Don't want to be one of those Christians but...

[MichaelDB]

Thereare certain Christians or there who like to lord their perceived holiness over others. Most of us know this to be wrong. One of the most objectionable behaviors of these people is trying to justify/attribute the misfortune of others to a perceived lack of righteousness. Almost as if God actively punishes people for not being "Christian enough". These are the people who make those heartless statements about how the Hati earth quake was the result of the Hatian's pact with the devil or the ones who victim blame rape victims for being "too sexy". I have never wanted to be one of these people, I have always believed they do much more harm than good to the Christian cause. However, on the flip side, there truly are some behaviors (i.e. drunkeness, promiscuity, over indulgence in food, drug use) that are dangerous, moral argument asside are self destructive and physically/physiologically harmful. And regardless of the reason for stigma/prohibition, be it self control, public shaming, religious morality, it is probably in the person's best interest to not do those things.
Here is what happened. Yesterday there was another incident at my job with my "peppery" coworker now supervisor. In a previous post I described how one of my coworkers is a let's say "odd" person. She is promiscuous, immature, rather corrupt but a asides from that she is pretty friendly and has been pretty good to me so I do defiantly see her as a friend and I do care about her well being. From what I understand she was a devout Christian who back slid.
Anyways yesterday she was attacked at work, like I mean physically attacked by a young man whom she was having a sexual trist with. This guy actually came to our office, got into an argument with her, physically attacked her, grabbed her by her hair and tried to force her into his vehicle.
Before I say anything else, I would like to make clear that it was completely unacceptable for that young man to attack her. Regardless of how she was dressed, what she may have said, what she may believe, there is no excuse for any one male or female to try to force a sexual encounter onto another.
But with that being said, is there an acceptable way to counsel my coworker that God loves her and that some of his laws are for her own good and that truly if she lived a more Godly life the chances of this kind of thing is less likely to occur?

 

[Michellegen34]

You probably wouldn't want to suggest that the attack happened because of her but rather just focus on God's love for her. About two days ago I was reading the gospel of John where Jesus speaks with the samarian woman. What stood out to me about that passage was that even though Jesus showed the woman that he knew that she had been with five men previously and now lived with a man she wasn't married to, he didn't stop and scold the woman for her behavior like many others probably would have done. Instead he simply accknowledge that part about her and then continued on to what he saw as the truly important part, the living water and salvation. I think that we could learn from Jesus that it's not always about pointing out to the other person what thing they are doing wrong but instead the focus should be their salvation and Jesus's love for them. It's after that fact that I think people will follow with changing their behavior for the better once they realize that the "rules" are there because of that love. Sorry if I ranted a bit here but I think this way is the least likely way she will think you are judging her and only end up pushing you away. God bless you and I hope everything goes well with her.

 

[Andrew Restrepo]

Hi Michael!

While I agree that sinful behaviour can often have negative repercussions, I would personally steer away from any form of immediate correction or counsel in terms of what the Bible says. My first course of action, aside from prayer, is to let your coworker know you're there for her. Tell her you're praying, tell her you're open to talk, tell her you're open to help in any way possible as long as you're able to. Obviously, if you're a man you would have to be more tactful as to not cross any boundaries or invite potentially sinful situations.

Should your coworker open up, confide in you, and welcome your efforts to be there for her, I would - in God's timing - definitely encourage her in making better decisions about who she becomes close to ("You may want to avoid men like him") and encourage her to draw near to God as He is our ultimate comforter and life without Him is meaningless.

I would save the above encouragements/advice for only when rapport has been built and there seems to be an open door for that. Until then, pray. If that's all you do, and all God allows you to do, it's enough.

God bless your heart for wanting to bless your coworker.

www.theroadtoemmaus.ca

 

[SolomonVII]

Warning someone of the dangers associated with a lifestyle after an attack is like shutting the door of the barn after the horse gets out. There is a time and place for everything, and this is the time for empathy, sympathy, etc., etc.

 

[MichaelDB]

@Michellegen34 , @Andrew Restrepo ,@SolomonVII all this is good advice and I definitely believe what you are saying about this is a time for empathy rather than judgement.
The thing is she did confide in me and my girlfriend, and she told us some really alarming things. We don't want to judge and we take no pleasure in criticizing her behavior but there is definitely a darkness we want to combat. My girlfriend is a practicing Christian by the way and she is a very very close friend, almost like a sister to my coworker.
So here is what is really alarming to us. My coworker is definitely promiscuous but in addition to that she also has a death and bondage fetish. She told us that the man who attacked her is some one she met at a fetish convention. She shared with him her rape and murder fantasy and they decided to ingage in a role play trist. Apparently, in these role plays,both people agree to some ground rules and limits which don't get crossed. From what she told us, when they met to do this, she got scared because the guy brought a real knife instead of the agreed on play knife so she refused to play and left. The guy got upset because she didn't go through with the role play trist so he came to our work place to "get" her the next day.
Both my girlfriend and I feel that there is a darkness here that only Jesus could heal. The fact that she has a death fetish goes well beyond simple promiscuity.

 

[Andrew Restrepo]

The fact that she has a death fetish goes well beyond simple promiscuity.

Wow, that definitely is an important detail. If she hasn't already i'd encourage her to call the police and seek protection from this man.

Also, yes - i'd speak to her pretty sternly about how this fetish can literally lead to death. It isn't worth it and Jesus can deliver her from ungodly and dangerous desires.

