Engaged Friends Cheating

[JSmalls]

Hi,
One of my friends is soon to be married but I found out she had cheated on her fiance and may not have told him. I confronted her about it and she said that she only kissed the guy, and told her fiance and that they have moved on and are past that. I feel like I am in a tight spot though because what if shes lieing to me? Should I take more action and talk to her fiance to make sure I know the full truth? Should I talk to the pastor who is marrying them? I want to do as Jesus would do, but I'd feel terrible ruffling feathers that I had no business doing so.

I am to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in just a few weeks. The main reason she wanted me to be a bridesmaid was to bring the presence of the Lord in the wedding and keep to help her keep her focus on Christ. I just want to make sure I am doing all I should be as a servant of the Lord, and as her friend.

Do I take her word for it and support her and stand by her on her wedding day knowing her fiance may not know? Or do I take the extra steps to ensure she has told him and me the truth and that this marriage is starting off as it should? I'm torn between what I should do...What would Jesus do????

 

[BL2KTN]

Cheating and forgiving during the engagement...

You could just ask them to get married in the morning so that when they divorce it won't ruin the whole day.

 

[JSmalls]

I don't want to see them get divorced obviously. Which is why I feel I should take action to ensure everyone knows and that they truly have worked this out. Then at the same time I'd feel awful if I ruined their wedding...but if it comes to that I am just trying to bring this sin to light...but is it really my place to be doing so or should I just trust my friend, love and support her?

 

[ValleyGal]

You identify as a guy, but state you are supposed to be her bridesmaid. I'm confused.

Other than that, if you talked with her about it, and she claims she told her fiance and they've moved past it, is there a reason you do not believe her? If you do not believe her, then the question would be why are you her bridesmaid, if your friendship is that shaky? As a part of the wedding party/bridesmaid, you are partly responsible to hold her accountable. You've done that. The rest is up to them.

 

[selfinflikted]

You should do nothing. This is none of your business and, mark my words, you will be sorry if you stick your nose into this.

 

[JSmalls]

I am posting this via my husbands account. Sorry for the confusion lol

I do not believe her because my other friends have told me she is still lying and that the truth is they did more than kiss. I do not know her THAT well, she asked me to be a bridesmaid mainly because she knows I have a heart for the Lord and she wants our friendship to continue. I have just heard conflicting stories and am not sure what to believe or what action to take because of these conflicting stories.

 

[ValleyGal]

Thanks for clarifying the confusion. When people gossiped behind my back, my one desire is that I had wished they would have come directly to me to find the truth. They didn't, and preferred to believe the gossip. This led to the permanent destruction of many of my friendships and relationships with my family of origin. It was devastating that people would trade the truth for a lie just because they didn't come to me.

So I think it would be good to go to her again, in private, and let her know what you've heard in the grapevine. Ask her if it's true. If it is not true, the two of you should go together to those who are gossiping, and try to restore those relationships with the truth. If she is unwilling to do this, it would seem to me that she is telling you one thing and telling them another, in which case only you can decide what to do with that information....for me, I'd be inclined to say I would not stand up for her, although I would gladly be involved in the wedding in other ways (just not in a way that makes you partly responsible in supporting her marriage).

 

[seashale76]

You've confronted her once, and honestly, whatever else occurs is between her and her husband to be. She could be lying or she could be telling the truth. Either way, it isn't your business. I know it is hard watching people you know lie and cheat in their relationships, but it never ends well when a third party is either dragged into things by one of them or inserts themselves.

I would also say that if you have such serious doubts about your friend, it makes me wonder why you accepted her offer of being one of her bridesmaids.

I wound up dropping contact with an acquaintance of mine because not only was she having an affair on her husband, she wanted to gossip and ask advice on what to do when the other man started contacting her. She lied about all kinds of stuff to everyone- and her life turned into one big melodrama, where she was constantly afraid of being discovered by her husband. To be blunt, I not only don't condone that type of behavior, I can't sit there and listen to someone bragging about it like a moron, with the expectation that I'll back her side of things.

 

[Sunshine Locket]

It is between them. If they've quashed it it then as now is none of your business.

If you have issues with a kiss that is over and done with, because whether or not she's lying is not your business either, don't go to the wedding. It's as simple as that.

 

[Nithavela]

You're going to lose a friend over this. Choose wisely.

 

[Joykins]

I am posting this via my husbands account. Sorry for the confusion lol

I do not believe her because my other friends have told me she is still lying and that the truth is they did more than kiss. I do not know her THAT well, she asked me to be a bridesmaid mainly because she knows I have a heart for the Lord and she wants our friendship to continue. I have just heard conflicting stories and am not sure what to believe or what action to take because of these conflicting stories.

Conflicting stories...well, like C.S. Lewis once wrote there are 12 points of view and most of them are wrong (and in this case most of them are probably gossip). I would say by speaking to her you've done at least pro forma due diligence, but I don't know if you have the ability to do more than start a bunch of fights at this point. In the future I would only be the bridesmaid to someone I know and trust, maybe.

 

[Skybringr]

I'm all about the sentiment that one should not mind two people who are betrothed or married. Once they have gone beyond the preliminaries, it is between the two of them.

Even on the biblical note, there are mighty implications that one should follow by exactly that.

 

[DogmaHunter]

I am posting this via my husbands account. Sorry for the confusion lol

I do not believe her because my other friends have told me she is still lying and that the truth is they did more than kiss. I do not know her THAT well, she asked me to be a bridesmaid mainly because she knows I have a heart for the Lord and she wants our friendship to continue. I have just heard conflicting stories and am not sure what to believe or what action to take because of these conflicting stories.

In such matters: when in doubt, shut up.
In all other cases, if you don't know her THAT well, then shut up too.

At most, confront her.
You have no business talking to other people about her private life. It's not of your concern.

 

[Paradoxum]

I think the suggestion for you to talk to you friend again, is a good one. Tell her what other people have said, and say that you're concerned.

I don't know other than that.