We are talking nutters, and the dynamics that tend to follow them. Women that abuse are just as strange...and dangerous. Thankfully, I worked with a man that was abused...and he got full custody. Visitation is rocky, but things are looking up for him.
Humans tend to take the path of less resistance. She is fragile, and will bend and take all the junk upon herself...because she is broken already. Its easier to pressure her to do what they want her to do so they don't have to get TOO involved. Since she feels like a crumb on the bottom of someone's shoe? It doesn't take much to accomplish it either. She feels the weight of the world, and the world pretty much tells her (those close her that is) that she should. So she does the best thing she feels she can. It's hard to work with or against that type of dynamic.
Agreed.
Like I said - my dad was a criminal prosecutor for most of his career - and he managed to impart a few (IMHO) good lessons to me over the years.
One of the biggest lessons was simply not to get involved in anyone else's business - as it rarely turns out well. Most likely, at least in these types of situations, all you're going to end up doing is alienating yourself from both of them (the abuser and the abused). Stay removed from the situation. Offer counsel if you can on stuff they ask about - but never give advice - as it will only come back to haunt you.
I think he got soured primarily by a cousin of mine who came to him asking him for divorce advice. She was married to a real creep of a guy - who by all accounts (and I believe they're probably true) was molesting another cousin of mine (the wife's much younger sister).
The guy was always getting into trouble with the law - for stuff like public indecency/exposing himself to women - or running different scams. A few times when he got arrested he tried using my dad's name .. kind of like "Hey, I know so and so, can you cut me a break?" - which my dad put an end to forthwith.
Well - my cousin came to him one day supposedly having "had enough" - and asked for my dad's counsel. He wasn't a family attorney - so he referred her to a buddy of his who was really well known for that field of law - and talked his buddy into doing the case pro bono. She worked him to death - then finally when it came time to finalize the divorce - she up and changed her mind/disappeared. You can imagine the spin that took - and how embarrassing that must have been.
Their kids are a mess (one is 50 years old and a meth-head - so most likely he ain't got long kicking around this earth) - and the other is a constant jailbird. Nothing went right for that couple.
As a result - I just don't get involved with people's stuff. My wife does - like - she'll talk to her girlfriends about their martial problems and occasionally if they need tactical advice on how to proceed with a divorce she'll send 'em over to me (for some reason I've got a reputation as being good for that). But - I'll simply confine my input to stuff like "Well, if you choose to proceed, this is what you ought to do."
...I won't ever say whether or not they should, though.
Generally - despite all you hear about how people are too flippant about marriage and too prone to divorce - it's my experience that people are the exact opposite...and that they'll hang on far too long.
