Feeling Chained to my Church! Help!

[section9+1]

The pastor hasn't realized that the church exists for its people and not the other way around. I attended a church that I never joined and had some involvement with it, but only as far as I chose to. Felt no pressure. I moved away so it ended, but I feel it was a good place. Of course you have another life besides the church. It's his job to build Christians and not to burden them.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

I'm surprised there's still anyone left there, except for the terminally lonely and the pathetically insecure. "Their use of guilt?" That's all I needed to hear -- that's the antichrist. Get out of there and let the place close up. It's going to happen sooner or later anyway.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

"Their use of guilt?" That's all I needed to hear -- that's the antichrist.

That is a pretty strong call that I sure would not wish to make.

When we say anything bad regarding a church we better be very very careful.

Cheesy for the flesh to jump to conclusions.

M-Bob

 

[Mountainmanbob]

"Their use of guilt?" That's all I needed to hear -- that's the antichrist.

That is a pretty strong call that I sure would not wish to make.

When we say anything bad regarding a church we better be very very careful.

Easy for the flesh to jump to conclusions.

M-Bob

 

[Original Happy Camper]

It's a form of Baptist. Though I do not consider myself to be Baptist.

Move on

When Jesus leads you must follow.

For a Bible believing and teaching church search here
http://www.adventistdirectory.org/FindByType.aspx?EntityType=C

 

[Albion]

Ordinarily, I would say to be cautious about moving on, but in this case where you are not a Baptist, apparently are not a member of the church in question, and there is probably no way of resolving the problem you have described to us...I would say to at least look around at other churches.

But if no other church is a possibility, thanks to the transportation issue, you are stuck and might as well force yourself to put your concerns out of mind.

​

 

[Dorothy Mae]

I've been attending a very small church for a few years. It is not actually the denomination that I consider myself to be, but I go there because overall, I was comfortable with the pastor and the other people there, whereas many of the other nearby churches I tried just weren't a good fit for me. This one was. And because of transportation issues, which I'll mention later.

But the old pastor retired and moved away to another state, and a new one and his family have taken over. Now overall, the new pastor is really good. I do like him, he has good, thought-provoking messages and seems very grounded in the word. But there is one thing about him that is driving me nuts. He is obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with church attendance.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe in being faithful in attendance, and I'm also happy to see the church growing. It's the methods of this pastor, his family and apparently the actual doctrine of this particular denomination and their use of guilt that I'm not used to, and it's making me feel like I'm a prisoner of them and all their newly added services.

I'm not just talking about Sunday and Wednesday services, which are pretty standard (though under the old pastor there was only Sunday morning service, no weekdays). No, even youth services regardless of your age. Even (get this) children's choir practice- even if you don't sing and have no children, and (get this one now) even BBQ's and volleyball on Saturdays in the summer (which didn't actually happen, but there was talk about it)! I kid you not. He expects everyone in the church to be present every single time there is absolutely anything happening on church property, unless you are practically dying or something. No joke. If the Roto Rooter man is there cleaning out the septic tank he probably expects everyone to be there for it. The old pastor was not like this!

He literally said in a recent sermon, "Our lives revolve around church (services and activities). They don't revolve around the world (meaning jobs, family, etc.)." He comes in, takes over, adds all these new services and activities that didn't exist before, and then expects everyone to alter their schedules accordingly. Now he's been bugging me to talk to my boss and have him change my work hours to accommodate all these new church activities, which is not going to happen. For one thing, in order to change my schedule they would have to change everyone else's schedule too, and that's not really fair to my coworkers.

This is really starting to get on my nerves. Hardly any of his sermons or messages or even Bible studies don't contain some reference to being a faithful church attendant. He actually misuses Scripture to bring home his point, making you feel guilty if you cannot be there for some service or event. He doesn't even approve of people going on vacation if it means they will be gone and miss ANY service or event!



