Dumbest Jokes of All Time

[Apple Sky]

Donncha and MacArthur are preparing to be blasted into space and have just left the mission briefing when one turns to the other and says, ‘Mac, where are we goin?’

MacArthur replies, ‘Well Donncha, the man in charge said we are on a mission to the sun.’

‘OK,’ says Donncha, he thinks for a while and then asks, ‘Won’t it be a bit hot, it being the sun and all?’

‘Don’t be stupid, Donncha,’ says MacArthur, ‘the man said we’d be going at night.’

 

[prodromos]

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Oh man! My buddy and I were out hunting and we had a terrible accident. I think he's dead. I don't know what to do."

"Calm down, I can help you."

"What do I do? I don't know what to do!"

"Well first, I need you to make certain that he's dead"

Silence... a gunshot.

"Ok, now what?"

 

[ozso]

I'm so ugly, when I got mugged once, he took off his mask and made me wear it.

 

[Bob Crowley]

The plane was on the tarmac at Sydney Airport. The passengers were getting restive and wondering why it was taking so long.

Then the door opened and the pilot and co-pilot got on with seeing eye dogs, dark glasses and canes.

They tapped their way to the cockpit and closed the door.

The passengers were aghast. Blind pilots!

Then the intercom came on and a cultured voice said 'Good day, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Captain Freddy and my co-pilot is Captain Bertie.

Immediately the plane starts to roll.

And roll. And roll. And roll....

Just as it seems like they're about to crash into Botany Bay the passengers give out an almight scream!

And the aircraft takes off in beautiful curve up into the sky.

In the cockpit Captain Freddie taps Captain Bertie on the knee and says "You know Bertie, one of these days they're going to scream too late and we're gonna crash and we'll all be killed!"

 

[ozso]

Coffee is not addictive!

I've been drinking espressos every day for ten years, so I should know.

 

[JohnC101]

A limbo champ walks into a bar.

He loses.

 

[ozso]

The other day I went to the grocery and bought two bananas, an apple, and a roll of tape.

The geocer said, "you must be single".

I said "wow that's right, you figured that out just from what I bought?".

"No" he said. "You're ugly".

 

[ozso]

I woke up laughing today.

I must have slept funny.

 

[Bob Crowley]

When I run to keep fit, I'm a cross between a marathon runner and a sprinter.

I can jog short distances.

 

[Bob Crowley]

“I’m thinking of running a marathon again.” I told my friend.

“You’ve run a marathon before?” she asked, with an air of admiration.

I said, “No, but I’ve thought about it.”

 

[Bob Crowley]

Wish me luck in the London Marathon today.

I managed a respectable 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year…

This year, I will try to beat that but I usually get bored and end up turning the channel over to watch something else…

 

[Scoutship]

A fish is swimming along and bumps into something.
"Dam" it says.

 

[Joseph G]

"I'm tellin' ya, Phil, don't let 'em get to you. You gots ta have thick skin like mine!"