Farewell

[F.E.A.R.]

I would like to say that I won't be returning here anymore (not that I was active that much) because it's been months since I've left the Church. I no longer want to have anything related with this so called "Living God" whom you and the small group of people out there in the world attending Church have so much hope in him. My life has been nothing more than a complete misery since birth and it also pains me a lot for those in a similar situation or worse than mine. Born in a poor family, surrounded by psycho family members, beaten so much by my mom when I was a kid, bullied by girls in my early years in school and then bullied by guys from a different ethnicity in middle school. Since I was a kid my hate has been growing and never stopped to the point where I want kill. I was a slow learner always behind everyone around me and later in my life I got shocked that I was without a talent.

One day I was crying so much at night to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My heart burnt so much and it pained thinking about ending my own life, but what kept me from doing it is still my strong will to live and that suicide is a crime. If suicide was never a crime I would've done it a long time ago. Even girls that I liked and asked out rejected me, always got rejected. I've read a dozens of posts about how children shouldn't do wrong to their parents? What about parents doing wrong to their children? Where are those posts? More children, babies die, get tormented at the hands of their parents and family members instead of the other way around. What hurts me the most is that they never admitted they're wrong, never said I'm sorry, forgive me.

I've always hoped that God (if he does exist) would get me out of this hell hole, that I would live to see the day were I would at least live a single normal day life without worries with the girl I like. But no change has happened. I've cried out so many times "I'll do anything, anything as long as I get to live the life I never lived, the things that I never had, I want to have them, especially the person I like. Just please stop tormenting me." No answer. I like two girls both who are rich, who are good, I want to try going out with them, but I have no chance, broke, can't drive a car and I'll simply get rejected like I've always been. But when I see how happy they are also with their families, I say to myself "What would a damaged person like me bring to their lives?" I envy and it pains me that I don't have the things and the life they have.

Everything that I ever hoped and dream that would change in reality gets crushed by every passing second. Every night when I fall asleep I wish I would never wake up, I wish I could dream and never wake up. I've realized that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. For now I've got nothing except my younger brother and a few friends left. My whole life's been a torment and God just made it worse. I do not care about the afterlife, I only care about the life I never got to live here. If a genie existed I would wish for a good and rich family, born in a different country and not knowing about God at all for the rest of my life.

The two last things I'll do is go find an Elder to ask him how to get wealth and power, if there's no result in the end, well there's always the devil to ask, whatever the contract is, I'll do whatever it takes, even at the cost of my soul, just so that I can have the life I never had and being with either of the two girls would be fine.

Note: I do not want prayers, that's the last thing I'd want. I do not want anymore torments. Perhaps "the good God" is not good after all.

 

[Lukaris]

Hoping that life will take a better turn for you in hope overcoming misery. Socioeconomically may you be blessed in your daily bread for yourself and towards your neighbor.

While I am expressing a sentiment it is also a prayer. Take it for in any minuscule manner it can be of help as you see fit. Hopefully things will get better for you.

 

[Charlie24]

I would like to say that I won't be returning here anymore (not that I was active that much) because it's been months since I've left the Church. I no longer want to have anything related with this so called "Living God" whom you and the small group of people out there in the world attending Church have so much hope in him. My life has been nothing more than a complete misery since birth and it also pains me a lot for those in a similar situation or worse than mine. Born in a poor family, surrounded by psycho family members, beaten so much by my mom when I was a kid, bullied by girls in my early years in school and then bullied by guys from a different ethnicity in middle school. Since I was a kid my hate has been growing and never stopped to the point where I want kill. I was a slow learner always behind everyone around me and later in my life I got shocked that I was without a talent.

One day I was crying so much at night to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My heart burnt so much and it pained thinking about ending my own life, but what kept me from doing it is still my strong will to live and that suicide is a crime. If suicide was never a crime I would've done it a long time ago. Even girls that I liked and asked out rejected me, always got rejected. I've read a dozens of posts about how children shouldn't do wrong to their parents? What about parents doing wrong to their children? Where are those posts? More children, babies die, get tormented at the hands of their parents and family members instead of the other way around. What hurts me the most is that they never admitted they're wrong, never said I'm sorry, forgive me.

I've always hoped that God (if he does exist) would get me out of this hell hole, that I would live to see the day were I would at least live a single normal day life without worries with the girl I like. But no change has happened. I've cried out so many times "I'll do anything, anything as long as I get to live the life I never lived, the things that I never had, I want to have them, especially the person I like. Just please stop tormenting me." No answer. I like two girls both who are rich, who are good, I want to try going out with them, but I have no chance, broke, can't drive a car and I'll simply get rejected like I've always been. But when I see how happy they are also with their families, I say to myself "What would a damaged person like me bring to their lives?" I envy and it pains me that I don't have the things and the life they have.