I've always been faithful in attendance unless I had a good reason I couldn't make it, or if something came up. I've gone to other very good churches in years past and none of them ever used guilt trips like this. They understood that sometimes people wouldn't be able to make it to some of the services and were fine with it, as long as you always came back regularly and were there when you could be. Also, there wasn't a conflict with my work schedule and church until the new pastor took over and began adding more services and events that didn't exist before. Now because I work until late in the evenings, it means I have to miss some of these. Also, my days off are the only days I can do things like grocery shopping, laundry and other errands because I'm too exhausted from my job to do them on work days. All these added activities are putting a squeeze on my free time to do these things too.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. Right now they have Sunday and Wednesday services, plus other activities on Tuesdays and now apparently Thursdays. They've been talking about adding even more. Last night I barely slept because I was so stressed out about it!

I know the simplest answer some people might give me is "Find another church!" And some others might agree with him and say to me, "Find another job so you can be there all the time!" But both of these are difficult primarily because I don't drive (I do ride a bike and the bus), and there is no transit service on Sundays, so I need a good church that is close to home. And I need a job that's close to my home for the same reason. I feel trapped, and don't know how to handle this! It has me depressed and feeling stressed and drained.

What I have done when a church leader was pressuring me to participate in some event, is to ask God and do what I felt He wanted me to do. We should obey God rather than man. I found that have me strength to say no without any guilt.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

software glitch

 

[Dorothy Mae]

duplicate

 

[Dorothy Mae]

same problem

 

[Dorothy Mae]

looks like it happened a few times

 

[Dorothy Mae]

same

 

[Dorothy Mae]

last duplicate

 

[continueinfaith]

I want to thank all who have responded. You have helped me considerably. Although due to the transportation issue I will probably, for a while at least, continue attending this church but I won't feel so guilty when I miss a function.

I used to think it was just the pastor but in their statement of faith which is posted on the bulletin board, they (the denomination) use Hebrews 10:24-25 to state that the church (as an organization) expects regular attendance from its congregation. Not only in services, but also at its annual conventions! This seems over the top to me. I do think this pastor takes this to an extreme however. As I said, the old pastor was not like that at all.

I have never joined, thankfully, so am not an official member even though I do attend regularly and support it. This one issue is really the only thing I dislike about the pastor, other than that he's fine. But he knows how to lay on the guilt if you're not there for a service or activity. He uses Scripture to manipulate his flock in this way. I've begun to keep a record whenever he does this. One example from a few months back was when he had a sermon about Ananias and Sapphira. In this sermon he said, "Sapphira died because she was late to church!" I didn't even know what he meant by that, so I looked up the verses and realized he was referring to where she 'came in (three hours after the death of her husband), not knowing what had happened.'

He's done this sort of thing numerous times, taking Scripture that has nothing to do with "church attendance" and seeming to make it all about that. To me, that's manipulative and wrong. I am going to keep my eyes open for another church. It may take a while, but if this pastor keeps up with this I think it may be for the best.

 

[continueinfaith]

I want to thank all who have responded. You have helped me considerably. Although due to the transportation issue I will probably, for a while at least, continue attending this church but I won't feel so guilty when I miss a function.

I used to think it was just the pastor but in their statement of faith which is posted on the bulletin board, they (the denomination) use Hebrews 10:24-25 to state that the church (as an organization) expects regular attendance from its congregation. Not only in services, but also at its annual conventions! This seems over the top to me. I do think this pastor takes this to an extreme however. As I said, the old pastor was not like that at all.

I have never joined, thankfully, so am not an official member even though I do attend regularly and support it. This one issue is really the only thing I dislike about the pastor, other than that he's fine. But he knows how to lay on the guilt if you're not there for a service or activity. He uses Scripture to manipulate his flock in this way. I've begun to keep a record whenever he does this. One example from a few months back was when he had a sermon about Ananias and Sapphira. In this sermon he said, "Sapphira died because she was late to church!" I didn't even know what he meant by that, so I looked up the verses and realized he was referring to where she 'came in (three hours after the death of her husband), not knowing what had happened.'

He's done this sort of thing numerous times, taking Scripture that has nothing to do with "church attendance" and seeming to make it all about that. To me, that's manipulative and wrong. I am going to keep my eyes open for another church. It may take a while, but if this pastor keeps up with this I think it may be for the best.

 

[Oldmantook]

I want to thank all who have responded. You have helped me considerably. Although due to the transportation issue I will probably, for a while at least, continue attending this church but I won't feel so guilty when I miss a function.

