hardest for me. What was the name of the book you read?...it may be helpful.

 

[Surviving]

Forgiveness is quite a hard things to do. I believe that you do need to forgive those that hurt you in order to move on. But you can only forgive when both you and God are ready and that you have sorted through any issues that need sorting.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Forgiveness is quite a hard things to do. I believe that you do need to forgive those that hurt you in order to move on. But you can only forgive when both you and God are ready and that you have sorted through any issues that need sorting.

Hi Surviving,

I really don't know whether I've forgiven my parents...I that sounds stupid but I am so confused and hurting so much at the moment that I don't even know who I am!! I guess if I had truly forgiven them I would feel less burdened by the pain of the past and wouldn't still be trying to win their approval and be a "good girl"...what do you think? I'm still hurting so badly inside (actually I hurt worse now than I did when i was little or than I ever have) for what never "was"...I just get so angry at myself for feeling the way I do. I don't feel like I can deal with these emotions for much longer...why wont God help me?

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Praying for you this morning Concrete Angel.

LittleLambChild

Thank you...hope you're feeling better too...praying for you.

 

[Surviving]

Hi Surviving,

I really don't know whether I've forgiven my parents...I that sounds stupid but I am so confused and hurting so much at the moment that I don't even know who I am!! I guess if I had truly forgiven them I would feel less burdened by the pain of the past and wouldn't still be trying to win their approval and be a "good girl"...what do you think?

I can understand what you are saying. For me, with forgiveness, I haven't even started yet. The people I need to forgive are my parents, my abuser, the Christian organisation I was involved with at the time, my bullies that I had through school, and (unfortunately) God. (Please can people not make comments about me forgiving God as I do know that it wasn't his fault...man's will and all that...but it doesn't stop from being angry with God...I need to work through that!)

I haven't even started thinking about forgiving them. I know that I would need to, but I am no where near ready yet. There are so many emotions that I know I have to deal with before I get there. I am only dealing with my first one, which is anger.

I'm still hurting so badly inside (actually I hurt worse now than I did when i was little or than I ever have) for what never "was"...I just get so angry at myself for feeling the way I do. I don't feel like I can deal with these emotions for much longer...why wont God help me?

As for hurting worse now than when you were little, when you were actually being abused, this is understandable. Going to counceling for me has been a good, but hard step. My councelor has been able to explain a few things to me that has made things seem clearer. Basically, when we were young, we are so confused with what was happening to us, that we don't really understand properly what was going on. On the one hand, we knew what was being done to us was wrong. But, on the other hand, here was someone who we were to trust, so it must have been ok what they were doing.

It's only as you get older that you know what they are doing is really wrong, and by then sometimes you think it is too late to deal with things. All these emotions that were are experiencing now we weren't able to express when we were younger. That's why it feels so hard sometimes. Also, as you experience these emotions, you are reliving what has happened to you. This is why it is so painful.

Personally, I would encourage you, or anyone to work through these feeling with someone. If you don't, it will only delay the healing process. It might seem hard now, but leaving it later on, it will be harder.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

[/COLOR]

I can understand what you are saying. For me, with forgiveness, I haven't even started yet. The people I need to forgive are my parents, my abuser, the Christian organisation I was involved with at the time, my bullies that I had through school, and (unfortunately) God. (Please can people not make comments about me forgiving God as I do know that it wasn't his fault...man's will and all that...but it doesn't stop from being angry with God...I need to work through that!)

I haven't even started thinking about forgiving them. I know that I would need to, but I am no where near ready yet. There are so many emotions that I know I have to deal with before I get there. I am only dealing with my first one, which is anger.



As for hurting worse now than when you were little, when you were actually being abused, this is understandable. Going to counceling for me has been a good, but hard step. My councelor has been able to explain a few things to me that has made things seem clearer. Basically, when we were young, we are so confused with what was happening to us, that we don't really understand properly what was going on. On the one hand, we knew what was being done to us was wrong. But, on the other hand, here was someone who we were to trust, so it must have been ok what they were doing.

It's only as you get older that you know what they are doing is really wrong, and by then sometimes you think it is too late to deal with things. All these emotions that were are experiencing now we weren't able to express when we were younger. That's why it feels so hard sometimes. Also, as you experience these emotions, you are reliving what has happened to you. This is why it is so painful.

Personally, I would encourage you, or anyone to work through these feeling with someone. If you don't, it will only delay the healing process. It might seem hard now, but leaving it later on, it will be harder.

Hi Surviving

That all makes sense to me...and I feel like I have to forgive God too even though, as you say, it wasn't his fault...but I guess that's our inner child saying "well if God really loves me, why did he let this happen?", or "if God is good, then why wont he take the hurt away?"...to a child that's the logical way to think.

I'm just going to keep hanging in there and working through all the hurt and stuff because I want to feel alive and enjoy my life because I haven't enjoyed the last 21 years so I want to feel better so i can "get a life" so to speak!

Thank you so much for your kind words...it is so comforting to know that others are going through the same stuff...even though none of us should have to be dealing with it....I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan and if I'm not reminding myself, my minister is...she tells be at least once a day every day!!

With Love
ConcreteAngel

 

[tigercub]

Hi All

I'm really struggling with feeling guilty about talking about the past. I really feel like I'm doing the wrong thing and can't seem to get past that. Like every time I read something about abuse, talk to my psych or minister I get this overwhelming feeling of guilt...I want it to stop because I just make myself feel so sick. It just makes dealing with all the abuse stuff even harder cos I have to deal with the guilt too which I shouldn't feel but I do and I can't seem to stop it.

I would really value anyone's insight on this because it's really exhausting me

You haven't posted in a while...how's it going?