Does your church allow men working in the nursery to change diapers?

[Boidae]

I certainly hope not.

My wife was asked to speak with me about helping her out in the nursery during her once-a-month shift. They had noticed that when my wife is in there, I hang out there a little longer than just dropping our six month old daughter off.

Would be kinda awkward if I couldn't change my own daughter's diaper, especially since I do it all day long at home. Plus, my wife who has MS, might actually need me if I was to volunteer there to help her out by changing a diaper or two.

 

[dsisk559]

I too have noticed somewhat of a gender bias in the children's program. They love the guys being teachers but I've been told that a parent didn't like me hugging their kid or letting them sit on my lap, I work in the preschool class btw. However I haven't seen that policy being stringently enforced with the female teachers.

I don't blame the children's pastor or the parent. I blame the media, too often it portrays men as only motivated by one thing, sex. How many parents ask themselves, "Why does this guy want to be around my kids?" Then how many of those parents, weather consciously or not, think of why the men on tv do what they do.

I of course do limit my hugs and don't let the kids on my lap, unless they are crying and need to be held, because I want the parents to be comfortable. If they weren't they wouldn't bring their kids to our church and we would loose members.

It does annoy me but we have to live in the world we live in.

And btw if ever I did work in the nursery I'd be thankful for the no diaper changing rule.

 

[MissRowy]

Our church doesnt allow it. We have to tell the parents because of child protection laws and also health and safety

 

[freebiblelessons]

Yeah it's a tough call. I don't think it is really an issue if you are actively running background checks on the volunteers, but I certainly do see why some churches choose to do this.

 

[CelticGrace]

All of the nursery workers and volunteers at my church are women, so the only men changing diapers are the occasional fathers who come to pick up their kids at just the right time lol I know more than a couple of times, I've been holding a kid in one hand, diaper in the other, getting ready to change them, when the parent comes in and says "Oh I can do that!"
But I don't know if we actually have a policy of no men volunteering in the nursery/no men changing diapers.

 

[parsley]

It sends the message that men are scum, but should lead the church instead. They can't be trusted with children, but should have many. Then women need to stay out of sight in the stinky, loud nursery instead of being offered a break from child care... while men teach and run the show. Because they can't be trusted.

Was the policy established by a man who didn't want to change diapers, and wanted to protect the brotherhood from being demeaned? Men need change diapers, to protect their marriages.

Reinforcing the separation of "women's work" and "men's work" leads us toward a mosque-like operation, where women and children eventually are not even present during services. Yet they are all believers.

And the rule is not consistent with regional laws, either. A molester is not necessarily male, though most show up to be. So that rule could create false trust and put the kids into the hands of a predator.

Just do background checks for child care workers, make sure two adults are in the room at all times, keep doors open, and prevent situations where one adult is in a room with one child.

A mother of one of my child's school friends was bordering on illegal treatment of the kids when they played together. I had to explain to all involved that my child couldn't play there any more, and no one understood my reasoning. The woman had no clue she was doing anything wrong. The kids were too young to know better. Abusers are not just men.

Women are not all born with love for watching children, and diaper-changing skills.

 

[Jesusisgood]

No our church doesnt and I agree with it. If I were a mom I would feel very uncomfortable with a man who is not my child's father changing my babies. We are aware at my church that a preditor will not come out and say "im a preditor" so we all agree its safer that way. hope i helped

 

[pwfaith]

I just found out my church has a policy that does not allow men to change diapers.
I can see the reason for it, especially because it's a large church.

What do you think about that?


Russell_1

Our church has the same policy. We are also a large church. I have always seen it as protecting the men who are serving from false accusations. Regardless of statics, people will almost always be suspicious of men alone with children to some extent. My husband always like that policy when we were serving in the nursery

 

[Mikaeri]

New Zealand being a much smaller country than the US, we are able to monitor church workers a lot easier..though I think it's great for men to be involved in Children's ministry, changing diapers/nappies should only be done by parents.

The Catholic church has in the last few days will be doing checks on all church workers, especially those working with children.
A few years ago I was asked to run a children's programme for the Salvation Army, a police check was a requirement.

This day and age men should not put themselves in a position where there can be misunderstandings, unfortunately should protect themselves, that when in children ministry of any sort, they should not be alone with a child if at all possible.

