Dumbest Jokes of All Time

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

I tried to tell the doctor that I didn’t want a brain transplant, but he changed my mind

 

[Michie]

Could someone explain this joke to me? I have not finished the Hebrew Bible I just learned about Aaron yesterday.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

Could someone explain this joke to me? I have not finished the Hebrew Bible I just learned about Aaron yesterday.

Hebrews (he brews) a cup of coffee
Moses was a Hebrew

 

[Chesterton]

 

[jesuslover811]

Not a joke but this thought came into my head and it made me laugh

"Heaven, The place where boys can trow rocks into the water without getting yelled at"

 

[Bob Crowley]

 

[AVB 2]

My contribution to dumb jokes. "Goodbye boiling water, you will be mist."

A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender stops him, looks him over and says "I will let you in, but don't try starting anything."

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "we don't serve ropes here, get out." The rope goes outside and ties himself into a knot, and beats the knot against a concrete wall for an hour, then walks back into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "Aren't you the rope that was in here about an hour ago?" The rope says "Nope, I'm a fraid knot."

Two guys had been working out at the gym for a couple of weeks and one of them stops in front of a mirror after a workout and says to his buddy, "I have the body of a Greek god." His buddy says "Hmm, I never knew Buddha was Greek."

The police arrested the Morton salt girl and the Energizer bunny yesterday. They were charged with assault and battery.

Why do chicken coupes have two doors? Because if they had four doors they would a chicken sedans.

Two musk melons walked into a church and asked the pastor to marry them. When he asked why they wanted to marry they said because we cant elope!

A man's wife had not been feeling well for several weeks but refused to see a doctor but finally relented. After the doctor examined her, he excused himself and went out into the waiting room and said to her husband "I really don't like the looks of your wife" to which the husband replied "I don't either Doc, but she is a wonderful mother and a great cook!"

An Amish barn builder was getting up in years and his lifelong dream was to visit the big city and explore a skyscraper, so he, his wife and teen aged son get a ride to the bus station and they go to the big city. When they arrive they tell the cab driver to take them to the newest skyscraper in the city. They all walk into the ground floor and Ma immediately needs to find the ladies room, so she leaves. Pa and his son see two big stainless steel doors with buttons on one side so they go to investigate. A very elderly woman steps up, pushes a button, the doors open up, she steps in and the doors close. Pa and son look at each other wondering what was going to happen. Five seconds later the doors open up and an absolutely beautiful 25 year old woman steps out. Pa looks at his son and says "Quick son, GO FIND YOUR MA!"

 

[returntosender]

My contribution to dumb jokes. "Goodbye boiling water, you will be mist."

A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender stops him, looks him over and says "I will let you in, but don't try starting anything."

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "we don't serve ropes here, get out." The rope goes outside and ties himself into a knot, and beats the knot against a concrete wall for an hour, then walks back into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says "Aren't you the rope that was in here about an hour ago?" The rope says "Nope, I'm a fraid knot."

Two guys had been working out at the gym for a couple of weeks and one of them stops in front of a mirror after a workout and says to his buddy, "I have the body of a Greek god." His buddy says "Hmm, I never knew Buddha was Greek."

The police arrested the Morton salt girl and the Energizer bunny yesterday. They were charged with assault and battery.

Why do chicken coupes have two doors? Because if they had four doors they would a chicken sedans.

Two musk melons walked into a church and asked the pastor to marry them. When he asked why they wanted to marry they said because we cant elope!

A man's wife had not been feeling well for several weeks but refused to see a doctor but finally relented. After the doctor examined her, he excused himself and went out into the waiting room and said to her husband "I really don't like the looks of your wife" to which the husband replied "I don't either Doc, but she is a wonderful mother and a great cook!"

An Amish barn builder was getting up in years and his lifelong dream was to visit the big city and explore a skyscraper, so he, his wife and teen aged son get a ride to the bus station and they go to the big city. When they arrive they tell the cab driver to take them to the newest skyscraper in the city. They all walk into the ground floor and Ma immediately needs to find the ladies room, so she leaves. Pa and his son see two big stainless steel doors with buttons on one side so they go to investigate. A very elderly woman steps up, pushes a button, the doors open up, she steps in and the doors close. Pa and son look at each other wondering what was going to happen. Five seconds later the doors open up and an absolutely beautiful 25 year old woman steps out. Pa looks at his son and says "Quick son, GO FIND YOUR MA!"

