Do you have to be 'certain' before you marry?

[Ben Collyer]

aaand im still at square one lol

 

[GeorgeJ]

aaand im still at square one lol

OK...I said I was going to back out, but want to reply to this.

You are your own man. Quit going out on the internet asking advice from anonymous folks and make and stand by your own decisions, for good or worse. None of us can live your life for you.

Pretend it's 25 years ago and there was no internet as we know it today. What would you do then? Sometimes I think folks use the internet as an excuse not to make their own choices in this life.

 

[Ben Collyer]

OK...I said I was going to back out, but want to reply to this.

You are your own man. Quit going out on the internet asking advice from anonymous folks and make and stand by your own decisions, for good or worse. None of us can live your life for you.

Pretend it's 25 years ago and there was no internet as we know it today. What would you do then? Sometimes I think folks use the internet as an excuse not to make their own choices in this life.

id gather some friends around my house and get the same contradicting arguments probably

 

[rockytopva]

One of the favorite tricks of Satan is to torment people over their lives decisions....

1. Career
2. Marriage
3. Education

And if you blow any of the above the old devil will make you feel eternally lost forever and fill your heart and soul with all sorts of darkened emotion.

For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind. - Isaiah 65:17

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. - 2 Peter 1:4

Hell - The people of hell will eternally sorrow over their decisions here on earth
Heaven - The people of heaven will forget about this world once they pass it.

20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
21 A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. - John 16

Just one look into the next world and the memories of this earth will vanish away... SO... Why worry about it?

Smith and Polly Wigglesworth started out in ministry there in England. They grew their lives in faith. It would be a neat thing if you could find a woman like that. I have created a video to show the noble path those two took. It would be a neat thing if you could find a woman like Smith's Polly....

 

[Goatee]

You are thinking about marriage to someone who, on another thread you said, in so many words, that you think didnt meet you high expectations?

 

[Ben Collyer]

You are thinking about marriage to someone who, on another thread you said, in so many words, that you think didnt meet you high expectations?

sinful expectations perhaps...but sin can be overcome?

 

[Apex]

I suppose another question is, is it unwise to marry a girl you not in love with? but who otherwise is an attractive and godly woman?

Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. No matter how you feel about someone, it is possible to love them. How else do you suppose it is possible to love your enemies? What you are really saying is that you are not currently infatuated with this girl. Paul states only one pragmatic criteria for believers to follow before they marry - be sure the other person is a believer too!

Either way, love is not part of the definition of marriage. Marriage is a contractual agreement between a man and a woman that they will mutually support each other and, if possible, support children - for the rest of their lives. The relationship will be more peaceful and enjoyable when love is applied (and Paul says this is the godly thing to do), but when people equate "feelings" with what marriage is it almost always leads to issues.

You might find my thread on what "one flesh" is interesting.

 

[Ben Collyer]

Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. No matter how you feel about someone, it is possible to love them. How else do you suppose it is possible to love your enemies? What you are really saying is that you are not currently infatuated with this girl. Paul states only one pragmatic criteria for believers to follow before they marry - be sure the other person is a believer too!

Either way, love is not part of the definition of marriage. Marriage is a contractual agreement between a man and a woman that they will mutually support each other and, if possible, support children - for the rest of their lives. The relationship will be more peaceful and enjoyable when love is applied (and Paul says this is the godly thing to do), but when people equate "feelings" with what marriage is it almost always leads to issues.

You might find my thread on what "one flesh" is interesting.

ah, now that sounds like a biblical response, rather than a worldly response, id like to talk to you more

 

[Soyeong]

So ive been thinking about marriage with someone for a while now but I cant decide for sure because I still doubt if its meant to be.

someone just said to me "if you are having doubts then its not meant to be"

is that too simplistic?

why are there hundreds of articles online regarding "is this the person I should marry" if being sure is the only criterion? (the advice was from an unbeliever)

It does not matter whether you are certain if it is meant to be, what matters is if you are certain that you will always choose to love her in sickness and in health until death do you part. Vowing to love her is not vowing to always feel a certain way towards her, but to always act a certain way towards her regardless of how you feel, and this is what you need to be certain that you can commit to.

 

[Tree of Life]

So ive been thinking about marriage with someone for a while now but I cant decide for sure because I still doubt if its meant to be.

someone just said to me "if you are having doubts then its not meant to be"

is that too simplistic?

why are there hundreds of articles online regarding "is this the person I should marry" if being sure is the only criterion? (the advice was from an unbeliever)

The only criteria for a successful marriage are:

1. It's between one man and one woman
2. Both understand marriage as a covenant bond
3. Both are believers in Jesus

Any marriage can be successful in the above circumstances are true.

 

[Ben Collyer]

It does not matter whether you are certain if it is meant to be, what matters is if you are certain that you will always choose to love her in sickness and in health until death do you part. Vowing to love her is not vowing to always feel a certain way towards her, but to always act a certain way towards her regardless of how you feel, and this is what you need to be certain that you can commit to.

Ok, in response to the posters who say NO to the marriage, do you think they are in error?

 

[GeorgeJ]

ah, now that sounds like a biblical response, rather than a worldly response, id like to talk to you more

....just make sure you leave the words "love" and "cherish" out of your wedding vows if you really believe love plays no part in a successful marriage.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Find out...Ask the girl you broke up with if she'd be happy married to
you knowing that you didn't love her and only married her because you
didn't want anyone else to have her.

 

[Ben Collyer]

....just make sure you leave the words "love" and "cherish" out of your wedding vows if you really believe love plays no part in a successful marriage.

can you quote me the verse where "love and cherish" is from please I cant find it

 

[Kit Sigmon]

The marriage vows are made up from different bible verses...
I know love and cherish are here: Ephesians 5:25-30

 

[GeorgeJ]

can you quote me the verse where "love and cherish" is from please I cant find it

Ephesians 5:25 ESV
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Ephesians 5:28 ESV
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Colossians 3:19 ESV
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 ESV
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.

 

[Ben Collyer]

the word love in those verses is agape which has nothing to do with feelings

 

[woobadooba]

If you aren't sure you are right for each other, then it's probably best to wait. Marriage is for life. You want to be sure you are compatible with one another, and most importantly, faithful to God. It's not just for your good but also hers that you understand these things before making that big decision.

And don't just think of it in terms of, "Is she the right one for me?" Also ask yourself if you are the right one for her. In other words, don't just make it about what is best for you, but about what is best for the both of you.

 

[GeorgeJ]

the word love in those verses is agape which has nothing to do with feelings

Yup..."agape" love is about committment...it's the kind of love you should have for your wife. This kind of love definitely has it's place in marriage.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Ben, the love that is to be between married people is agape...
the love chapter in the Bible also be about agape.
It's the "stick with it" that keeps a marriage.

Marriage can have passions, wonder, butterflies in the stomach
type feelings but those feelings/emotions aren't to be the foundation
of marriage.