Do you get resentful?

[Jenna]

*hugs*

I have a sister who concieves and bears children as though it is as easy as breathing. It can be very difficult to keep things in perspective, and to accept that this may simply be God's will for my life, and something that I need to make peace with. I still find myself in emotional turmoil whenever one of my sisters is pregnant, and even more so when they complain about aches and pains. I think that the most difficult time was when one of my sisters came to me, and mentioned the possibility of abortion, when she found out that she was pregnant (she's not Christian). I literally begged her that day, not to kill her baby. It makes my heart so sick to even think of what women do to their babies, while so many women cry over a lack of baby kisses.

You know, Jazz, I think that I am finally getting past the 'resentful' period. Maybe I'll come back to it one day, when my heart is heavily troubled. Right now, I just try to work through that lingering sadness. I still cry over my son, and I am finally coming to a place of resignation where my bareness is concerned. I'm not really sure if this is "better" than feeling resentful. I'm still working through it.

Oh Jazz, I hurt for you, doll. I know that we aren't in the same situation, but I do know what it is like to be so hopeful, and to come crashing down from that. A couple days before my son died, my mom sent me my first Mother's Day card. It is very hard to have those hopes in your heart, wanting so much to nurture a life, only to have it not work that way. It sucks. It really, really sucks. Hopefully you can use your experiences in a positive way, so that maybe some type of good comes from your pain. *huggles*

 

[ames61]

Thank you all for sharing your pain. I know I've often felt awkward around my friends who have miscarried, not knowing what to say, afraid that whatever I would say would make things worse. It wasn't until I read a forum like this that I realized that just letting them know I loved and cared for them and would pray for them and their child was at least a start.

I also never thought about the how hard it is to see those around you carry children without difficulty or bemoan the minor aches and pains which you so desperately crave to have the joy to endure. May God bless you each for the suffering, and for the effort you take to be supportive for your friends and family even when it costs you so dearly to do so. Thank you again for opening our eyes to possible pains of those around us.

I wonder if there are retreats or support groups for miscarried moms like there are for postabortive women like Rachel's Vineyard. The joy of meeting our children in heaven is unimaginable. I will pray that each of you is able somehow find that bit of consolation in this world, and to be able to look forward with joy to meeting your children, with the Father in the life to come.

In Christ,
Amy
Luke 7:36-50

 

[AnnieC]

I see that it has been awhile since the last post, though I'll throw in my 2 cents, nonetheless. I agree that it can be very painful to be around pregnant women and babies, after losing one yourself. I know that I had to distance myself from those situations (and still do, a half of a year later) for my own sanity. It feels like a slap in the face to be around that (pregnancy, babies) sometimes.

Also painful is when people try to give false hope to you, as if "don't worry, I just know you'll have a healthy baby some day" is a guarantee, coming from a human. One thing I have learned through losing my baby (at 5 months in the pregnancy), is that there are no guarantees on this earth. Truth feels easier for me to hear now, than false hope. God didn't guarantee us healthy babies that we will meet on earth.

 

[Hisrosebud]

One thing I have learned through losing my baby (at 5 months in the pregnancy), is that there are no guarantees on this earth. Truth feels easier for me to hear now, than false hope.

There is so much in this statement. I learned that as well! When I hear people praying for the healing of someone dying from cancer-- well before; I believed that God would answer those prayers and the person would be healed.

Now, I never think that way. I know that God answers prayer- but it is His answer.

It was certainly a raw, in your face way to learn this truth. I don't take things for granted any more. I appreciate the little things that my children do. I try to listen more when people are expressing pain of any kind.

Jane

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I'm not sure if you miscarried yet or not. I'm looking for the post and not seeing it?

I just want to share another side to the 'blighted ovum' saga in hopes that it may help somebody who stumbles on your post. I don't know if you're in the same boat because blighted ova are quite common but they are also commonly misdiagnosed. A growing number of women are between 7 and 11 weeks before seeing their babies and doctors, too often, will diagnose a blighted ovum at 6 or 7 weeks...too early especially if all else looks fine. Oh, and keep in mind, by this point, hcg's can normally take 4 or more days to double so don't let them scare you if your numbers are rising slowly.

I went through three weeks of ultrasounds with absolutely nothing in the gestational sac and they kept trying to get to have a D&C but I really wanted to have a natural miscarriage because I really did not want my uterus scraped. Well, the doc kept monitoring me to see when the miscarriage would start and to make sure I didn't get an infection. We knew exactly when I conceived because hubby and I were apart for several weeks the day after. Anyhow, at both the seven and eight week u/s, I was told there was no hope but I absolutely did not want a D&C. At nine weeks, my baby was seen and she is now two.

I always encourage women to be 100% certain in their own minds (and not the docs) before terminating the pregnancy. One way to know is if your hcg levels plunge...not by a little because this is normal between 8 to 12 weeks but suddenly by tens of thousands. Also, you should be able to see the sac start to fall apart by ultrasound.

If you visit www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com you'll see a lot of women are misdiagnosed so it pays to know with 100% certainty. Unfortunately, though, miscarriages are common but if you are ever, in the future, not 100% certain, you'll find information on that site to show that the risk of infection is actually lower with a natural miscarriage than a D&C or the misopristol and that you can safely wait to verify the miscarriage as long as you are monitored and know the signs of infection.

God bless
and
((((hugs))))

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Just saw the post that you did miscarry.

I am so very sorry ((((hugs)))) I'm relieved to see you weren't pushed into a D&C. Natural miscarriage is so much easier on the body and your cycle returns to normal more quickly with a natural miscarriage. I hope your family is being supportive and helpful during this time.

(((hugs)))