- Apr 17, 2005
- 7,277
- 672
- Country
- Korea, Republic Of
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Republican
Last night I could not sleep well at all. I passed in and out of consciousness. I was greatly disturbed by a thought that is too elementary and too simple:
I am one soul and one consciousness, I am one existence.
I have always felt like I am more than just one. I have felt that I am a very large, widespread, plural entity in a way. I have thought of myself as being more than just one man, thought of myself as embracing more than just one set of expereinces. I have thought of myself as not being entirely alone, not being an island, having a certain connection into other people and into other things.
I never thought of myself as being so alone and so small.
I wanted to get up and go to the mirror and to look into it and to see my single self... I did that just now, and I realized, this si who I am and though I have seen my body change and grow, I am still just one thing.
I suddenly thought... What a waste this life can be! I wish I could experience more.
I do not regret taking the path I chose, but rather I now wish that I could have somehow split into two or three people and try multiple paths. I've realized that the passing of days means I lose something each day, I lose something that I could have done but did not do.
I feel so small and helpless against the passage of time. I feel so small and helpless against my own oneness.
It's all so confusingly simple -- that we exist as single things, and we wake up and look in the mirror and that is all there is at the end of the day. If you took everything else away that is all that we are... Solitary beings.
I am always thinking in the mentality that I am part of a greater body and a greater gestalt... But I'm not. I am one, and I am greatly alone.
Later today I was yelled at and my career was threatened. I am in pretty big trouble for all kinds of reasons. It made me feel smaller and weaker. It made me wish that I could somehow call on and depend on other people. But I cannot. I am alone and at the hands of those who are above me.
Because life is so short and I cannot go back, bcause I am so by myself and so alone, because our existence is so singular... I guess I just want to somedays be more free and be able to admire the small things in life.
Things are coming more into perspective on this level, I guess.
I am one soul and one consciousness, I am one existence.
I have always felt like I am more than just one. I have felt that I am a very large, widespread, plural entity in a way. I have thought of myself as being more than just one man, thought of myself as embracing more than just one set of expereinces. I have thought of myself as not being entirely alone, not being an island, having a certain connection into other people and into other things.
I never thought of myself as being so alone and so small.
I wanted to get up and go to the mirror and to look into it and to see my single self... I did that just now, and I realized, this si who I am and though I have seen my body change and grow, I am still just one thing.
I suddenly thought... What a waste this life can be! I wish I could experience more.
I do not regret taking the path I chose, but rather I now wish that I could have somehow split into two or three people and try multiple paths. I've realized that the passing of days means I lose something each day, I lose something that I could have done but did not do.
I feel so small and helpless against the passage of time. I feel so small and helpless against my own oneness.
It's all so confusingly simple -- that we exist as single things, and we wake up and look in the mirror and that is all there is at the end of the day. If you took everything else away that is all that we are... Solitary beings.
I am always thinking in the mentality that I am part of a greater body and a greater gestalt... But I'm not. I am one, and I am greatly alone.
Later today I was yelled at and my career was threatened. I am in pretty big trouble for all kinds of reasons. It made me feel smaller and weaker. It made me wish that I could somehow call on and depend on other people. But I cannot. I am alone and at the hands of those who are above me.
Because life is so short and I cannot go back, bcause I am so by myself and so alone, because our existence is so singular... I guess I just want to somedays be more free and be able to admire the small things in life.
Things are coming more into perspective on this level, I guess.
