Does It Matter Who Asks?

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Ok, so there is the tradition of the man asking the woman to marry him. Now adays there are women who will sometimes ask to.

So, what do you think about that?

Would you, as a woman, ask?

Would you, as a man, say no just because she asked (and even if you wanted to marry)?

 

[Southern Cross]

Who do you want to be the leader in your relationship? Who do you want to be the spiritual head of your household? Most would say that those things are the man's responsibility. Leadership in both the relationship and the spiritual health of your relationship starts well before you say "I do". Let the guy propose to you.

I don't see anything wrong with a woman proposing. But it sets a precedent in the relationship that's not consistent with the values so many Christian women want to see established in their family life today.

 

[keyz]

I'd say no if she asked. I'm not sure why I would say no, but I think it has to do with reasons listed above me. I want to be the leader.

 

[f U z ! o N]

i want to be the one who asks not her

 

[Audiomechanic]

Man, I'm left out! I've never even heard of the woman asking!

Well, I agree with the above posts. I belive the Man should be the one to ask. This at least avoids confusion. Like to above post said, the man could possibly say no just because the woman asked. Eliminate that confusion and let the man ask.

Letting the man ask accomplishes two things from what I can see. Asking for a woman's hand in marriage is a show of leadership first (because sometimes its a leap of faith!!!) and a show of humility second. When he man asks the woman, the woman has all the power because she can say no. But asking is also a demonstration that the man can handle large decisions and life changes, setting an example to lead. If the man asking was only a show of leadership and not humilty, he would tell her, "You WILL be my wife!" instead of ask for her hand.

 

[Maeyken]

I'd never ask a guy to marry me (first of all I think my fiance wouldn't like that too much! haha) But seriously, to me- that's a guy's job, and while I definitely believe women are able to do anything a man can, there are certian things that should be left to one or the other. I believe men are to be the spiritual heads of their households, the protector, provider, etc. Asking the woman is part of that responsibility.

Besides, if she asks him, who gets the ring?

 

[chocolateloverjen]

well. i think it is so more romantic when a man proposes. Like i think it is kinda meant to be like that.
I suppose if i was waiting a few years then i would ask if he hasnt or maybe hint, lol. I dont know. It depends on stuff i rekon. Like My boyfriend and i are in a position that we cant really get engaged at the mo 1-expense of a ringand we are both currently out of jobs and in full time education. 2-long-distance (although that doesnt stop it) just about when we would move in etc. 3-the parents, lol. we want to wait until its the 'right' time. and more for his parents then mine. so ill wait for him. lol. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I know he feels the same way, thats enough for me at the moment.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

you know, one time i was praying and asking God "when will anthony and i be able to get married?" i waited and heard God say "he'll know." so for our situation i know that it is supposed to be anthony who asks me. maybe its not like that for every situation, but the husband is supposed to be the spiritual head of the household so it just seems natural that he would be the one to propose. i also know if i were to propose to him he would think i was out of my mind!

 

[adnilgnav]

Funny thing is a woman is always in charge of the relationship so i suggest women make their man propose. We care more about the relationship than the guy does, don't we? Our life from a little girl is playing house so comeon now girls make him propose to you. And pretend to be surprise. (Wink)

 

[vibrant]

i think it's COLD to turn her down simply because you want to be the one to ask.

 

[Leanna]

Ok, so there is the tradition of the man asking the woman to marry him. Now adays there are women who will sometimes ask to.

So, what do you think about that?

Would you, as a woman, ask?

Would you, as a man, say no just because she asked (and even if you wanted to marry)?

Feminist arrives on the scene!

Forget this "man is the leader in the relationship" stuff, that is absolutely not Biblical. Even my husband agrees and he has a pastoral degree. We have been taught that by our culture. Anyway that is an issue for another thread, so I will move on now.

On the side for your situation I would see it this way.... don't you WANT him to WANT you? If you had to ask, wouldn't you feel less loved? You know he is more reluctant so I think it is better not to push.

