Exploring Adultery

[Dave RP]

This strays significantly from the OP but I thought this would be an interesting aside to debate.

The following was a situation at work.

A man had cheated on his wife while away on a business trip. He had been married 14 years, had two children, and more or less had a good marriage. Long story short, it was the first time in his life a woman had ever thrown herself at him. He was at the hotel bar and she basically just came on to him, they talked for a couple of hours and then she asked him if he'd like to continue the conversation in her room where it was more private and that was that. Didn't even know her full name.

Afterwards he felt guilty and swore he would never do it again.

now here is where the debate comes in. He was confiding in me and one other coworker, we his best friends. It had been months since this one-night-stand affair and he wanted to come clean to his wife and confess.

I argued vehemently that he should just take it to the grave, tell no one, don't tell his wife, and that absolutely no good would/could come of him telling his wife. I argued that if he truly was never going to do it again (which he swore and I believe) that it serves no use or utility to tell his wife. That it can only be harmful.

however, the other coworker argued that unless he tells the wife, then their entire marriage is a lie... and that the wife has to know...

So, basically, my question is in regards to those who feel that he must tell his wife. I guess I honestly don't understand the logic behind it. I feel it is a response based on social conditioning. Yet, if you really stop and think about it, he should not tell the wife when there is no way she would find out otherwise. So what good can come of it

I realize my viewpoint will be the minority viewpoint in a Christian forum but I thought it'd be an interesting topic to debate...

I had a friend in almost the exact same situation, he was riddled with guilt and would never ever repeat the mistake again, but he couldn't function with the guilt, told his wife and they are now divorced, and their children have had to deal with a marriage break up. I gave him my personal opinion that no good could come from telling his wife, and he had to put it down to a one off mistake and get on with his life, making sure he never repeated the mistake.

His wife just couldn't cope with the betrayal and loss of trust and about a year or so after he told her, they separated. They had been together since they were 15.

He felt by telling her he could unburden himself of his guilt but all he did was to cause major upset and pain for three innocent people and I still feel he would have been better to have said nothing.

 

[dgiharris]

...He felt by telling her he could unburden himself of his guilt but all he did was to cause major upset and pain for three innocent people and I still feel he would have been better to have said nothing.

Yeah, I had the above situation in one form or the other happen to friends of mine 5 times. 2 of my friends that just had to come clean to their wives are divorced now including the one I wrote about above. The others that kept their mouths shut are still happily married.

I had the reverse happen to me with a girlfriend I almost married. One night we were together and she starts crying. She says there was something she had to tell me, something terrible that she did and she was scared what I would think of her after she told me. So she was all ready to do the confession, tears flowing, body shaking.

I asked her, "are you a psychotic murderer?" She answered no. I asked her is this something that directly effects me now? She said no, that this was something she did before she met me. I asked her is there ever anyway I will ever find out what she did. She starts crying again and says no. I then ask her is this something she would ever do again. She starts crying even harder and vehemently says it will never happen again.

Then I laugh, I start laughing and she is looking at me all confused and then I tell her, "then don't tell me, it doesn't matter and is not important "

So she is looking at me all confused. I then explain to her that if her something doesn't effect me and she has no intention on ever doing it again and there is no way I will ever find out then why on God's green earth should she tell me. I argued that everything she has ever done good or bad is responsible for her being the person she is today and that is all that matters. And that I just don't care, however I'm human and once somethings are said they can't be taken back. So let's just avoid the problem altogether.

So she was relieved and we went on to have an insanely good year together. Almost got married. To this day I have no idea what she was going to confess nor do I care.

 

[Thursday]

In Matthew 5:32, why does Jesus make the statement: Whoever divorces his wife makes her practice adultery, and whoever a divorced woman marries is practicing adultery.

Because what God has joined together man cannot pull apart.

In both cases the parties involved are already married to someone else.

 

[rjs330]

From one who probably supports the unequal treatment of women, I would not be surprised if you considered it such.

Do you have any evidence that I support that? Its just bizarre that someone would Make some,weird claim that Christians fear women reproductive abilities. What in the world? It's just weird.

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[SteveB28]

Do you have any evidence that I support that? Its just bizarre that someone would Make some,weird claim that Christians fear women reproductive abilities. What in the world? It's just weird.

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And, again, you choose to misrepresent my words. How tedious, but how predictable.

