Emotional Intelligence

[Ada Lovelace]

What are your thoughts on this article about how to be emotionally intelligent? How would you recommend developing or strengthening those traits and skills?
How does EQ compliment IQ and enhance one's ability at success and fulfillment in academic, professional and personal contexts?

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/e...=Full&region=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article

1. SELF-AWARENESS

Realistic self-confidence: You understand your own strengths and limitations; you operate from competence and know when to rely on someone else on the team.

Emotional insight: You understand your feelings. Being aware of what makes you angry, for instance, can help you manage that anger.

2. SELF-MANAGEMENT

Resilience: You stay calm under pressure and recover quickly from upsets. You don’t brood or panic. In a crisis, people look to the leader for reassurance; if the leader is calm, they can be, too.

Emotional balance: You keep any distressful feelings in check — instead of blowing up at people, you let them know what’s wrong and what the solution is.

Self-motivation: You keep moving toward distant goals despite setbacks.

3. EMPATHY

Cognitive and emotional empathy: Because you understand other perspectives, you can put things in ways colleagues comprehend. And you welcome their questions, just to be sure. Cognitive empathy, along with reading another person’s feelings accurately, makes for effective communication.

Good listening: You pay full attention to the other person and take time to understand what they are saying, without talking over them or hijacking the agenda.

4. RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

Compelling communication: You put your points in persuasive, clear ways so that people are motivated as well as clear about expectations.