Everything that I ever hoped and dream that would change in reality gets crushed by every passing second. Every night when I fall asleep I wish I would never wake up, I wish I could dream and never wake up. I've realized that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. For now I've got nothing except my younger brother and a few friends left. My whole life's been a torment and God just made it worse. I do not care about the afterlife, I only care about the life I never got to live here. If a genie existed I would wish for a good and rich family, born in a different country and not knowing about God at all for the rest of my life.

The two last things I'll do is go find an Elder to ask him how to get wealth and power, if there's no result in the end, well there's always the devil to ask, whatever the contract is, I'll do whatever it takes, even at the cost of my soul, just so that I can have the life I never had and being with either of the two girls would be fine.

Note: I do not want prayers, that's the last thing I'd want. I do not want anymore torments. Perhaps "the good God" is not good after all.

That's nonsense, every person born into this world has a God-given talent. He also has a life designed specifically for you.

All you have to do is acknowledge Him and allow Him to show you.

When Elijah's life turned upside down and he was running for his life, God told him to stand up and be a man.

I'm not going to tell you a cream puff story, God said, turn unto me and I will turn unto you. It's that simple, and it's your choice.

Are you afraid to get serious with God and put your heart and soul into crying out to Him? You get dead serious with Him and see what happens.

That's God's business, that's what He does!

 

[Aussie Pete]

I would like to say that I won't be returning here anymore (not that I was active that much) because it's been months since I've left the Church. I no longer want to have anything related with this so called "Living God" whom you and the small group of people out there in the world attending Church have so much hope in him. My life has been nothing more than a complete misery since birth and it also pains me a lot for those in a similar situation or worse than mine. Born in a poor family, surrounded by psycho family members, beaten so much by my mom when I was a kid, bullied by girls in my early years in school and then bullied by guys from a different ethnicity in middle school. Since I was a kid my hate has been growing and never stopped to the point where I want kill. I was a slow learner always behind everyone around me and later in my life I got shocked that I was without a talent.

One day I was crying so much at night to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My heart burnt so much and it pained thinking about ending my own life, but what kept me from doing it is still my strong will to live and that suicide is a crime. If suicide was never a crime I would've done it a long time ago. Even girls that I liked and asked out rejected me, always got rejected. I've read a dozens of posts about how children shouldn't do wrong to their parents? What about parents doing wrong to their children? Where are those posts? More children, babies die, get tormented at the hands of their parents and family members instead of the other way around. What hurts me the most is that they never admitted they're wrong, never said I'm sorry, forgive me.

I've always hoped that God (if he does exist) would get me out of this hell hole, that I would live to see the day were I would at least live a single normal day life without worries with the girl I like. But no change has happened. I've cried out so many times "I'll do anything, anything as long as I get to live the life I never lived, the things that I never had, I want to have them, especially the person I like. Just please stop tormenting me." No answer. I like two girls both who are rich, who are good, I want to try going out with them, but I have no chance, broke, can't drive a car and I'll simply get rejected like I've always been. But when I see how happy they are also with their families, I say to myself "What would a damaged person like me bring to their lives?" I envy and it pains me that I don't have the things and the life they have.

Everything that I ever hoped and dream that would change in reality gets crushed by every passing second. Every night when I fall asleep I wish I would never wake up, I wish I could dream and never wake up. I've realized that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. For now I've got nothing except my younger brother and a few friends left. My whole life's been a torment and God just made it worse. I do not care about the afterlife, I only care about the life I never got to live here. If a genie existed I would wish for a good and rich family, born in a different country and not knowing about God at all for the rest of my life.

The two last things I'll do is go find an Elder to ask him how to get wealth and power, if there's no result in the end, well there's always the devil to ask, whatever the contract is, I'll do whatever it takes, even at the cost of my soul, just so that I can have the life I never had and being with either of the two girls would be fine.

Note: I do not want prayers, that's the last thing I'd want. I do not want anymore torments. Perhaps "the good God" is not good after all.

Before you go, please consider this: how come millions of people know God to be loving, caring, compassionate, merciful, gracious and kind? Why should He pick on you to treat badly? Maybe it is because you have shut Him out of your life. God is not obliged to answer your prayers, especially if you approach with a wrong heart attitude.

Many people are have heartbreaking stories of abuse, growing up with violence and hatred. Some of those people allow God to change them. God is not always going to change your circumstances until He changes you. If He is permitted to change you, (your choice) He is then able to give you some of the things that you want. Suppose you get the girl of your dreams? The way you are, you will hurt her and your relationship will be lousy.

Joyce Meyer is an example of what God can do in a person's life. Check out her testimony. If anyone has reason to complain, it is her.

 

[Dave G.]

