I think this is the reason why I feel so unhappy the majority of the time. I feel like I don't have anything to look forward too personally in life, in fact sometimes I feel that life is only going to get worse from now.
Right now I recently got a job at Fry's grocery as a bagger, I thought this would be the change in my life I needed but it's day 2 and I already feel like I just attached another chain of enslavement on myself. I mean everyone seems to be nice and understanding and I am cheerful when I'm at work but there is no stimuli from working it's just another task required to complete in my life.
I have no social life, 4 years at the university and I've made 0 permanent friends. I don't go out and there is nowhere I want to really go.
Then I think about the future, how I'll become a High School teacher despite not really having much of desire to do so. It's my only choice because there isn't any other legitimate job I can have as a history major with no foreign languages other than poor Spanish. If I took the time to learn something like Latin or Greek maybe I could become a real historian, but I didn't and the thought of taking four years of that makes me sick.
It makes me almost consider taking up smoking or drinking just to give myself some kind of stimulus in my life. Right now I tend to feel like a hollow husk, just telling people what they want to hear and then returning to my emptiness.
