Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

[bèlla]

But I kind of feel her view of Christianity is quite simplistic, and I'm unsure if she has the pull and openness in her to seek further answers. I won't say she's having a 'woke' stance, but it has the taste of being open/accepting to other world religions, being afraid of one objective truth. Time will tell where this might go, as we'll continue to talk on these topics.

The more you adopt a kingdom mindset the more clarity you'll have and the questions will fall away. It's difficult to reside in that state when cares command our focus. We're worrying about the byproduct of the directive that would be of little concern if our mind was elsewhere.

When God created Adam the garden followed and His law came next and then the assignment. The helper didn't arrive until the others were in place. If we don't know why we're here it's difficult to discern the helper. We're apt to allow less important things to influence our decision instead of the ones that matters most.

She's meant to help you accomplish your mission and should be scrutinized with that in mind. If she can't help you with the job you'll struggle. Encouragement is part of the process. In moments of fear and uncertainty she provides the support you need to keep going.

Not sure if this is normal, but I also keep comparing to past relationships and I just can't help but look at the most recent girl I was in a relationship with.

Revisit Genesis 1 and notice the pattern. Every day is a new beginning. God never compares the former with the current. He appreciates each accomplishment and moves on to the next. He doesn't dwell in the past and nor should we. Creation requires attentiveness. If we're looking back we're scattered and unlikely to value what's happening now.

It feels like being in the middle, torn and pulled to both sides of having a crush but also the side of wisdom that tells me to wait as to not repeat past mistakes of love quick to come, tearing the heart to shreds afterwards. Love is hard, yet beautiful!

Wisdom never has sides. It provides the answer and leaves the decision in our hands. The debate is whether we'll listen or heed the flesh. You have the answer.

Question: Where's the boundaries of you guys? I'm trying to not be scared away from "little" deal-breakers that can and might be resolved or even accepted, as she would have to accept my own short-comings.

I endeavor to deepen my understanding of kingdom principles and live with that in mind. That isn't possible if I'm aligned with someone swayed by religion, personal beliefs or worldly concepts. My primary boundary is a likeminded soul with the willingness to yield his will in deference to God's. Submission doesn't guarantee perfection or an absence of hardship. But it does imply a holy commitment that isn't easily shaken.

My second boundary is purpose. If he hasn't clarified his assignment it's impossible to determine if our visions align and I'm the best fit for the Lord's task. Resting on feelings and other qualities with no consideration for his calling is unwise. In like fashion, he'll possess the tools I require to accomplish mine as well. They wouldn't conflict or be set aside.

My final consideration is character. Who he is when no one's looking. I listen for clues in his discourse, interests, interactions, dreams, accomplishments and associations. Dealbreakers are subjective. I've permitted some things in others I wouldn't allow in the rest. That's usually the result of exceptional qualities in areas with greater primacy.

I don't dwell on dealbreakers. I'm less concerned about challenges than their mindset on the subject. I have enough belief for both and prayer is a strength. I would labor for its removal. I don't believe in being stuck.

I had Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia in the past and both were healed. I wouldn't view either as permanent. All things are possible.

~bella

 

[Maniel]

The more you adopt a kingdom mindset the more clarity you'll have and the questions will fall away. It's difficult to reside in that state when cares command our focus. We're worrying about the byproduct of the directive that would be of little concern if our mind was elsewhere.

When God created Adam the garden followed and His law came next and then the assignment. The helper didn't arrive until the others were in place. If we don't know why we're here it's difficult to discern the helper. We're apt to allow less important things to influence our decision instead of the ones that matters most.

She's meant to help you accomplish your mission and should be scrutinized with that in mind. If she can't help you with the job you'll struggle. Encouragement is part of the process. In moments of fear and uncertainty she provides the support you need to keep going.



Revisit Genesis 1 and notice the pattern. Every day is a new beginning. God never compares the former with the current. He appreciates each accomplishment and moves on to the next. He doesn't dwell in the past and nor should we. Creation requires attentiveness. If we're looking back we're scattered and unlikely to value what's happening now.



Wisdom never has sides. It provides the answer and leaves the decision in our hands. The debate is whether we'll listen or heed the flesh. You have the answer.



I endeavor to deepen my understanding of kingdom principles and live with that in mind. That isn't possible if I'm aligned with someone swayed by religion, personal beliefs or worldly concepts. My primary boundary is a likeminded soul with the willingness to yield his will in deference to God's. Submission doesn't guarantee perfection or an absence of hardship. But it does imply a holy commitment that isn't easily shaken.