 

[OGM]

It sends the message that men are scum, but should lead the church instead. They can't be trusted with children, but should have many. Then women need to stay out of sight in the stinky, loud nursery instead of being offered a break from child care... while men teach and run the show. Because they can't be trusted.

Exactly!!! Talk about a mixed message. Men are constantly told to avoid contact with children from the time we are teenagers…fine. Avoiding interaction with children is pretty easy. This is especially true if you are the last born such as myself. Then when we are a little older; we are told we should seek out fatherhood?! Many men that were brought up this way are actually a little uncomfortable around children and want to avoid them on an unconscious level. Many women don’t understand why this is. If you are brought up to avoid them and everyone treats you with suspicion around them…why would you want them around you?

The bad thing is that I have that same mindset before I realized it. I was dating someone that asked me if I wanted children some day. I said, “no”, almost as a reflex. Then she said she noticed I was always a little uncomfortable when dealing with children. I started thinking about it and realized it was because I was told to avoid them for so much of my life. Not that I am aware of this I started to not be so uneasy if someone in the church wants me to help them with or hold their child.

However this all makes me think how all of this is affecting men that are of age to be parents. I feel the negativity is having an impact.

Reinforcing the separation of "women's work" and "men's work" leads us toward a mosque-like operation, where women and children eventually are not even present during services. Yet they are all believers.

Good point!

Just do background checks for child care workers, make sure two adults are in the room at all times, keep doors open, and prevent situations where one adult is in a room with one child.

Most males I know would not even want to work around children anyway with all of this suspicion around.

This day and age men should not put themselves in a position where there can be misunderstandings, unfortunately should protect themselves, that when in children ministry of any sort, they should not be alone with a child if at all possible.

Amen to that Brother. I will not even be a Sunday School teacher to children.

 

[Mikaeri]

Sadly, it's been reported that some male primary school teachers will not touch a child at all, even if the child falls over and hurts themselves in the playground, they are encouraged to get a female teacher to assist.
Some schools have a similar policy in place..

 

[ijustlovejesus]

I can see where they're coming from... but that's because of the laws here in England, which are notoriously strict on child protection. I don't know about the US or any other countries. I don't know for sure, but a friend told me they don't let men work in the creche at our church. I do know that men are allowed (and encouraged) to work in the children's and youth ministry though.

 

[beaverpond]

While we encourage men to work in areas of the church ministry such as the different youth groups. The one thing that the men in our church do not do is work in the nursery, but I am not sure if it is because if it is not allowed or because men don't feel comfortable doing it or just don't want to. For me it is a comfort level thing, I don't feel comfortable being put in the position of dealing with diapers, especially with that of other kids. I have been fine with my own kids, but not my nieces and nephews...they have their own parents for that. My mother would help, but not my father.

 

[OGM]

I can see where they're coming from... but that's because of the laws here in England, which are notoriously strict on child protection. I don't know about the US or any other countries. I don't know for sure, but a friend told me they don't let men work in the creche at our church. I do know that men are allowed (and encouraged) to work in the children's and youth ministry though.

In the U.S. a lot of it has to do we liability (potential lawsuits).

 

[USCGrad90]

All of this comes from liability concerns, which unfortunately come from either something bad happening or someone falsely accusing someone else of doing something. My wife is the nursery coordinator and I volunteered to work in the nursery because I didn't enjoy going to a couples class alone. My primary duty was to shadow an autistic child and make sure he was engaged, involved, and essentially not disruptive to other children or the teachers. He still wears diapers and one Sunday I could tell he had wet. One thing I know from my own children is that it is not good to leave a wet or soiled diaper on their bottom, as it can cause diaper rash and other problems. When I asked where his bag was, one of the teachers said she would call someone to change him. After waiting 5 minutes, I found his bag and took care of it. I was told later that this wasn't permitted and the policy was there to "protect me." I did not show it to anyone, but I was angry that this policy excluded me from a task just because I am male. I have changed hundreds of diapers in my time and compared to some of the ladies that teach and have never had children, am likely better qualified for the job. I consider it discrimination to consider that I am more likely to harm a child just because I am a man. I kept serving anyway because of the child's needs. A few months ago, the child's family starting visiting a new church in town and I haven't seen them come in a while, so I have not been back in the nursery. I understand why the policy is there, but am frustrated that we live in such a world where we have to deal with this.