I used to think it was just the pastor but in their statement of faith which is posted on the bulletin board, they (the denomination) use Hebrews 10:24-25 to state that the church (as an organization) expects regular attendance from its congregation. Not only in services, but also at its annual conventions! This seems over the top to me. I do think this pastor takes this to an extreme however. As I said, the old pastor was not like that at all.

I have never joined, thankfully, so am not an official member even though I do attend regularly and support it. This one issue is really the only thing I dislike about the pastor, other than that he's fine. But he knows how to lay on the guilt if you're not there for a service or activity. He uses Scripture to manipulate his flock in this way. I've begun to keep a record whenever he does this. One example from a few months back was when he had a sermon about Ananias and Sapphira. In this sermon he said, "Sapphira died because she was late to church!" I didn't even know what he meant by that, so I looked up the verses and realized he was referring to where she 'came in (three hours after the death of her husband), not knowing what had happened.'

He's done this sort of thing numerous times, taking Scripture that has nothing to do with "church attendance" and seeming to make it all about that. To me, that's manipulative and wrong. I am going to keep my eyes open for another church. It may take a while, but if this pastor keeps up with this I think it may be for the best.

You hit it on the nose - the pastor is manipulative (and perhaps insecure). A good shepherd does not twist the scriptures to manipulate the flock. I would run; not walk away from his church. House church might be an option too, if there are any in your area. Or, if there are other members in the church who feel the same way, get together and start a home group of your own.

 

[akaDaScribe]

I want to thank all who have responded. You have helped me considerably. Although due to the transportation issue I will probably, for a while at least, continue attending this church but I won't feel so guilty when I miss a function.

I used to think it was just the pastor but in their statement of faith which is posted on the bulletin board, they (the denomination) use Hebrews 10:24-25 to state that the church (as an organization) expects regular attendance from its congregation. Not only in services, but also at its annual conventions! This seems over the top to me. I do think this pastor takes this to an extreme however. As I said, the old pastor was not like that at all.

I have never joined, thankfully, so am not an official member even though I do attend regularly and support it. This one issue is really the only thing I dislike about the pastor, other than that he's fine. But he knows how to lay on the guilt if you're not there for a service or activity. He uses Scripture to manipulate his flock in this way. I've begun to keep a record whenever he does this. One example from a few months back was when he had a sermon about Ananias and Sapphira. In this sermon he said, "Sapphira died because she was late to church!" I didn't even know what he meant by that, so I looked up the verses and realized he was referring to where she 'came in (three hours after the death of her husband), not knowing what had happened.'

He's done this sort of thing numerous times, taking Scripture that has nothing to do with "church attendance" and seeming to make it all about that. To me, that's manipulative and wrong. I am going to keep my eyes open for another church. It may take a while, but if this pastor keeps up with this I think it may be for the best.

What's the denomination?

The reason I was suggesting to contact the pastor was not just for you, but for the sake of others who attend that church. It may be that he would be able to reign the new pastor in a bit, or make sure he's not ruining that church and turning it into a pseudo-cult. This is especially true if he is trying to twist scriptures to support his agenda and manipulate the people.

I am concerned for you, but I am very troubled about the other members as well. Have you talked to any of them about this?

 

[dqhall]

I've been attending a very small church for a few years. It is not actually the denomination that I consider myself to be, but I go there because overall, I was comfortable with the pastor and the other people there, whereas many of the other nearby churches I tried just weren't a good fit for me. This one was. And because of transportation issues, which I'll mention later.

But the old pastor retired and moved away to another state, and a new one and his family have taken over. Now overall, the new pastor is really good. I do like him, he has good, thought-provoking messages and seems very grounded in the word. But there is one thing about him that is driving me nuts. He is obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with church attendance.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe in being faithful in attendance, and I'm also happy to see the church growing. It's the methods of this pastor, his family and apparently the actual doctrine of this particular denomination and their use of guilt that I'm not used to, and it's making me feel like I'm a prisoner of them and all their newly added services.