So no, I wouldn't ask, I would want your more reluctant partner to ask just so he can be sure he's really ready to committ and MORE SO he may be planning it secretly and you don't even know about it.

Communication is the key in any relationship. Why don't you have a conversation about your future goals? Discuss whether he wants to get married, and when, and tell him about YOUR dreams and when you want to get married.... I think it is best to be straight forward without putting the person into a corner. I think that you proposing would be a bit corner-ish. Anyway not all traditions are bad, and this is a romantic moment for all those romantic women out there....

 

[ChildOfGod20]

sorry, i really don't mean to argue but this is what the bible says about the wife's role in the marriage:

colossians 3:18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body.

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

When a man asks it does show initiative on his side to take the lead and is willing to be vulnerable in taking the plung with the possiblity of fearing a rejection in mind.

Is it worth taking risk? Yes, if you are very interested and are committed!

With the Lady giving some hints that she is interested in fine, but don't compromise on your modesty and character trying to get his attention if he doesn't get the picture.

I'm old fashioned too, think of this image: Christ is the Bridegroom and we the church are His bride... marriage should reflect this... God => Jesus Christ, took the initiative and we the church trust and follow His leadership for wisdom and guidance.

Action speaks louder than words...

Peter

 

[Leanna]

It is okay you can give me scripture, I've read it too. Do you think pairs of married folk go off to Bible college and do not read the Bible? You are mistaken! The Bible teaches that we should submit to one another in marriage, putting one another's needs first. That is a very high calling and one I take seriously. To describe man as the head is not to describe him as a "final decision maker." Let us not derail this thread further, submission threads abound in marriage ministry and I'm getting quite sick of discussing it. Please do not think that you are presenting new information, I too read the Bible.

sorry, i really don't mean to argue but this is what the bible says about the wife's role in the marriage:

colossians 3:18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body.

 

[Leanna]

I'm old fashioned too, think of this image: Christ is the Bridegroom and we the church are His bride... marriage should reflect this... God => Jesus Christ, took the initiative and we the church trust and follow His leadership for wisdom and guidance.

Indeed, and think of this.... the Bible also phrases it this way, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." That is a very high calling considering the way Christ loved the church.

 

[Maeyken]

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her"

Was Christ not the leader of the church? Not to say he made all the decisions, but he was definitely a leader and teacher. So then, why should the husband not take a leadership role in the family?
--> Not trying to bash your belief, just trying to understand it better.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

It is okay you can give me scripture, I've read it too. Do you think pairs of married folk go off to Bible college and do not read the Bible? You are mistaken! The Bible teaches that we should submit to one another in marriage, putting one another's needs first. That is a very high calling and one I take seriously. To describe man as the head is not to describe him as a "final decision maker." Let us not derail this thread further, submission threads abound in marriage ministry and I'm getting quite sick of discussing it. Please do not think that you are presenting new information, I too read the Bible.

(in bold) i didn't say that, nor do i believe that. the Bible says the husband is to love his wife and the wife is to be submissive. it works out good if both people in the marriage do this. but for you to say that wives being submissive is unbiblical...that's just wrong.

 

[keyz]

i think it's COLD to turn her down simply because you want to be the one to ask.

That's not the main reason why I'd turn her down though. Yes, I'd want to ask, but there is more to that than just wanting to be the one to pop the question.

 

[Tuffguy]

NO way!!! I would be totally immasculated if my gf asked me to marry her. If a girl needs to do this something is seriously messed up in the relationship. Wow, just wow.

 

[Leanna]

(in bold) i didn't say that, nor do i believe that. the Bible says the husband is to love his wife and the wife is to be submissive. it works out good if both people in the marriage do this. but for you to say that wives being submissive is unbiblical...that's just wrong.

A worthy discussion but has no place here. I have participated in enough submission threads in marriage ministry that I don't much feel like having that discussion here, but if the two of you want to join this discussion in women's:
http://www.christianforums.com/t2497636-hot-topic-what-really-is-a-womans-role.html

You might enjoy it and you could pose your questions there.