Does it ever work out for the better

[BlueJay83]

I'm going through some rough time, and separation is a very real possibility.
I'll get custody of the 3 boys we have... more than likely.

Has divorce/separation worked out for the better for you or anyone you know?
has anyone been able to pick themselves up and move on with life?

I just want to move on with life and erase her and the manipulation from my mind, but i know she'll be in my life forever because of the kids.
I just want to move on and be happy... but I don't know if that's even possible.

So... can this really work out for the better rather than living in misery every day?

 

[iambren]

Are your problems insurmountable? With three kids there's a lot at stake.

 

[GQ Chris]

You will one day get past all this, I did.

 

[BlueJay83]

Are your problems insurmountable? With three kids there's a lot at stake.

basically, without writing another book about it..... yes... it's very near to being impossible.
heres the story

Unless God drastically changes her attitude, and heals her mentally.... deep down I feel like I know it's over and I'm just prolonging the inevitable.


I guess I'm just trying to find some hope that if this does happen, It can work out OK. It seems like the end of the world... especially if I don't get the kids.

 

[iambren]

I think she sounds very selfish and you sound like you're in denial. You keep saying it would be great if she left but it has a "whisling in the dark" tone to me. It's ok to love her even in the chaos, it will hurt when she moves on. But she is so self-absorbed, who can fight against that? Don't excuse her with the bipolar issue either; she's a big girl, they have good medication to manage that. It's like the is rebeling from you or doesn't respect you. It's sad but I'd see a lawyer, have a firm talk with her(not argument) and let her go if she doesn't want to be your wife. My divorce has allowed me plenty of access with my to boys. That with civility with my ex has made it comfortable with all, at least as comfortable as divorce with kids can be. It's hard, will pray for you.

 

[BlueJay83]

A little confused by the “whistling in the dark” figure of speech.
Do you mean I’m naive over how hard divorce/separation could be?
Or that the situation really is much worse than I think, and I’m Whistling in the dark if I think it can be repaired?

Sorry I got a bit lost there, I wish text could convey tone.

She used that exact word "Rebel" last night when we were talking,
she said she feels like treat her like a kid, which makes her want to rebel and run further away. I also said i don;'t feel she takes me seriously and doesn't respect me. She wants to make her own decisions and has no conviction about family or marriage being sacred. To her a second cousin or friend has more respect and more of an attantive ear than I get.
(how am I supposed to look the other way when I see she's going off the rails, or making a bad decision??? I'm the one that ends up having to fix it, do it again or pay for what was broken.)
She didn't know her dad, and her mother never gave her ANY form of discipline being BiPolar herself.

Very confused by this all...
Today and last night went well, she’s done more in the last day than in the whole last week.
We had a good talk last night, but I know it’s just a temporary fix until her mood swings again.

I appreciate for your prayers.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I have known marriages that were nearly completely broken that have been revived. God can do anything - He just needs two willing participants. When there are not two willing participants, divorce is painful and devastating - but life can go on.

I'm a post-divorce success story. When I was in the midst of it, I would have given anything for my ex to have the desire to save our marriage. It was not the case. So, I divorced, healed, and have moved on. I'm remarried and this marriage is everything I had dreamed the first one would be. It's not perfect - no marriage is. But, we have what I believe God intends for a couple to have in a marriage...and that makes it the perfect marriage for us.

My interaction with my ex b/c of children is limited since he still does not understand that it's not about me or him, but is supposed to be about our children and their well-being. As long as I don't let him drag me back into his drama whirlwind, life for me and my family is pretty stable and the kids are relatively shielded from it all.

 

[iambren]

It's interesting that there is another thread active now with very similar dynamics. I related it to a DrPhil show I saw where the husband was 10 years older than her, she was acting out with numerous emotional affairs, quite non repentant. Dr Phil said some marriages can take on a parent/child dynamic that will never work. Wife plays/rebels, husband tries to control/monitor and cleans up the messes. Sorry, I don't know about the name of the "emotional affair" episode but may be available on his website.

The whistling--I may be wrong but when you used the idea of "wish she would be gone" or "it would be easier if she left" if you truly meant that. That maybe there was a fear in love sentiment beneath it all that you are denying. That's all. I could have missed it.

 

[iambren]

I found it!



Dr. Phil.com

 

[GQ Chris]

Just from how you described her, I would cut my losses and run. This gal, even if she were to stay, would bring you more misery and future heartache. Just make the proper arrangements to take care of your kids.