I believe you misunderstand the verse "As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated" (Rom:9:13). This is not "written" in Genesis in reference to the individuals of Jacob and Esau, but in Malachi:1:2-3 : "I loved Jacob, and I hated Esau...." and then quoted by Paul in Romans. God is not referring to Jacob and Esau as individuals (as Calvinists erroneously insist) but to the descendants of Esau and Jacob: Edom and Israel. God hated Edom because of the way they treated Israel which He knew would be the case before Esau's birth. God continued to love Israel, in spite of their unfaithfulness, because of His irrevocable promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Genesis:25:21-23 confirms Malachi 1:2-3 is referring to nations when God tells Rebekah as she is pregnant with twins: "Two nations are in thy womb, and two peoples shall be separated from your body and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger." Clearly this is not about Jacob and Esau as individuals, but the nations and peoples descended from them. Otherwise, it would have been a false prophecy because Esau never served Jacob, but the nation Edom became subject to and did serve the people of Israel. The Bible does not teach that God hated Esau personally or predestined Jacob for heaven and Esau for hell.