I'm not just talking about Sunday and Wednesday services, which are pretty standard (though under the old pastor there was only Sunday morning service, no weekdays). No, even youth services regardless of your age. Even (get this) children's choir practice- even if you don't sing and have no children, and (get this one now) even BBQ's and volleyball on Saturdays in the summer (which didn't actually happen, but there was talk about it)! I kid you not. He expects everyone in the church to be present every single time there is absolutely anything happening on church property, unless you are practically dying or something. No joke. If the Roto Rooter man is there cleaning out the septic tank he probably expects everyone to be there for it. The old pastor was not like this!

He literally said in a recent sermon, "Our lives revolve around church (services and activities). They don't revolve around the world (meaning jobs, family, etc.)." He comes in, takes over, adds all these new services and activities that didn't exist before, and then expects everyone to alter their schedules accordingly. Now he's been bugging me to talk to my boss and have him change my work hours to accommodate all these new church activities, which is not going to happen. For one thing, in order to change my schedule they would have to change everyone else's schedule too, and that's not really fair to my coworkers.

This is really starting to get on my nerves. Hardly any of his sermons or messages or even Bible studies don't contain some reference to being a faithful church attendant. He actually misuses Scripture to bring home his point, making you feel guilty if you cannot be there for some service or event. He doesn't even approve of people going on vacation if it means they will be gone and miss ANY service or event!



I've always been faithful in attendance unless I had a good reason I couldn't make it, or if something came up. I've gone to other very good churches in years past and none of them ever used guilt trips like this. They understood that sometimes people wouldn't be able to make it to some of the services and were fine with it, as long as you always came back regularly and were there when you could be. Also, there wasn't a conflict with my work schedule and church until the new pastor took over and began adding more services and events that didn't exist before. Now because I work until late in the evenings, it means I have to miss some of these. Also, my days off are the only days I can do things like grocery shopping, laundry and other errands because I'm too exhausted from my job to do them on work days. All these added activities are putting a squeeze on my free time to do these things too.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. Right now they have Sunday and Wednesday services, plus other activities on Tuesdays and now apparently Thursdays. They've been talking about adding even more. Last night I barely slept because I was so stressed out about it!

I know the simplest answer some people might give me is "Find another church!" And some others might agree with him and say to me, "Find another job so you can be there all the time!" But both of these are difficult primarily because I don't drive (I do ride a bike and the bus), and there is no transit service on Sundays, so I need a good church that is close to home. And I need a job that's close to my home for the same reason. I feel trapped, and don't know how to handle this! It has me depressed and feeling stressed and drained.

Your job is more important than attending every service they offer. If you lose your job, they are not likely to support you financially.

I remember a church run by Reverend Jim Jones demanded total loyalty and service of his congregation. He asked his members to move to a commune named Jonestown in Guyana with him. In 1978 he asked them all to drink poisoned koolaid and over 900 of them died.
https://www.rollingstone.com/cultur...s-you-should-know-about-cult-massacre-121974/

 

[continueinfaith]

What's the denomination?

The reason I was suggesting to contact the pastor was not just for you, but for the sake of others who attend that church. It may be that he would be able to reign the new pastor in a bit, or make sure he's not ruining that church and turning it into a pseudo-cult. This is especially true if he is trying to twist scriptures to support his agenda and manipulate the people.

I am concerned for you, but I am very troubled about the other members as well. Have you talked to any of them about this?

https://www.gotquestions.org/Free-Will-Baptists.html
I had never heard of this denomination before I started attending there. The congregation is VERY small, so small that most of the members now are family of the pastor. It's not that many people left when the old pastor retired, it was very small before and now has actually grown with the inclusion of the new pastor and his family (wife, adult children and their spouses and children).

 

[marineimaging]

I've been attending a very small church for a few years. It is not actually the denomination that I consider myself to be, but I go there because overall, I was comfortable with the pastor and the other people there, whereas many of the other nearby churches I tried just weren't a good fit for me. This one was. And because of transportation issues, which I'll mention later.

