fear from yesterday

[Dianna_Child of God]

All day yesterday I feared death, bad. It was all I could think of. I didn't know why. I couldn't get it out of my head. I lose track of days. Didn't realize till I went to bed what day it was. It was the anniversary of my dad's death, of his murder at my step-mom's hands. This event when I was a teenager is where the BPD comes from. Besides the death(which I was in the house at the time) and events of the rest of the night(I will not go into detail here, could be very triggering), messed me up for life.

God is healing me, slowly. I do not know if it is possible to heal from something like that totally until I am in heaven with my Father, my Creator.

When I think about that, then I of course wonder if my father will be there. Will I see him again. I try not to think about it. It is hard not to.

 

[madison1101]

When I struggle with memories that plague me, I turn to the Word to be reminded of God's Truth. First, Philippians 4 tells us what to think about. Then, I meditate on Psalm 139, and thank the Lord that He knew me before I was born. And, I take great comfort in that Psalm.

I am sorry you lost your father in such a violent way when you were most vulnerable. You are right, you may never fully heal till your reach heaven. But, I believe you can find some peace, here on earth. Meditation on scripture brings great peace, as I focus my thoughts on God and His Word.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I have been finding more peace as my relationship with God grows. I honestly don't know how I made it all these years without that.