Family vs boyfriend

[Angeleyes7715]

I got invited to a family dinner for my cousin for his graduation and I already made plans with my boyfriend ahead of time to do a fire, walk and see lights, bake cookies and have hot chocolate.

My boyfriend can go but isn't really welcome. Thanksgiving my boyfriend's family invited me and my mom, my mom chose not to go, but I went and brought a plate for her.

My family members (most of them) never went to my college graduation for my biochemistry degree a few years ago. My grandma got sick during that time, but still a lot of other people I invited could have tried to go.

I care about my family o just hate going to family parties. I don't feel comfortable around my family (social anxiety) plus I and my mom are often the brunt of all their jokes. I also would have to spend money I didn't plan on spending to go otherwise have someone pay for me which I hate.

Something tells me I shouldn't feel guilty for not going or wanting to go. I'll probably just send a card or something and not care if they get mad. I worry about pleasing my sister because she has significant say over my living situation right now, but other than that I kinda just want to get away from my family members even though they've helped me financially a lot.

I'd love to give all the money back and just move far away. I don't like feeling obligated to be bonded and close when I don't feel that way toward them. I like my niece and nephew, playing with them, occasion talking to my mom, my sister, and sometimes even my grandfather. And my cousin's family are nice people it's just that the anxiety I get from being around them way out weighs my enjoyment and I usually dread it and worry the entire time up until the family event.

Am I wrong for this? Other people with similar experiences???

 

[RaymondG]

You are not wrong. I do not find this situation to be abnormal.

 

[salt-n-light]

I got invited to a family dinner for my cousin for his graduation and I already made plans with my boyfriend ahead of time to do a fire, walk and see lights, bake cookies and have hot chocolate.

My boyfriend can go but isn't really welcome. Thanksgiving my boyfriend's family invited me and my mom, my mom chose not to go, but I went and brought a plate for her.

My family members (most of them) never went to my college graduation for my biochemistry degree a few years ago. My grandma got sick during that time, but still a lot of other people I invited could have tried to go.

I care about my family o just hate going to family parties. I don't feel comfortable around my family (social anxiety) plus I and my mom are often the brunt of all their jokes. I also would have to spend money I didn't plan on spending to go otherwise have someone pay for me which I hate.

Something tells me I shouldn't feel guilty for not going or wanting to go. I'll probably just send a card or something and not care if they get mad. I worry about pleasing my sister because she has significant say over my living situation right now, but other than that I kinda just want to get away from my family members even though they've helped me financially a lot.

I'd love to give all the money back and just move far away. I don't like feeling obligated to be bonded and close when I don't feel that way toward them. I like my niece and nephew, playing with them, occasion talking to my mom, my sister, and sometimes even my grandfather. And my cousin's family are nice people it's just that the anxiety I get from being around them way out weighs my enjoyment and I usually dread it and worry the entire time up until the family event.

Am I wrong for this? Other people with similar experiences???

No right or wrong answer, but make sure you are not doing things with the wrong heart. Don't approach it in a spiteful way. I would just let them know, hey I'm not able to make it this year, im sending some cards, and ill visit another time.

And keep it moving.

 

[Saucy]

I'm going to come at this from a different perspective. You never know how quickly your life can change, especially if someone passes away. Every year my family would get together for Christmas and always took advantage of it, until my dad passed away, then my grandma died last year. The holiday season will never be the same again. Enjoy your family for as long as you can. They are your blood. And when they're gone, you're going to miss them tremendously.