Explicit not for Kids

[jream]

Hey I just wanted to say I feel like crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very scared to take another medication if I am put on one. I hate brain zaps and side effects and spacey feelings -- I really do think I'd kill myself If I go through another terrible feeling similar to panic attacks, I just can't deal with that.

What do I do? What do I tell the pshyciatrist? Its like in 27 days I am going CRAZY thinking about this. But all these tests I take are saying I am clearly screwed up in the head.

man i hate my brain. just wish i was dead sometimes u know?
how can i have faith when i feel like a bucket of crap Is there a miracle pill??

Man I cant cope with things like other people can I dunno what im going to do. Ive been existing but not living for almost my whole adult life.

I just wanna grab the electric wires in the garage fuse box while soaked in water and end it. But i feel so bad for my family and things i wouldnt want to but i dont wanna be this way.

anyone know what im saying?

 

[rushingwind62]

jream,
I know how you feel because I once felt that way. I am telling you bro, the right meds will help get you out of that deep dark pit. Be honest with your psychatrist about how you are feeling. They can't help you if you aren't honest with them. I hope you aren't serious about the suicdial thoughts. If you are seriously thinking about it then go to the hospital immediately. Protect yourself from you and the depression you are in. We are all praying for you brother. You have to be patient with your Dr and you may have to live with some side effects of medication. But a lot of those side effects pass once you get use to the medication. Please brother, don't give up!!!!

 

[Alive again]

yes, I know what you are saying. And yes, the what seems like unending side effects are overwhelming at times. My kids would always look like a deer caught in the headlights when I told them I was going through a med change. But we did find the right med, and the amazing thing is all of those feelings faded and were,for me, all symptoms of my illness!!! It truly blew me away to realize that so much of my thinking (how we all judge our world around us) was so deeply;y influenced by this illness.

Yes, I still have some ups and downs, yes, I still have to use coping skills and take good care of myself, yes, I have learned better how much I can push myself and when I have to stop, and yes, I still do not cope with stress the way it "seems" like everyone else can, or even like I used to, but I would say for me, it was worth all the side effects, etc to find the right med.

Praying for you, for your doc and for the right med and help you need!!!

 

[VioletLady]

yes, I know what you are saying. And yes, the what seems like unending side effects are overwhelming at times. My kids would always look like a deer caught in the headlights when I told them I was going through a med change, , ,But we did find the right med, and the amazing thing is all of those feelings faded and were for me all symptoms of my illness!!! It truly blew me away to realize that so much of my thinking (how we all judge our world around us) was so deeply;y influenced by this illness.

Yes, I still have some ups and downs, yes, I still have to use coping skills and take good care of myself, yes, I have learned better how much I can push myself and when I have to stop, and yes, I still do not cope with stress the way it "seems" like everyone else can, or even like I used to, but I would say for me, it was worth all the side effects, etc to find the right med.

Praying for you, for your doc and for the right med and help you need!!!

Absolutely!

Praying for you xxxxx

 

[searchingforpeace]

Praying for you. Do not give up on the meds. It can be frustrating and hard but they can help.

 

[angelkiss]

Reading your post is just like reading my own words from time to time. Especially the first two years after diagnosis. I didn't want this. I didn't want the meds, the therapy, this crazy life of mine. I was tired of hurting others and not being able to explain why. I was tired of putting scars on my body from flipping out and self-inflicting. Then, it hit me one day: I have fought all my life. I've been through things that even the therapists couldn't fathom. I've come this far in life, why give up now? This illness was consuming my very being and I was letting it happen. I'm too stubborn and bull-headed to just lay down and give in.
I then turned the tables, took hold of my illness, and thus........I'm here. I can share my experiences and give my support to those who are going through the same thing. I also know that I'm not alone and that gives me even more hope.

NOTE: I, BY ALL MEANS, AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE THIS SOUND EASY, FOR I FIGHT A BATTLE EVERY DAY.

Many prayers going up for you,
s and es!!

 

[Alaskamomma]

Excellent post, angelkiss. I am not where you are yet, angelkiss, but I am in the fight for the long haul. So, jream... fight, man, fight!

 

[jream]

goodness, its good someone knows what im saying.

i feel like sleeping all the time, what do i do? I try to read the Bible and pray and i just dont understand why God made me this way, or you guys either.