Team playing: People feel relaxed working with you. One sign: They laugh easily around you.


~~~~~
And to tack on a random personal question..... Have you ever had an irrational phobia, and if so, how did you overcome it? I'm asking this from the dentist's office; I'm trying to distract myself while waiting for my turn. I always act reasonable and cooperative but inside I feel panicky and want to bolt. Everyone is unfailingly kind to me here, competent, and as gentle as possible. I don't understand why my mind still hits a panic button.

Hmmmm. There's actually a Bible in this waiting room. That kinda surprises me!

 

[Received]

When it comes to thinks like thinking about universes, then IQ is super important. When it comes to broadly being successful at life, emotional intelligence is a much bigger predictor than "regular" intelligence.

Just spend five minutes watching a professor in a supermarket, for example.

 

[Paradoxum]

I thought I read once that EQ can predict work success more than IQ. Perhaps I'm making that up.

I took a test years ago that put my EQ at ~130. Though it was an online test... so I don't know how true that is.


I'm not sure it's a phobia, but I've been at least somewhat afraid of the dark since I was young. Thinking something could be hiding in the darkness.

I think it's gotten better as I've gotten older, but I'm not really sure why. In bed I sometimes have an attitude of "Go on then, kill me, I'm too tired to care."

 

[Received]

If for no other reason, EQ is important because things like mindfulness and emotion regulation are aspects of it rather than IQ, and these (and other examples) are extremely important if you want to, you know, be happy.

So unless we have really esoteric values along the lines of contemplation as the end of life, this means that EQ is a bigger predictor of happiness, because happiness is about things like regulating your emotions and being in the present moment (i.e., mindfulness).

Which if you think about, is almost straight up funny (in a ridiculous way), because this psychological truth is almost totally contrary to what society values when it comes to "smarts". We value what becomes the Laputans in Gulliver's Travels, rather than the Kierkegaardian everyman, who lives in the world in such a way where he's actually connected to it (as opposed to being lost in the clouds like the Laputans).

 

[Paradoxum]

Just spend five minutes watching a professor in a supermarket, for example.

Though that probably isn't a lack of EQ.

I sometimes do similar things in shops.

 

[agua]

Though that probably isn't a lack of EQ.

I sometimes do similar things in shops.

yes I need to have agreeable control measures in plave while in supermarkets, to avoid problems.

 

[Paradoxum]

yes I need to have agreeable control measures in plave while in supermarkets, to avoid problems.

What do you mean?

 

[agua]

What do you mean?

It's a little personal, sorry. I do laugh at myself though.

Oh ok. I need to know where things are, and form a routine of the path I take. I need to have explicit idea of what I need, and avoid reading all the labels for hazardous/unlikeable ingredients. I usually avoid eye contact with other shoppers and concentrate on finding my products.

I'm improving though and some of the things aren't as important as they once were.

What do you do, in supermarkets ?

 

[Paradoxum]

It's a little personal, sorry. I do laugh at myself though.

Oh ok. I need to know where things are, and form a routine of the path I take. I need to have explicit idea of what I need, and avoid reading all the labels for hazardous/unlikeable ingredients. I usually avoid eye contact with other shoppers and concentrate on finding my products.

I'm improving though and some of the things aren't as important as they once were.

What do you do, in supermarkets ?

Oh ok.

Sometimes I just pick things up and go, but if there's alot of choice I might take quite a while to make sure I'm making a choice I wont regret. So I probably look like I'm staring at the same things for a long time.

This is sometimes true for things I consider 'treats'. So things like chocolate and alcohol.

 

[agman00]

You have to learn how to be introspective and pay attention to the human heart. If you don't have that type of discipline to get to know yourself and have the attention span to really listen to people and empathize and learn to put yourself in their shoes to understand them, there's no way you will have emotional intelligence. I've always been this way but I've learned in my growth empathizing with the human race does not mean coddling or making excuses for bad behavior. Alot of people get the two mixed up. Just pay attention, speak less, listen more, and get to know yourself more. Spend time with you and love you. You will become more emotionally intelligent and be less apt to make social mishaps.

 

[bhsmte]

EQ is typically more important when dealing with, leading or working with other people.

I have been around medical professionals for over 20 years and I find many have a high IQ and leave a bit to be desired on the EQ front. Also, I have been around people that have an average IQ, yet likely have an EQ, which is high and they are able to bring people together, get people to follow along and are good leaders.

 

[agua]

EQ is typically more important when dealing with, leading or working with other people.

I have been around medical professionals for over 20 years and I find many have a high IQ and leave a bit to be desired on the EQ front. Also, I have been around people that have an average IQ, yet likely have an EQ, which is high and they are able to bring people together, get people to follow along and are good leaders.

Yes this has been my experience, too.

 

[agua]

Oh ok.

Sometimes I just pick things up and go, but if there's alot of choice I might take quite a while to make sure I'm making a choice I wont regret. So I probably look like I'm staring at the same things for a long time.

This is sometimes true for things I consider 'treats'. So things like chocolate and alcohol.

. We humans are funny critters.

 

[Paradoxum]

. We humans are funny critters.

Yup

 

[FireDragon76]

Just FYI but a good grasp of cognitive empathy doesn't make you a good person. Psychopaths are often very good at reading peoples minds but they don't feel anything when they hurt someone else. So, I think its safe to say that having high EQ isn't to be confused with being a moral person.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

EQ is typically more important when dealing with, leading or working with other people.

I have been around medical professionals for over 20 years and I find many have a high IQ and leave a bit to be desired on the EQ front. Also, I have been around people that have an average IQ, yet likely have an EQ, which is high and they are able to bring people together, get people to follow along and are good leaders.

I do sort of feel like there can be a teeter totter effect where someone with an exceptionally high IQ can have a lower EQ, though that's definitely not always the case. I went to a school for gifted kids when I was younger and some there had more difficulty calibrating their emotions and being aware and responsive to the feelings of others. They could grasp more complicated and analytical things but would become frustrated by simpler tasks. I remember one boy being baffled as to how you were supposed to play with a Hot Wheel car. I once read that many world leaders were estimated to have an IQ in the 125-140 range, which is well above average and gifted but not at a "profoundly gifted" level where there is more of a tendency for what the psychologist Dabrowski called "overexcitabilities" or obtuseness with social interactions.

Anyhooo. I've had some miserable interactions with medical professionals and some really positive ones. I was at Cedars Sinai all afternoon and everyone in my doctor's office there always puts me at ease. It definitely helps to chill me out.

 

[GrowingSmaller]

I score lowish on both IQ and EQ probably. Yet "God saves". Problem is He also expects discipline and work, rather than just putting ones feet up. However I am better off with faith I believe.

 

[Archaeopteryx]

EI is not a construct I'm overly familiar with, even with a psychology background. My first instinct is to question its construct validity. Is there good reason to believe that it adds information not already captured in robust measures of G and the Big Five?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Hmmmm. There's actually a Bible in this waiting room. That kinda surprises me!

I'm always pleasantly surprised if there are hunting and fishing magazines.

 

[bhsmte]

Just FYI but a good grasp of cognitive empathy doesn't make you a good person. Psychopaths are often very good at reading peoples minds but they don't feel anything when they hurt someone else. So, I think its safe to say that having high EQ isn't to be confused with being a moral person.

If someone can hurt another and feel nothing, they obviously do not have good cognitive empathy.

A psychologically disturbed person can appear to have empathy for short durations (to set up their prey), but it only serves as a purpose to be able to be in position to hurt another person.