Everything revolves around the kids

[Amélie Unbound]

My husband and I were invited to a barbecue this weekend. We ended up being the only couple there without children.

The host wasn't planning to fire up the barbecue until a couple hours after everyone arrived. In the meantime, the hostess was planning to put out chips and dip to hold people over. As the hostess came out of the house with the chips and dip, one of the women said, "Oh, no, don't put out chips and dip. The kids will just eat too much of it and then they won't eat their dinner later." The hostess said, "Oh, yeah, you're right," and brought the chips and dip back into the house.

So basically, because there was the concern that kids might eat too much of the snack foods, nobody got any snack foods?! Everyone, adults and children alike, had to sit there hungry until the host decided to start barbecuing a couple hours later.

It's not like I even wanted chips and dip, but it's the principle of the thing. Could the parents not just have monitered their kids' behavior and made sure they didn't overindulge? The kids were just running amok the whole time, so I guess no one wanted to bother with them at all (well, other than to make the hostess change her whole plan for them, of course).

Oh well, at least I am childfree in my own home, and don't have to plan everything around kids!

(By the way, please, lurking parents, don't flip out on me. This is the childfree forum. I'm allowed to vent here.)

 

[StLGirl]

I totally understand! I am going to a BBQ soon and my friends are good ones so we want to go, but I know there will be lots of children. I don't feel comfortable and always know how to react around kids. I am around them quite a bit as of late and it's not a problem - some kids are well-behaved and cute. Other ones, not so much. And then you get all the, "When are you guys gonna have some" and "Oh don't you want to have some kids now!" kind of stuff. I dread it.

I think it was a little rude to not allow any of the adults something to snack on. I think anymore everything revolves around the children so much it's always about them, and adults just have to get on the kids schedule, or something like that. That would annoy me though.

 

[snoochface]

That would have really annoyed me, Orchard. The parents who were concerned about how much food their kids might eat should have monitored their own kids to be sure they weren't over-indulging, not punish the entire party by not putting out the snacks. The reality is that kids love barbecues and probably would have eaten their hot dogs and hamburgers anyway, no matter how much chips and dip they ate -- and if they ate too much, they're running around working it off anyway, so what's the big deal?

When I was a kid, my mom threw tons of formal and casual dinner parties, and I always had to be there. She would never have allowed anything to revolve around me -- I was expected to conform to the rules of the evening, not the other way around.

I would probably like kids a lot more if more parents were willing to supervise, monitor, and discipline their children. The kids I most enjoy are the ones who have mastered self-control, who are polite and well-spoken, and who know their boundaries. Major kudos to their parents for raising them that way.

 

[Rebekka]

I would probably like kids a lot more if more parents were willing to supervise, monitor, and discipline their children. The kids I most enjoy are the ones who have mastered self-control, who are polite and well-spoken, and who know their boundaries. Major kudos to their parents for raising them that way.

Amen!

 

[mina]

I really really like kids and i would have been annoyed by that too.
Only one of my group of friends has a young child. And at get togethers i've heard her tell him that no he can't have something, but she has never requested that the food in question be removed compltely. She monitors him very closely and i agree with that. If i was a parent i'd be the same way.

 

[bluebug83]

First of all, if I were at that party it would be very smart to take the chips away from me because I have a problem with eating too many snacks before a meal, if they are freely available to me

But I have to agree with everyone else that taking away the chips was essentially a cop-out to avoid having to exercise some control. Control of parents over their kids, and even for me over myself (yes, I am an adult, and responsible for my own actions, just as parents are responsible for their kids' actions).

I have observed that at parties, parents do seem to loosen up a bit when it comes to monitoring their kids, expecting other people to take on some of the responsibility. For example, at my cousin's grad party earlier this month, I found two of my young cousins wandering off on their own (their parents were busy talking to other people), one holding a package of bright colored insect-repellant bracelets that said "WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN". Now I'm not the greatest person with kids, but I was the only one who noticed it so I had to go stop my cousin from opening the bracelets and playing with them. It really made me uncomfortable, since I felt like I had to play the role of forced babysitter

 

[invisiblebabe]

I would probably like kids a lot more if more parents were willing to supervise, monitor, and discipline their children. The kids I most enjoy are the ones who have mastered self-control, who are polite and well-spoken, and who know their boundaries. Major kudos to their parents for raising them that way.

Despite having clueless, overly permissive parents, I was still that way as a kid Temperament probably explains it.

Let's give some credit to the kids, too... some of them aren't raised that way, but still are that way despite it!

 

[snoochface]

Despite having clueless, overly permissive parents, I was still that way as a kid Temperament probably explains it.

Let's give some credit to the kids, too... some of them aren't raised that way, but still are that way despite it!