The most foolish part of your dissertation was stating you don't care about the afterlife. Because that is your life, you're going into that after this flash in the pan life is over, only there you will be eternally, for ever and ever. After a million years passes, you haven't even begun to get going and it will never end. You don't like the torment here but it can change. If you get there without God the torment never ends. Your hope is now in this world and our lives are not about this world but our eternal destiny. How foolish, you can't make a more foolish choice than walking away from God.. There isn't a choice more foolish. I'm not part of this forum and can't say much here to guide you but maybe you can find someone who can lead you onto a better path. Jesus Christ is the way the truth and the LIFE ! Amen

You're missing a vital point, you have no idea the plans that God has for you, scripture is clear on this. And if you knew, you would run to His arms not away. But He wants us to live in His will, He won't reveal it if you live another way.

 

[Messerve]

I would like to say that I won't be returning here anymore (not that I was active that much) because it's been months since I've left the Church. I no longer want to have anything related with this so called "Living God" whom you and the small group of people out there in the world attending Church have so much hope in him. My life has been nothing more than a complete misery since birth and it also pains me a lot for those in a similar situation or worse than mine. Born in a poor family, surrounded by psycho family members, beaten so much by my mom when I was a kid, bullied by girls in my early years in school and then bullied by guys from a different ethnicity in middle school. Since I was a kid my hate has been growing and never stopped to the point where I want kill. I was a slow learner always behind everyone around me and later in my life I got shocked that I was without a talent.

One day I was crying so much at night to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My heart burnt so much and it pained thinking about ending my own life, but what kept me from doing it is still my strong will to live and that suicide is a crime. If suicide was never a crime I would've done it a long time ago. Even girls that I liked and asked out rejected me, always got rejected. I've read a dozens of posts about how children shouldn't do wrong to their parents? What about parents doing wrong to their children? Where are those posts? More children, babies die, get tormented at the hands of their parents and family members instead of the other way around. What hurts me the most is that they never admitted they're wrong, never said I'm sorry, forgive me.

I've always hoped that God (if he does exist) would get me out of this hell hole, that I would live to see the day were I would at least live a single normal day life without worries with the girl I like. But no change has happened. I've cried out so many times "I'll do anything, anything as long as I get to live the life I never lived, the things that I never had, I want to have them, especially the person I like. Just please stop tormenting me." No answer. I like two girls both who are rich, who are good, I want to try going out with them, but I have no chance, broke, can't drive a car and I'll simply get rejected like I've always been. But when I see how happy they are also with their families, I say to myself "What would a damaged person like me bring to their lives?" I envy and it pains me that I don't have the things and the life they have.

Everything that I ever hoped and dream that would change in reality gets crushed by every passing second. Every night when I fall asleep I wish I would never wake up, I wish I could dream and never wake up. I've realized that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. For now I've got nothing except my younger brother and a few friends left. My whole life's been a torment and God just made it worse. I do not care about the afterlife, I only care about the life I never got to live here. If a genie existed I would wish for a good and rich family, born in a different country and not knowing about God at all for the rest of my life.

The two last things I'll do is go find an Elder to ask him how to get wealth and power, if there's no result in the end, well there's always the devil to ask, whatever the contract is, I'll do whatever it takes, even at the cost of my soul, just so that I can have the life I never had and being with either of the two girls would be fine.

Note: I do not want prayers, that's the last thing I'd want. I do not want anymore torments. Perhaps "the good God" is not good after all.

Worshiping Satan instead of God will inevitably lead you to hurt other people and possibly children. That's something Satan does best. Even if it's just your kids watching you perform certain rituals. Satan is lying to you and trying to get you to inflict the same torment on others that was inflicted on you.

Don't fall for the lie. You will not find the peace you think you will find. It's a facade. Hopefully you can see the reality behind that facade before you go in that direction.

 

[f1ndingfaith]

It pains me heavily that you hurting. That you are hurting so much to the point where, there is hatred starting to fill your heart. I know that I am a mere stranger to you, but I want you to know- that I too was angry at God before. Many people on this earth struggle with their Faith, many people become angry at God (even at different points in their life.) I also want you to know, that anger- is not going to aide you in the long run. It will tear you down even more.

I do not have an explanation as to why there are horrible people in this world that commit atrocities, such as abusing their own children / family.. The family that God loves. That is the thing that you many do not recognize when they no longer wish to have a relationship with God, is that he is a forgiving & loving God. He is our Savior but he is also our Loyal Friend. He is there when you call upon him, for his Guidance. He listens to all our prayers. God can guide you onto the right path, but you have to put in the work too.

