Failing at everything

[Daysoni]

Does anyone else feel that they are failing at life? I know I can't be the only one. I just feel that I can't get it right. My mother has never accepted me. Just tried to change me. She said I thought I was better because I would never drink or do drugs like the rest of the family. She told me that when she had me I ruined her life. If I had a choice I'm not sure she would have been who I would have picked. And for saying or thinking this I feel aweful. We go years without talking. I just want her to say I'm ok just the way that I am. And then there's the whole ED thing. To be honest I want to totally fall back into my disorder. So where did my wanting to be healed go. As a friend. I'm always there for my friends. But I never relly am honest about how I'm doing. I guess I don't allow people to get that close. I keep them at a distance. That way I can't get hurt anymore. I've had enough. And the thing is that the worse I'm doing the better I am at hiding it. I'm the strong one. My melt downs are behind close doors. I'm the comidian, the funny one. But this is a mask I wear to keep people happy. The truth is I'm hurting and struggling right now and I don't feel strong enough to reach out. And I'm not sure that I want to. My roommate and I have grown up together and reall all we know about each other is what's on our wrapping paper not the inside. And I think that's the way we want it. So am I failing at everything? I'm scare to let people see the real me and most of the time the outer me. For fear they will see the ugliness and hidiness that I see.

 

[Genuine]

Daysoni:

'Morning! Have you ever read Philippians? When I "it" hits me and I get down in the dumps and can only refect on all the terrible things that have happened to me and all the terrible things people I love have said to me, I read Philipians. Over and over. Helps straighten out my thought process and encourages me to look past my past and redirect my life goals.

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

Does anyone else feel that they are failing at life? I know I can't be the only one. I just feel that I can't get it right. My mother has never accepted me. Just tried to change me. She said I thought I was better because I would never drink or do drugs like the rest of the family. She told me that when she had me I ruined her life. If I had a choice I'm not sure she would have been who I would have picked. And for saying or thinking this I feel aweful. We go years without talking. I just want her to say I'm ok just the way that I am. And then there's the whole ED thing. To be honest I want to totally fall back into my disorder. So where did my wanting to be healed go. As a friend. I'm always there for my friends. But I never relly am honest about how I'm doing. I guess I don't allow people to get that close. I keep them at a distance. That way I can't get hurt anymore. I've had enough. And the thing is that the worse I'm doing the better I am at hiding it. I'm the strong one. My melt downs are behind close doors. I'm the comidian, the funny one. But this is a mask I wear to keep people happy. The truth is I'm hurting and struggling right now and I don't feel strong enough to reach out. And I'm not sure that I want to. My roommate and I have grown up together and reall all we know about each other is what's on our wrapping paper not the inside. And I think that's the way we want it. So am I failing at everything? I'm scare to let people see the real me and most of the time the outer me. For fear they will see the ugliness and hidiness that I see.

It seems like you read the story of my life too. At least that is how it used to be for me for a very very long time. In time I am going to re-post my testimony. You are none of those things that seem to tell you you are no good, for you are the precious child of God. So when I read your post I felt deep compassion for you and great anger at satan. Now I am about completely tired of the evil one, so I want to pray for you.

Yeshuah my Lord, my God, my Sufficiency and my All. I thank you for hearing this humble servant's prayer. I ask that you would show my sister how beautiful she is to You my Lord, to YOU alone. She was created to know You and Your love and I ask that you reveal that to the deepest part of her heart even now as I write. My Lord, I pray that you open her heart to You so that you may heal the hurt that is there that seems to never stop hurting. Lord God, in the precious name of Jesus and by the power of the blood of the lamb I break the curses that were spoken against this precious child, especially by those who were family members. My Lord and God, I ask that you replaced every negative comment with a positive comment. I thank you for hearing my prayer and i ask that you enfold this precious child in Your loving embrace and show her the purpose of love for which she was born...a King's child...the Bride of Christ! Amen

Beloved one. Read these things too, OK and each time the evil one comes up with his rubbish, send him off with God's word, Your sword. Read from Ephesians 6 below
The Armor of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Put this on the wall where you can see it in the morning and at night
Who I Am In Christ

I am accepted... John 1:12 I am God's child. John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1I have been justified. 1 Corinthians 6:17I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20I have been bought with a price and I belong to God. 1 Corinthians 12:27I am a member of Christ's body. Ephesians 1:3-8I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child. Colossians 1:13-14I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. Colossians 2:9-10I am complete in Christ. Hebrews 4:14-16I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ. I am secure... Romans 8:1-2I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:28I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. Romans 8:31-39I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.Colossians 3:1-4I am hidden with Christ in God.Philippians 1:6I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.Philippians 3:20I am a citizen of heaven.2 Timothy 1:7I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.1 John 5:18I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me. I am significant...John 15:5I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.John 15:16I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.1 Corinthians 3:16I am God's temple.2 Corinthians 5:17-21I am a minister of reconciliation for God.Ephesians 2:6I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.Ephesians 2:10I am God's workmanship.Ephesians 3:12I may approach God with freedom and confidence.Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me​

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

Wow...I'm right there with you...especially with my family. I feel the same way

 

[UnitynLove]

Did you know that you and I have to learn to deal with our DO separate from our WHO? The fact is, I don't DO everything right all the time, but that doesn't affect WHO I am. I know I'm loved and that I'm still a good person. I have made mistakes in my life—and I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the future—but I still like myself.

