Estrangement from siblings

[Anon201]

Hello all, I just wanted to talk about this issue to get some advice from others. Me and my sister used to be very close when we were younger, but as we have gotten older, our relationship is pretty much non-existent. To give some background on the situation, we have the same dad only, and her and my dad have a back and forth relationship, sometimes they get a along well, and sometimes they do not. For the past year, it has gotten tough for us to havea relationship as I have tried to reach out to check on her from time to time, and I get no response from her, its been about 4 months since we last talked. The last time we talked I tried to intervene whenever her and my dad had a big verbal fight, and she got upset with me. I also find it hard to talk to her because she does not like to communicate about issues, and if I bring up an issue, she will ignore me or go off on me. Our relationship has know become awkward, as I do not like the spotty communication of her coming back when she is not upset with me. I decided to leave the issue alone for a while, but does anyone have any advice they can give me?

 

[eleos1954]

Hello all, I just wanted to talk about this issue to get some advice from others. Me and my sister used to be very close when we were younger, but as we have gotten older, our relationship is pretty much non-existent. To give some background on the situation, we have the same dad only, and her and my dad have a back and forth relationship, sometimes they get a along well, and sometimes they do not. For the past year, it has gotten tough for us to havea relationship as I have tried to reach out to check on her from time to time, and I get no response from her, its been about 4 months since we last talked. The last time we talked I tried to intervene whenever her and my dad had a big verbal fight, and she got upset with me. I also find it hard to talk to her because she does not like to communicate about issues, and if I bring up an issue, she will ignore me or go off on me. Our relationship has know become awkward, as I do not like the spotty communication of her coming back when she is not upset with me. I decided to leave the issue alone for a while, but does anyone have any advice they can give me?

Probably best not to intervene unless one of them asks you to. I'd leave it alone ... and if you have contact with her .... talk about something else ... unless she brings it up. Spotty communication is better than no communication ... isn't it?

 

[JohnAshton]

That which is between your sis and your Dad is between them: not you.

Let her live her life without advice unless asked.

Just love her.

 

[Rescued One]

I'm so sorry. I came from a dysfunctional family. My older sister started criticizing me when I was nine. We didn't have a good relationship after that. If I asked her a question she usually told me I was stupid. But she tried to give me thoughtful gifts at Christmas. She made some horrible choices in life. Her husband was a child molestor and physically abusive. At age 44, she got cancer. I didn't live near her at that time, not even in the same state. I visited her once in the hospital. I was so sad that she was suffering. When my husband and I returned home, I kept in touch by phone. I think I was one of the few, or the only one, who kept in touch with her during her last five months. Over the phone she said, "I love you." She had never said that before!

Advice always depends on how someone responds to what you do and say. Be kind with your words and don't ask any questions about how she gets along with your father. Don't blurt out responses or advice. Just tell her how sorry you are. She probably only wanted a shoulder to cry on. If she asks for advice, ask her how you can help or tell her you're sorry that you don't know the solution.

A soft answer turneth away wrath.
---Bible

 

[Kris Jordan]

Hello all, I just wanted to talk about this issue to get some advice from others. Me and my sister used to be very close when we were younger, but as we have gotten older, our relationship is pretty much non-existent. To give some background on the situation, we have the same dad only, and her and my dad have a back and forth relationship, sometimes they get a along well, and sometimes they do not. For the past year, it has gotten tough for us to havea relationship as I have tried to reach out to check on her from time to time, and I get no response from her, its been about 4 months since we last talked. The last time we talked I tried to intervene whenever her and my dad had a big verbal fight, and she got upset with me. I also find it hard to talk to her because she does not like to communicate about issues, and if I bring up an issue, she will ignore me or go off on me. Our relationship has know become awkward, as I do not like the spotty communication of her coming back when she is not upset with me. I decided to leave the issue alone for a while, but does anyone have any advice they can give me?

My guess is that she's keeping her distance for a few reasons:

1. You communicating or confronting her about "issues" she does not want to talk about
2. Your uninvited intervention within her and your dad's argument

Speaking from personal experience, it never goes well in our relationships when we try to play the role of a "parent" or the "Holy Spirit." If it were me, I would apologize for my well intended, yet inappropriate actions toward her and work on keeping my relationship positive, non-threatening, and pleasant.

If she wants your advice, I'm sure she'll ask for it.

 

[Anon201]

Close thread please, thanks for the replies