 

[Luna1991]

This just reminded me, when I was working with youth we had some pretty specific guidelines regarding working with young people. And I know it applied to the leaders and ministers in positions above me as well, and I always felt they were respected well. They applied to both males and females, but was probably enforced a little more strongly and carefully with the males - for their protection as much as any of the children/youth.

They included guidelines such as:

- a male and female should not be alone in a room together if at all possible

- one on one meeting should be conducted in public places (eg a coffee shop)

- 'A frame hugs' (arm around shoulder contact, but avoiding middles touching! Haha) - this was good, because it allowed appropriated affection to be shown and comfort to be given when a person was distressed, but without blurring boundary lines. (I admit I did hug Sunday school children from time to time, but it was only if initiated by them, in a room full of people and other adults present, and if I felt I knew the family well - otherwise I would gently discourage it and redirect them - which is tricky, with little kids desperate to be on your lap all the time - I deserve a degree in finding sitting positions which prevent children from lying all over me haha )

- preferably CCing emails to youth/children with the parents

- making a point to introduce yourself to parents and getting to know them

- and just generally keeping accountable and not being secretive about any contact you have with kids/youth/other leaders

 

[OGM]

As a male especially...I would just leave them all alone.

 

[beaverpond]

I do love how we can joke around with some of the pre-teen kids. We had youth group last night and I made the remark to one of our girls that holding secrets from your director is not nice and oh boy are you going to pay.

I had her come stand up front, I said to to the entire group that it is never nice to keep secrets. She is really embarrassed at this point trying to figure out what I was talking about. Pastor was in on this with me because he knew what I was up to. I said if any of you were going to have a birthday, would you keep it a secret...many replied no way, one even said he would broadcast it to the whole world. I said my point exactly. How many people knew she had a birthday last Friday? Not a single hand went up. How many are in the same class as her in school? Four hands went up. So lets rectify this right now and then our Pastor led us in singing her Happy Birthday. She was so embarrassed. I said, oh but you can't sit down yet not until you have your present. Then next, her cousin arrived fashionably late to miss what had just happened and I said to her "Ah, our second victim of the afternoon please step forward to the center right here between myself and Pastor." Her mother stood there and watched not knowing what was going on and then witnessed us sing her happy birthday. I then handed her, her little gift. Both girls asked if they could open them and I said absolutely and they were gourmet cupcakes (chocolate cupcake, with buttercreme frosting, with a salted carmel swirl drizzled over the top). Both girls were amazed. These were the first birthdays in club since we started club this school year back in August. Hard to believe to go more than three months without a single birthday, but the next several weeks is another story. It is almost one a week.

While I did make the girls uncomfortable for a brief moment, that moment passed when they saw what for. They both also saw something in their mail this week and that was birthday cards from the leadership team from the youth program. We try to do every little thing that we can to keep the kids interested. Post cards if they don't make it to youth group because they were ill, birthday cards, then special presentations and award presentations as well and the list goes on.

We set up boundaries for all leaders not to cross, but it seems like their are more for the men then the women. But it seems that it is the women who want them more for the men then the men want them in some cases. When dealing with a pre-teen, we find ourselves wondering how to deal with some of these situations. Being the director of the program, it is easier for me to go into the public spaces of the church and sit behind one of the tables and open up a bunch of the kids books just to see where they are at. This way they can sit across from me as I have no problem seeing upside down.

 

[jwyattharp]

My wife and I are passionate about this subject. Not only should men not change diapers or take children to the poddy- they shouldn't be in the nursery AT ALL! I've read through all these posts by men being offended and hurt because parents don't want their children with them.
First, get over yourself and don't take it personally. This about the safety of a child. I'm not out to offend anyone. But I also am willing to insult someone to protect my children. If you're a man and don't understand this- now you're really not watching my kids. My question is why is that the place you're volunteering? Can't you usher, help with communion, clean up the trash, or lift something?! I'm not saying women can't do all those things- but I am saying men need to stay out of the nursery.
We have decided not to go to specific churches because of this reason. Just today we left a prospective church. The frustrating thing is the look of annoyance we got after voicing our concerns.
The argument that women can be predatorial doesn't make us feel better. After everyone is now aware of the problems the Catholic Church faces- do we think that if we're Protestant or a non-denom that predators won't pursue?
Bottom line is, and this is to the men out there- get over yourself and desire to be with children. There's a place for us in church and that is not with the children.

 

[Go Braves]

Insulting & idiotic policy.