Do you ever feel like you just don't fit in with the people (of your certain age group) at church? I have felt before like I get along with non-christians then christians. I feel like i am trying to be more I guess you'd say social at church. But I seem to be going nowhere. I've made like one friend. Would having backstabbing Christian friends from an old church cause me not to want to trust anyone in a weird way?
As the years go on, I feel more of a sense of belonging in my church than I
ever did in the past...which is a huge miracle in and of itself because my current homechurch is huge. HUGE. When I first started going there, I
never felt comfortable. I hated it. I always felt like I was being judged and that the church Body was as lifeless and judgmental as a bag of rocks. I saw snobs, not souls. Dead weight, not potential. Now, whenever I am sitting in church or merely walking through it, it feels like home to me. I don't personally know 99% of the people there, but yet it's always home to me.
I think, for me, it's feeling more comfortable, a connectedness to others even if I don't know even them. It has to do with an awareness of myself, who I am, my gifts, my calling to be a shining example of God's love (even though I have been failing at that in my own life lately, I won't lie) and knowing that everyone is pretty much in the same boat. We might not all be of the same economic class or have the same personality or whatever...but we're all human with the same Spirit residing within.
I have had my share of backstabbers, as well...and I'm so sorry to hear that you've had similar experiences. I think it hurts much more when it comes from a christian because a part of you thinks that they should know better. It's disheartening...and confusing, especially if you'd been a good friend to them. Because you think,
what christian would ever do this to me and what did I do anyway? My take is that whatever friendships I thought I had in the past that turned into dust were ones that were either not built on a strong foundation, or just that like with some friendships in life (with christians, non-christians, whatever), sometimes they dissolve and you move apart in some ways. Sometimes, you meet up later in life, sometimes you don't. It's perfectly normal.
But, I wouldn't give up if I were you. Please don't be discouraged. Just as those other friendships passed away or took a hiatus, God extended to me a bounty of sisters I can call friends. I didn't think I would
ever find a group of girls to go to wild concerts, dance clubs or coffee shops with...who
also happened to be christian. But, I did. It may have taken awhile, but....the old adage rings true: Good things come to those who wait (and sometimes, wait and wait
)
There are always more friends to be had in life. I pray that you find the kind of friendships that will bear good fruit in your life.