My second boundary is purpose. If he hasn't clarified his assignment it's impossible to determine if our visions align and I'm the best fit for the Lord's task. Resting on feelings and other qualities with no consideration for his calling is unwise. In like fashion, he'll possess the tools I require to accomplish mine as well. They wouldn't conflict or be set aside.

My final consideration is character. Who he is when no one's looking. I listen for clues in his discourse, interests, interactions, dreams, accomplishments and associations. Dealbreakers are subjective. I've permitted some things in others I wouldn't allow in the rest. That's usually the result of exceptional qualities in areas with greater primacy.

I don't dwell on dealbreakers. I'm less concerned about challenges than their mindset on the subject. I have enough belief for both and prayer is a strength. I would labor for its removal. I don't believe in being stuck.

I had Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia in the past and both were healed. I wouldn't view either as permanent. All things are possible.

~bella

I'm very happy for your reply, thank you Bella! It's so in depth and provides much for me to think about. I will have to reread to fully understand, but it makes sense. There's a good deal on my part for anything like this to become good in the eyes of God, so I'll meditate on what you said thank you for sharing your view and experience

-Mathias

Edit: Do you have some simple suggestions on a wise approach moving forward? Just take time, get to know each other, pray? Take less control, surrender it all to God? I do find myself seeking the Kingdom and trying to understand prayer much more recently, so it all makes sense what you're saying, while I'm also ignorent of many things. Still learning for sure!

 

[bèlla]

I'm very happy for your reply, thank you Bella! It's so in depth and provides much for me to think about. I will have to reread to fully understand, but it makes sense. There's a good deal on my part for anything like this to become good in the eyes of God, so I'll meditate on what you said thank you for sharing your view and experience

Thank you for kindness.

I directed you to Genesis for several reasons. When the disciples asked Christ how to pray he provided a template that echoed God's intentions in the beginning. And when the Pharisees questioned him on divorce he directed them to the garden. That's the blueprint.

It's impossible to thrive in the Kingdom when you're divided. The more credence we allow for our thoughts and feelings the more confused we'll become. When we're contemplating a matter the first response isn't the pair. We should seek the Lord's wisdom. That's the principle He honors. Not our interpretation.

God created a helper and placed her beside him. Adam declared she was bone of his bone and recognized her specialness. The Lord never said it. Agency is an integral part of Kingdom principles. He didn't force us to accept Him or believe in Christ. He doesn't force us to obey. Nor will He tell us who to marry. If He does He's responsible for the outcome.

The man was created in Genesis 2:7. But God didn't declare it wasn't good for him to be alone until 2:18. Pay attention to what occurred in the interim. That's the template. When He said it wasn't good for him to be alone He isn't addressing the creation in 2:7. He's referencing the person he's become by 2:17. That's the one who needs a helper.

Christ reiterated the principle in the Parable of Talents and The Ten Minas. The King entrusted each of us with a task and provided the resources (talents/minas) we require for its completion. But He never told them how to do it. He didn't teach Adam how to manage the garden. He told him to keep it and he developed proficiency with the Holy Spirit's assistance. He's the Teacher.

The first thing we should ask is what's my assignment? For the majority it isn't related to our employment. Work may provide the skills we need for its accomplishment while meeting our provision. Sometimes it reveals itself through our passions, burdens, or convictions. Righteous stirrings usually come from Him.

We should take inventory of our gifts, talents and interests and weigh them against the word. How can we utilize them to advance the Kingdom? What areas can we influence through our presence? That's why we're here. As Christ said, "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." We were given dominion for that purpose. The King expects a return on His investment. Whatever He bestowed we're meant to use.

Most people have a lot of untapped potential. We need to be in the right mindset or company to draw it out. You need someone with holy vision who believes in you and exhibits faith in the unseen--your divine best--and the willingness to stand with that in mind and view you from that guise.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown. --Proverbs 12:4.

You need someone with the Lord's ear who can move heaven on your behalf. When you become one flesh no one can pray for you with more authority than your wife. If you choose someone who isn't rooted or spiritually mature you'll carry the load for both.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. --Proverbs 18:22

If the Lord doesn't have her ear she'll follow her friends or the world. You don't need advice on how to proceed. The consequences for wrong alignment is more than enough to guide you. Study the passages directed to women and the conduct He espouses. Look for evidence of its presence in your interactions. No one's perfect but the foundation should be sure for both.