That is another thing many of us seem to have forgotten, we are all granted Free Will. We have the ability to make choices in our lives. Many of us will make the wrong choices, many of us Sin. However, whether you choose to forgive those who have wronged you (or you ask for forgiveness yourself for the sin you have committed / those you have painfully wronged), is up to you. I am not saying to forget what has happened- however forgiveness can go a long way...It also takes time. I sincerely hope and pray, that you do not go looking to worship Satan, as he is not anyone's friend. He will dig your hole deeper than it is at this present time and you may not be able to fully get out of it.

I also pray that you take the time, to reflect... Take all the time you need to take care of yourself. But also count the blessings you do currently have. You mentioned how you have your younger brother and few friends in your life. Those people even if they are few, are blessings. Family also is not necessarily always blood, but those who stand with you by your side. I pray you stay safe and take care of yourself.

 

[Nancy Hale]

I would like to say that I won't be returning here anymore (not that I was active that much) because it's been months since I've left the Church. I no longer want to have anything related with this so called "Living God" whom you and the small group of people out there in the world attending Church have so much hope in him. My life has been nothing more than a complete misery since birth and it also pains me a lot for those in a similar situation or worse than mine. Born in a poor family, surrounded by psycho family members, beaten so much by my mom when I was a kid, bullied by girls in my early years in school and then bullied by guys from a different ethnicity in middle school. Since I was a kid my hate has been growing and never stopped to the point where I want kill. I was a slow learner always behind everyone around me and later in my life I got shocked that I was without a talent.

One day I was crying so much at night to the point where I wanted to commit suicide. My heart burnt so much and it pained thinking about ending my own life, but what kept me from doing it is still my strong will to live and that suicide is a crime. If suicide was never a crime I would've done it a long time ago. Even girls that I liked and asked out rejected me, always got rejected. I've read a dozens of posts about how children shouldn't do wrong to their parents? What about parents doing wrong to their children? Where are those posts? More children, babies die, get tormented at the hands of their parents and family members instead of the other way around. What hurts me the most is that they never admitted they're wrong, never said I'm sorry, forgive me.

I've always hoped that God (if he does exist) would get me out of this hell hole, that I would live to see the day were I would at least live a single normal day life without worries with the girl I like. But no change has happened. I've cried out so many times "I'll do anything, anything as long as I get to live the life I never lived, the things that I never had, I want to have them, especially the person I like. Just please stop tormenting me." No answer. I like two girls both who are rich, who are good, I want to try going out with them, but I have no chance, broke, can't drive a car and I'll simply get rejected like I've always been. But when I see how happy they are also with their families, I say to myself "What would a damaged person like me bring to their lives?" I envy and it pains me that I don't have the things and the life they have.

Everything that I ever hoped and dream that would change in reality gets crushed by every passing second. Every night when I fall asleep I wish I would never wake up, I wish I could dream and never wake up. I've realized that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. For now I've got nothing except my younger brother and a few friends left. My whole life's been a torment and God just made it worse. I do not care about the afterlife, I only care about the life I never got to live here. If a genie existed I would wish for a good and rich family, born in a different country and not knowing about God at all for the rest of my life.

The two last things I'll do is go find an Elder to ask him how to get wealth and power, if there's no result in the end, well there's always the devil to ask, whatever the contract is, I'll do whatever it takes, even at the cost of my soul, just so that I can have the life I never had and being with either of the two girls would be fine.

Note: I do not want prayers, that's the last thing I'd want. I do not want anymore torments. Perhaps "the good God" is not good after all.

I'm sorry your life has been so difficult. It's understandable why you'd think the opposite of your situation is the key to happiness. I used to think the same. Except, my situation and yours are opposite. I thought only poor people were really happy. The ways we are the same are the beatings and bullying. I had sexual abuse and rape too, being female.
I don't know how old you are, you sound pretty young (under 30) all that anger is pretty normal for someone who has gone through prolonged early childhood trauma. It causes PTSD. Or cptsd (complex post traumatic stress disorder) it can make you feel worthless and talk yourself out of trying for what you want (because how will you know what the girls will react if you don't try?) But, if possible, you should talk to the elder, maybe show him this post. Clearing up those feelings before getting into a relationship is important.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I am sorry for the pain you feel, and I do hope you find peace. you do have my prayers, such as they are, and I hope to see you on here again someday.

 

[buzuxi02]

Its been a rough week, huh? Don't give up on us... if you need a drastic change like taking a trip or moving cross country, just do it.
It sounds like your single and able bodied so the best time to act is now. Make a plan, and start anew elsewhere in just a few months. If your parents dont understand too bad, tell them to get over it.
If there is something; an activity that brings you peace and calm keep doing it.
Worry not about riches, but how to flee the toxic environment dragging you down to the abyss. Once the toxicity subsides the rest will fall in place. Do not fear, just make the decision and do it. You will succeed!

 

[Not David]

You care way too much about girls and rejection.