do you ever wonder?

[sk8brdkd]

36-year-old virgin Christian man who's never had a girlfriend. And God made me realize a few years ago that it was okay if things stayed that way - better, even.

It sounds like you should talk to that friend more often; he sounds like a good guy. In the meanwhile, try to realize that being single doesn't have to go hand-in-hand with being miserable.

I don't even know what to ask...

I said it in my previous comment but, i'll repeat since I didn't read everyone's comments before I commented. I do feel like I will get married one day but, in the meantime, I don't kno what to do w/ the loneliness I feel.

My best friend is trying to get me to look at dating sites and what not. I keep saying no to that. I feel so stuck. Like I said, I want to talk to him about this as, it goes deeper then this but, I just don't kno how to talk to him about it. I always feel better when I talk to him, but, at this point, I don't know if anything will help. My friend is a good guy... a very good guy.

I know what you mean that being single doesn't have to go hand in hand w/ being miserable however, it has just been so difficult for me lately bc many of my friends or just others that I kno are either dating and/or married. I haven't. Never been on a date, never kissed a guy, never dated..... I can't relate to Anyone when they talk about that subject. It's depressing since most people get in their first relationship when they're btwn like 15-20 yrs old. I'm older then that and never done anything.... I sometimes hate myself bc I feel like it's partly my fault.

The only guys I seem to attract are either guys that are like 20+ yrs older then me, or creepers. I can't attract anyone regular it seems --- well, besides this one guy but it's not gonna happen I don't think. Its my fault. If I just didn't make the choices I did when I was younger, I think I would have already been in several relationships by now but, I'm stuck w/ what I've got now and although partly I want to change, I also don't want to change <---- I have this subject on a whole other thread.

 

[Nanopants]

So, what are some things you might do with yourself, as in goals, plans or challenges, in the meantime that could help get your mind off of it and maybe help you to feel better?

 

[sk8brdkd]

So, what are some things you might do with yourself, as in goals, plans or challenges, in the meantime that could help get your mind off of it and maybe help you to feel better?

That's a great question. One I wish I could answer.

One thing that does help me right now is spending time w/ friends. This weekend was awesome. Spent time w/ my best friend. We bought bow and arrows, bb gun, boxing gloves/helmet/mouth guard and a Frisbee for now (we have so many hobbies, u wouldn't believe all the things we love doing together -- he's awesome!!). So, it was a great weekend. He's really the only one I talk and hang out w/ since everyone else I know just likes to hang out at home.

I list items on Ebay as a second job. My best friend told me to do it as a full time job. I just don't feel secure in doing that yet and quitting my full time job though I fully hate my job. I love working selling items for people on Ebay and have been looking online for a full time ebay job. (no luck yet). But, my friend was telling me to make business cards, that he'll take some and give them out, and that I should sit in starbucks and hand them out to people. Sounds like an awesome idea... I haven't put the business cards into play yet, because I'm iffy on the whole idea. Ebay selling profit isn't 100% secured. Will I make let's just say $500 depending on who I'm selling for and what items i'm selling? idk. I guess this is 1 of my goals tho i'm not doing well w/ it right now. I currently have 2 people I'm selling for. 2 suppliers that is. 1 guy works at a company and I make btwn $50-$75 for every item that sells. The other guy I work for, his items range btwn $45-$150 normally, and my profit is 30% of each sale plus he pays all the fees and w/ him, I'm actually doing well. If I could find like 5 more guys like him, it would be even better. <=== This is my end goal for now but being that I've been so down in the dumps lately, I've had very little motivation to really move forward w/ this.

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

Truthfully, no, I have not found the magic cure to help me cope with my single status. Reading your post was like listening to my own mind! I feel the same way. One thing that DOES help, is if I look for "God sightings" in every day. Today, for example, I was super tired when I woke up and I had the luxury of taking a late morning nap. I had to work in the afternoon, but while I was at work some friends texted me and asked me to come out with them tonight. I also received a text from a friend who I hardly ever get the chance to talk to and it was just nice to know he was thinking of me. I see those as little ways God brings happiness into my life and makes it more meaningful. I journal about these God sightings as well as my feelings about being single and my hopes and dreams. It doesn't stop me from feeling lonely, but it helps.

As for the lonely comment when with someone, I was quite surprised to hear this, too, but I just got out of something where I experienced the same thing. I had never been more lonely in my life because the guy wasn't putting very much effort into the relationship. He wasn't going to make any more effort than necessary. It was just a relationship of convenience for him. He didn't really care about me at all. One would think it would be easy to walk away from something like that, but it has been quite hard as I DID care for him, I DID put effort into the relationship, and I actually felt something.

