Emotional Intelligence

[ananda]

> How would you recommend developing or strengthening those traits and skills?

Meditation. When properly done, it causes one's consciousness to disentangle from thoughts and feelings, prevents one from being controlled by them (self-awareness), allowing one to properly understand cause and effect (karma), and increases empathy towards others entangled within the world of their own thoughts and feelings.

 

[Archaeopteryx]

> How would you recommend developing or strengthening those traits and skills?

Meditation. When properly done, it causes one's consciousness to disentangle from thoughts and feelings, prevents one from being controlled by them, allowing one to properly understand cause and effect (karma), and produces self-awareness, and empathy towards others entangled within the world of their own thoughts and feelings.

I don't know about that. While I wouldn't suggest that meditation is lacking in benefits, where is the evidence that meditation can specifically cultivate the traits typically associated with EI? We need studies on this (if they haven't already been done?). I'm not suggesting that people shouldn't meditate. I'm just wary of advice that sustained meditation will lead to improved EI.

 

[ananda]

^ Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation on Emotional Intelligence, General Self-Efficacy,and Perceived Stress

 

[Archaeopteryx]

^ Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation on Emotional Intelligence, General Self-Efficacy,and Perceived Stress

Good find. Seems to provide initial evidence of benefits to EI. Hopefully this is enough to spur a larger study, including an RCT, that examines whether the benefits are enduring. A further study should consider whether the same benefits can be obtained in populations where EI deficits are suspected.

 

[keith99]

I thought I read once that EQ can predict work success more than IQ. Perhaps I'm making that up.

I took a test years ago that put my EQ at ~130. Though it was an online test... so I don't know how true that is.


I'm not sure it's a phobia, but I've been at least somewhat afraid of the dark since I was young. Thinking something could be hiding in the darkness.

I think it's gotten better as I've gotten older, but I'm not really sure why. In bed I sometimes have an attitude of "Go on then, kill me, I'm too tired to care."

If it is as accurate as online IQ tests and biased in the same direction you are below average!

But I think you are thick skinned enough to take the dig and your post strongly implied you were thinking in the same direction. That shows you have something not completely in IQ or EQ, a bit of street smarts.

 

[bhsmte]

Good find. Seems to provide initial evidence of benefits to EI. Hopefully this is enough to spur a larger study, including an RCT, that examines whether the benefits are enduring. A further study should consider whether the same benefits can be obtained in populations where EI deficits are suspected.

Simple breathing exercises done correctly, have quite a potent impact on the state of the mind.

 