 

[Lost4words]

Horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman asks "why the long face!"

Also:

Guy walks into a bar with a big piece of tarmac and says to the barman " A glass of whisky, and one for the road".

 

[Gottservant]

The best joke, is one that needs explanation ()

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Someone burgled the local police station and stole all the toilet seats. The police have nothing to go on.

Do you know that males can multi-task? We can sit on the toilet and read the paper at the same time.

 

[AVB 2]

A few more. A patrolman is stopped at a red light in the straight through lane and he looks to his left and sees a red convertible in the left turn lane. In the back seat are two penguins, so he shouts to the driver "Lady, where are you taking the penguins?" She responds "the zoo." He says okay. The next day same intersection, same officer and same red convertible, but now the penguins have sunglasses on. He shouts to the lady: "Hey, yesterday you said you were taking those penguins to the zoo, what gives?" She responded "I took them to the zoo yesterday officer, and we had so much fun we are going to the beach today!"

A 75 year old man has been sick for years but since he hated physicians he stayed home, but finally he was feeling so bad, he drags himself to the doctor's office. The doc runs every test known to mankind and several days later calls the guy. He says "I'm going to give it to you straight, you only going to live .........I'd say about oh, ten." The guy says "ten? Ten what; days, weeks months?" The doc replies 9-8-7-6-5......"

Two good old southern boys were drinking beer while driving a pickup truck and they round a curve and see a police sobriety check up ahead. The driver pulls off the road and tells the other guy to do what he does, so they both peel the label off of the bottle and smack it on the foreheads then driver pulls back onto the road. An officer sees them coming and gestures for them to pull over. He approaches the driver, sees the beer labels on their foreheads and says "you boyz havn't been a drinkin beer have ye?" The driver responds "no officer we don't drink, we is on the patch."

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Mary had a little bear,
She treated it so kind.
And everywhere that Mary went,
You could see her bear behind.

 

[returntosender]

When I was a young boy my father made me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.

My wife called me immature so I banned her from my treehouse.

The scariest thing that I've ever done was a skydive.... I got into the plane and they strapped me to a man, we jumped out and half way down he said "so, how long have you been an instructor?"

Stealing not allowed

 

[AVB 2]

Horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The barman asks "why the long face!"

Also:

Guy walks into a bar with a big piece of tarmac and says to the barman " A glass of whisky, and one for the road".

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "we don't serve ropes, get out." The rope goes outside ties himself into a knot and beats the knot against a concrete wall for an hour then walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him and says "aren't you the rope that was in here about an hour ago?" The rope says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

 

[returntosender]

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "we don't serve ropes, get out." The rope goes outside ties himself into a knot and beats the knot against a concrete wall for an hour then walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him and says "aren't you the rope that was in here about an hour ago?" The rope says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Hey, no cheating.
that's already been told.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Hey, no cheating.
that's already been told.

It's like that over-spicy pizza. It keeps returning every time you burp.

 

[peaceful-forest]

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

 

[Bob Crowley]

A jewellery store had been robbed. The cops arrived to find the only witness was a drunk sitting on the footpath outside.

"Did you see who did this?" asked the cops.

"Sh..shure.." said the drunk, "It was an elephant!"

The cops said "What kind of elephant? Can you describe him?"

He shrugged and said "An elephant is an elephant".

The cops said "Well, OK, what kind of elephant? Indian elephants have big ears and African elephants have small ears".

The drunk tried to think for a minute, and said "I don't know what kind of elephant it was!"

"Why not?" asked the cops.

"He had a stocking over his head!"

 

[JohnC101]

What did the farmer say right before he kicked the bucket?

"Hey, wanna see me kick this bucket?"

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was gonna give our daughter a silly name, so I called her Bluff.