I'm praying for her.

www.theroadtoemmaus.ca

 

[MichaelDB]

fetish can literally lead to death. It isn't worth it and Jesus can deliver her from ungodly and dangerous desires.

This is why I am wondering where is that line. I don't want to be one of those people who say that "this bad thing quotient happen to you if you thought more about Jesus. ..." but the truth is she is her fetish causes her to seek out people who at the very least find excitement in harming others. So I think it is a very true statement to say that she is more likely to put her self in harms way with those types of people as opposed to people who she would come in contact with if she were more focused on Jesus.

 

[Andrew Restrepo]

So I think it is a very true statement to say that she is more likely to put her self in harms way with those types of people as opposed to people who she would come in contact with if she were more focused on Jesus.

Agreed, although I would encourage her to surrender her life to Jesus and cry out to Him for deliverance, that He would change her heart. Being "more focused" might give the wrong impression. Praying!

www.theroadtoemmaus.ca

 

[Sketcher]

I'd say don't even try to answer that question unless she asks you specifically. And don't try to get her to ask you. If she doesn't like the answer, she might claim sexual harassment on you too. It might not be a valid claim depending on how you word it, but invalid claims can still be enough to seriously damage your life. Remember, you're dealing with someone who thought that her foolish choices were good ideas, you can't count on her to take the truth the right way. If she blatantly asks for it, then you might have a chance at being understood, and you can say in your defense that she approached you with the question.

 

[hedrick]

Even if at some point you should advise your coworker to improve her life (and personally I think such attempts are likely to cause more harm than good), this isn't the time. No matter how you word it, it's going to look like you're blaming the victim.

 

[Radagast]

Yesterday there was another incident at my job with my "peppery" coworker now supervisor.

This would be the coworker you've mentioned multiple times before, who you are sexually attracted to, who you've "witnessed" to before, who is now your boss?

 

[Radagast]

Wow, that definitely is an important detail. If she hasn't already i'd encourage her to call the police and seek protection from this man.

Good advice.

 

[MichaelDB]

This would be the coworker you've mentioned multiple times before, who you are sexually attracted to, who you've "witnessed" to before, who is now your boss?

Yes that's her. I got over my issues with her. Now I am dating a Christian woman she introduced me to. The person I am seeing is very close to her and she kind of asked me to be a defacto babysitter to my coworker. I wasn't at the office when she was attacked. I found out about it because she called my girlfriend to cry about it to her. We both think this occurred as a direct result of how she chooses to live her life and we my girlfriend especially, wants to steer her away from these types of hazards on the future. My girlfriend shared with me that she is scared that one day my coworker now supervisor's antics will get her killed.

 

[ripple the car]

I'd say don't even try to answer that question unless she asks you specifically. And don't try to get her to ask you. If she doesn't like the answer, she might claim sexual harassment on you too. It might not be a valid claim depending on how you word it, but invalid claims can still be enough to seriously damage your life. Remember, you're dealing with someone who thought that her foolish choices were good ideas, you can't count on her to take the truth the right way. If she blatantly asks for it, then you might have a chance at being understood, and you can say in your defense that she approached you with the question.

I agree with this. You have mentioned this co-worker before. She is immature, dishonest, and takes huge risks which are likely to get her, and others, hurt.

In honesty, you seem to be overly interested in this woman, her life, sex life, and trajectory. Compassion is good, but unless this woman actually comes to you for advice, just praying for her and being available and willing to talk IF she wants to seems better than hounding her. She could easily flip it over and claim that you were trying to trick her into sexual contact. This woman has some glaringly obvious spiritual issues. Don't play with fire. Back off.

If the woman you're seeing is concerned, she can talk to this co-worker woman to woman.

 

[ripple the car]

This lady you're seeing also needs to stop using you as a buffer between her and this co-worker. If she is so worried, and wants to help, she can simply take this lady out for coffee and a heart to heart. You should stay out of this.

 

[ripple the car]

There is no way in which you are under any obligation to "babysit" your spastic, hyper-sexual, foolish, complicated, likely demon-possessed co-worker. No.

 

[Andrew Restrepo]

This lady you're seeing also needs to stop using you as a buffer between her and this co-worker. If she is so worried, and wants to help, she can simply take this lady out for coffee and a heart to heart. You should stay out of this.

Hi Michael. I agree with this. Although I'm not accusing you of this, I know that I often feel the need to help others and can pick up a bit of a messiah complex. When it comes to ministering to women in deep things I always utilize my wife or another sister in Christ. I could understand you not being able to utilize other Christians as they might be strangers, but you can utilize girlfriend.

Also, it might not be the same in your workplace but in most workplaces there's supposed to be a separation between the personal life and issues of supervisors and other employees.

Perhaps backing off, stepping up prayer, and asking your girlfriend to be more involved if she's that concerned is the best route to take?

Blessings.

www.theroadtoemmaus.ca

 

[drjean]

The Bible says we will reap what we sow.
There ARE consequences for our actions.
May God give the words to share with her, and the prayer life to support them.

 

[Radagast]

Now I am dating a Christian woman she introduced me to.

Well, that's good!.

The person I am seeing is very close to her and she kind of asked me to be a defacto babysitter to my coworker.

Hard to do that for your supervisor. Advice and support, yes, but more than that not really.

We both think this occurred as a direct result of how she chooses to live her life

Sounds like it.

 

[Radagast]

When it comes to ministering to women in deep things I always utilize my wife or another sister in Christ. I could understand you being able to utilize other Christians as they might be strangers, but you can utilize girlfriend.

Good advice.