If you like yourself—even though nobody else may—you will make it. When you start to like yourself, other people will begin to like you too. Liking yourself does not mean you are full of pride—it simply means you accept yourself as the person God created you to be. We all need changes in our behavior, but accepting ourselves as God's creation is vital to our progress in becoming an emotionally healthy person.

If we can master this one thing—liking ourselves—it will work wonders in helping us to overcome a shame-based nature. Let me explain to you what I mean.

Many people live under what I call the curse of failure. They can never do anything they set out to do. They're always failing, always messing up, always getting disappointed, discouraged, and depressed. They don't like who they are because they have adopted a shame-based nature.

For a long time I didn't like my personality—and since my personality is who I am, I didn't like me. I didn't want to be as bold and straightforward as I am. I didn't want to be so direct and blunt.

I wanted to be like one of my friends. She had a real gift of being sweet and kind and gentle. What I didn't realize is that she was just born that way—and I wasn't. Because I didn't like my personality and who I was, I tried to change myself. I wanted to be more like my friend. I tried to be the perfect woman, the ideal wife and mother who grew her own tomatoes and canned them, made jelly, sewed her family's clothes, and on and on.

It didn't work. It was the old story of trying to fit the round peg in the square hole. I was just trying to be something I wasn't. Finally, I had to learn to accept myself the way I was and let go of the idea of being like someone else. I began to realize that, although I did need to change some areas of my life, "who I was" would never change.

When a person has a shame-based nature, as I did, it becomes the source or root of many complex inner problems like depression, loneliness, isolation, and alienation. All kinds of compulsive disorders are rooted in shame: drug, alcohol, and other chemical addictions; eating disorders like bulimia, anorexia, and obesity; money addictions like stinginess and gambling; sexual perversions of all kinds—the list is endless.

For example, "workaholism" is a very destructive compulsive disorder in our society today. There are people who are such workaholics that they can never enjoy life. Unless they are working day and night they feel irresponsible. In fact, some people are like I was—if they are enjoying themselves, they feel guilty about it.

Another example of a destructive disorder is perfectionism. Some people are tormented by perfectionism because of abuse or some other negative situation in their past. They keep trying to be perfect in order to win the attention and affection they feel they were denied. People who live with these disorders set themselves up for failure. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves, and when they ultimately fail, they feel badly about themselves. They make impossible schedules and then make themselves—and everyone else around them—miserable because they are constantly rushing around.

Workaholics and perfectionists are just two examples of the types of people who really haven't learned to simply like who they are. Shame, because of something they may have done in their past, has caused them to dislike themselves. Remember, you must separate your DO from your WHO. You are a unique and special individual, with God-given talents and skills, and even though you may have made mistakes in the past, it's time to move on and learn to like yourself!

 

[ArmouredSaint]

you're being hard on yourself and I don't believe you really are failing. you may be your worst critic. argh..the parent thing. please don't let that drag on you. prayed for u.

 

[Daysoni]

I just wanted to Thank every one for their kind thoughts, prayers, and pm's I am doing much better. You all have helped alot Thank You

Does anyone else feel that they are failing at life? I know I can't be the only one. I just feel that I can't get it right. My mother has never accepted me. Just tried to change me. She said I thought I was better because I would never drink or do drugs like the rest of the family. She told me that when she had me I ruined her life. If I had a choice I'm not sure she would have been who I would have picked. And for saying or thinking this I feel aweful. We go years without talking. I just want her to say I'm ok just the way that I am. And then there's the whole ED thing. To be honest I want to totally fall back into my disorder. So where did my wanting to be healed go. As a friend. I'm always there for my friends. But I never relly am honest about how I'm doing. I guess I don't allow people to get that close. I keep them at a distance. That way I can't get hurt anymore. I've had enough. And the thing is that the worse I'm doing the better I am at hiding it. I'm the strong one. My melt downs are behind close doors. I'm the comidian, the funny one. But this is a mask I wear to keep people happy. The truth is I'm hurting and struggling right now and I don't feel strong enough to reach out. And I'm not sure that I want to. My roommate and I have grown up together and reall all we know about each other is what's on our wrapping paper not the inside. And I think that's the way we want it. So am I failing at everything? I'm scare to let people see the real me and most of the time the outer me. For fear they will see the ugliness and hidiness that I see.

 

[ArmouredSaint]

another day eh? it's sunny where I am.hope the same for you.