Ending Relationship with Non-Christian Bf?

[lunartirade]

I've been in a relationship with my bf for a little over 2 years now. I'm a convert and was baptized a year into our relationship. I tried to break up with him last year and I also tried to break up with him 2 weeks ago to no avail.

He insists that breaking up isn't necessary because we're compatible in every other way, he's ok with our children being raised Christian, and he's open to Christianity. I've prayed and shared my faith and explained things to him (and he's respectful and likes that I share with him) but I no longer believe conversion is in the cards for him anytime soon.

Every time I get the feeling we need to break up, I always end up convincing myself that it's the wrong choice and that I'm just having a "moment". I feel terrible wanting to try to split up a 3rd time because I'll hurt him yet again and there's a good chance I'll just end up calling it off like last time. How do I finally break up with him? And how do I cope with it afterwards? He's my first bf and has been so incredibly good to me; the idea of losing him hurts and I feel so guilty.

 

[Sketcher]

You can't advance the relationship until he converts sincerely. And it will be hard to gauge whether he will convert sincerely, or go through the motions to keep you.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I agree with Sketcher. People often fake being like their future spouse wants them to be so they can get them to marry them and soon after the honeymoon is over they don't have to hide the truth and then the fights begin.
Regardless if he is ok with the children being raised Christian they will realize something is wrong with him not acting like one or going to church and having friends over that aren't believers etc. I grew up with a father that wasn't a Christian and a mother that was a holy roller in my teens and I resented being forced to go to churches that were old, stale, with pipe organs and hymnals where we all were zombies repeating the words. I didn't get to go to bible school etc and my mom starved for Christian fellowship kept us over at church till the last person left. One time I threatened to walk 3 miles home as it was 2pm and service ended around 1215 I think and I was very bored and tired with no place to sit. The father is supposed to be the leader and head of the household and God holds him responsible for the family. If he is indeed a leader sooner or later he will lead the kids away from God because sooner or later rejecting God and being around a Christian the Holy Spirit in you will draw him towards God or will irritate him into a firm rejection of him and with that reject you also.
I've been around people before that were not Christian and on rare occasion unbelievers seem to either be drawn into talking to me about stuff or attack and pick on me without knowing that I'm redeemed.

People can change but 2 years is long enough to judge his character and decide else you were not serious enough to begin with in the first place.

 

[Saucy]

I agree, it is time to separate with the boyfriend. The bible is clear about not being with someone who is not a believer. They may say they are okay with your faith, raising kids in the faith, etc, but he may just be saying that to keep you. The difference is your kids will need a God-fearing father. You will need a God-fearing husband. He will need to lead the family in the right direction, be directly involved in his kid's growth as believers, and nurture his wife's faith.

Then there are issues of being pushed into sexual encounters outside of marriage and being led into sin in various other ways by a man who is not a believer. He is never going to understand your focus on Christ and living for Him.

 

[Lady Bug]

As far as I'm concerned, people should already have been converts to the faith before they meet each other.

 

[Sophrosyne]

As far as I'm concerned, people should already have been converts to the faith before they meet each other.

The problem is neither were converts and only the girl became one a year into the relationship. We cannot expect non Christians to not marry each other as they aren't as unequally yoked as a non + a believer would be.

 

[Lady Bug]

The problem is neither were converts and only the girl became one a year into the relationship. We cannot expect non Christians to not marry each other as they aren't as unequally yoked as a non + a believer would be.

Yeah. I think I worried things a little funny. I meant that, between two scenarios in which one of them is a convert and the other not, and both of them being converts first, that the second scenario is better. Sorry if I didn't say it clearly enough.

 

[Tolworth John]

I get the feeling we need to break up,

Why do you ' feel ' you need to break up?
Please read 1 Cor 7:13 about a christian wife with a non-Christian partner who is willing to stay with her. Then she should stay with him.

Basically you need a real reason why you are going to leave him,not just ' feeling!'

 

[Oompa Loompa]

I've been in a relationship with my bf for a little over 2 years now. I'm a convert and was baptized a year into our relationship. I tried to break up with him last year and I also tried to break up with him 2 weeks ago to no avail.

He insists that breaking up isn't necessary because we're compatible in every other way, he's ok with our children being raised Christian, and he's open to Christianity. I've prayed and shared my faith and explained things to him (and he's respectful and likes that I share with him) but I no longer believe conversion is in the cards for him anytime soon.

Every time I get the feeling we need to break up, I always end up convincing myself that it's the wrong choice and that I'm just having a "moment". I feel terrible wanting to try to split up a 3rd time because I'll hurt him yet again and there's a good chance I'll just end up calling it off like last time. How do I finally break up with him? And how do I cope with it afterwards? He's my first bf and has been so incredibly good to me; the idea of losing him hurts and I feel so guilty.

I apologize if this comes off too forward, but I have to ask. Are you two having sex? I ask this because scripture is clear about sexual immorality. If you want to know how "compatable" you both are, you have to show him what kind of compromises he is going to face. You tell him no more sex until marriage and you will not marry a non-christian. The rest is up to him.

