Emotional Cheating

[jham123]

Hard to retype the whole thread, but in a nutshell, this and many other post are so biased that inappropriate content or the men are the only perps of "Bad" issues in most marriages.

My point has been that it is wrong to pigeon hole this as a male problem and not a "Human" problem. So, I've been posting Facts that support my assertion that females are just as equal in faults as males are.....

Many women just cannot accept that as anywhere near the truth...so for days and days I've been posting FACTS and links that totally dispel the myths.

When men refused to acknowledge that women where being objectified by society and that they should be treated as a person ("Excuse me sir, My eyes aren't on my chest", just a reminder) we had a name for those that refused to agree to the premise. WE called them "Male Chauvinistic Pig". Now, that the roles are reversed and it is Husbands that are being treated as second class citizens while Wifes objectify and fantasize about someone other than their spouse....

.....what then should we do?? What name should we use to describe these types of women?

 

[LJSGM]

I think that fanaticism is different then emotional cheating. There are men that are obsessed with star wars for instance and are fanactical about that. Is it healthy for them to obsess about something? I don't know. But it's not the same as emotional cheating, which both men and women become involved in, as well have both men and women cheating physically. As far as inappropriate content, that is a big problem for men, it's a fact, and it's unhealthy for relationships, sexually exploitative of girls and women and not something that is pleasing to God. This is not about which gender is better and who isn't, this is about addressing the real issues and helping people overcome sin.

 

[jham123]

As far as inappropriate content, that is a big problem for men, it's a fact, and it's unhealthy for relationships, sexually exploitative of girls and women and not something that is pleasing to God. This is not about which gender is better and who isn't, this is about addressing the real issues and helping people overcome sin.

Smokes! Please go back and actually read the thread...

YOU JUST DID WHAT I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT!!!

Again, why is inappropriate content a problem for Men, are you being aloof? Are you trying to be coy and just start over what I've spent days (successfully) presenting as a "human" issue??

inappropriate content is to men, what romance novels are to women.

Go back and actually read before re-posting the same questions or making the same sexist statements over and over again

 

[LJSGM]

inappropriate content is to men, what romance novels are to women.

don't get all emotional on me now .

romance novels are not inappropriate content in any way, shape, or form.

and fanaticism is not emotional cheating either.

 

[jham123]

romance novels are not inappropriate content in any way, shape, or form.

and fanaticism is not emotional cheating either.

Since you won't actually take time to read the thread...and since you are re-posting the same questions as the ones posted last Tuesday....I'll just cut and paste my responses from back then as well.....Have fun

Hrmmmm......this is an interesting topic and I'll be more specific.

I've put forth the theory that inappropriate content/Romance novels are equally damaging and not gender specific....Many can not see how reading a romance novel /movie/whatever could possibly be damaging to a man and that ONLY inappropriate content is the issue......

Yet, here we have a thread debating the differences about emotional vs physical.

Many here have stated that the emotional is equally if not more damning than just physical.

So, lemme get this straight for my own edification. A person having an emotional affair (totally non-physical) is "bad" by all accounts from all posters in this thread.....however....just because the "target" of affection is real or fictional......that seems to be the difference?

So, the person (woman) can be totally into (see also "lusting" for) a fictional character (and believe me, Women are "in love" with Twilight characters, no other way to describe "emotional cheating") and lo! Here are some of the same folks that claim that [using fictional characters or images] is only a male issue and that no men could be getting hurt over the issue.

See Kisa's post about marriage infidelity and the "cold war" that occurs in marriages that also lead to affections etc. being withheld from the other for various reasons

My point is that many folks seem to believe that women lusting after actors or fictional characters is nothing to bat an eye at, while the whole time never asking the husband how they feel when their wife is wearing an Edward t-shirt in public....WHILE....at the very same time everyone agrees that an emotional affair is just a damning as a physical one.

The fact that a person is "thinking" of another....real or fictional is THE SAME. Affairs of the heart are "in my opinion" more damaging to a person than a one night lapse of judgment or whatever.....

I know, I know......many will not able able to see this correlation...I can't help them

 

[LJSGM]

Since you won't actually take time to read the thread...and since you are re-posting the same questions as the ones posted last Tuesday....I'll just cut and paste my responses from back then as well.....Have fun

I can see how you might be concerned for women, but somehow, I don't think it's about that at all.

 

[Created2Write]

don't get all emotional on me now .

romance novels are not inappropriate content in any way, shape, or form.

and fanaticism is not emotional cheating either.

Actually, they are.

Example: If a person watches inappropriate content, they can become aroused sexually. It can stimulate easily, and induce emotions and other responses that make watching it addictive. It can also inspire impossible ideas about how a man or woman should make love, which can harm relationships, since reality is so much different.

If a person reads romance novels, they can become aroused sexually. It stimulates a lot, because you use your imagination to play out the sex scene on the page. It also induces emotions in the reader, as you have become attached to the characters. It also can inspire impossible ideas about how a man or woman should be/make love, which can harm relationships, as reality is so much different.

So, actually, romance novels and inappropriate content are very, very similar. Both can be highly destructive, but since most people don't acknowledge romance novels as being so, not many really think about it. But it is. I'm also speaking from experience, as someone who used to read Christian and secular romance novels.