[keith99]

~~~~~
And to tack on a random personal question..... Have you ever had an irrational phobia, and if so, how did you overcome it? I'm asking this from the dentist's office; I'm trying to distract myself while waiting for my turn. I always act reasonable and cooperative but inside I feel panicky and want to bolt. Everyone is unfailingly kind to me here, competent, and as gentle as possible. I don't understand why my mind still hits a panic button.

Hmmmm. There's actually a Bible in this waiting room. That kinda surprises me!

One old joke/solution for fear of public speaking is to imagine the audience in their underwear. Supposedly it switches the balance of just who is exposed or at least feels exposed.

Decades ago it was pointed out to me that of all the professions dentists have the highest suicide rate. Having a significant part of your patients hating to be there takes a toll.

I know the kind of person you are. Perhaps a concern on your part for the dentist might provide a bit of distraction that might just help you overcome your fear, at least just a little.

You already know I worked with my father who was a children's dentist. There was one phrase that struck fear in our hearts. It was hearing mom say 'It won't hurt'. when we heard that we knew we were doomed. The kid had heard that before and it had hurt, perhaps a lot. we knew we were in for a hard hour.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

One old joke/solution for fear of public speaking is to imagine the audience in their underwear. Supposedly it switches the balance of just who is exposed or at least feels exposed.

Decades ago it was pointed out to me that of all the professions dentists have the highest suicide rate. Having a significant part of your patients hating to be there takes a toll.

I know the kind of person you are. Perhaps a concern on your part for the dentist might provide a bit of distraction that might just help you overcome your fear, at least just a little.

You already know I worked with my father who was a children's dentist. There was one phrase that struck fear in our hearts. It was hearing mom say 'It won't hurt'. when we heard that we knew we were doomed. The kid had heard that before and it had hurt, perhaps a lot. we knew we were in for a hard hour.

I do honestly appreciate my dentist and his staff and how gentle, caring, and considerate they are. They are aware of how unpleasant it is to be there and try to make the experience less stressful by having a TV with movies or TV shows to watch, music, and headphones. I bring in my own music and Beats and then try to tune out. I'm always mega apologetic for being anxious. I am still cooperative. I never have made a scene, even when I was little. It's mainly just a freakout fest that is going on in my head, and I act normal despite it. I don't think I'm as pathetic as I thought I was, though, because they've said it's not that abnormal to be anxious. I think people have anxiety in different ways about medical and dental things. I had a blood test and MRI yesterday and the blood test always weirds me out cause I hate needles but the MRI is cool to me. They've said that some people get panicky though because it feels so claustrophobic and is so loud.

 

[bhsmte]

I do honestly appreciate my dentist and his staff and how gentle, caring, and considerate they are. They are aware of how unpleasant it is to be there and try to make the experience less stressful by having a TV with movies or TV shows to watch, music, and headphones. I bring in my own music and Beats and then try to tune out. I'm always mega apologetic for being anxious. I am still cooperative. I never have made a scene, even when I was little. It's mainly just a freakout fest that is going on in my head, and I act normal despite it. I don't think I'm as pathetic as I thought I was, though, because they've said it's not that abnormal to be anxious. I think people have anxiety in different ways about medical and dental things. I had a blood test and MRI yesterday and the blood test always weirds me out cause I hate needles but the MRI is cool to me. They've said that some people get panicky though because it feels so claustrophobic and is so loud.

When I was young, I didn't brush my teeth enough and I had about 6-7 cavities that had to be drilled. I remember my dad holding me down in the chair and the sound of the drill and the smell of burning teeth from the drill.

That stuck with me for a long time, but I was able to get over it with just time.

Whatever you do, before you go to the dentist, don't watch the movie; Marathon Man with Dustin Hoffman.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

When I was young, I didn't brush my teeth enough and I had about 6-7 cavities that had to be drilled. I remember my dad holding me down in the chair and the sound of the drill and the smell of burning teeth from the drill.

That stuck with me for a long time, but I was able to get over it with just time.

Whatever you do, before you go to the dentist, don't watch the movie; Marathon Man with Dustin Hoffman.

BURNING TEETH? Oh dear God.

 

[FireDragon76]

If someone can hurt another and feel nothing, they obviously do not have good cognitive empathy.

Cognitive empathy and affective empathy are two different things. Most people with antisocial personalities have good cognitive empathy, in fact they usually come across as charming and charismatic. They understand what makes people feel good or bad, but do not feel it themselves.

 

[keith99]

BURNING TEETH? Oh dear God.

Technically more teeth being used to start a fire the old way, like rubbing two sticks together!

With older dental engines the smell could be pronounced. Also modern drills do a better job of delivering a steady stream of water. It is not just for washing, it is for cooling.

 

[bhsmte]

Cognitive empathy and affective empathy are two different things. Most people with antisocial personalities have good cognitive empathy, in fact they usually come across as charming and charismatic. They understand what makes people feel good or bad, but do not feel it themselves.

Yes, people with certain personality disorders, can be quite charming, but at the end of the day, if they hurt people with consistency, they lack empathy towards others.

 

[Paradoxum]