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. --Proverbs 19:14

When I was reconciled to God my primary focus was purpose. I thought about marriage too and ceased to do so after a while. Not because the desire waned or I doubted His word on the subject. I matured and recognized my ignorance. God doesn't lay everything out all at once. He gives us bits and pieces. As we grow in faith and maturity He gives a little more.

I didn't understand the Kingdom the way I do now. I'm more equipped to make a wise decision than I was in the past. I don't worry about marriage or when it will happen. I don't wonder if he's the one or not. I know my assignment and the task He desires me to do will be of equal importance to him. In like fashion, I'll be eager to help him accomplish his mission and use my gifts and talents on his behalf. That's how I'll know.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. --Proverbs 31:11-12

You need a vision for your life and should be able to devise one with both in mind. The first iteration (while single) is the starting point and informs the next for the pair. When she shares her hopes and dreams measure them against your own and the vision you created. Integration shouldn't require great abandonment. Compromise is a factor but you shouldn't have to scrap it all to make it work.

God bless.

~bella

PS. It will be some time before I log in again. I saw your post and didn't want to ignore it. Trust the Lord in everything.

 

[Maniel]

Thank you for kindness.

I directed you to Genesis for several reasons. When the disciples asked Christ how to pray he provided a template that echoed God's intentions in the beginning. And when the Pharisees questioned him on divorce he directed them to the garden. That's the blueprint.

It's impossible to thrive in the Kingdom when you're divided. The more credence we allow for our thoughts and feelings the more confused we'll become. When we're contemplating a matter the first response isn't the pair. We should seek the Lord's wisdom. That's the principle He honors. Not our interpretation.

God created a helper and placed her beside him. Adam declared she was bone of his bone and recognized her specialness. The Lord never said it. Agency is an integral part of Kingdom principles. He didn't force us to accept Him or believe in Christ. He doesn't force us to obey. Nor will He tell us who to marry. If He does He's responsible for the outcome.

The man was created in Genesis 2:7. But God didn't declare it wasn't good for him to be alone until 2:18. Pay attention to what occurred in the interim. That's the template. When He said it wasn't good for him to be alone He isn't addressing the creation in 2:7. He's referencing the person he's become by 2:17. That's the one who needs a helper.

Christ reiterated the principle in the Parable of Talents and The Ten Minas. The King entrusted each of us with a task and provided the resources (talents/minas) we require for its completion. But He never told them how to do it. He didn't teach Adam how to manage the garden. He told him to keep it and he developed proficiency with the Holy Spirit's assistance. He's the Teacher.

The first thing we should ask is what's my assignment? For the majority it isn't related to our employment. Work may provide the skills we need for its accomplishment while meeting our provision. Sometimes it reveals itself through our passions, burdens, or convictions. Righteous stirrings usually come from Him.

We should take inventory of our gifts, talents and interests and weigh them against the word. How can we utilize them to advance the Kingdom? What areas can we influence through our presence? That's why we're here. As Christ said, "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." We were given dominion for that purpose. The King expects a return on His investment. Whatever He bestowed we're meant to use.

Most people have a lot of untapped potential. We need to be in the right mindset or company to draw it out. You need someone with holy vision who believes in you and exhibits faith in the unseen--your divine best--and the willingness to stand with that in mind and view you from that guise.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown. --Proverbs 12:4.

You need someone with the Lord's ear who can move heaven on your behalf. When you become one flesh no one can pray for you with more authority than your wife. If you choose someone who isn't rooted or spiritually mature you'll carry the load for both.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. --Proverbs 18:22

If the Lord doesn't have her ear she'll follow her friends or the world. You don't need advice on how to proceed. The consequences for wrong alignment is more than enough to guide you. Study the passages directed to women and the conduct He espouses. Look for evidence of its presence in your interactions. No one's perfect but the foundation should be sure for both.

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. --Proverbs 19:14

When I was reconciled to God my primary focus was purpose. I thought about marriage too and ceased to do so after a while. Not because the desire waned or I doubted His word on the subject. I matured and recognized my ignorance. God doesn't lay everything out all at once. He gives us bits and pieces. As we grow in faith and maturity He gives a little more.