Good point!

 

[sparassidae]

As a lurking parent I really don't get it either. I would certainly not expect snacks to be taken away just so my children didn't eat too much of them (exception was when my darling brother started passing around a bag of lollies at a family get together not long after my 2yo was diagnosed with diabetes ) Am I allowed to vent here too?

I actually had two thoughts after reading this story- 1) I hate bbqs when the food is cooked late and there are NO snacks offered beforehand. The children (and adults) get hungry and grumpy waiting.

2) If it's a casual bbq, not a formal dinner, then I wouldn't really care if my children filled up on the snacks and didn't eat lunch. At most bbqs I go to the lunch is not really any more nutritious than the snacks anyway.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Rebekka]

As a lurking parent I really don't get it either. I would certainly not expect snacks to be taken away just so my children didn't eat too much of them (exception was when my darling brother started passing around a bag of lollies at a family get together not long after my 2yo was diagnosed with diabetes ) Am I allowed to vent here too?

I actually had two thoughts after reading this story- 1) I hate bbqs when the food is cooked late and there are NO snacks offered beforehand. The children (and adults) get hungry and grumpy waiting.

2) If it's a casual bbq, not a formal dinner, then I wouldn't really care if my children filled up on the snacks and didn't eat lunch. At most bbqs I go to the lunch is not really any more nutritious than the snacks anyway.

Just my 2 cents.

Sure you're allowed to vent here sparassidae!

I don't get it either - if you don't want to spoil people's appetites, then why on earth wait so long before you start the barbecue?

 

[Epoh99]

As usual I agree with everything all of you have said and I certainly feel for your Orchard!!! Vent as much as you'd like.

Now I'm not whining or complaining, but I personally think that due to instances such as what Orchard experienced that the life of the childfree can be lonely. I'm not saying it is lonely for all, but for many I'm sure it is. I know at times my husband and I wish we had friends to hang out with but ALL of our friends have kids...and not just one kid but multiple kids. I don't enjoy get togethers with our peers or relatives (all of my husband's cousins have at least 3 kids) because of how the children in attendance have been raised. They are allowed free reign of wherever we are, they are allowed to dictate when we eat, when the party begins, when the party ends, where we sit, and so on. With my personality I do not enjoy the constant chaos and fighting that goes on.

Growing up we always had people over at our house and my sister and I NEVER controlled what went on yet we had a blast! The adults enjoyed having us around, we knew things that we could do to entertain ourselves, my parents would get us special things for some functions that we had never seen before, and so on.

I have to go to work so I don't have time to finish but basically, to make a long post short, I crave friendships with my peers at times .

 

[Rebekka]

As usual I agree with everything all of you have said and I certainly feel for your Orchard!!! Vent as much as you'd like.

Now I'm not whining or complaining, but I personally think that due to instances such as what Orchard experienced that the life of the childfree can be lonely. I'm not saying it is lonely for all, but for many I'm sure it is. I know at times my husband and I wish we had friends to hang out with but ALL of our friends have kids...and not just one kid but multiple kids. I don't enjoy get togethers with our peers or relatives (all of my husband's cousins have at least 3 kids) because of how the children in attendance have been raised. They are allowed free reign of wherever we are, they are allowed to dictate when we eat, when the party begins, when the party ends, where we sit, and so on. With my personality I do not enjoy the constant chaos and fighting that goes on.

Growing up we always had people over at our house and my sister and I NEVER controlled what went on yet we had a blast! The adults enjoyed having us around, we knew things that we could do to entertain ourselves, my parents would get us special things for some functions that we had never seen before, and so on.

I have to go to work so I don't have time to finish but basically, to make a long post short, I crave friendships with my peers at times .

I agree, I feel lonely at times too. I don't enjoy the gatherings with relatives/friends with noisy children, but I can't show my real feelings because it would hurt them and I don't want that. So that means that my childed friends and siblings(-in-law) and I are slowly drifting apart - we just don't have the same interests.

By the way, to me it doesn't really matter whether the topic of a conversation is children or sports or cars or vacations or careers or furniture/interior design - whenever it's about any of these things (and apparently it's always about one of these), I feel left out and I can't join the conversation.

(What happened to discussions about politics and religion? I hate the rule that they are inappropriate for conversations - all what's left now is smalltalk, and I don't have any smalltalk. Give me a proper discussion and I'm yours.)

 

[HeyHomie]

I'd like to address two points.

First, I think that what happened at the OP's barbecue is a symptom of a larger problem in society. That is, adults are expected to make sacrifices for the sake of children. You see examples of this everywhere: a fairly recent example of this was the kerfluffle here on Christian Forums about the types of discussions that went on in the Married Couples Only forum: several people wanted that forum censored because "children might read it." Well, here's an idea: how about PARENTS make sure what their children are up to, rather than expecting the rest of the community to do it for them.

