Favorite Southern Expression/Phrase

[If Not For Grace]

To Get a Mouthfull of em-read Lewis Grizzard (or just take a look at his Titles)

"Elvis is dead & I don't feel so good Myself"

"IF love were Oil I'd be about a quart low"

"They tore out my heart & Stomped that sucker Flat" (Only Lewis could make a book about open heart surgery funny-RIP)

 

[If Not For Grace]

"Hear Tell"

(conveys that the information was passed second hand)

 

[Gospel Trafficker]

Just a short list of things I have heard when I lived down south. Some are insults but they are a bit funny.

Well aint that slicker than opossum poop!

Well that just dills my pickle!

That’s about as useful as a trap door on a canoe!

You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.

I’m finer than frog hair split four ways.

He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin contest!

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

Don’t you pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

You’re lyin’ like a no-legged dog!

Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

That was faster than green grass through a goose.

She could make a preacher cuss!

Hell, she could even depress the devil.

You could start an argument in an empty house.

That coffee’s strong enough to float an iron wedge.

You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch?

Our preacher’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.

He’s so windy he could blow up an onion sack.

He’s so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in!

That boy’s more slippery than snot on a glass doorknob

They’re off like a herd of turtles.

She’s resting in peace in the marble orchard.

Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!

He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.

He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.

Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose

He’s so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.

That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.

I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.

I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.

He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

He’s so rich, he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.

You’ve got champagne taste with a beer pocketbook.

He’s tighter than a flea’s butt over a rain barrel.

He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.

He doesn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out.

It’s drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford clinic!

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table!

It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!

He’s not particularly handsome….

He’s uglier than the east end of a horse headed west

He looks like something the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.

He is so ugly that my mother had to tie pork chops to his ears so the dog would play with him.”

She’s so ugly I’d hire her to haunt a house!

“Living in sin”:

I heard they ate supper before they said grace!

 

[freezerman2000]

I'm countryfied

 

[If Not For Grace]

From another Network: When I first asked someone I now adore to tell me aliltte about himself the following is what he said: (I do use the disclaimer that he's technically from the midwest)

Big believer in organic food but at the same time think it should be a matter of choice. Without technology there would be a lot of very hungry folks in this world. I believe if we would learn to think before we buy, attempt to repair before we throw away, stop trying to keep up with the Joneses, quit letting our kids call the shots, quit thinking we are entitled to everything we see, lead by example instead of demand, stop using lawyers for anything more than wills and targets and start taking everything the media says with a grain of salt, we will all be a lot happier healthier and independent. The truth never takes sides, opposing sides must seek the truth and that starts with compromise. Compromise is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Any moron can pass judgment. I't takes intellect and character to try and understand. And lastly, the very worst an honest man can do is make an honest mistake.........................Life ain't fair, but it's damn sure generous, so quit cryin' cause you struck out a couple of innings. There's 7 more so pick up your bat and play some ball.................and blow torches, I collect them.......................And Jeeps. I got 20 r so.

Down South We call em "good ole boys" & I love em...."How bout ya'll?

 

[Gospel Trafficker]

Yee Haw!!!

 

[If Not For Grace]

Dang Near (came close to) "he dang near made me mad"

 

[If Not For Grace]

^ and a close relative of that is

& then sum: pronounced-nsum: meaning plus or in addition too(I'm half a hundred and then some & that's as old as I'm ever going to be.)

 

[mustang_94]

'At's fun'er than a three-legged dog.

 

[mustang_94]

Where you been? Gettin' my ears lowered. ( getting a hair-cut)

 

[mustang_94]

If I had a dog that ugly, I'd shave his butt an' make him walk back'ards.

 

[mustang_94]

If I had a dog that ugly, I'd shave 'is butt an' make 'im walk back'ards.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I'm out like a blind kid in a spelling B.

 

[If Not For Grace]

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain

 

[If Not For Grace]

They misunderestimated me.

George "Dubya" Bush

 

[If Not For Grace]

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, smrat alec?”

Don't mess with TEXAS

 

[If Not For Grace]

"That don't move a shovel of Dirt" (not relevant to the topic at hand)

 

[If Not For Grace]

A good what for (meaning to try hard or a scolding depending on context)

 

[Crandaddy]

Fixina, as in I'm fixina hit the sack in a few minutes.

I like to use y'all a lot too. Since I can turn my Southern accent on and off at will, I just love the looks I get from Yankees when I'm talking like I could be from Maine and then suddenly throw a "y'all" into the conversation!

 

[If Not For Grace]

Say sumpthin about "Tha war" and watch em smile...example: Oh bless your heart, see that there was back before Tha war...