Feeling Confused and Alone

[~Anastasia~]

I believe if this desire in me to go to this church is true and supernatural, than it is due to the Holy Spirit. I am simply not ready to talk to God.

That's understandable. Often our desires (to talk to God or to avoid talking to Him) might not match the opportunities we are given.

But God knows you fully, and what you can handle, and can't, and how to speak to you. He doesn't force anyone. I'm not sure that necessarily can reassure you, but it IS something we learn to trust.

 

[Melony Martin]

May i ask is that out of fear of God?

Why would Gods Holy Spirit be moving you to seek His will by going to church if at the same time He somehow hated you and did not want you talking to Him? God would not be pulling you in and at the same time pushing you away.. God does not have multiple personality disorder lol

It is out of the fear of feeling like I'm talking to myself, then maybe finding out that was true.

 

[Melony Martin]

That's understandable. Often our desires (to talk to God or to avoid talking to Him) might not match the opportunities we are given.

But God knows you fully, and what you can handle, and can't, and how to speak to you. He doesn't force anyone. I'm not sure that necessarily can reassure you, but it IS something we learn to trust.

I appreciate that God doesn't force himself on us. I've just built my whole life on logical deduction and inductions and thinking that was all there was. Now, I'm having what is, obviously, an existential crisis. I am afraid. I am afraid of God. I am afraid of the Church. I am afraid of myself.

 

[Adstar]

It is out of the fear of feeling like I'm talking to myself, then maybe finding out that was true.

Well i encourage you to have a go.. I know God is and He knows all the thoughts of all people.. So in a way God knows all our thoughts anyway.. So we may as well talk to Him about them..

 

[com7fy8]

I am afraid of myself.

I have found that I am my own main problem; there is a reason why Jesus says we need to deny ourselves, in order to follow Him > Luke 9:23.

And we have all we need to learn, including how to really please and share with God, and how to relate in love.

"What we are concerned about may not be what God really desires with us."

And Jesus cares about "all" >

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30)

 

[archer75]

I appreciate that God doesn't force himself on us. I've just built my whole life on logical deduction and inductions and thinking that was all there was. Now, I'm having what is, obviously, an existential crisis. I am afraid. I am afraid of God. I am afraid of the Church. I am afraid of myself.

I have been there in the fairly recent past. It is hard to let go of logic or the appearance of logic as your "all". BUT in the end it will make your reason stronger. I am too sick and also generally ineloquent to say more. But I believe it.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I appreciate that God doesn't force himself on us. I've just built my whole life on logical deduction and inductions and thinking that was all there was. Now, I'm having what is, obviously, an existential crisis. I am afraid. I am afraid of God. I am afraid of the Church. I am afraid of myself.

I understand, and you are expressing it very clearly.

I guess my answer to this came purely by the grace of God, and so long ago that I'm not in a position to have anything substantial to offer someone in that position.

That being the case, you have my prayers, such as they are, and anything I can answer you through the forums. I hope others can offer more direct help.

I do pray your crisis is answered soon and in the best way for your sake. If you remain open, I trust God is able to do this.

 

[~Anastasia~]

(One more thought does occur to me, if you appreciate logic and structure in understanding Truth ... I'm not sure how much you know about Orthodox theology, but the whole of it from creation, the fall, everything to do with redemption, really all of human history - fits into such an amazing logical construct that pleased my sense of logic, reason, and order much more than anything I've ever encountered. I hope you'll appreciate that as well.)

 

[com7fy8]

It is out of the fear of feeling like I'm talking to myself, then maybe finding out that was true.

We do need to make sure we are not only talking to our own selves and producing our own sort of experience of God. This is a legitimate issue. I myself can fool my own self and not even know it; and guess what? God is able to get through to me and correct me! So, I trust this problem to Him; He does care about us >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

"be anxious for nothing" > see Philippians 4:6-7.
If you try to keep things at your level of how you can reason things out, yes you have something to worry about. So, while you limit yourself to your ways and standards and dictatorship of logic, you can get into more and more fear and frustration . . . away from how God's peace "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (in Philippians 4:6-7)

Also, God's ways are "past finding out", our Apostle Paul says in Romans 11:33. We can not figure Him out. And His ways of love are what we can not figure out; so in order to discover how to love, we need God to have us living in His love with His ways which we ourselves can not figure out or know how to control.

So, our own logic can have us missing out on how to really love. It can limit us away from the ways of God's love which are so more and better than we can humanly figure out. Only God is able to have us succeed in this.

The grace of God's love makes us able to live in His creating ways . . . how He has us sharing with Him and submitting to Him in His peace and discovering how He has us loving each and every person . . . creating with Him. We can live in His ways of love, though we can't figure it out

But we need to be committed to trusting how God has us succeeding in doing this, and not give up on any person . . . including our own selves. Because love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7)

"This is why we need to deny ourselves and take up the cross of all-loving love."

So, you can see this is impossible for all of us. Sin can have you feeling like you are some special case . . . the only human who has impossible troubles!! But we all need how God alone is able to do this with us, by means of His grace which works in our character and emotions and thinking so we succeed with Him. Jesus knows about you . . . and all of us; and Jesus says >

"The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (in Luke 18:27)

So, if you tell us that things are so impossible . . . we know And we enjoy how God keeps winning in us, in spite of us. We pray for each other , help each other, and win as family

 

[sheamiao]

You are welcomed and loved here. Be free to share your heart. Jesus love people who is physically or mentally ill. There is no disease too hard or him to heal. You can do your part, like studying who you are in Christ. Have the belief of who you are in Christ is necessary for everyone. May you recover greatly sooner than you think.

Background: I have schizophrenia, schizoid personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a mild drinking problem. I also have a phobia, but don't get me started on that. It may sound crazy, but from where I've been in the past, I feel pretty lucky.

I've been an atheist for years, but I'm going to church Sunday. I don't how to feel or think, and I have no one to think or talk through things. I'm new. I can't PM, just so everyone knows.

ar

 

[sheamiao]

You are welcomed and loved here. Be free to share your heart. Jesus love people who is physically or mentally ill. There is no disease too hard or him to heal. You can do your part, like studying who you are in Christ. Have the belief of who you are in Christ is necessary for everyone. May you recover greatly sooner than you think.

Background: I have schizophrenia, schizoid personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a mild drinking problem. I also have a phobia, but don't get me started on that. It may sound crazy, but from where I've been in the past, I feel pretty lucky.

I've been an atheist for years, but I'm going to church Sunday. I don't how to feel or think, and I have no one to think or talk through things. I'm new. I can't PM, just so everyone knows.

ar