Secondly, I, too, am having a problem with loneliness that comes from being Childfree. I would suggest that anyone with this problem join (or start a chapter of) No Kidding. No Kidding is a social club for people without children, with chapters throughout the US, a few in Canada, and a few in Europe. They do not advocate any political or social positions, nor do they lobby or in any other way advance the cause of childfreedom. They simply offer the childfree a place to hang out with each other. I'm going to start a chapter here in my home town when I get all of my i's dotted and my t's crossed.

 

[Mskedi]

My reaction to Orchard's story:

Without snacks, wouldn't the kids get cranky? And wouldn't that be worse than any overeating?

It seems odd... snacks are kind of a given at parties and barbecues. And a parent can easily say, "You can just have one plate." Yes, the kid would likely load the plate into a huge mountain of chips and dip (I know I would have as a kid), but really... where's the harm? If most of the kids' meals are nutritious at home, a little junk at a get-together isn't going to do any harm.

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

I agree with everyone here...that they could have monitored their kid and overall one day of junk food won't hurt (barring any specific medical issues, of course) as long as it's not indicative of their overall diet.

I had a relative inform me, upon my inviting her for dinner, that her child was a picky eater. Apparently if fried chicken and french fries were not on the menu she would just skip dinner. So: yikes, you never know! :-o

 

[Rebekka]

I agree with everyone here...that they could have monitored their kid and overall one day of junk food won't hurt (barring any specific medical issues, of course) as long as it's not indicative of their overall diet.

I had a relative inform me, upon my inviting her for dinner, that her child was a picky eater. Apparently if fried chicken and french fries were not on the menu she would just skip dinner. So: yikes, you never know! :-o

Ah, picky eaters! Very common these days. I have a 6-year-old nephew who doesn't eat what I cook (all good food), and two nieces-in-law who don't eat anything except fries and pancakes. Well, the nieces never eat here anyway, but at birthdays they have the nerve to refuse my delicious homemade apple pie and chocolate chip cake, and my nephew is a pain - I don't bother to cook for him anymore, he can have what we all eat or he can have a sandwich, but I really think that my brother and SIL, and my SIL and BIL should make more of an effort when trying to make their kids eat healthily.

Assuming that they do try, that is.

 

[sparassidae]

I agree with everyone here...that they could have monitored their kid and overall one day of junk food won't hurt (barring any specific medical issues, of course) as long as it's not indicative of their overall diet.

I had a relative inform me, upon my inviting her for dinner, that her child was a picky eater. Apparently if fried chicken and french fries were not on the menu she would just skip dinner. So: yikes, you never know! :-o

You would have loved the discussion in parenting a while back about picky eaters "my child is a fussy eater and only likes hot dogs and chicken nuggets" A few of us who advised the 'then they go hungry' route were shouted down as meanies.

 

[KittyCatCurledUp]

You would have loved the discussion in parenting a while back about picky eaters "my child is a fussy eater and only likes hot dogs and chicken nuggets" A few of us who advised the 'then they go hungry' route were shouted down as meanies.

LOL!!! Said relative expected me to make chicken and french fries!! I had a nice sauerbraten planned. But they canceled anyway because the kid had too much homework to do.

 

[Mskedi]

LOL!!! Said relative expected me to make chicken and french fries!! I had a nice sauerbraten planned. But they canceled anyway because the kid had too much homework to do.

Ha!

That's great. I probably would have said that they'd better stop by KFC on the way because I already had the ingredients.

Silliness.

My cousin was a picky eater. We used to trade off having sleepovers at each other's houses. My parents laughed when she listed the "only" things she ate (it was a short list!) and gave her the same thing they'd cooked for us. After the hunger set in, she ate it.

 

[AveMaria]

Oooh, yummy, I love sauerbraten!

Things like the story told in the OP drive me nuts, too. Fortunately, enough of my friends are either childfree or haven't had kids yet, so I manage to have a few social outings that don't revolve around kids. When that changes, I fear for my sanity.

I heartily recommend groups like NoKidding.

And as far as picky eaters - I believe in letting kids have a few foods they refuse to eat . . . within reason. I'm quite an adventurous eater, but I didn't develop a taste for spinach or mushrooms until my late teens, for example. (My parents never forced the issue, after we wound up in the ER one night, when they forced me to eat seafood. I'd always had an aversion to it, and it turns out . . . I'm allergic.)

But when a kid will only eat dog dogs/chicken nuggets/etc, there's a problem. My nephew will not only refuse to eat anything but chicken nuggets . . . they also have to be the ones shaped lke dinosaurs.