But the old pastor retired and moved away to another state, and a new one and his family have taken over. Now overall, the new pastor is really good. I do like him, he has good, thought-provoking messages and seems very grounded in the word. But there is one thing about him that is driving me nuts. He is obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with church attendance.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe in being faithful in attendance, and I'm also happy to see the church growing. It's the methods of this pastor, his family and apparently the actual doctrine of this particular denomination and their use of guilt that I'm not used to, and it's making me feel like I'm a prisoner of them and all their newly added services.

I'm not just talking about Sunday and Wednesday services, which are pretty standard (though under the old pastor there was only Sunday morning service, no weekdays). No, even youth services regardless of your age. Even (get this) children's choir practice- even if you don't sing and have no children, and (get this one now) even BBQ's and volleyball on Saturdays in the summer (which didn't actually happen, but there was talk about it)! I kid you not. He expects everyone in the church to be present every single time there is absolutely anything happening on church property, unless you are practically dying or something. No joke. If the Roto Rooter man is there cleaning out the septic tank he probably expects everyone to be there for it. The old pastor was not like this!

He literally said in a recent sermon, "Our lives revolve around church (services and activities). They don't revolve around the world (meaning jobs, family, etc.)." He comes in, takes over, adds all these new services and activities that didn't exist before, and then expects everyone to alter their schedules accordingly. Now he's been bugging me to talk to my boss and have him change my work hours to accommodate all these new church activities, which is not going to happen. For one thing, in order to change my schedule they would have to change everyone else's schedule too, and that's not really fair to my coworkers.

This is really starting to get on my nerves. Hardly any of his sermons or messages or even Bible studies don't contain some reference to being a faithful church attendant. He actually misuses Scripture to bring home his point, making you feel guilty if you cannot be there for some service or event. He doesn't even approve of people going on vacation if it means they will be gone and miss ANY service or event!



I've always been faithful in attendance unless I had a good reason I couldn't make it, or if something came up. I've gone to other very good churches in years past and none of them ever used guilt trips like this. They understood that sometimes people wouldn't be able to make it to some of the services and were fine with it, as long as you always came back regularly and were there when you could be. Also, there wasn't a conflict with my work schedule and church until the new pastor took over and began adding more services and events that didn't exist before. Now because I work until late in the evenings, it means I have to miss some of these. Also, my days off are the only days I can do things like grocery shopping, laundry and other errands because I'm too exhausted from my job to do them on work days. All these added activities are putting a squeeze on my free time to do these things too.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. Right now they have Sunday and Wednesday services, plus other activities on Tuesdays and now apparently Thursdays. They've been talking about adding even more. Last night I barely slept because I was so stressed out about it!

I know the simplest answer some people might give me is "Find another church!" And some others might agree with him and say to me, "Find another job so you can be there all the time!" But both of these are difficult primarily because I don't drive (I do ride a bike and the bus), and there is no transit service on Sundays, so I need a good church that is close to home. And I need a job that's close to my home for the same reason. I feel trapped, and don't know how to handle this! It has me depressed and feeling stressed and drained.

(Edit - Let me preface with, Our pastor and his family are just great people who care with hearts of love as Jesus said. But our pastor and the deacons are not brow beaters or nosy. They do not call five minutes after a service to ask why we are not there. When I had a heart attack and they found out they let me know they would be there if we needed anything; and they were just as responsive as we requested. They love, they care, they will be there for you in 2 seconds. But demanding we be at the church every day is just not the way of our congregation in Tomball, TX.)

Being faithful to attendance is not the same thing as being a slave to the pastor or church home. Our attendance is important, our living with Christ in our hearts is important, and our taking the message of Christ to the lost is important, but being a slave to the pastor is not our calling nor is it our blessings. Stay with your church, attend like you did before, and when someone berates you for not moving into the building just smile and nod and say, have a blessed day and move on with your life. He is no different than others I have encountered but they eventually learn to not expect me every waking minute. What our church members and pastor can expect is that the wife and I will be there Sunday for school and service, we will tithe as the Bible states, and we will take Christ into our community in our hearts. We will also attend about 3-4 of the events each year to help out at our church socials, pick up chairs when getting ready for weekly events (on Sunday after the service) but friend, we do not live at the church house. We have lives, work for a living, and have interests outside the church house. Our love is the Lord and our spirit is with the Lord, but our lives are defined by the WHOLE of who we are, not by the pastor.