If it is as accurate as online IQ tests and biased in the same direction you are below average!

I'm not special?

But I think you are thick skinned enough to take the dig and your post strongly implied you were thinking in the same direction. That shows you have something not completely in IQ or EQ, a bit of street smarts.

I'm not sure I'd say I have street smarts.

 

[SuperCloud]

Concerning post #1:

At age 17 the things listed and explained in the article are good things to work on and attempt to master.

If you can do well in all those areas you will have a lot of success in your academic, professional, and personal life.

They can help in the underworld but are not necessarily needed and at times can be detrimental. Al Capone is said to have beaten a man to death with a baseball bat at a formal dinner gathering of his. Another known Chicago mob boss used to hang men from meat hooks (by their anus) and torture them to death for days, sometimes with use of a blowtorch.

And how will those traits help you in a violent Central American or South American prison? Not much.

They can be helpful dealing with certain people in certain scenarios of police work. I would think. But won't do you much good with certain other people in certain scenarios of police work. I would think.

Perhaps most important: I have never met a single person in my life that did well at all of those things listed. Well... maybe one or two people I've met that might have done well in all those areas, but neither of them were wealthy men. Possibly one woman I met like that and she was a community college math teacher that spent years as a waitress before going on to get an undergraduate and then advanced degree in mathematics. But none of those people I got to know thoroughly in their personal lives.

I think your parents will have a lot to do with how you turn out emotionally. Other things impact your emotional development, too, like combat service, being a nurse working with abused children, your friends, perhaps extended family, and any girlfriends and boyfriends you may have or the lack of.

If you have parents that from your very early childhood on want you to exhibit depression and a lack of self confidence and provide conflicting signals to you, due to their own incoherent convictions and own emotional weaknesses, then it will be very difficult for you to significantly overcome those traits by the time you turn a young adult.

Severely bullied kids will have trouble overcoming certain emotional things as adults too. I would think, at least.

If you become a parent, if you can try not to bring the stresses of your work life into the home and take them out on your spouse and children. A spouse and children can be easy targets. More than anything on that list I think this is one of the best things a man that is a husband and father can do when burdened factors in his work life. It is not so much an Emotional IQ as a willingness and conviction to spare your wife and child.

 

[SuperCloud]

EQ is typically more important when dealing with, leading or working with other people.

I have been around medical professionals for over 20 years and I find many have a high IQ and leave a bit to be desired on the EQ front. Also, I have been around people that have an average IQ, yet likely have an EQ, which is high and they are able to bring people together, get people to follow along and are good leaders.

Medical doctors work in the applied sciences. Arguably the best ones are high on empathy as well as the partial scientific practice of their profession. But if one has to give between the two qualities, I think it is better to have an emotionally distant doctor or surgeon that is excellent at his practice of medicine or surgery.

I had two very good surgeons work on two separate operations. One was excellent in empathy and his science and skill. The other was at one point very emotionally detached from me but he carried out excellent surgery on me. The nurses thought very highly of him as well in his specialty area of surgery.

 

[BL2KTN]

I'm not sure what emotional intelligence is beyond social skills.

 

[keith99]

I'm not special?



I'm not sure I'd say I have street smarts.

It was the best I could come up with at the time.

Perhaps folk Wisdom fits better? Or perhaps it is just the specific of seeing flattery (a very high score) and recognizing it for what it is, flatteringly high.

And while I still do stand behind my statement that if online EQ tests follow the same pattern as online IQ tests then your 130 is average, I will say somewhere in the 110-120 range for you on a valid test seems right to me for you.

 

[bhsmte]

Medical doctors work in the applied sciences. Arguably the best ones are high on empathy as well as the partial scientific practice of their profession. But if one has to give between the two qualities, I think it is better to have an emotionally distant doctor or surgeon that is excellent at his practice of medicine or surgery.

I had two very good surgeons work on two separate operations. One was excellent in empathy and his science and skill. The other was at one point very emotionally detached from me but he carried out excellent surgery on me. The nurses thought very highly of him as well in his specialty area of surgery.

Yes, high IQ folks, often leave something to be desired, when it comes to emotional skills in dealing with other people.

In 20 years in healthcare, I have been around certain physician specialists quite a bit and most of them are brilliant, when it comes to knowledge in their specialty. The other side of it is this; a good deal of them, have the emotional maturity, of about a 8 year old, when it comes to dealing with other people.

 

[Archaeopteryx]

It was the best I could come up with at the time.

Perhaps folk Wisdom fits better? Or perhaps it is just the specific of seeing flattery (a very high score) and recognizing it for what it is, flatteringly high.

And while I still do stand behind my statement that if online EQ tests follow the same pattern as online IQ tests then your 130 is average, I will say somewhere in the 110-120 range for you on a valid test seems right to me for you.

Is that within a 95% confidence interval?

I'd be curious to know what the confidence intervals for these purported online IQ and EQ tests look like.