I didn't understand the Kingdom the way I do now. I'm more equipped to make a wise decision than I was in the past. I don't worry about marriage or when it will happen. I don't wonder if he's the one or not. I know my assignment and the task He desires me to do will be of equal importance to him. In like fashion, I'll be eager to help him accomplish his mission and use my gifts and talents on his behalf. That's how I'll know.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. --Proverbs 31:11-12

You need a vision for your life and should be able to devise one with both in mind. The first iteration (while single) is the starting point and informs the next for the pair. When she shares her hopes and dreams measure them against your own and the vision you created. Integration shouldn't require great abandonment. Compromise is a factor but you shouldn't have to scrap it all to make it work.

God bless.

~bella

PS. It will be some time before I log in again. I saw your post and didn't want to ignore it. Trust the Lord in everything.

Thank you for this. It resonates and to tell the truth, I've been sort of feeling and knowing this in my own familiar way. It also troubles me, being truly honest and even considering to not persue her. A part of me wants to continue in knowing her, and perhaps there's no wrong in that? And perhaps it will only drag us both for too long, which will end up hurting more than it perhaps should.

I wonder if some of you would get to know a person more, even though you found out that they are uncertain about the faith. It came as quite a surprise and a bit of a shock.
Would we be able to serve one another, and God first of all, His will and kingdom, being different in such a profound way?

I feel I know the answer, but there's some hope. Perhaps more hope for an actual relationship to a woman who is kind as she. But will differences on these matter only end up in hurt feelings in the end?

 

[bèlla]

Thank you for this. It resonates and to tell the truth, I've been sort of feeling and knowing this in my own familiar way. It also troubles me, being truly honest and even considering to not persue her. A part of me wants to continue in knowing her, and perhaps there's no wrong in that? And perhaps it will only drag us both for too long, which will end up hurting more than it perhaps should.

I've answered the question twice. Now I'll direct you to a man of God for enlightenment. Listen to the series and look up his teachings for men.

How to Be a Perfect Lady

Qualities of a Good Woman

Wisdom for Women

The Power of Woman

 

[Saucy]

At this time I do not see myself pursuing either of those women. I've learned some things over the past few days that I feel would likely make them an unsuitable match for me. It is tough, as I think both of them are beautiful and good all-around people, but there's more to the story than that. I will keep my faith in the Lord and continue to pray He provides in this area.

 

[bèlla]

I feel I know the answer, but there's some hope. Perhaps more hope for an actual relationship to a woman who is kind as she. But will differences on these matter only end up in hurt feelings in the end?

Since I shared the teachings for women I've elected to do the same for men on your behalf. I hope they're edifying and provide the clarity you lack. Watch them in the order posted.

For Men Only

How to Love Your Wife

The Wife's Husband: Head or Boss

The Duties of a Father to His Children

 

[bèlla]

@Maniel

You may find these equally helpful.

Understanding the Purpose for Your Life

The Advantage of Being Single Part 1 and 2

 

[bèlla]

@Maniel

If you haven't watched the videos I recommend starting with the pair on singleness. It isn't a treatise on remaining alone. He's debunking the concept of singleness (hence the myth of singleness) and addressing the subject from its origin in the garden with Adam.

The information is rich and if you grasp the concept the others are welcome additions.

@Saucy, I think you'll find the pair equally edifying in light of your statement. Since you're moving towards the things he said you may want to hear them all.

@DragonFox91 the same applies to you.

 

[DragonFox91]

Thanks for thinking of me. I’ll have to listen to them tomorrow, I have to prepare for some things today. I listeted to a minute. “Most people get divorced because they were never single.” I'll have to take notes.

Not gonna lie, I WANTED a period of singleness in my 20s……..

 

[peaceful-forest]

At this time I do not see myself pursuing either of those women. I've learned some things over the past few days that I feel would likely make them an unsuitable match for me. It is tough, as I think both of them are beautiful and good all-around people, but there's more to the story than that. I will keep my faith in the Lord and continue to pray He provides in this area.

It's always something, isn't it?

I know every single person is a sinner, but here's a question - what sins can we handle in a significant other?

 

[DragonFox91]

I am listening. Taking notes that I'll share. So wise.