 

[dhh712]

I've been attending a very small church for a few years. It is not actually the denomination that I consider myself to be, but I go there because overall, I was comfortable with the pastor and the other people there, whereas many of the other nearby churches I tried just weren't a good fit for me. This one was. And because of transportation issues, which I'll mention later.

But the old pastor retired and moved away to another state, and a new one and his family have taken over. Now overall, the new pastor is really good. I do like him, he has good, thought-provoking messages and seems very grounded in the word. But there is one thing about him that is driving me nuts. He is obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with church attendance.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe in being faithful in attendance, and I'm also happy to see the church growing. It's the methods of this pastor, his family and apparently the actual doctrine of this particular denomination and their use of guilt that I'm not used to, and it's making me feel like I'm a prisoner of them and all their newly added services.

I'm not just talking about Sunday and Wednesday services, which are pretty standard (though under the old pastor there was only Sunday morning service, no weekdays). No, even youth services regardless of your age. Even (get this) children's choir practice- even if you don't sing and have no children, and (get this one now) even BBQ's and volleyball on Saturdays in the summer (which didn't actually happen, but there was talk about it)! I kid you not. He expects everyone in the church to be present every single time there is absolutely anything happening on church property, unless you are practically dying or something. No joke. If the Roto Rooter man is there cleaning out the septic tank he probably expects everyone to be there for it. The old pastor was not like this!

He literally said in a recent sermon, "Our lives revolve around church (services and activities). They don't revolve around the world (meaning jobs, family, etc.)." He comes in, takes over, adds all these new services and activities that didn't exist before, and then expects everyone to alter their schedules accordingly. Now he's been bugging me to talk to my boss and have him change my work hours to accommodate all these new church activities, which is not going to happen. For one thing, in order to change my schedule they would have to change everyone else's schedule too, and that's not really fair to my coworkers.

This is really starting to get on my nerves. Hardly any of his sermons or messages or even Bible studies don't contain some reference to being a faithful church attendant. He actually misuses Scripture to bring home his point, making you feel guilty if you cannot be there for some service or event. He doesn't even approve of people going on vacation if it means they will be gone and miss ANY service or event!



I've always been faithful in attendance unless I had a good reason I couldn't make it, or if something came up. I've gone to other very good churches in years past and none of them ever used guilt trips like this. They understood that sometimes people wouldn't be able to make it to some of the services and were fine with it, as long as you always came back regularly and were there when you could be. Also, there wasn't a conflict with my work schedule and church until the new pastor took over and began adding more services and events that didn't exist before. Now because I work until late in the evenings, it means I have to miss some of these. Also, my days off are the only days I can do things like grocery shopping, laundry and other errands because I'm too exhausted from my job to do them on work days. All these added activities are putting a squeeze on my free time to do these things too.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. Right now they have Sunday and Wednesday services, plus other activities on Tuesdays and now apparently Thursdays. They've been talking about adding even more. Last night I barely slept because I was so stressed out about it!

I know the simplest answer some people might give me is "Find another church!" And some others might agree with him and say to me, "Find another job so you can be there all the time!" But both of these are difficult primarily because I don't drive (I do ride a bike and the bus), and there is no transit service on Sundays, so I need a good church that is close to home. And I need a job that's close to my home for the same reason. I feel trapped, and don't know how to handle this! It has me depressed and feeling stressed and drained.

You really do need a new church. This guy is not being faithful to the word of God.

I understand you have transportation issues. Here is what you may want to try, and I think it will work if you can find a church within one of these denominations in your area. Do a google search for each of these denominations: Orthodox Presbyterian Church, Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America and Presbyterian Church of America.

On the website for each of these denominations is a church locater. Hopefully, you'll be able to find a church within like at the most ten to twenty miles of you. You should be able to find a link to the church's website and on that link, contact information for the pastor. Hopefully, it's an email address because at least I would be more comfortable communicating via email. Explain your situation to him and I can guarantee you that someone in the church will be willing to offer you a ride each Sunday.

Us members of these denominations love to help people hear the word of God preached as it is revealed by him in the Bible. For a sister in Christ trapped in a non-Bible preaching church it is a horror for us to imagine her stuck in this situation.