 

[LJSGM]

Actually, they are.

Example: If a person watches inappropriate content, they can become aroused sexually. It can stimulate easily, and induce emotions and other responses that make watching it addictive. It can also inspire impossible ideas about how a man or woman should make love, which can harm relationships, since reality is so much different.

If a person reads romance novels, they can become aroused sexually. It stimulates a lot, because you use your imagination to play out the sex scene on the page. It also induces emotions in the reader, as you have become attached to the characters. It also can inspire impossible ideas about how a man or woman should be/make love, which can harm relationships, as reality is so much different.

So, actually, romance novels and inappropriate content are very, very similar. Both can be highly destructive, but since most people don't acknowledge romance novels as being so, not many really think about it. But it is. I'm also speaking from experience, as someone who used to read Christian and secular romance novels.

becoming sexually aroused is not a sin and it is not the reason inappropriate content is wrong.

perhaps for some people who can not seperate fiction from reality romance novels can be harmful, in fact, anything can be potentially harmful if you use it wrong.

 

[jham123]

^^You are in utter denial

We don't have to rehash the entire subject....

http://www.christianforums.com/t4605206/

I think that "inappropriate content" refers to the material that many of us have come to know, and hate. This includes the movies, the magazines, the internet pictures, etc.

But I think that what's DAMAGING is the end result of the material.

Example:
A woman discovers that her husband is viewing inappropriate contentographic material.

Her fear/anger comes from the following:
- He's attracted to her
- He's not attracted to me
- He doesn't want to have sex with me because I don't look like her
- When he has sex with me, he's probably thinking of her
- I don't look like her but he probably wishes I looked like her. Unfortunately, I can't afford the lipo and the implants.

So, it all boils down to the wife feeling betrayed and insignificant.

Now let's look at romance novels. And I'll be fair and clarify that I'm not just talking about any old novel (or film) where there's a hint of romance. I'm talking about the raunchy ones where there's only one purpose of the book and it's to get the reader's heart to beat fast with romantic excitement and anticipation.

Example:
A man notices his wife is locked up in the bedroom every night with her nose buried in a romance novel. On the cover of the romance novel is a topless man with long hair and ripping muscles.

His fear/anger/utter confusion comes from the following:
- Alejandro is lots of money to take his women on weekend shopping sprees in Paris.
- Alejandro is an exotic foreign import with an accent.
- Alejandro has 6% body fat and runs 10 miles every day before the sun comes up.
- Alejandro wears fine designer clothing and is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
- Alejandro has a 9" member and endless stamina.

And all of these things boil down to having the man feel betrayed and insignificant.

What makes it worse is when our attitudes towards our spouses change as a result of us exposing ourselves to these things.

So, a man views inappropriate contentography and is suddenly on his wife's back all the time because suddenly he feels like she isn't wild enough in bed for him.

Or, a woman reads her Fabio novel and is suddenly giving her husband a hard time because he doesn't buy her enough things, or doesn't make enough money, or she calls him predictable.

So, it's all about the end result, really. Many people believe that they can expose themselves to this material and not have it affect them (which I don't doubt). But I think that for the most part, these materials have led to difficulties in relationships for both genders.

Awesome awesome post!

 

[LJSGM]

^^You are in utter denial

It's what in the heart that is of concern, not what you read. If you see a neighbors nice car and desire to steal it, does that make having a car sinful?

I don't have problems in my marriage when I read romance novels.

 

[jham123]

Still, when you hear a guy say that he doesn't have problems in his marriage when he see's inappropriate content....does it mean the same thing as when you say it??

 

[LJSGM]

Still, when you hear a guy say that he doesn't have problems in his marriage when he see's inappropriate content....does it mean the same thing as when you say it??

inappropriate content is a sin basically because it uses another woman's body in a way that only his wife's body is to be used.

romance is a story about two people falling in love, which is not a sin from the onset. It can cause a weaker brother or sister to become motived to run after unrealistic things, but so can a story about a millionare have the same potential towards money. It's not wrong in and of it's self to read it, but it might not be beneifical if you're a weak minded person.

 

[Created2Write]

becoming sexually aroused is not a sin and it is not the reason inappropriate content is wrong.

No, becoming sexually arouses isn't a sin, as it is usually uncontrollable. However, how you get to being sexually aroused can be, and if it involves intentionally imagining two people having sex, I would say that that is flirting closely with lust, or at the very least, sexual perversion. We do not have any place to be imagining those things, outside of imagining ourselves having sex with our spouse.

perhaps for some people who can not seperate fiction from reality romance novels can be harmful, in fact, anything can be potentially harmful if you use it wrong.

I agree with the last statement, but not the first. I don't think Twilight is a good series to read at all, regardless of the fact that vampires don't exist, and most who read those novels acknowledge that. Separating fact from fiction doesn't equate to something being safe to read or watch.

If a inappropriate content user said the same thing about inappropriate content(separating whats in the inappropriate content from reality), would you say inappropriate content was okay to view?

 

[kisapuckett]

They are equally bad and are both cheating and with emotional cheating it almost always leads to physical cheating.