 

[Oompa Loompa]

Why do you ' feel ' you need to break up?
Please read 1 Cor 7:13 about a christian wife with a non-Christian partner who is willing to stay with her. Then she should stay with him.

Basically you need a real reason why you are going to leave him,not just ' feeling!'

That passage is about people who are already married. They are not married yet and the same passage specifically states not to be unequally yoked.

 

[Tolworth John]

That passage is about people who are already married. They are not married yet and the same passage specifically states not to be unequally yoked.

Yes the passage is about those who are married.

What is marriage?

Among the many answers to that question is the raising of Children.
While this couple has not formally married they are raising a child and that childs welfareshould take priority over fuzzt feelings that they should separate.

 

[turkle]

How do I finally break up with him? And how do I cope with it afterwards? He's my first bf and has been so incredibly good to me; the idea of losing him hurts and I feel so guilty.

You need to decide once and for all if following God is your priority. If so, being unequally yoked is not advised, both biblically and practically. It is really awful being married to an unbeliever. You don't share the same priorities and values. Children are confused because each parent believes something different. That's just the start of the list.

You said you "tried" to break up with him. What I take this to mean is you said you wanted to break up, he talked you out of it, and you caved. Either break up with him or don't, but be decisive. If you do, you are young and can find a fellow believer who shares the most important values with you. I've done both, and I would never marry an unbeliever. Being married to someone that you can pray and worship with is priceless. Not being able to do so is heart breaking.

 

[Blade]

I've been in a relationship with my bf for a little over 2 years now. I'm a convert and was baptized a year into our relationship. I tried to break up with him last year and I also tried to break up with him 2 weeks ago to no avail.

He insists that breaking up isn't necessary because we're compatible in every other way, he's ok with our children being raised Christian, and he's open to Christianity. I've prayed and shared my faith and explained things to him (and he's respectful and likes that I share with him) but I no longer believe conversion is in the cards for him anytime soon.

Every time I get the feeling we need to break up, I always end up convincing myself that it's the wrong choice and that I'm just having a "moment". I feel terrible wanting to try to split up a 3rd time because I'll hurt him yet again and there's a good chance I'll just end up calling it off like last time. How do I finally break up with him? And how do I cope with it afterwards? He's my first bf and has been so incredibly good to me; the idea of losing him hurts and I feel so guilty.

First for me is the hardest. I am much older lol but out of all I have ever known the first Nikki is the only one I have ever dreamed about. Always nice wonderful dreams. That being said.. pray seek Him many will tell you things but in the end pray seek Him about it. KNOW He hears you know He will answer. He will give you a peace. A believer and none believer can be very hard. We that are in love can be blinded to thinking we can help them we can save them point them in the right direction. Yet He saves not us. I would just say pray and pray about it and He will give you peace about what you should do. Putting Christ first is ALWAYS the best right thing. It can in this life be hard but.. oh when we do .. He is always there you are never ever ever alone. In JESUS name. I pray I didn't offend. If you don't agree toss out everything I said lol

 

[subtlecollision]

I think part of the reason why this is so hard for you is that it's your first boyfriend. I'm guessing it's likely you don't have much life experience with relationships and/or are young? If you met some Christian guy in a few years who was a great fit for you, you would be glad you broke up with this guy. You really need to have more perspective on this. I know it's hard because you're in a relationship with him and have been for two years and I'm sure the break up will be very hard. But just think what kind of amazing Christian guy could be out there waiting for you -- as a gift from God! Being married to another Christian is amazing. And what God wants for us.

 

[Joined2krist]

If you two are physically intimate then in God's perspective you are married because you two have become one physically John 4, 1 Cor 6. You will need to give us info. about this for more clarity

 

[lunartirade]

Yes the passage is about those who are married.

What is marriage?

Among the many answers to that question is the raising of Children.
While this couple has not formally married they are raising a child and that childs welfareshould take priority over fuzzt feelings that they should separate.

We don't have any children, I said I had concerns over our future children. The father is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the household, which is a role my boyfriend wouldn't be able to fulfill.

 

[lunartirade]

If you two are physically intimate then in God's perspective you are married because you two have become one physically John 4, 1 Cor 6. You will need to give us info. about this for more clarity

We've slipped up a couple times over the course of our relationship but we aren't actively intimate. And I don't agree with that interpretation because the Samaritan woman had been divorced 5 times and was not married to her current partner. And the purpose of Corinthians 6 is to illustrate that our bodies belong to God and should not be defiled through sexually immoral actions such as buying prostitutes.

 

[lunartirade]

I apologize if this comes off too forward, but I have to ask. Are you two having sex? I ask this because scripture is clear about sexual immorality. If you want to know how "compatable" you both are, you have to show him what kind of compromises he is going to face. You tell him no more sex until marriage and you will not marry a non-christian. The rest is up to him.

I told him when we started dating that I didn't believe in sex before marriage, which was something I believed long before I converted. He understood and was respectful of my wishes. We haven't been perfect but overall we abstain from sex.

 

[Tolworth John]

We don't have any children, I said I had concerns over our future children. The father is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the household, which is a role my boyfriend wouldn't be able to fulfill.

That is the role of a husband.
ay I suggest that you challenge him to fulfil that role in your relationshhip now.