If you don't want to go through all this work, I hope you will be comfortable enough giving me your *general* location and I would be more than happy to try to find a church from these denominations and reach out the the pastor there to see if he can find some help for you.

Please do not continue to go to this church!

In Christ,
Anne

 

[Alithis]

I've been attending a very small church for a few years. It is not actually the denomination that I consider myself to be, but I go there because overall, I was comfortable with the pastor and the other people there, whereas many of the other nearby churches I tried just weren't a good fit for me. This one was. And because of transportation issues, which I'll mention later.

But the old pastor retired and moved away to another state, and a new one and his family have taken over. Now overall, the new pastor is really good. I do like him, he has good, thought-provoking messages and seems very grounded in the word. But there is one thing about him that is driving me nuts. He is obsessed, and I do mean obsessed, with church attendance.

Don't get me wrong- I do believe in being faithful in attendance, and I'm also happy to see the church growing. It's the methods of this pastor, his family and apparently the actual doctrine of this particular denomination and their use of guilt that I'm not used to, and it's making me feel like I'm a prisoner of them and all their newly added services.

I'm not just talking about Sunday and Wednesday services, which are pretty standard (though under the old pastor there was only Sunday morning service, no weekdays). No, even youth services regardless of your age. Even (get this) children's choir practice- even if you don't sing and have no children, and (get this one now) even BBQ's and volleyball on Saturdays in the summer (which didn't actually happen, but there was talk about it)! I kid you not. He expects everyone in the church to be present every single time there is absolutely anything happening on church property, unless you are practically dying or something. No joke. If the Roto Rooter man is there cleaning out the septic tank he probably expects everyone to be there for it. The old pastor was not like this!

He literally said in a recent sermon, "Our lives revolve around church (services and activities). They don't revolve around the world (meaning jobs, family, etc.)." He comes in, takes over, adds all these new services and activities that didn't exist before, and then expects everyone to alter their schedules accordingly. Now he's been bugging me to talk to my boss and have him change my work hours to accommodate all these new church activities, which is not going to happen. For one thing, in order to change my schedule they would have to change everyone else's schedule too, and that's not really fair to my coworkers.

This is really starting to get on my nerves. Hardly any of his sermons or messages or even Bible studies don't contain some reference to being a faithful church attendant. He actually misuses Scripture to bring home his point, making you feel guilty if you cannot be there for some service or event. He doesn't even approve of people going on vacation if it means they will be gone and miss ANY service or event!



I've always been faithful in attendance unless I had a good reason I couldn't make it, or if something came up. I've gone to other very good churches in years past and none of them ever used guilt trips like this. They understood that sometimes people wouldn't be able to make it to some of the services and were fine with it, as long as you always came back regularly and were there when you could be. Also, there wasn't a conflict with my work schedule and church until the new pastor took over and began adding more services and events that didn't exist before. Now because I work until late in the evenings, it means I have to miss some of these. Also, my days off are the only days I can do things like grocery shopping, laundry and other errands because I'm too exhausted from my job to do them on work days. All these added activities are putting a squeeze on my free time to do these things too.

I feel like I've reached a breaking point. Right now they have Sunday and Wednesday services, plus other activities on Tuesdays and now apparently Thursdays. They've been talking about adding even more. Last night I barely slept because I was so stressed out about it!

I know the simplest answer some people might give me is "Find another church!" And some others might agree with him and say to me, "Find another job so you can be there all the time!" But both of these are difficult primarily because I don't drive (I do ride a bike and the bus), and there is no transit service on Sundays, so I need a good church that is close to home. And I need a job that's close to my home for the same reason. I feel trapped, and don't know how to handle this! It has me depressed and feeling stressed and drained.

 

[ItIsFinished!]

Great posts in here in regards to the situation being discussed.
I have two words for you regarding your new pastor and they are , unreasonable expectations.
Clearly you are not happy with the new changes and it is most likely affecting your spiritual walk with God. If that is the case and I do say if, then yes I would start looking for another church.
As always be in prayer and ask God to help and strengthen you during this time and guide you .
He absolutely will.