 

[Hallstone]

Because what God has joined together man cannot pull apart.

In both cases the parties involved are already married to someone else.

Yes I agree, its interesting how Jesus says that this covenant is more permanent than the fabric of the universe, He should know.

 

[Church2u2]

Adultery is a terrible sin against God and in a marriage it can cause damage not only on the spouse but on the children if there are children in the marriage. Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Do women cheat for different reasons than men?

 

[Church2u2]

I guess that being married to the same person for lets say..ten years..wouldn't that person become boring ?

 

[SteveB28]

I guess that being married to the same person for lets say..ten years..wouldn't that person become boring ?

I did it for 60 years. Not one dull day.........

 

[Church2u2]

I did it for 60 years. Not one dull day.........

Great!! Congrats!..60 years is a long time with the same person and well there was never a time when you were bored or restless? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal.I'll kindly drop the subject.

 

[SteveB28]

Great!! Congrats!..60 years is a long time with the same person and well there was never a time when you were bored or restless? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal.I'll kindly drop the subject.

"Not one dull day......."

 

[lisah]

In Matthew 5:32, why does Jesus make the statement: Whoever divorces his wife makes her practice adultery, and whoever a divorced woman marries is practicing adultery.

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." I prefer that language, myself.

It reads to me as though he is placing all responsibility on the husband(s) for whatever may result in casting away their wife(s). (probably unjustly)

 

[bhsmte]

Adultery is a terrible sin against God and in a marriage it can cause damage not only on the spouse but on the children if there are children in the marriage. Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Do women cheat for different reasons than men?

As a general rule, women tend to cheat because they need attention. Men cheat, more for physical satisfaction. And, women cheat more than most think and almost as much as men do.

 

[rjs330]

I think it is fear. I think they fear the 'power' women have through their reproductive processes. And when we fear something, we often seek to subjugate or control it.

Nope I think I got it right. Maybe I didn't use the exact right words you were saying.

But regardless it's still weird. Fear the power of the reproductive process? Bizaar just bizzar line of thinking. It just goes,to show how far off you are.

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[rjs330]

And, again, you choose to misrepresent my words. How tedious, but how predictable.

Pot calling the kettle I,think. I may have not gotten words not exact, but the idea is the same. Read my other post.

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[SteveB28]

Pot calling the kettle I,think. I may have not gotten words not exact, but the idea is the same. Read my other post.

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You quoted me as saying that men "fear women reproductive abilities".

That is NOT what I said, but I am becoming used to you people twisting other's words.....

I said that some men fear the POWER that women enjoy. They enjoy that POWER due to the control they have over reproduction. Men do not have that same level of control. They seek to overcome it by legislating, shaming and, in the worst cases, abusing women in order to control them.

If you still find that "bizarre", I suggest you consult any reputable psychologist who can explain the phenomenon for you.........

 

[Dave-W]

It reads to me as though he is placing all responsibility on the husband(s) for whatever may result in casting away their wife(s). (probably unjustly)

According to the OT, all the responsibility IS placed on the husband.

 

[Cearbhall]

because a wife and mother that works outside the home neglects her home, children, and husband and she is tempted and influenced by selfish ambition, it is better for her to work at home and be satisfied with how much money her husband makes

If working outside the home isn't worth the risk of those temptations, then why is the man working outside the home?

 

[Hallstone]

If working outside the home isn't worth the risk of those temptations, then why is the man working outside the home?

Because it is the task that God has given the husband to do, and not only this, but even though Satan desires to destroy us all, who was the first one that was attacked? and there are scriptures that elaborate on this premise. So I would say that the men are less vulnerable to certain influences, that is why God made them the Head.

 

[rjs330]

You quoted me as saying that men "fear women reproductive abilities".

That is NOT what I said, but I am becoming used to you people twisting other's words.....

I said that some men fear the POWER that women enjoy. They enjoy that POWER due to the control they have over reproduction. Men do not have that same level of control. They seek to overcome it by legislating, shaming and, in the worst cases, abusing women in order to control them.

If you still find that "bizarre", I suggest you consult any reputable psychologist who can explain the phenomenon for you.........

I didn't misrepresent in my opinion. I knew what you were saying. My response is the same. In my opinion it's Bizaar to believe such a thing. And your further response makes even weirder. They legislate because of this, really? This whole idea is just wierd.

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