I get terrible physical pain in my stomach sometimes from some type of food i eat, ill be in the bathrooms for 2 hours atleast and its PAINFUL, I would rathre be in that condition than a mental things. It scares me so much with mental things, i feel like i could lose my sanity so quick (I havent yet, isnt that interesting) but i keep thinking i will. >=(

tHanks for praying, i try praying but it feels like God is ignoring me i dont know whats up with this.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

I feel that with the right medication and the right lifestyle changes life can be easy. There are such things as wonder drugs.

 

[Laridy]

Hi there,
I can really identify w/ you. I was 25 when I was diagnosed and I thought my life was over. If it wasn't the disease making me crazy, it was me making me crazy because I felt that having a mental disorder was crazy. This is a physical disability. Even a judge has declared it so. A chemical imbalance so know YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! And I really understand about feeling God is ignoring you. It's not God; it's the disease. God is holding you very close, and holds you in the shadow of his wings. I know the meds are hard to tackle at first but if you stick w/ them the side effects do diminish and resolve and you will began to feel better. You have to do your part by reducing your stress, eating well, getting regular sleep and seeing you therapist and pdoc. And I also advise, if you are really feeling suicidal go to the hospital, get help. Your life is precious and not worth this disease. You can and will survive this. You will triumph in your life. Just keep holding on to Jesus, and those people who support you.
God Bless you greatly, Laridy

 

[angelkiss]

I know it's hard when you're first trying to get a grasp on this illness. It was a huge slap in the face to me. But, I knew that I couldn't get through it alone. I had to have help. Be it hospitalization, meds, therapy..........in my case, it's all three and then some. I've gotten frustrated with my doc, therapist, and with the meds when nothing seemed to help, so I threw my hands up and decided to go at it alone. After the 8th trip to the psych ward, I finally realized that I have no choice.
I know for me, the most frustrating part is finding the right meds and even more-so, having to wait out the side effects.
One thing I want to say afore I go is: It is very important to tell your doc/therapist EVERYTHING that is going on with you. The more they know, the better they can help. It makes treatment easier when you're open about everything.
We're here for you with many prayers going up,
s and es!!

 

[berry2000]

Man, i feel your pain, and appreciate your honesty. Sometimes it is hard to truly post your anger, frustration, and fears.

Sounds like something anti-anxiety that you can take on an as needed basis would help. I have a bottle of Xanax (very mild) that i use when the anxiety hits. And sometimes it hits so hard that I litterly feel like crawling out of my own skin. I can't lay down or sit down and I feel so uncomfotable like i am going to explode. Xanax, atavian, klonipon they all help with that. And you don't have to take it until you need it.

Also, I think i told you this before, I waited until i was married with kids to take anti-depressents. And I wish I hadn't waited. They have changed my life.

Praying for you. Hard to be where you are at. I know i've been in similar place before.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hey I just wanted to say I feel like crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very scared to take another medication if I am put on one. I hate brain zaps and side effects and spacey feelings -- I really do think I'd kill myself If I go through another terrible feeling similar to panic attacks, I just can't deal with that.

What do I do? What do I tell the pshyciatrist? Its like in 27 days I am going CRAZY thinking about this. But all these tests I take are saying I am clearly screwed up in the head.

man i hate my brain. just wish i was dead sometimes u know?
how can i have faith when i feel like a bucket of crap Is there a miracle pill??

Man I cant cope with things like other people can I dunno what im going to do. Ive been existing but not living for almost my whole adult life.

I just wanna grab the electric wires in the garage fuse box while soaked in water and end it. But i feel so bad for my family and things i wouldnt want to but i dont wanna be this way.

anyone know what im saying?

Hey J,

I noticed your name and poked into this forum. I haven't walked into your shoes, but maybe some of my own disapline with ADD can help.

Talk about suicidal thoughts, and I know related to brain chemicals. Spirit does have some control, do not hate yourself when this happens. Find a place to collect yourself and forgive your vessel for what it puts you thru. Suicidal thoughts are based off of hate of oneself.

Matthew 5:21-22
21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

In essance our anger against another has basicly killed that person in our mind. Now turn that around about hating of oneself.

Best way to counter this is with forgiveness. Takes many times and patience for it to work.

matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

Lastly I too had issues where just had no motivation to do anything. Problem was that I relied on my emotions at the moment to define my motivation or mood. In reality thou, the body and mind responds to the spirit. I limited myself by thinking my mood dictated my motivation. Try it out, might feel down or sad. Yet if you command your body to do something it will do it. Do you think when have to go to the bathroom or when you are hungry? Nope just get up and perform the task.

I hope this helps bro. Don't give up!