 

[DragonFox91]

Note on Video:
Most people were never single, that’s why they get divorced
Purpose & Priority of singleness -> God did not create a married person first! Adam was so busy doing what God was calling him to do, God interrupted him. Foundation of God’s design for the family. Built entire human race on one person, one man, so established the importance of a single person! Man is foundation
1st thing God gave Adam was himself. 2ND thing God gave Adam was work. Hebrew word for work means to become. Clear understanding of who they are.
Man to have vision, & woman to be helper. If he has nothing to do, she has nothing to help with, so she helps herself.
Divorce -> death of a relationship, perpetual, resurrects anger, why God hates it, divorce has no burial,
Being single required to be married, so your marriage no better as your singleness -> exposes it. You bring what you are, so stop concentrating on it
Good to be single – NOT GOOD to be alone. Never confuse single w/ being alone -> relationships get better the more single you become
Singleness is a state to pursue, run to it! To be single should be the goal of every married person b/c singleness increases value you bring, the more worth you are to another person
People asked Jesus about divorce, Jesus goes back to when God created man & woman. The product (marriage) isn’t wrong, the ingredients are. The problem isn’t the divorce, the problem is you.
God knows how to make it work because he made it.
You should leave your mother & father if you find someone -> in other words, singleness was God’s original plan (my own thought -> I’m not sure how this follows)
“What God has joined together” – God does it
If you don’t change to get her, you won’t keep her
Unless they commit adultery, you are locked into it in heaven
Knowledge protects against divorce
Love wife like Christ loves his wife -> clean her, wash her, restore her, cultivate her, improves her, gives her the Word, develops her
God won’t give you woman you want b/c you’re called to cultivate her like Christ chose us & married & cultivated us sinners
Protect!
Would you marry you? Are you in the Garden? Are you working? Are you cultivating? Can you protect? Do you have the Word?
God says “it’s not good for the man to be alone” What man? The one in the Garden, working, cultivating, protecting, in the Word!

 

[mojoboy31]

Been feeling oddly listless the last few days. I am doing well, but still in the process of killing the feelings I have for the girl at work who isn't a Christian. I'm noticing other girls at work that I could try to get to know, but.... I don't see anything going anywhere with any of them, so I'm not really entertaining it. I need to refocus myself and stop thinking so much about women, lol.
My current playlist full of emo/punk music probably isn't helping the situation much either.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Been feeling oddly listless the last few days. I am doing well, but still in the process of killing the feelings I have for the girl at work who isn't a Christian. I'm noticing other girls at work that I could try to get to know, but.... I don't see anything going anywhere with any of them, so I'm not really entertaining it. I need to refocus myself and stop thinking so much about women, lol.
My current playlist full of emo/punk music probably isn't helping the situation much either.

It's probably best not to become interested in someone you work with so things don't get awkward there. I know that's easier said than done though. Sometimes the heart and hormones just get in the way.

 

[Saucy]

It's always something, isn't it?

I know every single person is a sinner, but here's a question - what sins can we handle in a significant other?

Yes it always is! Why can't other people be as perfect as I am?

 

[mojoboy31]

Yes it always is! Why can't other people be as perfect as I am?

You:

 

[SarahsKnight]

I need to refocus myself and stop thinking so much about women, lol.

I think about the ladies all the time. It's great. Why not you?

I am doing well, but still in the process of killing the feelings I have for the girl at work who isn't a Christian.

Indeed. Two people of differing faiths are probably destined to find just too insurmountable a gap in the romantic compatibility department. But hey, just find a lady who is a believer in Christ. Such women aren't exactly of great rarity on this planet, after all.

My current playlist full of emo/punk music probably isn't helping the situation much either.

Not to say this out some inherent prejudice against emo/punk or anything (even I still have a few old-school Linkin Park songs in my collection, if nothing else), but yeah, that type of music probably won't help things at this time.

 

[SarahsKnight]

The power went out at the lab tonight, and so I found myself condemned to just continuing on my way through Pride and Prejudice via flashlight throughout the twelve hours, tasked with little more than doing a perimeter check every hour or so to make sure nothing caught on fire.

@TheLastGeek ,

As you may have guessed, in the twenty more pages I spent well over an hour getting through tonight (I get that this was written in a waaaaay different time, but nevertheless it makes the way of wording difficult for me to understand, and I often find myself going back over paragraphs one or even two more times slowly to try to grasp what these characters meant in the overly-flowery things they just said .... yeah, flowery even for me, can you believe that?), naturally I was provided with at least three more opportunities to be able to fawn over Jane Bennet.

(Yeah, I didn't know until now that manga illustrations concerning Pride and Prejudice existed on the Internet, either.)

 

[peaceful-forest]

Yes it always is! Why can't other people be as perfect as I am?

I feel the same way about myself!

Something serious: I came across a post on Gab that quoted scripture about judging others; about how we judge others on things we are guilty of ourselves.

I find this true for myself - certain sins.