So, if I had to take being in a relationship like that where I am not anywhere near the list of someone's priorities or being single, I'll be single. Even as I lay in my bed with my dog snoring next to me, I am lonely, but I am not as miserable as I was feeling I am "off the market," but not having my needs met. There's still hope that I can find someone and I'm free to pursue another opportunity now. Yes, I would rather be having "pillow talk" with someone right now and snuggling. That's not an option for me at this time. If I put my trust in God and that He already knows what I need, then I must have faith my needs will be met when the timing is right. Not easy or fun.

I hope you get to feeling better about this. I really, really feel where you're coming from. It just totally sucks. You are not alone in this!! God bless!

I hear you. I have also tried turning this over to God and usually, I'm ok w/ it but, not lately. It really saddens me and I just get super down at times esp this past month. Have you found anything that helps you stop worrying/thinking about it as much? I have tried praying about it. Idk, maybe i'm in a dry time or something bc over the last month when I've been so down, I just couldn't do anything to lift myself up except when I was w/ friends.

One thing I don't understand that you said. Your last paragraph. I have heard from lots of people (on facebook --- Christians) -- they said that being married is the best thing that has happened to them. That they married their best friend and every day is a new adventure. They're never lonely anymore and most have been married for btwn 5+ years and they have kids and are very happy. I want that. I don't want to be alone forever. I don't want to have my dog as my only "relative" -- I'm the only "kid" in my entire family -- cousins, etc. that has never been in a dating relationship yet and they all know it so w/ that hanging over my head,, makes me feel even worse.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I understand what you're saying. I never really ever thought about it before. Not too much anyway. Meaning when you were talking about the God sightings. I have had them w/ my best friend. If I was feeling really down or something, I would pray and ask God that he'd call or text or that we could hang out. Not always but many times, after a little while, my friend would actually call or text me. Made me feel at peace.

One thing you shared, made me think of something else. Something I do feel I need to share w/ my best friend. He knows me well. Growing up in school, I was badly bullied so, I shied away from hugs and any type of affection. It still affects me to this day bc its difficult for me to trust people but, my friend used to hug me. I really don't know why he stopped. But, I miss his hugs tremendously. He used to give me a hug each time we saw each other. I try and pretend to be all tough (bc I enjoy wrestling/rough housing/boxing, etc.) so, I pretend I don't need hugs, that I don't need affection, that I don't need any of that, but, in reality, I really do. I may not be as tough inwardly as I portray it on the outside. I need it, I want it but, now, I don't know how to ask for or show it even w/ him.

Been going back and forth in my mind for the last 2 weeks wanting to talk to him about this and other things that are bothering me, but, then like, no I don't. I guess part of me just feels unwanted, unloved since the only guys I attract or older guys and creeps only looking for sex. Why can't I attract other guys? I know it's mostly my fault because of the choices I've made in life. I look at other girls and think, why couldn't I have just made better choices growing up. Why did I choose to live my life this way and not the regular way. I guess I'm just afraid to admit these things to my best friend. I don't know why bc I have told him some very difficult things and he has just shown me love in return and respect. idk what to do. I know I won't truly feel better til I speak to him.

Truthfully, no, I have not found the magic cure to help me cope with my single status. Reading your post was like listening to my own mind! I feel the same way. One thing that DOES help, is if I look for "God sightings" in every day. Today, for example, I was super tired when I woke up and I had the luxury of taking a late morning nap. I had to work in the afternoon, but while I was at work some friends texted me and asked me to come out with them tonight. I also received a text from a friend who I hardly ever get the chance to talk to and it was just nice to know he was thinking of me. I see those as little ways God brings happiness into my life and makes it more meaningful. I journal about these God sightings as well as my feelings about being single and my hopes and dreams. It doesn't stop me from feeling lonely, but it helps.

As for the lonely comment when with someone, I was quite surprised to hear this, too, but I just got out of something where I experienced the same thing. I had never been more lonely in my life because the guy wasn't putting very much effort into the relationship. He wasn't going to make any more effort than necessary. It was just a relationship of convenience for him. He didn't really care about me at all. One would think it would be easy to walk away from something like that, but it has been quite hard as I DID care for him, I DID put effort into the relationship, and I actually felt something.

So, if I had to take being in a relationship like that where I am not anywhere near the list of someone's priorities or being single, I'll be single. Even as I lay in my bed with my dog snoring next to me, I am lonely, but I am not as miserable as I was feeling I am "off the market," but not having my needs met. There's still hope that I can find someone and I'm free to pursue another opportunity now. Yes, I would rather be having "pillow talk" with someone right now and snuggling. That's not an option for me at this time. If I put my trust in God and that He already knows what I need, then I must have faith my needs will be met when the timing is right. Not easy or fun.

I hope you get to feeling better about this. I really, really feel where you're coming from. It just totally sucks. You are not alone in this!! God bless!